Married life changed
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it takes 2 to tango. if your wife has no interest in sex after marriage, good luck to your marriage. seems to me it is breaking down irrevocably.
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sure...of course...its a remark made to those who often percieve that men are all the same
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is your wife like this before marriage, as in during courtship? I bet the answer is no isnt it.
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Originally posted by Dalforce 25:
Only those who have some level of education. If not educated less so. I think the reason is due to advertising and PR propaganda, which are targeted towards females.
Males don't shop, women do, that is why they target them. It is wrong to say that women as a whole are materialistic.
sure...of course...its a remark made to those who often percieve that men are all the same
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...But this had subtle results; it made women more independent and more outspoken.
Bourgeois men gradually came to live under a regime of persistent nagging to become "better providers."
To many men, work became a refuge and a relief from domestic revelations of the inadequacy of their performance as economic achievers.
This growth of overwork, of constant tension, of frustration of emotional life and of leisure began to make more and more men increasingly willing to accept death as the only method of achieving rest.
Bourgeois men literally began to kill themselves, by unconscious psychic suicide, from overwork, neurotic overindulgence in alcohol, smoking, work, and violent leisure, and the middle class slowly increased its proportion of materially endowed widows.
One notable change in this whole process was a shift, over the past century, from the male-dominated family to a female-dominated family.
The locality in which the young couple set up their home had an increasing tendency to be matrilocal rather than patrilocal.
In increasing numbers of cases, where the young couple married before the groom's educational process was finished, they even lived with her family (but very rarely with his family).
Increasingly part of the burden of housework was shifted to the husband: washing dishes, buying groceries, even tending the children.
In 1840 a child could cry at night and would invariably be tended by its mother, while the father slept peacefully on, totally unaware of what was going on.
By 1960, if a child cried at night, the chances were as likely as not that the mother would hear nothing while the father took over the necessary activities.
If this were questioned by anyone, the mother's retort was pointed: "I take care of baby all day; I don't see why he can't take care of it at night!".
Closely related to this confusion, or even reversal, of the social roles of the sexes was decreasing sexual differentiation in child-rearing practices.
As recently as the 1920's girl babies were reared differently from boys.
They were dressed differently, treated differently, permitted to do different things, and admonished about different dangers.
By 1960, children, regardless of sex, were all being brought up the same.
Indeed, with short cropped hair and play-suits on both, it became impossible to be sure which was which.
This led to a decrease in the personality differences of men and women, with males becoming more submissive and females more aggressive.
This tendency was accelerated by new techniques of education, especially in the first twelve years of life.
The neurological maturation of girls was faster shall that of boys, especially in regard to coordination, such as in feeding oneself, talking, dressing oneself, toilet-training, learning to read, and general adjustment to school.
The shift from home to school in the early grades was adjusted to by girls more easily than by boys, partly because girls were more self-assured and gregarious.
By the age of ten or twelve, girls were developed physically, neurologically, emotionally, and socially about two years in advance of boys.
All this tended to make boys less self-assured, indecisive, weak, and dependent.
The steady increase in the percentage of women teachers in the lower grades worked in the same direction, since women teachers favored girls and praised those attitudes and techniques that were more natural to girls.
New methods, such as the whole-word method of teaching reading or the use of true-and-false or multiple-choice examinations, were also better adapted to female than to masculine talents.
Less and less emphasis was placed on critical judgment, while more and more was placed on intuitive or subjective decisions.
In this environment girls did better, and boys felt inferior or decided that school was a place for girls and not for boys.
The growing aggressiveness of girls pushed these hesitant boys aside and intensified the problem.
As consequences of this, boys had twice as many "non-readers" as girls, several times as many stutterers, and many times as many teen-age bed-wetters.
While the outside world was decreasing its differential treatment of children on a sexual basis by treating boys and girls more and more alike (and that treatment was better adapted to girls than to boys) within the middle-class home, the growing emotional frustrations of the mother were leading to an increasing distinction on a sexual basis in her emotional treatment of her children...
http://real-world-news.org/bk-quigley/20.html#75
In the nineteenth century three things came fairly close together in the fifteen to seventeen age bracket:
(1) sexual awareness;
(2) emotional readiness for sex; and
(3) the ending of education and the opportunity to seek economic independence from parents.
Today sexual awareness comes very early for all, perhaps around the age of ten.
Emotional readiness to face the fact of one's own sexuality comes earlier and earlier for the girl today, but later and later for the boy, chiefly because the middle-class mother forces independence and recognition of the fact that she is a woman upon her daughter but forces dependence and blindness to the fact that he is a man upon her son.
And the date for the ending of education and seeking economic independence from parents gets somewhat later for girls but immensely later for men (a process that becomes increasingly extravagant).
One result of this is that the much greater (sometimes indefinitely postponed) delay for a boy of emotional readiness after sexual awareness leaves the boy emotionally desexed for so long that it affects his sexuality and emotional maturity adversely and to an increasingly advanced age. But the opposite is true for a girl, because of the shorter and decreasing lag of her emotional readiness after her sexual awareness.
Lolita, who is not as rare as the readers of that novel wanted to imagine, becomes increasingly frequent, and cannot be satisfied by boys of her own age; consequently she seeks for many reasons, including financial resources and greater emotional maturity, her sex companions among older men.
On the other hand, the position of the middle-class boy becomes even more complex and pitiful...
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Grandfather told you many times liao, why you still want singaporean gcp? Told you liao, take a pinoy or malaysian, they are more homely.
Singaporean gcp - you need at least 5C or even 7C.
pinoy and malaysian cp - you need 5A, click here
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Originally posted by alize:
You really piss me off. I never said sex is the one and only marital duty, or that respect and emotional support are not marital duty, or that only wives have marital duties.
I should point out to TS for you, a disclaimer that you give corrupted advice from the point of view of a single mother.
One who gives bad advice and goes to rabid lengths to attack opinions different from your own.
Your argument to discourage the teenager who was considering an abortion (link) and to discourage the TS from reporting his mentally-unsound mother for maid abuse (link) are nothing short of stupid and illogical.
Simply because you have been abandoned, you encourage others to do to themselves more harm than good, just to protect at all cost the "abandoned" party who is at fault.
Piece of crap and a failure of a female partner you are.
Piss you off ? Wow.. you're quite an emo kid .
FYI : I am not single mother.. I am a mother.. Married with a young child.
What about you dude ? Are you married ? Got kids ? Still a virgin ?
I laugh at you because you give stupid advise based on your INEXPERIENCE.
Spouting nonsense... like a virgin teaching other naive boys how to fuck.
It is too bad you never heard of the national mommy support groups. We go there to help other mothers in need of support from other mothers who's been there done that.
This organisation takes in many mothers including single mothers, divorced mothers, married mothers with no other family support, mothers who just want to learn to be better mothers and mothers who are in financial difficulties.
Grow up kid. Stop acting like you know when you don't.
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Originally posted by Dalforce 25:
...But this had subtle results; it made women more independent and more outspoken.
Bourgeois men gradually came to live under a regime of persistent nagging to become "better providers."
To many men, work became a refuge and a relief from domestic revelations of the inadequacy of their performance as economic achievers.
This growth of overwork, of constant tension, of frustration of emotional life and of leisure began to make more and more men increasingly willing to accept death as the only method of achieving rest.
Bourgeois men literally began to kill themselves, by unconscious psychic suicide, from overwork, neurotic overindulgence in alcohol, smoking, work, and violent leisure, and the middle class slowly increased its proportion of materially endowed widows.
One notable change in this whole process was a shift, over the past century, from the male-dominated family to a female-dominated family.
The locality in which the young couple set up their home had an increasing tendency to be matrilocal rather than patrilocal.
In increasing numbers of cases, where the young couple married before the groom's educational process was finished, they even lived with her family (but very rarely with his family).
Increasingly part of the burden of housework was shifted to the husband: washing dishes, buying groceries, even tending the children.
In 1840 a child could cry at night and would invariably be tended by its mother, while the father slept peacefully on, totally unaware of what was going on.
By 1960, if a child cried at night, the chances were as likely as not that the mother would hear nothing while the father took over the necessary activities.
If this were questioned by anyone, the mother's retort was pointed: "I take care of baby all day; I don't see why he can't take care of it at night!".
Closely related to this confusion, or even reversal, of the social roles of the sexes was decreasing sexual differentiation in child-rearing practices.
As recently as the 1920's girl babies were reared differently from boys.
They were dressed differently, treated differently, permitted to do different things, and admonished about different dangers.
By 1960, children, regardless of sex, were all being brought up the same.
Indeed, with short cropped hair and play-suits on both, it became impossible to be sure which was which.
This led to a decrease in the personality differences of men and women, with males becoming more submissive and females more aggressive.
This tendency was accelerated by new techniques of education, especially in the first twelve years of life.
The neurological maturation of girls was faster shall that of boys, especially in regard to coordination, such as in feeding oneself, talking, dressing oneself, toilet-training, learning to read, and general adjustment to school.
The shift from home to school in the early grades was adjusted to by girls more easily than by boys, partly because girls were more self-assured and gregarious.
By the age of ten or twelve, girls were developed physically, neurologically, emotionally, and socially about two years in advance of boys.
All this tended to make boys less self-assured, indecisive, weak, and dependent.
The steady increase in the percentage of women teachers in the lower grades worked in the same direction, since women teachers favored girls and praised those attitudes and techniques that were more natural to girls.
New methods, such as the whole-word method of teaching reading or the use of true-and-false or multiple-choice examinations, were also better adapted to female than to masculine talents.
Less and less emphasis was placed on critical judgment, while more and more was placed on intuitive or subjective decisions.
In this environment girls did better, and boys felt inferior or decided that school was a place for girls and not for boys.
The growing aggressiveness of girls pushed these hesitant boys aside and intensified the problem.
As consequences of this, boys had twice as many "non-readers" as girls, several times as many stutterers, and many times as many teen-age bed-wetters.
While the outside world was decreasing its differential treatment of children on a sexual basis by treating boys and girls more and more alike (and that treatment was better adapted to girls than to boys) within the middle-class home, the growing emotional frustrations of the mother were leading to an increasing distinction on a sexual basis in her emotional treatment of her children...
http://real-world-news.org/bk-quigley/20.html#75
In the nineteenth century three things came fairly close together in the fifteen to seventeen age bracket:
(1) sexual awareness;
(2) emotional readiness for sex; and
(3) the ending of education and the opportunity to seek economic independence from parents.
Today sexual awareness comes very early for all, perhaps around the age of ten.
Emotional readiness to face the fact of one's own sexuality comes earlier and earlier for the girl today, but later and later for the boy, chiefly because the middle-class mother forces independence and recognition of the fact that she is a woman upon her daughter but forces dependence and blindness to the fact that he is a man upon her son.
And the date for the ending of education and seeking economic independence from parents gets somewhat later for girls but immensely later for men (a process that becomes increasingly extravagant).
One result of this is that the much greater (sometimes indefinitely postponed) delay for a boy of emotional readiness after sexual awareness leaves the boy emotionally desexed for so long that it affects his sexuality and emotional maturity adversely and to an increasingly advanced age. But the opposite is true for a girl, because of the shorter and decreasing lag of her emotional readiness after her sexual awareness.
Lolita, who is not as rare as the readers of that novel wanted to imagine, becomes increasingly frequent, and cannot be satisfied by boys of her own age; consequently she seeks for many reasons, including financial resources and greater emotional maturity, her sex companions among older men.
On the other hand, the position of the middle-class boy becomes even more complex and pitiful...
Dalforce.. stop reading those kinda crap lah.
if you want the historical truth about the evolution of men and women throughout history , go and read Will Durant- Story of Civilisation.
There you can understand why and how in it's entirety.
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Originally posted by alize:
TS should read this thread. It's a sex forum but issue is the same. This post is quoted from there
http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showthread.php?t=185736
Hor sie liao Bro! U & I are INDEED on the same boat! In fact, I'm beginning to wonder if we married the same wife
You've just completely spelt out my agony! No sex for a few months,
and then when I asked for it, she quoted one of her friends' hubby
who've NOT had sex for 1 year, ever since the wife pregnant until
the baby now 6-months plus liao. I tulan & said then u go &
marry him for a sexless marriage lah! then she flew into a rage
& said why must I always kick a big fuss about sex? If no sex
will I die? If won't die then stop complaining! My jaws just
dropped to the floor ... )
Then last week, she suddenly asked from me a full-body massage, so I thought got chance liao, and I gave a a truly sensual massage, & she was feeling so comfortable that she felt asleep. So when I gently flipped her over for the front massage, and threw in all the necessary titillations of the breasts & pussy after the whole thing, she suddenly opened her eyes and said to me:" You pervert! Don't disturb me lah! I need my beauty sleep now! Go turn off the lights & if you still got so much energy, then go out & play your laptop / FB / PS3!" Again, my jaws dropped to the floor ... (& I ended my night by going to the toilet to PCC 'cos I already so aroused when I was massaging for her in nude!)
& on those days when she granted me with sex, which I can unfortunately count using my fingers, she'd be making the deed seems like a torture to her, complaining that she did it just to satisfy me, why never wash every part of my body thoroughly, no painting, no bbbj, no DATY 'cos all these very unhygienic, & when I tried to suggest some sex-toys or different positions or role-plays to spice up the acts, she retorted that she's NOT an AV porn star, so don't try to demean her by asking her to do "all these stupid things" ... Once again, you've guessed correctly, my jaws dropped and dislocated when it hit the floor ...
What a bunch of morons in that Sammy thread. All men.. no women forumers.
The blind leading the blind. Even a gay can't teach a man about a woman.
They have their own private ride.. but had to take the public buses with the bangalas and foreign workers.. amazing.
Men want virgin wifes.. right ? Serves them right.
How is a man gonna determine if that virgin is sexually compatible with him ?
Marrying a virgin wife is like taking a gamble.. it's a hit and miss. Even if it's a miss.. they don't know how to trick up their ride nor figure out why their wifes are not responding.
It's so sad to read that thread...
This concludes that Sammyforum men are indeed stupid. They need to go talk to a female counselor.
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Originally posted by Darkness_hacker99:
Grandfather told you many times liao, why you still want singaporean gcp? Told you liao, take a pinoy or malaysian, they are more homely.
Singaporean gcp - you need at least 5C or even 7C.
pinoy and malaysian cp - you need 5A, click here
Huh.. you are comparing those living in Malaysia vs Singapore ?
Malaysia/Philipines got plenty of land.. lifestyle is very different than Singapore.
Singapore is competitive/cut throat . Small island.. and high cost of living leh.
You think you can survive with just the 5A in SG ? Go think again.
If you want.. you have to move to Malaysia or Philipines.. that way.. your wife and children will remain as "down to earth" as they are because they don't need to live like a Singapore resident.
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Also from Sammyboyforum..http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showthread.php?t=246913
Finally a female forumer telling her side of the story.
"Re: Extramarital Affair: Truly in love with each other
May I ask, when you find that gaps are widening between you and your wife, did you attempt to do stuff that you used to do for her while you both were dating, to at least remind her why she'd said, I do.... when you both married?
Harsh words were used on you, but were there neglects you used on her? Instead of thinking that you'd suffered quite a bit in your relationship, have you seen whether you wife had suffered as much?
Have you tried romancing her once again? Leaving kids behind and go for a 'once again' Honeymoon? Candlelight dinner? Surprise gift? Flowers... and kiss her after you tell her that you love her, right in front of the kids?
Right here, I'm speaking from the perspective of a wife. Of a woman. And, I was a victim of an extramarital affair.
My hubby complained almost the same issue as you. Felt that the gap between him and me and widened to beyond repair stage. Felt that I was violent against him and he was the one whom had taken all the blows from me.
What he couldn't understand is, I yearned for his touch, his concern, his care... his loving words towards me. A kiss when I'm down, and when I'm almost to a verge of explosion from stress from kids and family.... I want him to just step out and hug me. Telling me he's there with me. But, he chose to hide at work, hide in computer room... and eventually, seek solace in another.
As for me, I admit that I wasn't that exactly nice to him for a while. I had chosen to express my frustration in a very wrong way. I had said harsh words to him when I see him rather spending on dinners out with friends, on his car... and his cigerattes. It's been 7 yrs since I'd last received a present from him. He missed my birthday every single yr... Where for me, I will surprise him on his birthday without fail, a holiday, a gift, or just a surprise party. But none for me.... thus, I chose to give him black face most of the time. Instead of choosing to talk to him what is making me upset.
And when he was with her, they went for holidays at his own expense, and diamond necklaces, flowers... movies... you name it. I don't wish to think back anymore.
You and your colleague had spent too much time with each other. Thus the emotional bond happened. Both of you are not staying together, thus everything is still so wonderfully romantic for both of you.
What if one day, you start to see how she pluck the hair from her underarm? And wake up to a rather nasty smell from her breath when she tried to be romantic by kissing you good morning. Then eventually, telling you why aren't you both able to enjoy a nice holiday at Europe every once a yr? Does all the stress sets in again? Doesn't communication plays a part in every single sort of relationship? Be it friendship/BGR/Parents and child/In-laws?
You just sorely lacked communications with your wife. Thus it pushed you towards her.
But, if you still strongly felt that 'she' is for you.... then please do not hurt your family anymore. Just be frank with your wife and break things off totally, before you can proceed with your 'showing of affection openly', and 'do everything without public attention'. Don't hurt your kids anymore. They are the most innocent.
Good luck to you, from a lady's point of view..." -
Originally posted by jojobeach:
Huh.. you are comparing those living in Malaysia vs Singapore ?
Malaysia/Philipines got plenty of land.. lifestyle is very different than Singapore.
Singapore is competitive/cut throat . Small island.. and high cost of living leh.
You think you can survive with just the 5A in SG ? Go think again.
If you want.. you have to move to Malaysia or Philipines.. that way.. your wife and children will remain as "down to earth" as they are because they don't need to live like a Singapore resident.
Really, I am thinking of flying over~ Their lifestyle is much less stressful in sg -
Originally posted by Darkness_hacker99:
Really, I am thinking of flying over~ Their
lifestyle is much less stressful in sgIf you can thrive there as a foreigner.. why not ?
Marry a local girl there.. then live there as is. Life can be good anywhere in the world as long as you can adapt easily.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
What a bunch of morons in that Sammy thread. All men.. no women forumers.
The blind leading the blind. Even a gay can't teach a man about a woman.
They have their own private ride.. but had to take the public buses with the bangalas and foreign workers.. amazing.
Men want virgin wifes.. right ? Serves them right.
How is a man gonna determine if that virgin is sexually compatible with him ?
Marrying a virgin wife is like taking a gamble.. it's a hit and miss. Even if it's a miss.. they don't know how to trick up their ride nor figure out why their wifes are not responding.
It's so sad to read that thread...
This concludes that Sammyforum men are indeed stupid. They need to go talk to a female counselor.
How did you get sidetracked into talking about virgin brides? Firstly nobody here nor there was talking about it.
Secondly we men don't wait until after ROM to deflower our bride. We find out first about sexual compatibility.
Looking at all your posts in Sgforums, I would think you are a female chauvinist pig, or a militant butch, swinging an AK-47 in place of a penis, yelling "men are evil!" and shooting at all men in your way.
Where a marriage is happy you are jealous, where it is unhappy you blame the man.
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After that day, my wife felt really sorry to me and she was good to me after that day.
We spend our time going out with our boy and we went to eat seafood platter together.
I am glad that beside my boy, she still have me in mind. Really thank you guys for sharing your advice here and thank you.
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communication is still the best.
after all the fight, hug is still the best medicine
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Originally posted by Rooney9:
it takes 2 to tango. if your wife has no interest in sex after marriage, good luck to your marriage. seems to me it is breaking down irrevocably.
Why needs 2, one cannot meh, tango is nothing but shifting cupboard and refigerator from point A to point B and so on. -
Originally posted by Darkness_hacker99:
communication is still the best.
after all the fight, hug is still the best medicine
i used to hug my bear bear, but got asthma, shit -
Originally posted by Husbandless:
After that day, my wife felt really sorry to me and she was good to me after that day.
We spend our time going out with our boy and we went to eat seafood platter together.
I am glad that beside my boy, she still have me in mind. Really thank you guys for sharing your advice here and thank you.
hey dun mention it. -
ya, action speak louder than words, good for TS,
if you really want to thanks my uncle, just come to buangkok green
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Originally posted by Husbandless:
After that day, my wife felt really sorry to me and she was good to me after that day.
We spend our time going out with our boy and we went to eat seafood platter together.
I am glad that beside my boy, she still have me in mind. Really thank you guys for sharing your advice here and thank you.
Yours is just part and parcel of the normal cycle of married life. Nothing new, nothing special.
Happens to everyone. Just learn to adjust and give and take as one cycle ends and a new stage is reached.
Some people don't understand the normal stages of married life and failed to adjust so end up in failed marriage.
Any effort by the father to argue that true love must seek to help the son advance in maturity and independence, and that insistence that he avoid or postpone these advances might well be regarded as hatred rather than love, are usually blocked with ease.
At this stage in the family history, emotional frustrations and confusions are generally at so high a level that it is fairly easy for mother and son to agree that black is white. "Momism" is usually triumphant for a more or less extended period, while normal adolescent rebellion becomes a wholesale rejection of the father and only much later a delayed effort at achieving emotional detachment from the mother...
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Originally posted by angel7030:
ya, action speak louder than words, good for TS,
if you really want to thanks my uncle, just come to buangkok green
hi,i need 3 currypuff,2 sotong sticks and 1 fishball stick.
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Usually, what i learn from my grandma was, marriage after 7 years, it start to get itchy, once both can get over it, the itchness, they will go on for another 7years, then another itchness will come by. It all a matter of Love over issue, as long as there is love, there is itchness.
Today only got chee cheong fun
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I am getting Ulcer after eating the seafood platter that day but I really think that is worth it
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Hi, hope my sharing will help. Firstly, I have to set the record straight before saying anything, " I must confess that I have lots of weakness in my life and I am truly amaze how my wife could put up with me over the years " And the reason for this sharing is to  encourage and not to tear down. Recently, I told my wife that my sexual urge has lessen, may be because I am getting old and her immediate response was "that's great!!!" When we  first got married, my parents went through bankruptcy during the asian crisis and were unable to help me with my wedding. And I remember when we were having our first child, we had to move in with my in-laws to save up for a deposit for a house. Before the baby came, we had a healthy and enjoyable sexual life. But after the baby came, she started avoiding my sexual advances and we had lots of arguments  and quarrels. And I had the same thoughts of leaving her too because I felt that her whole focus is on the baby and not on me anymore. And to make matter worst, due to our financial constraints, the 3 of us had to squeeze in a small room for 1 year. With my wife sleeping on her single bed and me on the floor and the baby in a cot. By the grace of God, we managed to push through together. My wife would tease me sometimes of those days when I used to sleep in the car when I got upset with her. My breakthrough came when we had twins. With the other kids, I use to help her with some of the night feeds. But with the twins, I had to help her throughout the night and go to work in the day until the twins were old enough to sleep through the night. I was in a daze for a couple of months. Only mothers will understand the tiredness of caring for a newborn. The baby may take 1 hour to drink the milk, 1 hour to burp, sleep 1 hour and the cycle goes round the clock for 24 hours and until the baby learns to sleep through the night.   For once in my life, I understand what it means  " to give unconditionally ". I grew up in Singapore having been told not to wash my own cup by my parents and to leave them to the maid. And even after I got married,  my wife took good care of me, & when the older kids came, my wife still did most of the hard work of up-keeping the house. It was only until the twins came that I really appreciated my wife. I realize that I had been very selfish and had never really cared for her but was more concern about myself and my needs. I never  understood how hard it was to care for a baby... God has blessed us since and we are currently living overseas and I am now  a senior manager in a company, I leave work at 5 pm everyday  to go home and spent time with my family. I help with the kids on the weekends and do the cleanng, vacuuming of the house and the maintainenance of the garden & I am glad I kept my vow. "I -- take you -- to be my wedded wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish till death do us part." And may be your wife may also be concern about having another child for various reasons eg: financial worries, work pressures... that is why she may reject your advances. And child birth is also a very painful experience for most ladies which is why sex may not look as appealing as before. Your wife is like a flower that needs lots of love and care. The more love you shower on her, the more radiant she becomes.