Married life changed
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Originally posted by [imdestinyz]:
any evidence on that? Dun pass unconfirmed assumptions to add on the TS's worrying mind please.
I think there are people here trying to make other feel more miserable so I will not fall for their trap. Let them be. -
Originally posted by Husbandless:
Hi,
I am here because I have no one to turn to so I am sharing my story here and hope someone will be listening.
I have been married for 3 1/2 yrs. Initially I am enjoying what I have (Our newly renovation flat, my caring wife, I have a car to drive. Although I dislike my job)
However over this 3 1/2 yrs things have changed, and this is what I feel. We have a lovely baby at the beginning of the year and because of that, my wife pay a lot of attention to him. She will clean the house amount everyday because she want to make sure that the environment is clean for the baby. She is a very good mum which I don't think I can do thing to that extreme. (still many thing she did for our baby but too long to put in word here)
At time I began to get jealous with my baby (just jealous but still I love him like most father do) as most of the attention was switch to our baby. Here focus was on him every min and I know she always miss him as he was taken care by my in law. I have even suggested before that she go to her mother place to stay just to be with him but she don't want just because she say she don't want to lift me alone at home. (I really appreciate that)
However when she is at home she is always doing housework, watching Taiwanese TV show and we have no time together. The worst thing is whenever I request for sex she rejected me, telling me she is very tired but she keep watch tv till 12am plus plus. Sometime she agree to it but she was always asking me to be faster and she mention I just want to get over it. I am really hurt as isn't sex part of what a married couple need and yet she is giving me the feeling of I am always forcing her?
I am really lost and I do not know what to do. When I talk to her, just 2-3 min she get angry and saying all the bad habit I have rather than solving our problem. There no way problem can be solve when she do not want to listen and solve them.
Nowadays there are thinking coming into my mind. I am thinking whether have I married the corrrect girl. I have started to look at girls on the street thinking whether I can find a better option and what I need. I am thinking but controlling as we have a baby now. I am not saying I don't love my wife anymore but she is showing me that kind of feeling that I am not needed and I do not want to left alone and lonely. I am scare of being lonely.
Seems like normal life cycle of a marriage.
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Originally posted by Dalforce 25:
Seems like normal life cycle of a marriage.
It really normal? Maybe I have get use to it, do you experience this before too? -
Originally posted by Husbandless:
It really normal? Maybe I have get use to it, do you experience this before too?No. I have not experienced it before. But the stories are all the same.
Three generations ago the bourgeois wife rarely became aware of her frustrations. She was largely confined to her home, was kept too busy with children and housework to find much time for meditation on her situation or for comparison with other wives or the outside world generally.
Brought up in a male-dominated family, she was prepared to accept a similar situation in her own life. This means that her outside contacts and her general picture of the world came to her through the screen of her husband's vision of these things.
The decrease in the number of children in middle-class families and the spread of labor-saving devices, from vacuum cleaners to frozen foods, gave the bourgeois wife increasing leisure in the 1920's and 1930's. Enterprising editors like Edwin Bok filled that leisure with new slick women's magazines (like the Ladies' Home Journal).
Popular novels and, to a lesser extent, the early movies, dramatic matinees, and spreading women's clubs allowed women to build up a vision of a fantasy world of romantic love and carefree, middle-class housewives with dazzling homes and well-behaved and well-scrubbed children. By 1925 the average bourgeois housewife was becoming increasingly frustrated because her own life was not that pictured in the women's magazines.
Her increasing leisure gave her time to think about it, and her more frequent contact with other wives encouraged her to raise her voice in criticism of her husband whose financial inability to provide her with the life she came to regard as her due seemed to her to justify her desire to nag him onward to greater effort in pursuit of money. To him this became nagging; to her it was only an occasional reminder of the expectations under which she had entered upon the marriage relationship.
While this was going on, the outside world was also changing. Women became "emancipated" as a consequence of World War I, with considerable urging onward from the women's magazines. Shorter skirts and shorter hair became symbols of this process, but even more significant was the appearance in the outside world of a great increase in the number of jobs that could be done best, or only, by women.
As part of this process, there took place considerable changes in bourgeois morality, the ending of chaperonage, greater freedom between the sexes, and the acceptance of divorce as morally possible in bourgeois life (a custom that came in from the stage and cinema).
As part of this whole process, there occurred a dramatic event of great social significance. This was the reversal in longevity expectations of men and women in adult life. A century ago (to be sure, in a largely rural context), a twenty-year-old man could expect to live longer than a twenty-year-old wife.
In fact, such a man might well bury two or three wives, usually from the mortality associated with childbirth or other female problems. Today, a twenty-year-old man has little expectation of living as long as a twenty-year-old woman.
To make matters worse, a twenty-year-old woman a century ago married a man considerably older than herself, at least in the middle classes, simply because future preference required that a man be established economically before he began to raise a family...
But this had subtle results; it made women more independent and more outspoken.
Bourgeois men gradually came to live under a regime of persistent nagging to become "better providers."
To many men, work became a refuge and a relief from domestic revelations of the inadequacy of their performance as economic achievers.
This growth of overwork, of constant tension, of frustration of emotional life and of leisure began to make more and more men increasingly willing to accept death as the only method of achieving rest.
Bourgeois men literally began to kill themselves, by unconscious psychic suicide, from overwork, neurotic overindulgence in alcohol, smoking, work, and violent leisure, and the middle class slowly increased its proportion of materially endowed widows.
One notable change in this whole process was a shift, over the past century, from the male-dominated family to a female-dominated family.
The locality in which the young couple set up their home had an increasing tendency to be matrilocal rather than patrilocal.
In increasing numbers of cases, where the young couple married before the groom's educational process was finished, they even lived with her family (but very rarely with his family). Increasingly part of the burden of housework was shifted to the husband: washing dishes, buying groceries, even tending the children.
In 1840 a child could cry at night and would invariably be tended by its mother, while the father slept peacefully on, totally unaware of what was going on.
By 1960, if a child cried at night, the chances were as likely as not that the mother would hear nothing while the father took over the necessary activities. If this were questioned by anyone, the mother's retort was pointed: "I take care of baby all day; I don't see why he can't take care of it at night!"
...This tendency was accelerated by new techniques of education, especially in the first twelve years of life.The neurological maturation of girls was faster shall that of boys, especially in regard to coordination, such as in feeding oneself, talking, dressing oneself, toilet-training, learning to read, and general adjustment to school.
The shift from home to school in the early grades was adjusted to by girls more easily than by boys, partly because girls were more self-assured and gregarious.
By the age of ten or twelve, girls were developed physically, neurologically, emotionally, and socially about two years in advance of boys...
...The earliest feeling of sensual reassurance and comfort any child experiences is against the body of its mother.
To a boy baby this is a heterosexual relationship, while to the girl it is a relationship with the same sex.
In most cases the little girl avoids any undesirable persistence of this homosexual tendency by shifting her admiration and attention to some available male, usually her father.
Thus by the age of six or eight, a daughter has become "Daddy's girl," awaiting his return from work to communicate the news of the day, getting his slippers and newspaper, and hoping that he will read her a story or share her viewing of a favorite television program before she must go to bed.
By the age of twelve, in a normal girl, this interest in male creatures has begun to shift to some boy in her class at school. With a boy baby the transference is later and less gradual...
...the emotional relation of the wife to her husband is insecure, and the more her husband buries himself in his work, hobbies, or outside interests, the more insecure and unsatisfactory it becomes for his wife.
Part of the wife's unused emotional energy begins to be expended in her love for her son. At the same time, because of the emotional insecurity in the mother's relationship with her husband, the daughter may come to be regarded as an emotional rival for the husband's affection.
This resentment of the daughter is most likely to occur when there is some other cause of disturbance in the mother's psychology, especially if this cause is associated with her relationship to her own father. For example, as female domination becomes, generation by generation, a more distinctive feature of American family life, the daughter's shift of attention to her father becomes less complete, and, by adolescence, she tends to pity him rather than to admire him and may become relatively ambivalent in her feelings toward both her father and mother, sometimes hating the latter for dominating her father and despising his weakness in allowing it.
In such a case, the whole development of which we speak is accelerated and intensified in the next generation, and the daughter's relatively ambivalent feelings toward her parents are repeated in her relatively ambivalent feelings toward her husband. This serves to intensify both her emotional smothering and overprotection of her son and her tendency toward emotional rejection of her daughter as a potential danger to the relatively precarious emotional relationship between husband and wife.
As a consequence of this situation, the frustrated wife has a tendency to cling to her son by keeping him dependent and immature as long as possible and to seek to hasten the maturing of her daughter in order to edge her out of the family circle as soon as possible...
http://real-world-news.org/bk-quigley/20.html#75
http://www.carrollquigley.net/books.htm
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"Nowadays there are thinking coming into my mind. I am thinking whether have I married the corrrect girl. I have started to look at girls on the street thinking whether I can find a better option and what I need. I am thinking but controlling as we have a baby now. I am not saying I don't love my wife anymore but she is showing me that kind of feeling that I am not needed and I do not want to left alone and lonely. I am scare of being lonely."
Your wife is not lazy, she takes care of family. She works hard for the family. What else are you hoping to find out there ?
Are you looking for a super woman? They don't exist. Even if you find one.. you are not good enough for her.. because she wants a superman.
The only difference between a happy mother/wife vs a disgruntled mother/wife is the amount of support she gets from her husband and/or family.
Are you trying to make her life more difficult or are you trying to make her life easier. Which one are you ?
If you are the first type.. then of cors you made yourself unwelcomed. you will end up a grumpy lonely old man. You'd die wondering why no one is happy with you.
If you are the second type.. you will be needed and required no matter which woman you marry or how many children you have.
May I ask.. what kind of father are you ? Are you actively involved in your child's life ?
Do you help her out when she has her hands full ? or do you expect her to be able to manage everything herself ?
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Very few women likes to do house work now adays,ur wife is very responsible..
You had married a nice women,why hiam??
There are working executives that, work whole day, reach home and still needs to clean his house,because his partner would rather play majong with her friends than do such necessary things,You need to look on the more positive side!!! -
"At time I began to get jealous with my baby (just jealous but still I love him like most father do)"
u r a selfish bastard n not worthy of a father and her
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Originally posted by BEARZAIS:
Very few women likes to do house work now adays,ur wife is very responsible..
You had married a nice women,why hiam??
There are working executives that, work whole day, reach home and still needs to clean his house,because his partner would rather play majong with her friends than do such necessary things,You need to look on the more positive side!!!
Very few men likes to be romantic nowsaday, maybe all these work, business, meeting, drinking and betting or womanising have changed the way men behave, the promise of forever love, till death do us part, I do this and I do that is no more in their dictionary but become their dicktionary instead.There are many guys who dun celebrate marriage anniversary, wifey or gfs' birthday and all those important dates of Love, most end up only remembering their drinking and flirting session, clubs, spa sessions, etc etc..So, for wife or gals, take it as what it is in reality, you cannot change much, and since you cannot change them, might as well join them, play mahjong, go shopping, tour, eat lavish buffet, go for spa, nail polishing, etc etc...
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Marriage is not wrong, it is never wrong, it becomes'' wrong'' when one seeks to fulfil oneself or use another thru that marriage to have one's need fulfilled or expecatitions met. Love does not hurt, it hurts cos beggary only exploits but pretends to love. There are some who purport to love but behind it is all beggary! They go into a relationship not out of love but needs and ... and quickly cement it by legalising it thru marriage. Why? I surmise insecurities unreconciled (within) and hence the quickness to clinch and own. Of course, how can this be sustained unless one is dealing with things.; Things can be used and put aside - they dont emote, relate and it is easy. Hence, the propensity is to own things, material and prop up that ... of course, it looks nice but it lacks the foundation and when such things diminish in value or cannot fulfil, the hollowness that was ignored or ... surfaces and manifests in situations/circumstances. However, human beings are not things, they emote, some relate but sadly, it (the relationship) is relegated into things. By that I mean that two human beings forget to relate and use each other to ... it is no longer relating to but being made use of as things. TS, I could be wrong, but it seems the mutual benefit scheme has come to its end. U were a means to an end and there is nothing left to be ... Of course, on your end, it could probably have been the same, I doubt it was premeditated nor was it understood. It is easy to label her or u but what is true is only u and she knows cos there are some things that we avoid and project what is deemd as desirable as opposed to what could be labelled as deviant or .... As for this wanting to changer or she trying to change u - sadly, it never works, only understanding transforms and as long as that is lacking, it is a compromise and a compromise is healthy only when understanding is factored in and it frees both parties.
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i think what threadstarter really want from forumers is to beat him up to a tomato pulp.stuff like that happens after some folks get married n got nothing else to do in life.so they ask some folks to turn them into tomato puree.
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Your wife is LAZY!
Show her who's real MAN! -
Hi TS,
I don't think I can point out to you who's right and who's wrong in this relationship because I'm not there to witness what goes on between you two.
But I do empathise with your situation. What you feel has been heard of; feeling jealous of the baby.
It's natural for your wife to be protective of and caring for the baby.
Unfortunately, in some cases, both or one party forget that they are first and foremost a couple, then parents.
I don't know your wife's thinking, but I feel having a good talk with her to find out what she's feeling is a good first step.
Hopefully you both are open to whatever might come up during the talk.
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Originally posted by Fugazzi:
Marriage is not wrong, it is never wrong, it becomes’’ wrong’’ when one seeks to fulfil oneself or use another thru that marriage to have one’s need fulfilled or expecatitions met. Love does not hurt, it hurts cos beggary only exploits but pretends to love.
There are some who purport to love but behind it is all beggary!
They go into a relationship not out of love but needs and … and quickly cement it by legalising it thru marriage. Why? I surmise insecurities unreconciled (within) and hence the quickness to clinch and own. Of course, how can this be sustained unless one is dealing with things.; Things can be used and put aside – they dont emote, relate and it is easy. Hence, the propensity is to own things, material and prop up that … of course, it looks nice but it lacks the foundation and when such things diminish in value or cannot fulfil, the hollowness that was ignored or … surfaces and manifests in situations/circumstances.However, human beings are not things, they emote, some relate but sadly, it (the relationship) is relegated into things. By that I mean that two human beings forget to relate and use each other to … it is no longer relating to but being made use of as things.
TS,
I could be wrong, but it seems the mutual benefit scheme has come to its end. U were a means to an end and there is nothing left to be … Of course, on your end, it could probably have been the same, I doubt it was premeditated nor was it understood.It is easy to label her or u but what is true is only u and she knows cos there are some things that we avoid and project what is deemd as desirable as opposed to what could be labelled as deviant or ….
As for this wanting to changer or she trying to change u – sadly, it never works, only understanding transforms and as long as that is lacking, it is a compromise and a compromise is healthy only when understanding is factored in and it frees both parties.
"However, human beings are not things, they emote, some relate but sadly, it (the relationship) is relegated into things. By that I mean that two human beings forget to relate and use each other to … it is no longer relating to but being made use of as things."
I think more often.. not because we don't want to relate... the problem is we don't know HOW to relate.
A woman can easily relate to another woman. A man easily relate to a man.
A co-worker relate easily to another co-worker in the same department or industry .
But how do you relate to something foreign ?
The question I guess.. is does a person WANTS to relate ?
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Indeed you are right to wonder if you have married the same girl.
The sex and the impatience are just problems that come from her attitude that everything is for the baby. Domestic duties are important, but there are marital duties too. And a saying that every marriage needs to be worked on.
Many girls here don't know how to enjoy life. On one of the local forums, someone was complaining about the same situation and several guys jumped in saying they had married the same wife. These girls only know work. There is an order in her life that currently is something like
Parents
Baby
She
You
And others may be slotted in between as and when they come (eg Baby II or someone with an illness etc). Similar to the 3SG CPL LCP PTE REC order. I say this because she feels every right to command you and she feels that you should respect the order for her or the baby's sake. Singapore is a command and senority society she has lived under and she feels she has been promoted to some kind of commander level.
There are hard choices at this point. As others have pointed out, separation is costly and unfair. However, working for her vision of family for the rest of your life is also costly.
Let me point out that judges in Singapore have expressed a dim view of "taking the easy way out instead of trying to work things out as a couple". You may be far from this stage, but being caught cheating will only make it worse. If you are not thinking of separation yet, you may want to consider male contraception.
After you try unsuccessfully to change her, I feel that separation is the fair way to go because you only live once.
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Relating is relatively ''easy'' as it bridges two ... when one communicates to another with these understanding(s) that he/she has his/her own fears, prejudices, conditionings. However, it presupposes that one is cognizant and willing to face that which is mentioned above IN oneself, no matter how ''ugly'' or how troubling it is. How to listen to another when one can listen to one''s own follies, foibles n nuerosis? Many avoid and situations/cirumstances manifest and the next thing is conflict and emotional turmoil. It does not make anyone wrong or rite but why the unnecessary .... when a different way of looking at living can enhance not only one's understanding but be a catalyst to another. One cannot relate to another if one cannot relate to what one is. Having things, doing things is merely n mostly an escape to see not what one is. It is window-dressing, and to rject it is not wise , we are not islands unto ourselves. Being aware that what we have and do merely adds value but it is not real value of what one is. Real value is that which emanates from one's one understanding of one's lack or not of within (n hopefully) a transformation that would allow for another to be and one is still able to relate to the differing personas and respectul of one's individuality to evolve. Simply put - a porous ego makes all the difference. by that I m implying that we are so hardened and alienated from ourselves (within) that changes that come or changes that need to be made for one''s well being or another's is nigh impossible cos the ego eclipses love. Well -being cannot be found outside by having ''things'' or be obtained from ''anyone''. If that feels so then know that it has been erroneously interpreted as well-being. Well-being is an inward process and it was never meant to be found, only recognized and it has always b een there. TS - There is one thing that you overlooked that this baby is borne out of love and your jealousy is unwarranted lah; unlearn and heal youself to your insecurities and also understand that perfection is ''sickness''. Hot and cold/ love n hate, black n white - appears like two but to always choose one and reject another is being unwise. One's negation of that which one rejects or is unaccpeting of does not go away nor does its existence end. Being wise is to accept and understand that living is such. Otherwise, one is either trying to live as opposed ot living. My holding a book cann ot be equated as reading a book.
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Your wife is waiting for your 50% asset!
Can't you tell from all her actions? -
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Originally posted by alize:
Indeed you are right to wonder if you have married the same girl.
The sex and the impatience are just problems that come from her attitude that everything is for the baby. Domestic duties are important, but there are marital duties too. And a saying that every marriage needs to be worked on.
Many girls here don't know how to enjoy life. On one of the local forums, someone was complaining about the same situation and several guys jumped in saying they had married the same wife. These girls only know work. There is an order in her life that currently is something like
Parents
Baby
She
You
And others may be slotted in between as and when they come (eg Baby II or someone with an illness etc). Similar to the 3SG CPL LCP PTE REC order. I say this because she feels every right to command you and she feels that you should respect the order for her or the baby's sake. Singapore is a command and senority society she has lived under and she feels she has been promoted to some kind of commander level.
There are hard choices at this point. As others have pointed out, separation is costly and unfair. However, working for her vision of family for the rest of your life is also costly.
Let me point out that judges in Singapore have expressed a dim view of "taking the easy way out instead of trying to work things out as a couple". You may be far from this stage, but being caught cheating will only make it worse. If you are not thinking of separation yet, you may want to consider male contraception.
After you try unsuccessfully to change her, I feel that separation is the fair way to go because you only live once.
"Domestic duties are important, but there are marital duties too."
This is so laughable, no really, it's hilarious. So a woman's marital duty to her husband is to give him sex... a man's marital duty to his wife is to have sex with her ?? It's a man's world isn't it ? Dick head.
Please read TS post . He did mention his wife lets him F her. She even help him with hand jobs. Is that not MARITAL duties fullfilled ?
Does Marital duties of a wife includes , disregarding her inner resentments/disappointments towards her husband..and that she has to show her enjoyment while having sex like a Porn star ?
Really.. I doubt a sex slave can even do that.. try starving a woman.. whip her skin off... treat her like dirt... she's probably gona lay there like a dead fish for you to F her as you will. Out of obligation..she must PRETEND she is having a great time with her master..wow.. the delusion men indulge in.
His post already indicated there are issues unresolved in their marriage. He is not happy that she only open her legs for him.. he wants emotional connection. He wants to think SHE is being fulfilled by HIM.
What he is getting right now is PITY SEX from his wife, He don't want that. Understand ?
Is his wife capable of the kind of sex they use to have before baby ? ABSOLUTELY !
If TS want his woman to enjoy sex with him.. he need to remove her emotional blockade..stress, depression, unhappiness.. etc.
RESOLVE marital problems, NEVER sweep em under the bed... and he will get his porn star style bedroom action back... eventually.
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Originally posted by Husbandless:
Hi,
The worst thing is whenever I request for sex she rejected me, telling me she is very tired but she keep watch tv till 12am plus plus. Sometime she agree to it but she was always asking me to be faster and she mention I just want to get over it. I am really hurt as isn't sex part of what a married couple need and yet she is giving me the feeling of I am always forcing her?
Men usually have this delusion that marriage automatically means they can have more sex with their wives on a regular basis.
The reality is that women usually lose their competitive instincts (and hence their appetite for entertaining sex) once they have the security of a marriage.
It is therefore important you revive that competitive instinct and the mating desire in her:
Are you in good shape physically? Do you work out often?
The birth of your child means she is in an unfamiliar position where she has to take charge in this relationship (the kid, the increase in chores at home). Women do not like to be in a position where they have to take charge of everything.
You have to first show her that both you and her are in the same page. Help her more with the kid situation instead fighting for her attention.
Learn to start taking charge. Im not saying you have to babysit the kid but you have to learn to be more assertive in this relationship.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
"Domestic duties are important, but there are marital duties too."
This is so laughable, no really, it's hilarious. So a woman's marital duty to her husband is to give him sex... a man's marital duty to his wife is to have sex with her ?? It's a man's world isn't it ? Dick head.
Please read TS post . He did mention his wife lets him F her. She even help him with hand jobs. Is that not MARITAL duties fullfilled ?
Does Marital duties of a wife includes , disregarding her inner resentments/disappointments towards her husband..and that she has to show her enjoyment while having sex like a Porn star ?
Really.. I doubt a sex slave can even do that.. try starving a woman.. whip her skin off... treat her like dirt... she's probably gona lay there like a dead fish for you to F her as you will. Out of obligation..she must PRETEND she is having a great time with her master..wow.. the delusion men indulge in.
His post already indicated there are issues unresolved in their marriage. He is not happy that she only open her legs for him.. he wants emotional connection. He wants to think SHE is being fulfilled by HIM.
What he is getting right now is PITY SEX from his wife, He don't want that. Understand ?
Is his wife capable of the kind of sex they use to have before baby ? ABSOLUTELY !
If TS want his woman to enjoy sex with him.. he need to remove her emotional blockade..stress, depression, unhappiness.. etc.
RESOLVE marital problems, NEVER sweep em under the bed... and he will get his porn star style bedroom action back... eventually.
You really piss me off. I never said sex is the one and only marital duty, or that respect and emotional support are not marital duty, or that only wives have marital duties.
I should point out to TS for you, a disclaimer that you give corrupted advice from the point of view of a single mother.
One who gives bad advice and goes to rabid lengths to attack opinions different from your own.
Your argument to discourage the teenager who was considering an abortion (link) and to discourage the TS from reporting his mentally-unsound mother for maid abuse (link) are nothing short of stupid and illogical.
Simply because you have been abandoned, you encourage others to do to themselves more harm than good, just to protect at all cost the "abandoned" party who is at fault.
Piece of crap and a failure of a female partner you are.
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Anything that is done out of duty is a betrayal of onself and an insult to a marriage, to a relationship. Please lah, no one is perfect but I lament the dichotomizing n polarizing labels and sometimes one cannot help what one feels. However, being honest about that feeling and communicating it politely to one''s spouse is essential for growth. Otherwise, this stance being caught in defining (definitive) roles is in manys ways going to in no time negatively impact the ... I could be utterly wrong but I surmise that TS''s wife is not being honest and worse still deflecting it onto TS to avoid issues which is more than simply sex alone. There are issues that were never resolved within her and within that relationship of marriage. It is now surfacing. As for Ts, he could without realisng it himself be in a predicament of sorts that is at odds with his spouse. One can go on extrapolating or guessing or even offer advice/opinions - nothing doing! It calls for SELF-HONESTY and that is something not me nor anyone; even Ts can elicit it from his spouse. PS - Sex appears to be the problem but to me intuitively it feels there are unresolved issues (emotional,social, psychological, situational/circumstantial, grievances of the past) that has been ignored and till both parties are willing to face their fears, anxieties and ... unlearn where possible, this conflict is something even a mediator cannot help. Pruning the leaves or cutting off the branches of a tree does not transform, on the contrary it is going to buttress the roots! (problems) cos it is within and not without!
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It's maybe because she has settled into a pattern or a routine.......and maybe there is lack of intimacy because of lack of new novelty...........and also lack of time spent together just the two of you......So gradually intimacy is not in her mind.
My suggestion is....try to find time.....cut down some other activities......also help her when she is doing house chores.....just insist, or do it when she is not around or is not looking......
Also you can consider hiring a domestic helper.
The helper can be a nanny and/ or a maid.
You can also hire a daily maid (the maid does not live in the home, she just work and then leave)
You must think of some ways to change the routine and the pattern, basically.
Also pay attention to what shes saying when shes scolding you about your bad habits. Think about it and reflect on it and think whether you can change it. Because just as much as you are feeling bitter about her rejecting your sexual intimacy, maybe she is also bitter and resentful about your bad habits, and maybe that is part of the reason why she is cold towards you. The resentment is building up. So try to think deeper and change the situation.
Finally, a good way to change the environment, is to bring her to a vacation.
Ok good luck.
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TS should read this thread. It's a sex forum but issue is the same. This post is quoted from there
http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showthread.php?t=185736
Hor sie liao Bro! U & I are INDEED on the same boat! In fact, I'm beginning to wonder if we married the same wife
You've just completely spelt out my agony! No sex for a few months, and
then when I asked for it, she quoted one of her friends' hubby who've
NOT had sex for 1 year, ever since the wife pregnant until the baby now
6-months plus liao. I tulan & said then u go & marry him for a
sexless marriage lah! then she flew into a rage & said why must I
always kick a big fuss about sex? If no sex will I die? If won't die
then stop complaining! My jaws just dropped to the floor ... )
Then last week, she suddenly asked from me a full-body massage, so I thought got chance liao, and I gave a a truly sensual massage, & she was feeling so comfortable that she felt asleep. So when I gently flipped her over for the front massage, and threw in all the necessary titillations of the breasts & pussy after the whole thing, she suddenly opened her eyes and said to me:" You pervert! Don't disturb me lah! I need my beauty sleep now! Go turn off the lights & if you still got so much energy, then go out & play your laptop / FB / PS3!" Again, my jaws dropped to the floor ... (& I ended my night by going to the toilet to PCC 'cos I already so aroused when I was massaging for her in nude!)
& on those days when she granted me with sex, which I can unfortunately count using my fingers, she'd be making the deed seems like a torture to her, complaining that she did it just to satisfy me, why never wash every part of my body thoroughly, no painting, no bbbj, no DATY 'cos all these very unhygienic, & when I tried to suggest some sex-toys or different positions or role-plays to spice up the acts, she retorted that she's NOT an AV porn star, so don't try to demean her by asking her to do "all these stupid things" ... Once again, you've guessed correctly, my jaws dropped and dislocated when it hit the floor ...
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to hit ALL women with a single bamboo pole...than with a single sammyboy thread for all men...we would say the same to women...
they are all complicated and such materialistic sluts
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Originally posted by Fcukpap:
materialistic
Only those who have some level of education. If not educated less so. I think the reason is due to advertising and PR propaganda, which are targeted towards females with a certain level of education and surplus income.
Males don't shop, women do, that is why they target them. It is wrong to say that women as a whole are materialistic.