How to forgive the ones who did you wrong in the past?
-
Personally I find it difficult, but as time flies, maybe I find it less taxing to carry emotional baggage. what about you? ever forgave someone who did you seriously wrong? I am wondering those poor girls who were raped by their father, would they eventually forgave them when they grew up?
-
Honestly, I am not that great to forgive, all I do is just let it go. It is indeed taxing to be carrying a mental baggage for an extended period of time. Time heals everything. Running makes it easier too. As I breathe, out goes stress and in comes positive energy. The other thing I do is to keep imagining a divine being sitting in meditation into my 'whatever that is troubling me', over and over many times, until the negative energy disappear.
Sometimes we don't realise how much we are so attached to suffering that we don't have any energy or inner strength to let go. The thought can become so overpowering that we just surrender like a slave to a master. To forgive actually requires lots of inner strength. We can't forgive because we are weak. We can forgive only if we are strong enough.
-
think let it go is a form of forgiving.
but no matter how i say to have inner strength etc, it's of not much use, as i'm not in the shoes of the girls to judge them bah.
-
try to see what others do from a different perspective.
when one makes a decision to do something ( that includes us), one will always weigh all possibilities. and more often than not we revolve these possibilities around our personal interests, rather than another's. what we get as a result of this is a deed that seems to be 'doing another person wrong', when usually the intention is not to do that but rather to protect personal interest.
when we realize that everyone will have their own positions to protect their own interests primarily, and understand that unless communication is established before the deed is done, otherwise the result will be a win-lose situation, then we can slowly be able to view another's decision with equanimity.
everyone has a choice. the choice to see situations with equanimity starts with ourselves.
to be able to let go of the past does not mean to let go and forgive the other person. It means to let go of our own fixation and forgive ourselves for the pain caused by our own fixation.
-
I have a friend whose father left her when she was very young. She hated her father so much that she did not even want to pay for his funeral but eventually she still arranged for his funeral reluctantly. She only learned to let go her hatred when she became a Buddhist and knew about karma.
Her method of letting go is very effective. She told me whatever she owed her father, she had already paid. She did not wish his father to pay whatever he had owed her because she did not wish to be reborn again. She said she had forgiven her father as she did not wish to entangle in this karma debt. 怨怨相报，何时了!
I personally find that I can forgive but cannot forget. I was once a very revengeful person but I'm a better person now after becoming Buddhist. Sometimes I feel better when I think this way, everyone has to answer to his bad deeds å› æžœè‡ªè´Ÿã€‚
-
Originally posted by Dawnfirstlight:
I have a friend whose father left her when she was very young. She hated her father so much that she did not even want to pay for his funeral but eventually she still arranged for his funeral reluctantly. She only learned to let go her hatred when she became a Buddhist and knew about karma.
Her method of letting go is very effective. She told me whatever she owed her father, she had already paid. She did not wish his father to pay whatever he had owed her because she did not wish to be reborn again. She said she had forgiven her father as she did not wish to entangle in this karma debt. 怨怨相报，何时了!
I personally find that I can forgive but cannot forget. I was once a very revengeful person but I'm a better person now after becoming Buddhist. Sometimes I feel better when I think this way, everyone has to answer to his bad deeds å› æžœè‡ªè´Ÿã€‚
Yes, I most surely do not want to be reborn just because of an animosity I could not let go off. Most of the time I try to let go. In the midst of the problem, it may be hard to let go because that person may still be harming you. But later, with time and a different perspective, letting go is possible.
I have managed to forgive. It's not impossible. I've found that when you can see from the other person's perspective, even if their actions were harmful, it is that bit easier to let go.
Lately also, I've been thinking that problems persist sometimes also because we did not have the wisdom to defuse the situation. In retrospect, we can often see how we participated in perpetuating certain difficult situations (like my problems with an aunt). Not always easy, but oh well, learning process bah!
-
Originally posted by Dawnfirstlight:
I have a friend whose father left her when she was very young. She hated her father so much that she did not even want to pay for his funeral but eventually she still arranged for his funeral reluctantly. She only learned to let go her hatred when she became a Buddhist and knew about karma.
Her method of letting go is very effective. She told me whatever she owed her father, she had already paid. She did not wish his father to pay whatever he had owed her because she did not wish to be reborn again. She said she had forgiven her father as she did not wish to entangle in this karma debt. 怨怨相报，何时了!
I personally find that I can forgive but cannot forget. I was once a very revengeful person but I'm a better person now after becoming Buddhist. Sometimes I feel better when I think this way, everyone has to answer to his bad deeds å› æžœè‡ªè´Ÿã€‚
Awesome! Her situation may be similar as your - cannot forget. She should move a step deeper to forget bad but only harness loving kindness, as it is emptiness and move forward to actualize compassion & true emptiness of beings.
May all beings enjoying everlasting bliss & peace
-
Frankly speaking, I will not forgive my current manager now even he got accident or bed ridden.
He's too evil at heart (especially pple's rice bowl, he's being trying to make the bowl crack.) he's too calculative, always make sure is a win (he) lose (us) situtaion. Always take us granted and make full use of us.
-
One reflection that is useful
"Why should I suffer from anger? I have done no wrong and will not hold anger which hurts only myself and people who are close to me."
" Whoever has done me wrong is defiled by greed, hatred and delusion. That is a form of suffering that I will not accept for myself."
"I will live my live in peace without greed, without hatred and without delusion"
1. Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with an impure mind a person speaks or acts suffering follows him like the wheel that follows the foot of the ox.
2. Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with a pure mind a person speaks or acts happiness follows him like his never-departing shadow.
Dhammapada 1
-
Sometime ago, I read a wisdom verse at a temple. I can't remember the exact words but it is something like this :
An angry person is like someone who is holding a hot coal, ready to throw it at his enemy but before he could throw it at his enemy, he himself got burnt first. Sounds logical to me.
-
Originally posted by Dawnfirstlight:
Sometime ago, I read a wisdom verse at a temple. I can't remember the exact words but it is something like this :
An angry person is like someone who is holding a hot coal, ready to throw it at his enemy but before he could throw it at his enemy, he himself got burnt first. Sounds logical to me.
good analogy. first time i heard./\
-
Originally posted by Dawnfirstlight:
Sometime ago, I read a wisdom verse at a temple. I can't remember the exact words but it is something like this :
An angry person is like someone who is holding a hot coal, ready to throw it at his enemy but before he could throw it at his enemy, he himself got burnt first. Sounds logical to me.
That is good. Make senses. -
but WHY do you want to FORGIVE the one who hurt you , did injustice to you and harmed you before?
-
Originally posted by Wiser:
but WHY do you want to FORGIVE the one who hurt you , did injustice to you and harmed you before?
Why forgive? I seek to forgive person(s) who hurt me because holding on to anger and animosity is a form of suffering. -
Originally posted by realization:
Why forgive? I seek to forgive person(s) who hurt me because holding on to anger and animosity is a form of suffering.
it can also be one type of enjoyment when you can get your revenge. -
Originally posted by Wiser:
it can also be one type of enjoyment when you can get your revenge.When you say "it can also be one type of enjoyment when you can get your revenge", do you really mean what you say, or are you throwing out this viewpoint to stimulate deeper discussion?
-
hahahahaha..........what do you think?
-
You will start to let go and forgive WHEN you want to stop hating.
Why you want to stop hating ? because you do not like it yourself. You do not like the feelings of it. You do not like to be reminded of the past hurt.
-
however to forgive is easier than to FORGET. To forget is totally another issue and another great hurdle to overcome.
To be able to forget what had happened, your mind need to be of such bad memory that you can't recall anymore, that is when you are very old or when an accident happened and knocked you blur like sotong.
Forgiving is much easier . You can self-psycho yourself to stop hating , to stop thinking about it.
But to forget....you need to be brain dead first.
-
when you can think through WHY you want to forgive, you will know HOW automatically.
otherwise, seeking revenge and getting it is another way of letting go your emotional baggages. Your feelings of hatred will be replaced by feelings of release. Your hatred is finally being vented.
-
otherwise, seeking revenge and getting it is another way of letting go your emotional baggages. Your feelings of hatred will be replaced by feelings of release. Your hatred is finally being vented.
finally meh? :)
but then they will also seek the same revenge against u, then u revenge against them, then they revenge against u, then u revenge them.....never ending noe.
on certain occasion yes, there's the wrathful bodhisattvas way of doing.
i think hatred/fighting/revenge/arguing/opposing is an "outward" force. generally, it's better to use compassion, like a pillow absorb the force of impact. rather then using another opposite force to counter the impact force. as ripple effect do rebounce back unless it's reduced. time is a reducer no doubt.
-
The highest level of forgiving and tolerating is æ— ç”Ÿæ³•å¿�. I asked my master what does it mean. He said it means æ— æ‰€è°“çš„å¿�与ä¸�å¿�. I think this is for people who have enlightened. People who are enlightened know that everything is empty so æ— æ‰€è°“çš„å¿�与ä¸�å¿�.
When I can't tolerate, I always tell the person that I've not ä¿®æˆ� æ— ç”Ÿæ³•å¿�, so don't test my patience ha ha ha............
I've tried not to be angry even though the other party is unreasonable, I feel better. In the past, I always try to win, in the end what do I get ? More anger, more revenge from the other party. Nowadays, I will only "explode" when someone push me to the limit.
-
true , may not be final if the opposite side also want to revenge. Then the question is who start first ?
Have you ever wondered why some people will not stop harming others until they experience sufferings themselves?
It's ideal to say absorb whatever come your way with compassion but WHAT IF it never stop coming ? What if the father keeps raping the daughter over and over again even though the daughter forgive with "compassion" over and over again.
Using the analogy given by the thread starter.
Do you think this is compassion or stupidity ?
-
i heard a story by Ven Hai Tao. roughly recalling - A man was scolded by the boss, but he cannot let out his angry feelings, back at his boss, so when he went home, he let it out on his maid. the maid also cannot let out his angry feelings, back at his master, so she let out his angry feelings to the children, then the children let out his angry feelings on the pet dog, which later don't know why went to bite the man. something like that. karma. perhaps the boss was scolded by her wife at first. :p
-
recently i watched this video on guzheng and i was very surprised to find a story connecting to a piece.
During a dynasty, the emporer killed a master swordsmaker after he made the best sword for him. The son grew up to assasinate the emporer for revenge. He failed and escaped into the forest to practice guzheng for 10 years so that he would be famous and be invited to the palace to perform. He killed the emporer finally but was also killed.
I can't imagine the kind of deep hatred that this person can hold while playing beautiful pieces with his guzheng in a forest. Did the music melt his hatred? the serene forest ?
He spent 10 years to perfect his guzheng until he was very famous for his playing.
Many retreat to the forest and play guzheng for a serene life. He did the same thing but it was for revenge.