I want to know why.
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Been away for a long, long while. Anw, came up with this....don't even know where the inspiration came from. Tell me what you think about it.
I want to know why.
I want to know why.
Why the earth spins?
Why is it round?
These were questions I asked as a child.
The answers to which I have found.
I want to know why.
Why do people smile?
Why do people frown?
Is it just because they are feeling down?
These were questions I asked as a child.
The answers to which I may have found.
I want to know why.
Why my heart skips a beat?
Just because youÂ’re around?
Why do I naturally frown?
Whenever I see you down?
These were questions I asked as a teen.
Exploring a place I had never been.
I want to know why.
Why the two of us must be apart?
Why must this always break my heart?
Why wonÂ’t love give me a chance?
Why canÂ’t I enjoy a simple romance?
These are the questions IÂ’ve asked for so long.
The answers to which are probably that I donÂ’t belong.
In your heart, thereÂ’s simply no space for me.
No time either, as you chase your destiny.
So I can choose to move on or be left behind.
To contemplate what could have been.
And stare blankly into time.
I may have chosen to move on, but itÂ’s never complete.
For IÂ’ll always feel that IÂ’ve missed out on something that couldÂ’ve been so sweet.
But maybe we were just never meant to be.
That seems the case for you and me.
Why canÂ’t time heal this wound of mine?
Just so many questions, I need an answer.
I want to know why. -
Why not starts your poem at the third or fourth stanza? Nice job, but try to have more images and be more specific rather than having so many rhetorical questions.
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hmm...wouldn't it sound weird if it started on the third or fourth stanza?Originally posted by DeadPoet:Why not starts your poem at the third or fourth stanza? Nice job, but try to have more images and be more specific rather than having so many rhetorical questions. -
I think it can work. The effect is that you jump straight into what you are trying to say. With the first two in place, the effect is one of idle wondering that leads to more serious thoughts.
You might try to vary your questions, not start them all with whys. That could create something interesting too I think.
Stanza 5 - sentences a bit fragmented. I don't think you mean those fullstops at the end of each line.
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i think its an excellent poem! i really liked the first four stanzas. very deep and engaging, i think. the progression was very smooth too. the fifth stanza was well-written, but didnt really fit as a whole. i think maybe it can be removed, and whatever it was trying to express incorparated into the last stanza. the last stanza was a great ending to a great poem. mind, the second line seems a bit too long, but i think the last three lines were really good, and pretty much made up for it.
all in all, a job well done! keep on writing! -
i kinda like the progression of thots... frm a child's curiousity to a man(?)'s yearning....
but erm.... the last line of 4th stanza sounds abit strange, grammatically... and it should be "contemplate" and "blankly" in the 5th stanza
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I think the poem can start with the first stanza (the child asking questions), no problem with that. On the whole, it is a good read.
However, if the author wants to revise the poem and ask questions about love, he can skip the first two stanzas and develop from there.
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is tat how u look after u read the poem?Originally posted by WiNtEr'SkiLL: -
be fair..
5/10 -
i think this is the most unbiased response....will be working it upwards of course...Originally posted by alexkusu:be fair..
5/10 -
i love this commentOriginally posted by preya:i think its an excellent poem! i really liked the first four stanzas. very deep and engaging, i think. the progression was very smooth too. the fifth stanza was well-written, but didnt really fit as a whole. i think maybe it can be removed, and whatever it was trying to express incorparated into the last stanza. the last stanza was a great ending to a great poem. mind, the second line seems a bit too long, but i think the last three lines were really good, and pretty much made up for it.
all in all, a job well done! keep on writing! will be working to produce more pieces that evoke similar emotions... -
just curious ah...Originally posted by alexkusu:be fair..
5/10
based on wat kinda category and standard did u mark tis poem?