Cross border adultery-what should the wife do?
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Samuel( psuedo name) works for a multi-national and travels into Shanghai and shenzhen regularly , for the past year. His private banker wife also travels into China regularly . She decided to give her husband a surprise three months ago by visiting him in Shanghai whilst she was also on assignment to meet a Prcian client. To her utter shock, by coincidence she saw Samuel arm in arm with a Prcian girl shopping in the supermarket near the condo where he lives in HongQiao. She took a snap shot of them and decided to return straight back to Singapore without telling him. She then enlisted the help of a private investigator who by now has sent her a complete record of all his infidelities and dalliance with more than 3 "regular" Shanghainese girls and 2 others in Shenzhen. Being a successful woman with her own career she has decided to divorce him. he has pleaded with her that all his extra-marital activities meant nothing to him and that he still oves her and their three year old twins dearly. Her in-laws especially her mother-in-law has also pleaded with her to give him a second chance. However her parents who are very wealthy , has told her to do as she thinks best for herself and they will support her decision even if she decides to divorce. She is moved by her mother-in-law's pleading , but feels there is no way she can trust her husband at all, as he is a definite lying cheat. Should she continue to be in a loveless marriage for the sake of the children? Or should she simply divorce him and seek her own happiness?
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Are you the private banker wife?
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Originally posted by auditor:
Are you the private banker wife?
what is the relevance of that question? The private banker is my girlfriend ! -
Originally posted by Bikeforceful:
what is the relevance of that question? The private banker is my girlfriend !don't break up other people family.
bastard, they have children
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This kind of situation is super difficult since you want to believe that the guilty party can change but also, because of what he's done and what you have to protect (i.e your family), it becomes a decision not only affecting one's self, but also the children.
I think a marriage consultant and lots of communication between husband and wife, and since wealth is not an issue, seeking the husband to change job to a less travelling career. Or stay home and watch the kids, that conniving bastard.
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guys in shg got gals is normal... the weathly wife should just ask the guy to go fly kite and come pm me.... a guy in shg but still can control without gal......
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Originally posted by I-like-flings(m):
guys in shg got gals is normal... the weathly wife should just ask the guy to go fly kite and come pm me.... a guy in shg but still can control without gal......
He has also made clear that if there is a divorce he wants custody of the children as they are his mother's precious pets! The wife says -no way as they are her children as well. Her parents have suggested offering to pay him off to gain total custody of the children. I told them not to waste good money on the scum, but let a good lawyer handle the custody case. -
a friend is not a family
STAY THE FUCK OUT of OTHER PPL FAMILY BIZ
unless u have a leg with her
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if proofs have been gathered with the help of the PI
it should be a losing case for the husband i would thinkpls consult lawyer and your own heart
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Originally posted by lce:
a friend is not a family
STAY THE FUCK OUT of OTHER PPL FAMILY BIZ
unless u have a leg with her
True -lah but hello ..she ask for advice how to say , sorry don't ask me i not your family. She thinks I am objective enough to be fair in my judgement of the situation. Of course any decision is up to herself. Good friends must always support each other ,right! -
divorce is the smart way out. if you think the guy is going to change, then few years later it will come back to haunt you. unless u can live with the affairs going on.
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alamak , seems u guys here been thru this ???
talk onli no need money
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Originally posted by DailyFreeGames.com:
divorce is the smart way out. if you think the guy is going to change, then few years later it will come back to haunt you. unless u can live with the affairs going on.
I think so too. But Samuel is now telling the 3 year old twins that mummy is trying ot seperate them from their papa. Psychologically it is creating lots of insecurity for the children. She suspects he doesn't want a divorce because he is comfortable having the networking and family connections of her family, by staying married to her. But she is at a quandary because having the twins means somehow having to always deal with him unless she get complete custody, which is why her parents wants to pay him off. In fact her parents have even suggested leaving the kids to him if he so desires, so that she can have a clean slate, in life. But she is unable to do so-maternal instincts I suppose. -
Originally posted by Bikeforceful:
I think so too. But Samuel is now telling the 3 year old twins that mummy is trying ot seperate them from their papa. Psychologically it is creating lots of insecurity for the children. She suspects he doesn't want a divorce because he is comfortable having the networking and family connections of her family, by staying married to her. But she is at a quandry because having the twins means somehow having to always deal with him unless she get complete custody, which is why her parents wants to pay him off. In fact he rparent shave even suggested leaving the kids to him if he so desires, so tha tshe can have a clean slate, in life. But she is unable t do so-maternal instincts I suppose.
If Samuel is doing such tricks on the kids, it reflects clearly what a manipulative person he is. Based on that trait alone, I think the person is not trustworthy. If you factor in the fact that he is fooling around with so many girls, then very clearly he has no regards to the wife. Lying becomes second nature to him. If despite all these clear signs of a liar and still want to trust him, then I say all the best lah.As for the kids, I think it depends on individual. There is no right or wrong answer on this. Having a clean slate may end up being the right option. Taking custody of the kids may also be the right option. Only time will tell which choice is right.
However, what is true is that most men don't really like to go for a woman who already have kids. Don't ask me why but it's just that, so that may be a barrier to dating.
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Originally posted by DailyFreeGames.com:
If Samuel is doing such tricks on the kids, it reflects clearly what a manipulative person he is. Based on that trait alone, I think the person is not trustworthy. If you factor in the fact that he is fooling around with so many girls, then very clearly he has no regards to the wife. Lying becomes second nature to him. If despite all these clear signs of a liar and still want to trust him, then I say all the best lah.As for the kids, I think it depends on individual. There is no right or wrong answer on this. Having a clean slate may end up being the right option. Taking custody of the kids may also be the right option. Only time will tell which choice is right.
However, what is true is that most men don't really like to go for a woman who already have kids. Don't ask me why but it's just that, so that may be a barrier to dating.
Yes you are right . Most men preferably don't want to date a woman with kids . I suppose her next husband has to be a Westerner ( ang moh) they are perhaps more open minded , about kids. -
Originally posted by Bikeforceful:
Yes you are right . Most men preferably don't want to date a woman with kids . I suppose her next husband has to be a Westerner ( ang moh) they are perhaps more open minded , about kids.
Actually, I don't think she will have problems finding someone, because she seems the independent type. Nowadays not easy to find independent ladies. -
Originally posted by Bikeforceful:
True -lah but hello ..she ask for advice how to say , sorry don't ask me i not your family. She thinks I am objective enough to be fair in my judgement of the situation. Of course any decision is up to herself. Good friends must always support each other ,right!
friends are ultimately outsiders mah... given the magnitude of this issue, i believe that since you are just a friend, better not to influence her decision. Stay out of her decision taking and just give her the support as a friend. Dun put one leg into the already complicated r/s wor. -
Divorce. If the husband really loves her, he will continue to woo her back. The wife should in the mean time look out for her own happiness. Children should not deter a divorce in this case, because they need to learn that infidelity in marriage is not a easily forgivable mistake.
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Some people do change, others don't. How to tell you what to do?
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Originally posted by wisefool83:
Divorce. If the husband really loves her, he will continue to woo her back. The wife should in the mean time look out for her own happiness. Children should not deter a divorce in this case, because they need to learn that infidelity in marriage is not a easily forgivable mistake.
Hello , Yes my friend has been reading all the responses here. She concurs with your opinion. She definitely is not letting her children deter her from divorcing Samuel. But she also wants total custody of her kids. Scumbag Samuel says no. Her parents suggest buying the custody from him. My only advice to her was :"don't buy, get a good lawyer, to fight all the way for custody, if she wants or give up the kids to him. My rationale to her is - why should she be saddle with the children? Let him be saddle with the responsiblity first. Afterall it is his children too.and since his mother wants to take full responsibility - so be it. When he proves incapable of giving them what they need or if his mother is finally unabl eto take care of them well, then at a later date fight for full custody. -
i met a 61 yr old grandpa during lunch
we spoke on rationality n he said it comes with age, but i refused to agree as rationality dun come with age. maturity do comes with age and rationality comes with knowledge n experience to do the right thing at the right time.
in life sometimes a spade is not a spade even its a spade and Mr. Iam Right is not always right.
there is neither right or wrong , its only a matter of sentiment
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Originally posted by Bikeforceful:
Samuel( psuedo name) works for a multi-national and travels into Shanghai and shenzhen regularly , for the past year. His private banker wife also travels into China regularly . She decided to give her husband a surprise three months ago by visiting him in Shanghai whilst she was also on assignment to meet a Prcian client. To her utter shock, by coincidence she saw Samuel arm in arm with a Prcian girl shopping in the supermarket near the condo where he lives in HongQiao. She took a snap shot of them and decided to return straight back to Singapore without telling him.
She then enlisted the help of a private investigator who by now has sent her a complete record of all his infidelities and dalliance with more than 3 “regular” Shanghainese girls and 2 others in Shenzhen.
Being a successful woman with her own career she has decided to divorce him. he has pleaded with her that all his extra-marital activities meant nothing to him and that he still oves her and their three year old twins dearly. Her in-laws especially her mother-in-law has also pleaded with her to give him a second chance. However her parents who are very wealthy , has told her to do as she thinks best for herself and they will support her decision even if she decides to divorce. She is moved by her mother-in-law’s pleading , but feels there is no way she can trust her husband at all, as he is a definite lying cheat. Should she continue to be in a loveless marriage for the sake of the children? Or should she simply divorce him and seek her own happiness?aiyah...................get revenge lor..................
organize a gangbang for the wife.................film it and let hubby see lor.................
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Originally posted by Susanteo2011:
aiyah...................get revenge lor..................
organize a gangbang for the wife.................film it and let hubby see lor.................
Err. I think your suggestion maybe only good for those who like gang bangs. sorry wrong channel. -
Originally posted by Bikeforceful:
Hello , Yes my friend has been reading all the responses here. She concurs with your opinion. She definitely is not letting her children deter her from divorcing Samuel. But she also wants total custody of her kids. Scumbag Samuel says no. Her parents suggest buying the custody from him. My only advice to her was :"don't buy, get a good lawyer, to fight all the way for custody, if she wants or give up the kids to him. My rationale to her is - why should she be saddle with the children? Let him be saddle with the responsiblity first. Afterall it is his children too.and since his mother wants to take full responsibility - so be it. When he proves incapable of giving them what they need or if his mother is finally unabl eto take care of them well, then at a later date fight for full custody.er i think you advice is rather selfish in my opinion. That child is hers too and she has her responsibility as a mother of tat child too. The fault lies with the dad, why punished the child by thinking that she'll be saddled with the responsiblity of the child if she assumes the custody of the child? and so if she gives up the custody of the child, what happens if the child grows up asking her mum why did you give me up to dad? you cant expect your friend to reply them with "why should i be saddled wth the responsiblity to look after you?" the child is the responsiblity of both imo...i guess the best way is to go through legal means and fight for the custody straight out. Do not "buy" it over cos they are not goods... dun risk having them think that they are merely goods when they grow up.
As for divorce, thats things b/w 2 of them...to really give a chance anot, depends on the sincerity of the husband, and how strong the foundation of the r/s is. Bottomline, kis are innocent.
My 2 cents worth... thanks for reading.
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People may change for the better, yes, but that's a MINORITY (majority of prisoners tend to go back to prison after some time). If we're talking about probabilities, it's much better to go for someone who won't fool around, plus the fact that he may already have STDs.
You don't want to punish yourself by making the wrong decisions. Men only, this world so many, why worry? Some liar like that, nope sorry, have to let go.
As for the kids, it's down to her what she wants. I think paying it off doesn't seems right leh. Someone did something wrong to you and you want to reward that person, doesn't make sense to me. But at the end of the day, the decision is down to her. Once she made it, there must be no regrets.