Constant Conflicts With Wife Over Housework & Finance
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two golden rules of marriage for men ....
1. your money is her money, her money is her money ....
2. don't kee gau housework, it doesn't matter who cleans the loo or does the laundry, someone's got to do it .....
follow these two rules and you'll have peace in the house ....
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Originally posted by StriveOn:
I did not set down any rules and conditions when I married my late wife, but things seems to automatically fall into place, some with a little bit assigning of responsibilities.Most times when family is together, I pay. House bills, I pay. Groceries, Kids stuff, and things she wants to get for the family she pays. Generally, I pay for all the basic stuff, and she pays for the "nice to have" stuff.
Not all women are like that. But I realised one thing. When husband demands, normally there will be trouble. When the wife demands, 80% (not verified) of the time, husband will give way.
Hahahaha...so true, StriveOn.."When husband demands, normally there will be trouble. When the wife demands, 80% (not verified) of the time, husband will give way."
I concur that.:-D
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Originally posted by Edward321:
Hi, I am 33 and just got married to my wife (same age). Lately we have been having tiffs about housework and finance. She just started working part-time and earns about $1K.I am holding 2 sales jobs, fetching about $3K per month.
I have been feeling flustered as she is not keen to keep the home clean. I have to come home to clean the house even after a really tiring work day.
Financially I also feel drained as I need to pay for our house-loans and many bills and expenses. I am not even sure if we could afford to have kids in future.
My wife became very upset when I told her to chip in, in our home expenses. She is still not into housework and she can't cook.We cannot afford a maid at this moment.
I love her yet I am feeling very frustrated about her messiness and unwillingness to help me lower down household expenses.
What shall I do? Divorce is never an option to me.
Please feel free to drop in your opinion.Thank you.
Dear Edward,
There are 3 rings you hv to know in marriage
1st is the engagement ring
2nd is the marriage ring
3rd is the Suffer ring.
I hope you understand. Since you had married, you hv to take the suffering.
Good luck
Single forever! Angel
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Do the house once, and then don't mess it up. Make it a rule the one who mess up the house must clean it. Don't have too much furniture or clutter, have more bare spaces, its easier to clean and maintain.
You are making in $3k, so you do the paying. Shut up on that.
Only two person, eat out most of the time, its cheaper and more convenient. Try cooking just a little bit. You can't, you will alway cook a pot, and for the next two or three days you will be eating left overs. After every cooking and meal there is washing to do. So eat out.
No maid, no car, and plan your budget. If you have no budget you will always feel frustrated. Because it is all in your head, everything is in your head, so definitely you will explode easily over inconsequential matters.
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Damn stressed.
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You can hire a part time maid.
As for the house, who messed it up who tidy it up ?
If you already know that it is your wife pattern on not doing house work and not chipping in for the expenses, then you either accept it or you have to move on.
No point quarrelling about it as she is not going to change because you are the hubby or you told her so.
I assume your wife is made in singapore and having a comfortable life with her family.
Or else re-design your house so that there are less things to tidy up. (Pack up all those useless deco or stuff)
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Pre-nuptial agreement.
get a lawyer, state the rules in black & white so in future no problem will arise. i always advise my friends to sign that before signing the marriage certificate.
oh by the way, if u have OCD, don't make your wife become as crazy as you.
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Be strict with your wife and force her to do some houseworks and ask her to quit her job so that she can have more time for houseworks.
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Originally posted by Stayhome:
Be strict with your wife and force her to do some houseworks and ask her to quit her job so that she can have more time for houseworks.
Force? That will make their relationship worse , right?
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Originally posted by Gerberad:
Pre-nuptial agreement.
get a lawyer, state the rules in black & white so in future no problem will arise. i always advise my friends to sign that before signing the marriage certificate.
oh by the way, if u have OCD, don't make your wife become as crazy as you.
What is OCD?
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Originally posted by auditor:
how come when your friend before marry still during the dating period that time should already know that this woman is so stingy as she don't want to pay for anything than why he still want to marry her?
Answer is simple: my friend cannot live without woman but live with woman also complain a lot.
Yes - dating period that time we all friends advice him not to marry the bitch. Yet he still marry the bitch. I don't know why but I think its because he is desperate because he could not find anyone else.
He complain about her during dating period now marriage also want to complain.
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Originally posted by StriveOn:
I did not set down any rules and conditions when I married my late wife, but things seems to automatically fall into place, some with a little bit assigning of responsibilities.Most times when family is together, I pay. House bills, I pay. Groceries, Kids stuff, and things she wants to get for the family she pays. Generally, I pay for all the basic stuff, and she pays for the "nice to have" stuff.
Not all women are like that. But I realised one thing. When husband demands, normally there will be trouble. When the wife demands, 80% (not verified) of the time, husband will give way.
Yes not all women are like that. MOST women are like that. Your wife is in the minority.
If husband don't give way it is recipe for divorce. You see - women can get away with it but men can't. Why for once men become the demanding one? Its no longer the same - women are no longer the weaker sex - they earn comparable to us - they are in macho vocations like fireman and army - they become the one who wear the pants in family. Its time we men ask for fairer treatment (more comparable).
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chin chai lah
both oso tired
dirty dirty lor
saturday or sunday set a time both do housework tog3ther
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finish liao pom pom tog3ther and then umf umf tog3ther
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Originally posted by Edward321:
Hi, I am 33 and just got married to my wife (same age). Lately we have been having tiffs about housework and finance. She just started working part-time and earns about $1K.I am holding 2 sales jobs, fetching about $3K per month.
I have been feeling flustered as she is not keen to keep the home clean. I have to come home to clean the house even after a really tiring work day.
Financially I also feel drained as I need to pay for our house-loans and many bills and expenses. I am not even sure if we could afford to have kids in future.
My wife became very upset when I told her to chip in, in our home expenses. She is still not into housework and she can't cook.We cannot afford a maid at this moment.
I love her yet I am feeling very frustrated about her messiness and unwillingness to help me lower down household expenses.
What shall I do? Divorce is never an option to me.
Please feel free to drop in your opinion.Thank you.
I think you have obsessive compulsive disorder.
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just face it... women is for men to feed... it's their rights to do nothing except for that 30min-1hrs of hardwork they have to do with u at nite....
housework is for maid to do it...
and not enough money? it's for the men to go out find more money...
that's life....dun need to dream about what equal rights.......
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Originally posted by speakoutfor:
Answer is simple: my friend cannot live without woman but live with woman also complain a lot.
Yes - dating period that time we all friends advice him not to marry the bitch. Yet he still marry the bitch. I don't know why but I think its because he is desperate because he could not find anyone else.
He complain about her during dating period now marriage also want to complain.
If he cannot live without woman than just remain as bf and gf. Don't get marry. If she insists to get marry just give excuses such as not so fast as I want to concentrate on my career etc and than slowly look for a better gf than dump her..
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
I think you have obsessive compulsive disorder.
who are you? a psychiatrist or psychologist?
even if you are, you can acurrately diagnosed people's problems in a forum eh.
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TS...for finance, you have to foot the bills as you are earning more than her... call this LL lor, bo bian. she already earned 1k, where got money to pay for bills leh.
as for housework, you also LL. since she refuses to share the workload, tell her you will do, but at least dun keep the house messy lar. some people dun do housework, but keep dirtying the house. so tell your wife you will do the housework, but tell her dun keep dirtying the house.
you dun have to clean the house everyday, make it once or twice a week to do housework lor.
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in short marriage is for the rich to enjoy and the poor to suffer.
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Love is great. If u really love her, u wouldn't complain. And if she loves you, she wouldn't want to see you suffer and tired out from all the work. Just some advise. Peace bro. (:
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Originally posted by auditor:
If he cannot live without woman than just remain as bf and gf. Don't get marry. If she insists to get marry just give excuses such as not so fast as I want to concentrate on my career etc and than slowly look for a better gf than dump her..
My friend already in his 30s - very desperate - he tells me age is catching up. Bo Bian. So he marry anyway. He thought he could change her in the course of marriage. But he was wrong - she is still the same bitch.The girl - look a bit ok but short in size and very bitchy.
How to find new one? My friend has been trying to find date for 10 years ! He go everwhere, date co-workers, go pub to find life partner and ask friend for recommendation. Everytime kena rejected and then my friend kena dump by women many time.
In my country - chinese are getting extinct becuase chinese women are becoming so particular (want perfect husband).
I know one chinese guy who converted to religion that I don't wanna say. He got 4 kids and two wives. Some more at office - nobody likes him because he acts like a 10 year old - throw tantrum and never cooperate. He is abusive and slap his children - i once heard him do it when i called him on the cellphone - i heard him slapping and verbally abuse his kids with bad words. Some more at office he show third finger and scream bad words at us.
I am amazed that women of the religion he married to - can still choose this guy. Maybe one thing good about the religion is it teaches the women to respect the husbands. But I don't want to go thru circumsicion and i don't want to fast one month in a year and i love eating pork.
But chinese guys in my country - no chinese woman wants. So we chinese are getting extinct. We only number 6 million in my country of 27 million. In 1960s we used to make up 40% of the population.
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Why so many problems?
Why?
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Originally posted by speakoutfor:
But chinese guys in my country - no chinese woman wants. So we chinese are getting extinct. We only number 6 million in my country of 27 million. In 1960s we used to make up 40% of the population.You which country?
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Originally posted by Fatum:
two golden rules of marriage for men ....
1. your money is her money, her money is her money ....
2. don't kee gau housework, it doesn't matter who cleans the loo or does the laundry, someone's got to do it .....
follow these two rules and you'll have peace in the house ....
That is so stupid it barely warrants a response. What you have just described is a recipe for disaster for men.