Hi, I am 33 and just got married to my wife (same age). Lately we have been having tiffs about housework and finance. She just started working part-time and earns about $1K.I am holding 2 sales jobs, fetching about $3K per month.
I have been feeling flustered as she is not keen to keep the home clean. I have to come home to clean the house even after a really tiring work day.
Financially I also feel drained as I need to pay for our house-loans and many bills and expenses. I am not even sure if we could afford to have kids in future.
My wife became very upset when I told her to chip in, in our home expenses. She is still not into housework and she can't cook.We cannot afford a maid at this moment.
I love her yet I am feeling very frustrated about her messiness and unwillingness to help me lower down household expenses.
What shall I do? Divorce is never an option to me.
Please feel free to drop in your opinion.Thank you.
Hire maid lah. One month only $400+ only.
Originally posted by Dalforce 1941:Hire maid lah. One month only $400+ only.
With levy...more than $400+ right?
Basically the wife is a free loader. Don't want to pay, don't want to do housework, don't want to do anything
Originally posted by auditor:Basically the wife is a free loader. Don't want to pay, don't want to do housework, don't want to do anything
Could she be doing that to spite him? I think there may be some underlying issues.:S
But a wife must at least keep the home clean .That's so basic.
Originally posted by dragg:considering she makes only 1k a month from her part time job how much can she chip in?
I believe he is just flustered about coming back to a messy home after a long day of work (note: he's holding 2 jobs). She may be spending more than they can make.Home loans and bills...in Singapore, are really no joke. And they still have to save for future kids?
I can only see that they will work out if he just learn to overlook the mess and both cut down/off on every want. Just spend on needs.
PAP should decrease HDB price to increase birthrate. Simple solution but the lure of $$$ is too great. They will never do it.
Originally posted by Dalforce 1941:PAP should decrease HDB price to increase birthrate. Simple solution but the lure of $$$ is too great. They will never do it.
Oh Dalforce, no way will PAP decrease the HDB price to how it was few years ago.
It's a fact we will have to accept or just migrate.
I don't think she is doing that to spite him. She is just a slacker.
Since she work part time and does not have much money to contribute than she should contribute her time by doing housework
Maybe Edward can encourage his new wife to mix around with women who can juggle housework and finance well. She has to learn from somewhere, from someone, somehow.
Originally posted by auditor:I don't think she is doing that to spite him. She is just a slacker.
Since she work part time and does not have much money to contribute than she should contribute her time by doing housework
Very well-said, I do agree with you here. I think that is the very least she can do now.
Marriage is a such a life-long teamwork. With the time she has, she should at least make the home bearable for the husband to return and relax in.
if she don't want to housework than ask her to work full time and contribute to the household expenses instead of being a free loader
Or the wife can work full-time and both of them get a maid who can cook and clean well.
I find it really amazing that people do not discuss financial arrangements and household maintainance before getting married. A few questions need to be asked:
And since there are no children, why can't the wife work full time?
And what kind of many bills and expenses are we talking about here?
What is your monthly mortage payment and are you paying cash or cpf? And what kind of property is it?
And I think people should be very clear what their personal values and beliefs are and never compromise them just to get married.
e.g. if you belive in frugrality, don't marry a spendthrift. if you believe in the value of hard work, don't marry a sloth. and etc.
i think u and she nevver do planning be4 marriage................
now its yr job to make sure she change lol.
if not then u have to see how liao .....
Lets pin down your problems.
1. Not enough money
2. Wife does not do Housework
3. Of late, wife becomes bitchy (after you ask her to chip in)
#1 is a percieved problem. If you adjust your lifestyle, this item will be well under control. Have you ever been in a situation where you have no income, borrow money until friends and relatives avoid you. 15 year old daughter decides not to study (even though she is good in studies) and wants to work to help you. $3k plus $1k is a luxury.
#2 If wife can do housework, hooray. If not, do you love her less. I have 2 kids at home, does not lift a finger to do housework, all done by me. (after my late wife left us). I just need to organise myself and get the important things done. Laundry is the most important, followed by stuff in the kitchen, then the beddings, then the floor, etc. Live with it, be happy. Occasionally ask for help, if dont get the help, its Okay, be happy.
#3 Wife becomes bitchy. Hopefully (touch wood) she is not having a relationship outside. And dont you go suspecting her because it will surely spell trouble. If her changed behaviour is because of asking to chip in, then let her keep her $1K. They need that kind of security. Believe me, they will share with you, just don't make any claims on it. If #1 and #2 is properly resolved, #3 will dissappear.
Originally posted by av98m:And I think people should be very clear what their personal values and beliefs are and never compromise them just to get married.
e.g. if you belive in frugrality, don't marry a spendthrift. if you believe in the value of hard work, don't marry a sloth. and etc.
Maybe his case is one of 'Marry in haste, regret in leisure'.
Your problem is certainly not the first nor the last. Wife is getting more and more difficult.
Even married men from my country complain why chinese women are so kiam sap. Husbands have to chip in 100%.
I know a friend the wife earns more than him - yet he chip in 100% of the household expenses.
It is very rare nowadays to expect 50/50 or even 70/30. Wife is now the queen of the household.
A lot of my friends tell me the only good thing in the marriage is the children - the wife? throw in dust bin.
Symphathize with your situation. The only thing you can do is to fight back and argue with your wife in the hope that she would back down and accept your terms.
Originally posted by speakoutfor:Your problem is certainly not the first nor the last. Wife is getting more and more difficult.
Even married men from my country complain why chinese women are so kiam sap. Husbands have to chip in 100%.
I know a friend the wife earns more than him - yet he chip in 100% of the household expenses.
It is very rare nowadays to expect 50/50 or even 70/30. Wife is now the queen of the household.
A lot of my friends tell me the only good thing in the marriage is the children - the wife? throw in dust bin.
Symphathize with your situation. The only thing you can do is to fight back and argue with your wife in the hope that she would back down and accept your terms.
Now they childless still won't be so bad, after kids come, then the real wars will follow.
Unless matters can be resolved now.
Originally posted by speakoutfor:Your problem is certainly not the first nor the last. Wife is getting more and more difficult.
Even married men from my country complain why chinese women are so kiam sap. Husbands have to chip in 100%.
I know a friend the wife earns more than him - yet he chip in 100% of the household expenses.
It is very rare nowadays to expect 50/50 or even 70/30. Wife is now the queen of the household.
A lot of my friends tell me the only good thing in the marriage is the children - the wife? throw in dust bin.
Symphathize with your situation. The only thing you can do is to fight back and argue with your wife in the hope that she would back down and accept your terms.
I did not set down any rules and conditions when I married my late wife, but things seems to automatically fall into place, some with a little bit assigning of responsibilities.
Most times when family is together, I pay. House bills, I pay. Groceries, Kids stuff, and things she wants to get for the family she pays. Generally, I pay for all the basic stuff, and she pays for the "nice to have" stuff.
Not all women are like that. But I realised one thing. When husband demands, normally there will be trouble. When the wife demands, 80% (not verified) of the time, husband will give way.
Don't you feel that shouldn't just jump into a marriage too quicky?
Originally posted by speakoutfor:Your problem is certainly not the first nor the last. Wife is getting more and more difficult.
Even married men from my country complain why chinese women are so kiam sap. Husbands have to chip in 100%.
I know a friend the wife earns more than him - yet he chip in 100% of the household expenses.
It is very rare nowadays to expect 50/50 or even 70/30. Wife is now the queen of the household.
A lot of my friends tell me the only good thing in the marriage is the children - the wife? throw in dust bin.
Symphathize with your situation. The only thing you can do is to fight back and argue with your wife in the hope that she would back down and accept your terms.
how come when your friend before marry still during the dating period that time should already know that this woman is so stingy as she don't want to pay for anything than why he still want to marry her?