Depression twin no.2.
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Dear everyone,
Happy chinese new year to everyone of you.My depression has gotten me worse.I really don't know what i can do.I got up 7 am this morning.I couldn't sleep.And o dont remember my dream anymore. I know it was depression.
wake me up please.I couldn't take it anymore the pain inside me.
Art is happiness and i have turn it into verge of madness.Home is such a warm place ,a paradise yet i do not cherish it.And im going to destroy myself and my family soon.
Help,i'm afraid i could not longing take it anymore. My father and mother and elder sister and my twin say i was mad.
Maybe i really am.
wake me up,before i could no longing think properly.
Chew sian. -
my elder sis say i act depressed. How can one person act depress?to gain what pity? Doesn't she know how happy i wanted to be in my lfife. true true true ,maybe im blinded by jealousy and madness and everything. Maybe im a piece of fucking sour grape.
I knew im forunate and everything.i dwell in the past too much,and i stress myself to want to create aperfect future.im so tired. very tired in everyways.
i Could no longing hold my anger. acting depress? how i wish i was. how i wish i wasn't.
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You are your thoughts.
What are you thinking of all the time? (Go ahead, think about your thoughts, what are they, how would you classify them etc)
Are they not the cause of your "depression"? Aren't you thinking lousy thoughts about yourself automatically?
When your thoughts are repetitive it will make you believe.
To believe means to feel. When you believe in something, it show how you feel about that something. Eg. When you sincerly believe a grand old tree can give you good fortune, you actually feel that that tree can give you luck. If you don't feel it, it means you really don't believe in it.
What do you believe about yourself, that is another way of asking how do you feel about yourself. Depressed?
It is how you think about yourself.
It is difficult to change the way you think about yourself right away. You have had years of practice on the unhappy way, therefore it will take sometime to reverse the thought pattern.
You don't kill an undesirable habit, you replace it with a good one. Repetition creates habits. So practice constantly in in thinking about your successes, however big or small.
Your are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here. Be kind to yourself.
There is actually more good in you than bad. Dwell only on the good in your life. Till it becomes a habit, and you believe in it.
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If you can no longer take control of your situation, it is time you go see a psychiatrist. He would likely recommend some anti depression prescription. It works, I have seen some of my friends in depression undergo medication. So as long as they are in medication, their suicide and depressive thoughts are gone. At the same time, you should undergo therapy with a psychotherapist to find out the underlying reason for your depression and help you to tackle this. Talk to your parents about this and arrange for financing to pay for your medication.
This period is a crucial time for you. You will soon go to college and you can ill afford to do badly in your studies. Don't let your depression eat into you or else it would destroy your future. If you don't do well in your studies, it will affect your vocation in the future and you will end up one of the low earner in singapore struggling to make ends meet due to high prices and high competition from foreigners.
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Thanks you mancha,
"Your are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here. Be kind to yourself.
There is actually more good in you than bad. Dwell only on the good in your life. Till it becomes a habit, and you believe in it."
In my mind there is only sad and misery of flashback in my life,i did not cherish the happy one.Why?
i ask myself why being so unhappy why why why,there is simply no reason.Everyone life is their own life.Why why look at others,even though she is your twin so what.When she die or i die would it make any differences.No ,carry on with ur own life.
Today my depression gotten over me again,i went to my granny house ate a bowl of noodle and walk off back home. embrassed myself and my family ,my mother.left them to explain my behaviour to everyone in my granny house.
Horrible but staying over there pulling a long face i cant bear to show to everyone whom is so happy when they also have they own problem to face in life. i choose to walk off home. i choose i choose this kind of childish,self-centred decision.
i think that having pimple on my face since sec 4 till now is part of the reason of my early stage depression.My face is like galaxy map ,like the world map.while my twin face is as clear as porcelain.
it hurts me it hurts me when ppl asking the obvious "why is yoru face like that"
WHOELSE CAN I ASK "WHY"
i went to visit the doctor which prescibe me hormones pill to take.My face improve tremodously but teh side effect is depression and many ppl took the pill put on so much weight.I stop taking those pills.and hope to stay calm in teh mind and soul and that my face would heal naturally.
i dont know why im writing silly long story of this.i just feel so miserable.
i used to be such a happy person.Used to make sacarstic funny joke,but now everything come out of my mouth and heart is truth sacarstic thinking.It is like a demon is controllung me,when i know im the demon myself.
should i stay away from my twin? i have not been sleeping and eating. i feel so tired. i dont even know my reason of being sad.Everything Everything ,anything triggle my temper.
when my twin talk about her love life i got so jealous,mad.when i see my sister art is amazing i go berserk.i lose my mind.
.i wrote all you guys advises in the previous thread in a book to remind myself.I would really liek to thanks you guys for listening.
i just want to write out my feeling to feel better.Happy chinese new year to everyone here.
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In my mind there is only sad and misery of flashback in my life,i did not cherish the happy one.Why?
You have a concious mind and a sub-concious mind. The concious mind is the upper mind where you think out things and do things. The sub-concious mind are those things that are at the inner level. This is where your automatic actions arise from. Your fear of snakes originates from the sub-conscious. Also your belief about yourself.
The way thoughts go into your sub-consious mind is by repetition, and by emotions.
Repeating a thought thousands of times, that thought will eventually sink into the sub-concious mind.
It is much easier by emotions. A thought that rides on an emotion, get easy entry into the sub-concious.
Therefore when your think about sad and miserable events of your life, it rides piggyback on the sad emotions into your sub-concious.
Thats why I ask you to focus on the good things of your life. Things that make you happy. The happy emotions will carry the thoughts into your sub-concious. It will take time. That is whats happening to your twin sister. Its her thoughts. You are your thoughts.
One way to alter your thought pattern is to see the good points in others and comment on them. Give praise to others. No need to praise grand things, simple things will do. See someone with a nice dress, just say hey thats a nice dress. Hey you did a good job. Thank you, you are very kind. You will feel better for it. Go and apologise to your grandma, and thank her for the noodles. Being sarcastic or rude will make you feel bad. Don't be affected by other people's rudeness, they are unhappy themselves. You don't have to join them.
Don't get too upset about the pimples on your face, its a phase you will grow out of. Try a simple facial wash twice a day, and eat healthy food in moderation. Todays food are full of artifical stuff, and chemicals, and we are always eating them a little here a little there, at the end of the day we consume quite a lot of chemicals.
Eat more vegetables, fruits, and if possible take multi-vitamins supplement.
Simpy put, get out of the habit of sad thoughts. Replace it with happy thoughts.
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u got to tell us ur problem. simplify it. i lazy to read long post.
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Dear Everyone,
Today morning i woke up,i thought i could feel happy. i could not believe she do that to me, while all this time i have been trying to protect my sister from everything in this world. i was so proud to tell teh world that i have have such a great sister.She is good in art and everything,im so proud of her.
Why did she do that to me despite everything i did for her happiness. i cant believe it. im crying again.
depression has got me. maybe i shoudl turn a blind eye to everything and pretend nothing has happen at all. mayeb i shouldnot care about her life anymore.maybe i should just pretend im an asshole child .im going to die soon if this continue.
it truly hurts me to see how she say all the bad thing about me to her new love.Im the child of universe no less than teh tree and the star.be kind ,de kind ah sian be kind to yourself,you deserve something beautiful for everything you did. be kind to yourself.
happy chinese new year everyone,sorry i cannot control myself again this is teh only way to type out my fear and sorrow out.
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Happy thoughts,happy thoughts,happy thoughts. happy thoughts.
im suppose to be happy right.i should have been happy i shopuld have been happy. happy thoughts ,happy thoughts. happy thoughts.
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Eh, you are losing control of yourself. I am telling you and you are not listening. You cannot handle this problem by yourself. You need help.
You are going yoyo up and down. The only thing you can do is to talk to your family about your problem and ask your parents to arrange you to see a psychiatrist. Hurry there is no time to lose. The meds work in keeping your depression at bay. But you must go see a psychotherapist too, to discuss your problems.
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Originally posted by chewsian:
Dear Everyone,
Today morning i woke up,i thought i could feel happy. i could not believe she do that to me, while all this time i have been trying to protect my sister from everything in this world. i was so proud to tell teh world that i have have such a great sister.She is good in art and everything,im so proud of her.
Why did she do that to me despite everything i did for her happiness. i cant believe it. im crying again.
depression has got me. maybe i shoudl turn a blind eye to everything and pretend nothing has happen at all. mayeb i shouldnot care about her life anymore.maybe i should just pretend im an asshole child .im going to die soon if this continue.
it truly hurts me to see how she say all the bad thing about me to her new love.Im the child of universe no less than teh tree and the star.be kind ,de kind ah sian be kind to yourself,you deserve something beautiful for everything you did. be kind to yourself.
happy chinese new year everyone,sorry i cannot control myself again this is teh only way to type out my fear and sorrow out.
Why do you give your sister, or others for that matter, the ability to make you sad?
Why?
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i don'y know whether i can heal myself,i do not wish to blow up this problem.Maybe my sister is facing the same stress as me ,just that she can control better. i know secretly that she complain me to my elder sister and mom.
i dont think i can talk to my family anymore about this issue,my mom tell me me ah min say the same thing as me that my art is good.
i wish i can handle this myself and have clear mind.
i will try to stay move on go on with my life in a healthy ways. and i will try to find a psychiatrist,i give myself a period of time.
sometimes i think life is not black and white.no one is right no one is wrong.i just wish i could be a little more generous ,a little more sane ,wise.
later old liao i will laugh at this issue.haha so childish and waste of life.
first maybe find doctor to cure my complexion then find phychiatrist if i ki siao.thanks for the caring reply i vent my feelings here and try to move on.
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You cannot afford a psyhiatrist. The meds are very expensive. This is why you must talk to your parents so they can arrange a dr to talk to you. You need your parents help to finance your medicine.
Your problem is too serious and you can no longer handle this yourself. The depression will come back.
I don't think you will laugh off this situation when you are old because this illness will surely come back. At every moment of disappointment or unhappiness, will surely trigger your depression. You need medical help and professional consultation to tackle this illness. Depression is an illness and you need to treat it now ! Do not keep all this in your heart because this illness will surely eat you. You must tell your family and tell them that you need to see a doctor before it is too late. Do not be scared to share, be brave and let your family know.
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Originally posted by chewsian:
i don'y know whether i can heal myself,i do not wish to blow up this problem.Maybe my sister is facing the same stress as me ,just that she can control better. i know secretly that she complain me to my elder sister and mom.
i dont think i can talk to my family anymore about this issue,my mom tell me me ah min say the same thing as me that my art is good.
i wish i can handle this myself and have clear mind.
i will try to stay move on go on with my life in a healthy ways. and i will try to find a psychiatrist,i give myself a period of time.
sometimes i think life is not black and white.no one is right no one is wrong.i just wish i could be a little more generous ,a little more sane ,wise.
later old liao i will laugh at this issue.haha so childish and waste of life.
first maybe find doctor to cure my complexion then find phychiatrist if i ki siao.thanks for the caring reply i vent my feelings here and try to move on.
This is good news.
The first step is understand yourself. Always remember you cannot undo years of negative conditioning in a few days or weeks. It may take months or years. Always be aware of your thoughts, don't let it run away uncontrolled.
Sometimes you need to hold your thoughts, like you hold your breath. Stop the mind for a few seconds, and be rational, not emotional.
You have only yourself to rely on, don't rely on others to praise and uplift you.
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To think that I am clever does not make me clever, When i know that I am not clever, there is hope - most suffering is adding to what is not and of course it is not real In other words, one's image of oneself has collapsed, outside people things, situations are mere excuses
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You cannot heal yourself. You can only accept yourself as you are and be at peace with yourself. You can be aware of your thoughts are check your reaction to them. At present your thoughts are uncontrolled and invoke an unpleasant emotional reaction. With practice you can be in a state of awareness, with controlled thoughts.
You need to check for tense muscles, and relax them, especially the shoulders and neck. Some how if these muscle group are relaxed your tend to be more in control of your thoughts. You will be more aware of your eyes seeing and your mind processing the information received than having your thoughts running away amok.
You cannot stop thinking, but you can use your mind productively. Thats why you should not be idle, for an idle mind is the devil's workshop.
Do something, take up something, and don't mind the criticisms.
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slowly step by step,i know i can do it . i have been listening to classical music.:-) staying strong staying calm. Although it is hard for me i know has been too long many suffering years.
i will go to beach changi coastal walk and do a bit of walking ard .Anything that can keep me calm.
i know is art that can keep me sane,and it is the thing in my life that pressured me the most too. but doing art is the only thing that make me strong and feel that im staying alive.
ah ah ah ah staying alive.:-")) be kind be kind to urself ah sian.slowly one step at a time.
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Originally posted by chewsian:
slowly step by step,i know i can do it . i have been listening to classical music.:-) staying strong staying calm. Although it is hard for me i know has been too long many suffering years.
i will go to beach changi coastal walk and do a bit of walking ard .Anything that can keep me calm.
i know is art that can keep me sane,and it is the thing in my life that pressured me the most too. but doing art is the only thing that make me strong and feel that im staying alive.
ah ah ah ah staying alive.:-")) be kind be kind to urself ah sian.slowly one step at a time.
Changi beach becareful, many gay there, man look like girl kind of people, I suggest you go Bedok Reservoir better, serene, tranquaility and less people nowaday, no no why now less people there, but very peaceful to go -
you want the guy go bedok reservoir drink lots of water until go neverneverland issit?
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I thot bedok Reservoir water are safe to drink? They just collected one body there, could be Ah Chew, he might had listened to my advice and finally end all his sorrow and pain in life, that is the power of an Angel
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you shut up la - always disturb me 1 haiz
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Copy cat, copy cat, copy cat...HMMMM!!!
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i go bedok reservoir take a walk first - HMMM!
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Ah, I saw you there, was hoping you jump, then i go report and be on news