Parents being financially illiterate...
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Wah stress.... Anyone also face the same problem...
Don't get me wrong, I love my parents.... but the way they treat their money got me very angry...
Last time in Brunei (I stay with my parents in Brunei), they opened a satay restaurant so good that even the Sultan of Brunei once came down personally to buy from them (true story). They made a lot of money but due to Brunei immigration law, foreigners cannot stay to long so we come back to Singapore... Money from the restaurant? I donno how they handle but I think all the capital was left back in Brunei... I was only 9 back then...
1999, came back to Singapore, jobless but my father have a fully paid hdb flat under his name and my mother's name. He let his ex-wife stay at the flat (her name not in the flat) out of good will while they are overseas. They then decided to sell the flat to buy a new one but my step mother sent "a lawyer letter" say they can't sell the flat unless they pay her... My father don't want to fight court battle, gave her S$30,000/- and she retracted the letter... Turns out the letter is just a lawyer letter with no legal power ment to scare him only....
2002, sell the old flat and bought at same price. But my father decided not to pay full price and got a HDB loan. The money from the old flat he decided to invest with an Indonesian stock broker selling rail way timber. Approx 50 to 60K was invested into this stock. 2004, my father was told that the stock broker had died. The body was never found. Obviously this was a scam but my father never reported the matter to the police at all and never told my mother what happened.
My father used to be an engineer/repairman for the Royal Brunei navy and the satay restaurant was run by my mother. Come back to Singapore, my father never thought of getting a testimonial from the Brunei navy, had a hard time convincing employers. My father then decided to be a mechanic at a local workshop.
Somewhere in 2005, I asked my parents, we used to have a good restaurant in Brunei, why not start one again here. My parents just told me they want a simple life and don't need to open a restaurant.
Now in 2012, after NS, graduated from poly with Diploma in Business and now studying for CMFAS, my father told me they got no retirement savings and no health insurance incase they got any illness. Also still have a HDB loan of approx S$15k want to ask me to help pay. They are at retirement age now.
My parents told me this story make me want to cry... They make way too many financial mistakes that could have easily been avoided... We used to have quite a sum of money but due to stupid decissions, HDB flat that last time is fully paid now still paying....
FML man, I still havent finish studying am now working part time until I finish my CMFAS exam. want me to help pay approx S$500 per month loan and utilities. They got no health insurance so if anything happen to them sure die one.... Want to fight for the last time scam case already over 5 years...
Basicly long story short, my parents were well off 15 years ago but due to multiple financial mistakes, they dug quite a big hole for themselves and trapping me inside as well coz I still love them and must support them. But I really makes me angry because I'm helping to pay for mistakes that could be easily avoided or rectified if done correctly....
sigh... rant over... Anyone also face similar problems of having to pay for their parents mistake...?
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Wah u got so many liabilities with u..next time want get married also problem...ask ur father how to make satay la...open satay stall urself la....maybe u end up satay king in singapore leh...><"
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Your father and mother can open satay stall. Don't need a lot of capital. Some more flexible working hours and less food preparation. Why is it so hard?
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Hi Mike,
First, before you get upset, remember this... You were born into this world with nothing. Look at you now, you have things others may not have, so basically, you have done well. Come to think about it, you have done well and you're upset. Let's reverse it, when you were young, you have less things than you have now, yet you were happy as a child?
What I am trying to say is simply, you're tagging your happiness to the wrong things.
I am happy whenever I am poor or whenever I have money, because I accept things for what they are, rather than having regrets over past issues. So far, we can't turn back time, so there's no way we can fix past issues BUT we can accept them and improve the future outcome.
The problem of placing your expectations over others is that you're usually bound to be disappointed. Have you heard of children commiting suicide because they could not live up to their parents expectations for the exams? Hmmm...
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I don't see why children should be the ultimate guarantor for their parents' financial follies.
If your parents dunoe how to save, and dunoe how to safeguard their money, it should be their own problem. They cannot retire when old should be their own problem. Who asked them to make all these foolish mistakes?
Don't let them hold you back, in your studies or career. Unless you start your own business, a poly diploma is nothing nowadays. (you can be your own satay boss if you wish to). Go study for degree while you are still young, and heck care about your parents. Afterall, if they are able bodied, there's no reason for them to stop working and exploit their children's filial piety.
Singapore has evolved into a society where only people with money can retire. Unless your parents are bedridden, they are expected to make their own living. If not, any tom, dick and harry and simply have dozen of children, and retire when the children are old enough to work.
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Originally posted by MagnificientDiagrams:
Your father and mother can open satay stall. Don't need a lot of capital. Some more flexible working hours and less food preparation. Why is it so hard?
Originally posted by MagnificientDiagrams:Your father and mother can open satay stall. Don't need a lot of capital. Some more flexible working hours and less food preparation. Why is it so hard?
I asked this before... Their answer is "it's too hard".
I think the major problem is my parents have a very kampong mentality trying to live in a modern city society.
I post a thread before about my parents being technophobic. I think they have a very big mental block against doing anything that is not the norm. many years ago, when my dad was working for this back road workshop as a mechanic, I asked his why not try to look for a better job? He can do welding, sandblasting, rivetting, all that major repair thing that no normal repair crew cannot do. His reaction was just meh, we'll live by. Also I found out that my dad have never written a resume his whole life... He got the job from a friend of a friend of a friend etc.
My mom then decided to just work as a cleaner. Ok lah, small but normal pay, but everyday she complained that her knees pain because have to clean 4 stories and she can't walk up stairs well. For years she complained this and for year I said "mom you work as a cleaner, I'm sure there are other cleaner jobs out there that doesn't require climbing stairs". Nothing changed. She kena retrenched recently after the company she worked for goes bankrupt. At least now can rest her legs a bit.
They also don't like conflict and prefer to take paths of least resistance. As in if anything happened, that the HDB rubbis chute scam a few years ago, they just prefer to pay up and "move on with life". You don't do that in Singapore.. If someone is trying to screw you over, you are suppose to fight back or else people will walk all over you your whole life. I recently kena accident where a taxi driver reversed into my bike (I'll share that story one day) and there is a willing witness. The taxi refuse to pay so I decided to pursue by third party. My dad die die keep saying that trying to do this claim is too hard, it's better I just pay for the repairs myself and move on with life.
But the worst part is my parents believe too much in old folks tale and the Malay version of Islam that they hold me back. Back in secondary school, I have this ugly looking mustache but they die die don't allow me to shave them off because old folks say it will grow out uglier. They also never let me go outside after Magrib back then. We once had a bed bug infestation and they believed that you shouldnt kill them cos they will become more if you kill one. Instead, they try to catch them alive and "transfer" them so they all move to another place and use some kind of malay leaf to ward them off... I just stood my ground and bought a steam cleaner and special bedbug spray which is more effective.
The thing that makes me wack my head is whenever there is a problem, they keep saying this is Allah's test and we should accept it as fate. Yes I agree that Allah will give life's problem to test his followers but you are not suppose to just "accept it". 1400 years ago, Allah tested the Muslim when pagans were killing the Muslim merchants in the silk road. Were they suppose to just accept it and die? No, Allah give life problem for us to try our best to find solutions, not to just accept it as fate.
Wow... I went and rant wayyyy off topic...
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Originally posted by DailyFreeGames.com:
Hi Mike,
First, before you get upset, remember this... You were born into this world with nothing. Look at you now, you have things others may not have, so basically, you have done well. Come to think about it, you have done well and you're upset. Let's reverse it, when you were young, you have less things than you have now, yet you were happy as a child?
What I am trying to say is simply, you're tagging your happiness to the wrong things.
I am happy whenever I am poor or whenever I have money, because I accept things for what they are, rather than having regrets over past issues. So far, we can't turn back time, so there's no way we can fix past issues BUT we can accept them and improve the future outcome.
The problem of placing your expectations over others is that you're usually bound to be disappointed. Have you heard of children commiting suicide because they could not live up to their parents expectations for the exams? Hmmm...
I will be happy if my parents can live debt free. But to solve so many problems as a solo act is really stressful... Right now, I would classify the family situation as manageable... I've worked out the family budget so not to over spend, overly single bills and debt is closely monitored by me to insure we pay the correct amout and not more.... I'm only scared if any unforeseen problem happened that will ruin all my plan...
I love my parents but it would be a whole lot easier if they can help solve some of the problem instead of everything I oversee one....
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Originally posted by MikeOscar:
I will be happy if my parents can live debt free. But to solve so many problems as a solo act is really stressful... Right now, I would classify the family situation as manageable... I've worked out the family budget so not to over spend, overly single bills and debt is closely monitored by me to insure we pay the correct amout and not more.... I'm only scared if any unforeseen problem happened that will ruin all my plan...
I love my parents but it would be a whole lot easier if they can help solve some of the problem instead of everything I oversee one....
well, i guess then they would be proud to have you as their son. taking on the responsibilities. -
Your parents also testing you.
They are worried you want to rely on them too much.
It is time you learn to stand on your own two feet.
Learn to make your own satay, and you will not worry what your father or mother can or cannot do, because you can do it yourself.
While your parents hope to live their life through you, you need not live your life through them.
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You open satay stall...just let us know la...we will go to ur satay stall support support u la...
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Sorry mate. If that is how your parents think, you can't do anything to change them because they are how they are. Don't worry, all things ends well eventually. I don't think you are the only person with this predicament. Somehow things will be alright.
Best thing is to change yourself.
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Originally posted by maxsee:
You open satay stall...just let us know la...we will go to ur satay stall support support u la...
ya, and when you open, I will go and open a stall next to you to support you, I will also sell satay plus milo -
Originally posted by angel7030:
ya, and when you open, I will go and open a stall next to you to support you, I will also sell satay plus miloyup and we will also tell 711 to sponser drinks for u
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I suggest open at fort Canning, sure got business one, if got concert, more business, we can call it Summer Hill makan place. Yeah!
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Originally posted by angel7030:
I suggest open at fort Canning, sure got business one, if got concert, more business, we can call it Summer Hill makan place. Yeah!
then we will have the entire sgf people there!
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As I notice, from the museums and the churches, YWCA, the fort canning hotel and vistors there, they lack a makan n resting place there, hmmm great idea, call milo first, see what he say.
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At Fort Canning you can rest in peace with the olden days ang mos.