Just a friend but I seem to matter a lot
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I have a lady friend whom I've known for 7 years. We knew each other while working at the same place back then. We both got along well.
Some 4 years later, I develop feelings for her. After a month of consideration, she told she cant accept me for fear that she will lose me as a friend if our relationship dont work out. I understand that its nearly impossible to be friends after a break up. Though she broke my heart, I never hated her or hold grudges against her for that. I respected her decision. She told me she hoped we could remain friends even after this incident. I'm fine with that but it will take some time for me to get over her since we are working in a same place and see each other almost everyday.
And so the next 18 months have been rather difficult for me as I was struggling to get over her while still remain friends. There are times when I would ignore her at work as I need to withdraw myself from her in order for me to move on. That has always been the most effective method for me if I need to forget about a girl. But since we are still in the same place, it was one hell of a challenge for me. Each time when I stop talking to her or ignore her, even its just for short time, she would get very upset. She would tend to tell other girls in our place about me not talking to her. It seems that I'm somehow important to her even though Im just a friend. Like as if me not communicating with her is a big issue to her.
And so now, we are no longer working in the same place and working in different places. We are still friends, she even told me she consider me her close guy friend. Thats something no other girls had ever said to me. We both shared personal problems and secrets. Some of my friends advised me to treasure this friendship with this girl even though I failed to make her my gf.
I know many people would say that Im one of those guys who will always remain in the "friend" zone with girls. As bad as it sounds, perhaps there is a good thing to it. At least I dont have to deal with her ugly side, which she warned me she tends to act in such a way in a relationship.
So my point here is, though she is attached with a guy, she still wants me in her life. She make it seems that I am one of those people who mattered to her in her life. Im really touched, and I appreciate it. I do love her as a friend. I never had any girls treating me in such a sweet way. Being her close friend is like a "2nd place" thingy. Do I really matter to her much judging by how things have been going on between me & her? She might be sad if I really leave her. -
Answering your question. Yes she will be sad if u leave her and yes, you matter to her.
Just like a lady friend matters to her and she would be sad if that friend left her.
Is that the answer you were looking for?
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No, that is the most stupid answer i ever heard
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TS, no nid to hide your feeling lah, you love her very much is it, say so lah, what frens this and that, treasure this and that, Love say love lah, get rejected, cannot tarhan and come here to act as tho be fren can already, you must be damn angry and not happy getting rejected, and since as fren, no problem, you come here post for what? This is Aunt Agony leh
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Originally posted by angel7030:
TS, no nid to hide your feeling lah, you love her very much is it, say so lah, what frens this and that, treasure this and that, Love say love lah, get rejected, cannot tarhan and come here to act as tho be fren can already, you must be damn angry and not happy getting rejected, and since as fren, no problem, you come here post for what? This is Aunt Agony leh
I expected better advice given that mine was the most stupid advice ever heard
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Your story sound a lot like Hseng25's story.
No matter, I shall try to help out anyway.
It is no use to play second fiddle. You are wasting your time. There is a scene in "When Harry Met Sally", when Harry told Sally "Man and Woman cannot be friends because the sex thing is always in the way".
So, here she is trying to hang on to you like a "back up plan" and she is still with her boyfriend. Sounds like she's getting best of both worlds, when you still live in miserable friendship in the hope that she would come to you and dump her boyfriend.
If you have normal friendship with a lady, it is ok. But you are having this close friendhsip while suffering excrutiating pain of not able to progress further and seeing her with anothe man.
Therefore, it is best to cut back the time you spend with her and look for other woman. There are more fishes in the sea, don't hang on to her like a remora shark sticking to a giant blue whale.
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Your friend cuts a selfish streak.
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Hi TS,
lets take things from another point of view, imagine this,
One of your best gal friend of 5 years says she likes you, but in your heart you do not like her, so how do you handle her?
1) Tell her straight away you do not like her and break her heart?
2) Tell her you do not like her but still want to remain as friends?
Is not easy rejecting a person. As you know how it felt for yourself, imagine in this case you do not like the gal and you do not wish to hurt her, how would you do?
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Originally posted by MagnificientDiagrams:
Your story sound a lot like Hseng25's story.
No matter, I shall try to help out anyway.
It is no use to play second fiddle. You are wasting your time. There is a scene in "When Harry Met Sally", when Harry told Sally "Man and Woman cannot be friends because the sex thing is always in the way".
So, here she is trying to hang on to you like a "back up plan" and she is still with her boyfriend. Sounds like she's getting best of both worlds, when you still live in miserable friendship in the hope that she would come to you and dump her boyfriend.
If you have normal friendship with a lady, it is ok. But you are having this close friendhsip while suffering excrutiating pain of not able to progress further and seeing her with anothe man.
Therefore, it is best to cut back the time you spend with her and look for other woman. There are more fishes in the sea, don't hang on to her like a remora shark sticking to a giant blue whale.
Harry, u mean Harry Lee?
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As a gal, let me tell you the truth, nothing but the truth,
most gal maybe except me will not reject a person right off the shelves, cos we feel that it is not so nice and good, we dun like to hurt other feeling, and our gal sense of feeling is 10X better than guy, that is why you use to see wife or gf or gal scolding their guys, stupid head or goondo..pig head.
secondly, we gal like to express ourselves by body language and some signal in hoping that the guy catch the tip of it and let go. Every reject will come with "let just be friend" quote. Get it?
and thirdly, we gal are very firm about our decision, we seldom go back to take on already eaten grass, unless something big happen out of ordinary.
Hope by telling you our gal action and feeling, you can rest in peace.
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<"let just be friend"> but don't go away.
You are rejected but honey please don't go.
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Try not to ignore her or stop talking to her when shes trying to talk to you, because that is rude and unecessary......If you want to withdraw, you can do it but in a less direct way.......like approaching her less.....but if she approaches you and ask you something, just answer her...
As to your confused feelings...I can understand it.....but I still think you need not completely wtihdraw and leave her......just be friends like before.......just try to reset and regain your footings.....You can take her as a friend......and dont think too much about it.....there is plenty of fish in the sea....why stress yourself.......
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The issue is very simple, if there is no feeling, there will be no complication, friends are suppose to understand each other, enjoy each other company freely and comfortably with no feeling attach other than friendship.
If you got feeling and all those awkward moment with a gal, please hor, that is LOVE
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Kill the feelings inside ur heart...god knows if she is only toying with u.....the problem with women and men is that men tends to think with their heart while women tends to think with their head...in the end....men always stand to lose more....><"
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Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, go read it, then maybe you can better understand your mother.
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..and Gay from...earth
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I think you definitely have an important place in your friend's life. and why are you even thinking of leaving her? Knowing that it might not be very possible between you and her, why not try to open yourself to others and make it a win-win situation? :) I think she will be very happy for you as well.
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Originally posted by Undiscoveredsoul98:
I have a lady friend whom I've known for 7 years. We knew each other while working at the same place back then. We both got along well.
Some 4 years later, I develop feelings for her. After a month of consideration, she told she cant accept me for fear that she will lose me as a friend if our relationship dont work out. I understand that its nearly impossible to be friends after a break up. Though she broke my heart, I never hated her or hold grudges against her for that. I respected her decision. She told me she hoped we could remain friends even after this incident. I'm fine with that but it will take some time for me to get over her since we are working in a same place and see each other almost everyday.
And so the next 18 months have been rather difficult for me as I was struggling to get over her while still remain friends. There are times when I would ignore her at work as I need to withdraw myself from her in order for me to move on. That has always been the most effective method for me if I need to forget about a girl. But since we are still in the same place, it was one hell of a challenge for me. Each time when I stop talking to her or ignore her, even its just for short time, she would get very upset. She would tend to tell other girls in our place about me not talking to her. It seems that I'm somehow important to her even though Im just a friend. Like as if me not communicating with her is a big issue to her.
And so now, we are no longer working in the same place and working in different places. We are still friends, she even told me she consider me her close guy friend. Thats something no other girls had ever said to me. We both shared personal problems and secrets. Some of my friends advised me to treasure this friendship with this girl even though I failed to make her my gf.
I know many people would say that Im one of those guys who will always remain in the "friend" zone with girls. As bad as it sounds, perhaps there is a good thing to it. At least I dont have to deal with her ugly side, which she warned me she tends to act in such a way in a relationship.
So my point here is, though she is attached with a guy, she still wants me in her life. She make it seems that I am one of those people who mattered to her in her life. Im really touched, and I appreciate it. I do love her as a friend. I never had any girls treating me in such a sweet way. Being her close friend is like a "2nd place" thingy. Do I really matter to her much judging by how things have been going on between me & her? She might be sad if I really leave her.
If you don't believe in existence of platonic friendship in a purist way, then you probably never will. It's hard to 'develop' it because you just can't believe in it solely from one dimension unless there are major tweaks in your overall belief and coping system in love. It is not impossible - just that the bar of change is significantly high to pursue. It can be done, just notably arduous to sustain.The point of you needing to be 'separated' from her presence is ultimately a coping measure - which is rather commonly employed. Perhaps she could do it because she holds a separate belief system, in addition to the fact that she is not romantically linked to you. That makes her easier to decide if she wants to keep the friendship, yet without having to struggle intensively like you.
But you are not her: you have to decide if this choice of yours is delaying your development in love (with other people). If I were to be brutely honest, it is likely that both of you probably acts as a buffer for mutual emotional support to certain extend - just no title to officiate your role.
Of course, if one part of your soul feeds on that tiny ray of hope, thinking that 'for as long as you are in the queue, you might actually end up somewhere', then don't be disappointed if things do not turn out to be the way you desired because you made the choice to stand in that queue when you could have easily walk away.
Cheers
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Never easy to look at someone you like in the eye and suppress your feelings. Even if it's been a while. Hate this "Friend Zone" thing...
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Misery loves company!
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Its never nice to stare at someone you like, we gals do not stare at someone we like, only stare at someone looking funny, but that use to be taken as like, so get it right.
Really dislike this "Find Asian Husband" stuff
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Originally posted by Fugazzi:
Misery loves company!
Misery,by Stephen King
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true love does not exist in singapore so don't bother. its all because of singlish. dunno how to say la. just look at the romantic kdramas and compare their love stories to the shitty ones on channel 8 =-=
because of singlish, we take everything literally. like got one guy say ''fuck you'' to a girl horh, then the girl is like ''i dun want to''. omg that annoys me so much sia. i may use singlish myself but i dont take EVERYTHING literally. do you all think ur so witty? cool? for taking vulgarities, sarcasm and jokes literally? u all liddat how find true love sia.