Malay-Filipino relationship, any same situation?
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Hi there, I would really appreciate any advices from any couple who are maybe involved in Muslim-Christian relationship or best if Singaporean-Malay and Filipino couple? I met my Singaporean-Malay bf through a common friend 9 months ago in a Malay birthday party. I never really intended to date or never really fantasized Muslim guys or even Malay guys in general though 90% of my friends are Malay girls. I am an open minded person but brought up in a society with hardcore Christian faith but respects and connected with my Malay friends really well. Anyways, since the first time we set eyes on each other it was like a magnet. I really thought it was just casual dating, after all I wasn’t really interested in a serious relationship back then. But he became so persistent, he invite me all the time for dates, dinners, movies, walks, bring me to his football games, some more we have similar Malay circle of friends who welcomed us to be a pair. Physically he is not the typical Malay looking guy. He’s 31, mixed-Arab (mom) and Singaporean-Malay (dad). So appearance-wise, he is one of those guys you can say WOW on the first glance and I’m also not a typical Filipino looking girl, 29, I can camouflage around Chinese women. Anyways, to cut the story short………. We got very close, and became bf and gf eventually and now turning 8 months. At first, differences in food and religion never entered my brain until lately when we are getting really serious – serious meaning we say I LOVE YOU’s to each other and start talking about life forever, marriage, children and all that. He cannot eat pork obviously and I cannot bring him to church every Sunday although he said he wouldn’t mind to go try one day. I am just confused. It’s as if I couldn’t love him fully…. Imagine a scenario when we sit over a dinner, I do my sign of cross and say my “Our Father� as my grace and he say his grace his own way while acting like washing his face after praying. During Fridays, I have to leave him in my room for an hour because I’d pray my rosary and he would also be away from many times because he would pray in a silent corner. Is dating with a Malay guy a good choice or I am making a mistake? It would hurt me to back out but if I had to, I would. I met his brother and sister but scared to meet his parents so I always insist to delay meeting his parents. We talked about religion and even argued about it because I made it a big deal. I know my family back home would really say something when they find out but I’m sure they would agree eventually as long as I will remain Christian. What about his Malay family? I’m sure his parents would be against it. I am very frank and straight when I told him, I will never give up my Christian belief in the event we’d really get to that situation. I am scared to lose him but scared to lose my identity as well. He is a wonderful person, he showed me passion and going out with him is awesome we can talk about anything under the sun… I even love when he speaks Malay around his other fellows and we're learning each others' languages… but I am scared about our differences. Any advice?
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Pardon me if i'm wrong, but non muslims who are looking to marry into a muslim family have to convert.....
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For pinoys, there are also many muslim, one of my maid is a pinoy muslim, lost of bangala bfs, alternatively, you can join pinoy muslim group Abu Sayyaf, yr bf will be delighted
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Go back to philippines is my advice.
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Is he or his family very extreme about islam? If not, then just make the conversion. You can be a muslim but christian at heart. In many ways, the two share very common beliefs (which I'm sure you knw). If both of you are very staunch followers of your own religion, that can create a lot of tension. It's actually quite inflexible because at the end of the day....how much are religious principles worth? What matters is the both of you are willing to adapt to each other and live happily together.
Got a buddhist friend who married a muslim....no big deal really. Just convert to be a muslim and go through the motion. Whatever you really believe in is still up to you. Of course, it takes two hands to clap.
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I'm pretty sure you only legally must convert to Islam if you're in Malaysia. Elsewhere, you can marry a Muslim and you can choose to retain your religion.
Legally.
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Remember once you convert to Islam, you later cannot retract your conversion.
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Originally posted by mancha:
Remember once you convert to Islam, you later cannot retract your conversion.
Particularly if you are male...
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I think it's time to lock this thread.
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Seems like an issue of priorities... is the religion more important than a lover? Is the lover more important than the religion?
No right or wrong answers... just your preference...
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TS, Frankly, u do not love him and the sooner u get used to it the better. It is something else masquerading as love (of course , u are not privy to that - needs/expectations) . Also, u are on the track of fear and so many conditions have to fulfilled before u want to commit. I would surmise the same predicament for him. Love has nothing to do with parents, religion or ... it transcends all. Now, it seems of a mutual benefit scheme. What to do, that is the folly of human mind - always playing mind games! Love abides always, absenting reasons n fears,
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that's the obstacle u have to go through since the day u stepped into this interracial relationship. u should have knew it coming, dont u?
i agree with fugazzi, love transcends all.
however it seems like now u are suppressing your tolerance towards the religion matters. with both u and him being stubborn to go your own ways, there is bound to be one day where the relationship have to deal with a big blow.
probably u should get yourself ready to suit him instead of him suiting u, because eventually u have to convert. if i am u, i will sit him down one day and have a serious talk with him. tell him what u will do and what u dont accept, and ask him to say his 'requirements' too. see if u can come to a conclusion at the end. if there is no way for negotiation, then say bye bye.
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Originally posted by DailyFreeGames.com:
Seems like an issue of priorities... is the religion more important than a lover? Is the lover more important than the religion?
No right or wrong answers... just your preference...
Words of wisdom
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Dear TS,
it will not work out. the very fact that you could write such a long strong of your dilemma, the answer is very straightforward.
even if now you both choose to ignore the difference, later you will be bugged by the difference again. And then if you get married, worse. the children go which religion? Or you want to let them grow up and choose own religion?
I have seen many many cases like this. the ending is always a breakup or the Christmas convert to Muslim. Sorry to say, so far the other way has never happened. At least, I have not come to know any of it.
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I don't know why Islam is so extreme.
Remember, Singapore is full of people of different races. Its not suprising you meet this kind of conflict......
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In the Muslim community, once a member convert to another religion, he will be disowned by his own family. This is how they are brought up.
actually once upon a time, every race and religion was like that also. I heard of older generation now allowing inter marriage between different dialect group even. But these days, ppl choose to be modern and break away from all these taboos to find their happiness. No right, no wrong.
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i thought there's something called nyonya? inter-racial marriage.
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If non-muslim male wants to marry muslim female, must convert.
If non-muslim female wants to marry muslim male. They are not so strict about this, though you are "strongly encouraged" to convert.
But either way, your kids will definitely be muslims.
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Listen to 'Ours' by taylor swift.
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the song kinda suit your current love life.
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Please break up the relatiomship asap before you go any deeper. If you converting because of love you will regret for the rest of your life .
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Never convert because you want to marry, convert because you believe.
Here's one from a Filipina's herself.
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Originally posted by Honeybunz:
Dear TS,
it will not work out. the very fact that you could write such a long strong of your dilemma, the answer is very straightforward.
even if now you both choose to ignore the difference, later you will be bugged by the difference again. And then if you get married, worse. the children go which religion? Or you want to let them grow up and choose own religion?
I have seen many many cases like this. the ending is always a breakup or the Christmas convert to Muslim. Sorry to say, so far the other way has never happened. At least, I have not come to know any of it.
Why does it have to this complicated when religion is the arguement? Can I just be me and him being him without converting? -
Originally posted by Gracemanotoc:
Why does it have to this complicated when religion is the arguement? Can I just be me and him being him without converting?I think you should understand one thing about the Malay community.The reason they require a non-Muslim to convert is so that you can meet their conservative standards,especially so when they are the indigenous peoples of the country.
Supposing the Malays had remained Hindus/Buddhists from the 15th century,we would have been gradually assimilated by non-Malays,especially Chinese because they're the majority.So,the Malays will lose their distinctiveness and their place in history and connection to the past.
But you know,I have an Indonesian cousin who converted to Catholic upon marrying a Catholic.But that's Indonesia.Indonesian Muslims are not so paranoid about losing their Muslim identity because their numbers are still big.
But Malaysian Malay Muslims are.Why?Because of their percentage numbers and also because of the reasons I mentioned in the 2nd paragraph.
For Thailand,it's a special case because the indigenous Thais and the Thai Chinese share a common religion.They don't mind the mix from the Chinese culture because their percentage is only 15%.
So for your case,if you really want to marry your Muslim bf,you should discuss with your bf these two things-identity and change,in the context of Southeast Asia.Arguing over religion will not help.It only makes your relationship worse.
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Originally posted by Gracemanotoc:
Why does it have to this complicated when religion is the arguement? Can I just be me and him being him without converting?
The complication may not occur to you now is because you are in cloud 9 over love, so you do not feel the differences and will argue over you and your bf right to Love.It is ok to be in Love, in long run, if you are able to take the external pressure, eg relatives and in-laws pressure and future complication such as childrens believes, names and so on, than, by all mean, go ahead and make your day.