friend likes to insist she is right
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How should I handle my friend sia? It's like, everytime we happen to talk about something, she will always, always, always have her own view. People having their own views about things is defo fine for me, I will listen to their side of the story, and input my own opinions, and some facts if possible. Den if they wanna discuss more, I'm fine with it, I will listen. I love calm and logical discussions. But den this friend of mine, she always insists she is right. Always. Sometimes her 'logic' also doesn't make sense. She's been my dear friend since many years ago, and she saved/helped me a lot. I don't want to erase the friendship. She means a lot to me. (I'm a girl btw, and straight.) But recently, something happened and I was just telling her about the incident. No invitation to any discussions whatsoever. Because I really hate having 'discussions' with her, I always end up the one 'backing out' because I don't want it to escalate into a full-blown argument. It has come to the point of her insulting me personally, a few times. Whenever that happened/happens, I just break off the argument by ignoring what she said. I don't even deign to tell her, "hey, don't insult me, the one you're angry at is not me, is it?" because she will surely say something scathing "but you still do/think this way what". And it ended up with her flaming me all the time about the incident, the authorities involved etc. I was trying to reason with her about y those stuff happened..and there she was flaming me when I am not one of the employees of that co. (it's about the SMRT breakdown last week. I was trapped in the train between orchard & somerset, the one who should be uber pissed off is me!) I did tell her I wasn't defending the co and all that :C I don't wanna argue. All I was trying to do with put up my logical stand. She always wants to win. I always back out to avoid any fallings-out. But I really don't like doing so; I do so because I treasure the friendship and yet, a lot of subjects are taboo because of her reactions to things.
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if u are relli her true friend, accept the way she is.
if u are losing sleep over this (hey, it's 2.15am!), then this is something u have to decide.......... frenship or peace?
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Originally posted by FireIce:
if u are relli her true friend, accept the way she is.
if u are losing sleep over this (hey, it's 2.15am!), then this is something u have to decide.......... frenship or peace?
Hi FireIce, ya lor I try to accept. That's why I always 'back out'. It's not in my nature to back out like that. I really really don't like it that she insults me personally because of these 'arguments'. Really. She ever said, "so-and-so people who do this are idiotic" right after I told her I did it. And my decision wasn't idiotic; it was just a different stand. It was a 'choose A or B' situation. -
just pretend to agree
or give mono replies.
yes, erm, yah, ok. uh huh........or dont even bother starting conversations with her regarding certain topics
small talk. try to avoid discussion or convos tt need u or her to give opinions
stick to everyday simple things like, have u eaten? wat did u eat today? did you watch ghost protocol? (DONT start discussing the plot or who and who yandao) -
I also have friends who is similar to what you mentioned.
Too self-centered to listen to other's people opinion.I have a good friend, we both open to discussion and no barrier talks. we frank with our opinions and thoughts. she respects my opinion, and i respect her opinion.
cos both of us like to share and discussion our personal view on a topic.Same good friend, sometimes when she scold me, it's like rubbing salt on my wound, and it makes me upset for a period of time, and when I come to think about it, she's just frank and there's a lot of truth in the words she used to rub me. Although it hits me hard, and i appreciate her for pointing out. If you have a friend who scold you, she's a good friend. It's good for me.
But for your case, she went overboard by flamming you. She isn't a good friend cos she's being too self-centered. I also got another friend who is exactly like what you mention. In every fight also want to win, very strong and tough stand and want to make people to stand on her views and opinion. What I do is to try to avoid that person and let things cool down before moving on.
I understand how you feel.
I also avoid topic that would spark great friction. I have tons of topic I wanna discussion and talk with this friend, but knowing her would spark things and create lots of friction, I choose not to discuss with this friend. Anyway, it's okay. You just need to find somebody who is open to no barrier discussion and committ to intellecture discussions. -
Originally posted by AngelOfDarkness:
Hi FireIce, ya lor I try to accept. That's why I always 'back out'. It's not in my nature to back out like that. I really really don't like it that she insults me personally because of these 'arguments'. Really. She ever said, "so-and-so people who do this are idiotic" right after I told her I did it. And my decision wasn't idiotic; it was just a different stand. It was a 'choose A or B' situation.
i think we can be good friends -
Originally posted by FireIce:
just pretend to agree
or give mono replies.
yes, erm, yah, ok. uh huh........or dont even bother starting conversations with her regarding certain topics
small talk. try to avoid discussion or convos tt need u or her to give opinions
stick to everyday simple things like, have u eaten? wat did u eat today? did you watch ghost protocol? (DONT start discussing the plot or who and who yandao)
FireIce, I got worh. Pretend to agree and/or give mono-replies. Den she'd say, "wah piang, can tell you don't agree lor." Den I will say, "no larh, I say yes already, you still say me until lydat." She : "aiya you. you don't agree you say larh. Tell me why. WHY??" "no larh" *steaming silence started by her*
Sometimes I'm really caught off-guard. I don't intentionally start topics that will end up in conflicts between us de. Eg she will insist Elvin Ng (I hate him) is so terribly handsome and talented. Den I'll just agree..even if she waxes lyrical over him...den when I don't give an 'appropriate enough response' she will make noise. :S
Originally posted by Darkness_hacker99:I also have friends who is similar to what you mentioned.
Too self-centered to listen to other's
people opinion.I have a good friend, we both open to discussion and no barrier talks. we frank with our opinions and thoughts. she respects my opinion, and i respect her opinion.
cos both of us like to share and
discussion our personal view on a topic.Same good friend, sometimes when she scold me, it's like rubbing salt on my wound, and it makes me upset for a period of time, and when I come to think about it, she's just frank and there's a lot of truth in the words she used to rub me. Although it hits me hard, and i appreciate her for pointing out. If you have a friend who scold you, she's a good friend. It's good for me.
But for your case, she went overboard by flamming you. She isn't a good friend cos she's being too self-centered. I also got another friend who is exactly like what you mention. In every fight also want to win, very strong and tough stand and want to make people to stand on her views and opinion. What I do is to try to avoid that person and let things cool down before moving on.
I understand how you feel.
I also avoid topic that would spark great
friction. I have tons of topic I wanna discussion and talk with
this friend, but knowing her would spark things and create lots of
friction, I choose not to discuss with this friend. Anyway, it's
okay. You just need to find somebody who is open to no barrier
discussion and committ to intellecture discussions.
Lol. Much as I don't like ppl scolding me about things I do wrong, at least that's still constructive criticism. =D I don't mind scolding de, as long as is reasonable.............although who in their right mind would like being scolded hahahha.
I'm not an intellectual la, but just don't like when people talk as if they know everything. At least get the facts right before flaming me.
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Originally posted by AngelOfDarkness:
FireIce, I got worh. Pretend to agree and/or give mono-replies. Den she'd say, "wah piang, can tell you don't agree lor." Den I will say, "no larh, I say yes already, you still say me until lydat." She : "aiya you. you don't agree you say larh. Tell me why. WHY??" "no larh" *steaming silence started by her* Sometimes I'm really caught off-guard. I don't intentionally start topics that will end up in conflicts between us de. Eg she will insist Elvin Ng (I hate him) is so terribly handsome and talented. Den I'll just agree..even if she waxes lyrical over him...den when I don't give an 'appropriate enough response' she will make noise. :S
Lol. Much as I don't like ppl scolding me about things I do wrong, at least that's still constructive criticism. =D I don't mind scolding de, as long as is reasonable.............although who in their right mind would like being scolded hahahha. I'm not an intellectual la, but just don't like when people talk as if they know everything. At least get the facts right before flaming me.If going along with her makes her think that you're being hypocritical, why not go against her and speak your mind? If you're backing out every time because you're afraid that a single argument would destroy your many-years-long relationship...something is really wrong there, isn't it?
I'm not telling you that should just act like her and that's it. What you can try is, instead of disagreeing with her ideas directly (e.g. I hate Elvin Ng), tell her about your ideas (e.g. I like so-and-so-whomever-you-like) along with reasons.
There might be a chance she's feeling that you're being too passive in the friendship, because you were constantly avoiding discussions and agreeing with her. While you might be tired of giving in to her every single time, she, too, might be tired of being the one to start a conversation all the time. Worst still, she mostly gets apathetic responses from you (precisely because you were trying to avoid conflicts). Try being more proactive: bring up topics that might interest both you and her, whether it's about the latest movie to catch, a newly opened restaurant to try or an interesting hobby to pick up. Let her have a chance to disagree with your ideas, too!
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dont friend her . friend me ^^
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??? it's okay...
Everywhere sure got such ppl de...
We also got ppl here always insist they are right
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Originally posted by AIex:
If going along with her makes her think that you're being hypocritical, why not go against her and speak your mind? If you're backing out every time because you're afraid that a single argument would destroy your many-years-long relationship...something is really wrong there, isn't it?
I'm not telling you that should just act like her and that's it. What you can try is, instead of disagreeing with her ideas directly (e.g. I hate Elvin Ng), tell her about your ideas (e.g. I like so-and-so-whomever-you-like) along with reasons.
There might be a chance she's feeling that you're being too passive in the friendship, because you were constantly avoiding discussions and agreeing with her. While you might be tired of giving in to her every single time, she, too, might be tired of being the one to start a conversation all the time. Worst still, she mostly gets apathetic responses from you (precisely because you were trying to avoid conflicts). Try being more proactive: bring up topics that might interest both you and her, whether it's about the latest movie to catch, a newly opened restaurant to try or an interesting hobby to pick up. Let her have a chance to disagree with your ideas, too!
Hi Alex,
Thanks for the long and constructive reply. I actually also tried your method before, like instead of outrightly agreeing/disagreeing with her, I'd raise similar topics that we both have interest in.
=D see, I try :D
But she will somehow be able to swerve the topic back to its roots, lol. She gets too agitated over small stuff le! If I did show you the conversations, I'm sure you'd go WTF too.
But yea, meanwhile I'll just continue your way and see how it goes. I treasure her too much =D
@Hwai Meng & Darkness Hacker : sureeeeee let's be friends! =)
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People got their own character, no point changing them. But you can change the circumstances by speaking your mind. Whats wrong with a little debate or disagreement? People always have different opinions. You need to be more proactive and be a little more thickskin. Make your stand, even get into heated arguments, see what happne after that. Perhaps next time when she talk, she will back down knowing that you will speak your mind. Perhaps your friendship with her needs to move to the next step: understanding each other's parameters.
By the way, you seem to not sleep. From last night till now.
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Originally posted by MagnificientDiagrams:
People got their own character, no point changing them. But you can change the circumstances by speaking your mind. Whats wrong with a little debate or disagreement? People always have different opinions. You need to be more proactive and be a little more thickskin. Make your stand, even get into heated arguments, see what happne after that. Perhaps next time when she talk, she will back down knowing that you will speak your mind. Perhaps your friendship with her needs to move to the next step: understanding each other's parameters.
By the way, you seem to not sleep. From last night till now.
Nothing wrong with heated arguments! But that person must be objective, and get her facts right. :) That's my stand anyway. I do not agree or want to get involved with a person who is biased, and whose 'logic' for her stand in the argument doesn't hold water. I've got better things to do......
no lar, now my sleeping pattern is warped cos I'm in bed with a week-long terrible migraine/tension headache. How to sleep? Nobody to chat with so come online lor. I'm totally incapacitated, can't do anything anyways.
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Originally posted by AngelOfDarkness:
Nothing wrong with heated arguments! But that person must be objective, and get her facts right. :) That's my stand anyway. I do not agree or want to get involved with a person who is biased, and whose 'logic' for her stand in the argument doesn't hold water. I've got better things to do......
no lar, now my sleeping pattern is warped cos I'm in bed with a week-long terrible migraine/tension headache. How to sleep? Nobody to chat with so come online lor. I'm totally incapacitated, can't do anything anyways.
LOL, its ok, perhaps you will get used to the idea of not getting involved, there is no right or wrong way, just choose the method that your heart feel right.
Try Ambien, it is a good sleeping pill with little side effects. However like all drugs, should be taken for short term to avoid addiction.
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Sit her down and tell her very honestly. If you think that's too daunting, write her an email. I wouldn't hesitate to cut such friends off because it's a world out there. Don't let the presence of a so called good friend hinder you from finding someone better.
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Lesson 1, within working hours, never treat colleages as friends,
Lesson 2, as a working class, just wait for the month end $$ and year end bonus $$ + promotion if any, other than that, just keep quiet.
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Originally posted by AngelOfDarkness:
How should I handle my friend sia?
It’s like, everytime we happen to talk about something, she will always, always, always have her own view. People having their own views about things is defo fine for me, I will listen to their side of the story, and input my own opinions, and some facts if possible. Den if they wanna discuss more, I’m fine with it, I will listen. I love calm and logical discussions.
But den this friend of mine, she always insists she is right. Always. Sometimes her ‘logic’ also doesn’t make sense.
She’s been my dear friend since many years ago, and she saved/helped me a lot. I don’t want to erase the friendship. She means a lot to me. (I’m a girl btw, and straight.)
But recently, something happened and I was just telling her about the incident. No invitation to any discussions whatsoever. Because I really hate having ‘discussions’ with her, I always end up the one ‘backing out’ because I don’t want it to escalate into a full-blown argument. It has come to the point of her insulting me personally, a few times. Whenever that happened/happens, I just break off the argument by ignoring what she said. I don’t even deign to tell her, “hey, don’t insult me, the one you’re angry at is not me, is it?” because she will surely say something scathing “but you still do/think this way what”.
And it ended up with her flaming me all the time about the incident, the authorities involved etc. I was trying to reason with her about y those stuff happened..and there she was flaming me when I am not one of the employees of that co. (it’s about the SMRT breakdown last week. I was trapped in the train between orchard & somerset, the one who should be uber pissed off is me!)
I did tell her I wasn’t defending the co and all that :C I don’t wanna argue. All I was trying to do with put up my logical stand. She always wants to win.
I always back out to avoid any fallings-out. But I really don’t like doing so; I do so because I treasure the friendship and yet, a lot of subjects are taboo because of her reactions to things.
That's why I don't make friends with the national family.
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If it is possible to have a heart to heart talk to her about this sort or problem then go ahead. But if she insists her own way , you decide to continue the friendship or dump it into the rubbish bin.
I have friends who are like your friends. Too bad, the friendship did not last. They accept no sense of reasoning, all they want to do is they are always right. I am tired of making friends with such people. I have done my best in tolerating, providing listening ear, reasoning and also put myself in their shoes and so on . Friendship does not work out then it is time to throw it away. AFterall, this kind of friend is not worthy to spend time with.
I am a much happier person after I learn how to throw away toxic friendship.
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Yeh just shut them out, it's very easy actually. Your life will incline towards positivity when you do that. Used to have a banker friend who would go on and on about what he has done, what he has achieved, how smart he is, etc etc. 2-3 hours no shit, talking only about himself. Cut him off right away.
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You know what your friend is like, don't you.
You want her to be like you, discuss opinions, except differing views objectively? You know its never gonna happen. So why do you keep on getting into the same situation with her?
People want to be important. You included. You want to make your statement. She too. But she has a greater emotional need for it than you.
Therefore before you say anything to her, think first. How will she react? You should know her well enough to know that. Say things that would not be contentious to her. Sometimes don't say anything to her. Btw, this ability will come helpful in the corporate world.
She is you dear friend, where you can, give her a good word about herself. She needs praise. Lots of it.
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Originally posted by mancha:
You know what your friend is like, don't you.
You want her to be like you, discuss opinions, except differing views objectively? You know its never gonna happen. So why do you keep on getting into the same situation with her?
People want to be important. You included. You want to make your statement. She too. But she has a greater emotional need for it than you.
Therefore before you say anything to her, think first. How will she react? You should know her well enough to know that. Say things that would not be contentious to her. Sometimes don't say anything to her. Btw, this ability will come helpful in the corporate world.
She is you dear friend, where you can, give her a good word about herself. She needs praise. Lots of it.
Ok, mancha. Will take note and be more careful...Sometimes she just auto create a topic ma. Like when my train broke down and I was stuck in it, I just messaged her, "oh man my train broke down, and I'm sibei tired why today?!" and den she just created a whole topic to argue with me about.but yea lor, silly me why even bother telling her. .shall just keep my mouth shut....
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It's fine if your friend wants her own opinion, separate from yours. But ahe has a very strange world view: she wants to control your mind as well, like it matters to her if you have a different opinion.
1. She doesn't understand it causes you hurt feelings.
2. She doesn't understand it will cost her friends if she keeps acting so disrespectful.
3. If she only treats you this way, it says something about how she sees you.
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Originally posted by MagnificientDiagrams:
LOL, its ok, perhaps you will get used to the idea of not getting involved, there is no right or wrong way, just choose the method that your heart feel right.
Try Ambien, it is a good sleeping pill with little side effects. However like all drugs, should be taken for short term to avoid addiction.
Thanks :) yea slowly learning le :Dit's okay, doc did give me meds for my damned tension headache/migraine and sleeping pills as well. Back to work tml. ARGH.
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It just a fren, nothing to worry about, there are all kinds of fren in this world, but it is just a fren, and fren come and go, sometime, you distaste this fren and that fren character and attitude, but that is the way they are, and when they are gone, you kinda miss them, miss their character and action.
Take frens as it come and go, there are all kind of them, all are different, all have different opinon just like all have different arse, just respect one another will do good
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Originally posted by angel7030:
It just a fren, nothing to worry about, there are all kinds of fren in this world, but it is just a fren, and fren come and go, sometime, you distaste this fren and that fren character and attitude, but that is the way they are, and when they are gone, you kinda miss them, miss their character and action.
Take frens as it come and go, there are all kind of them, all are different, all have different opinon just like all have different arse, just respect one another will do good
Thanks angel :)