In love with colleague
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There's this girl working in the same company as I am but in different depts. She's a single 40yr old lady working in the HR dept and I'm a 29yr old guy. One day I found out that she was sick at home, I made her freshly made juices for a week and she texted me that she was actually very moved & thanked me. (Our normal way of communication is through texting as we work in different areas of the same company) After a few days of texting casually, I confessed to her via text. Her first response was " Are u pulling my leg? Do u know how old am I? If you were to know my age u wouldn't talk to me again." I told her I didn't care about her age and she doesn't need to tell me how old she is. Ever since then, I would always find a chance to pop by her desk with a smile and tease her a little. Our text messaging became very frequent. We would call each other up and chat on the phone for a while at night. We told each other to take this relationship slow and easy so we can get to know each other more and etc. For 2 weeks, she was texting me a lot. From the time we start work till night and we'll end with a short conversation. I tried to ask her out a couple of times but she says she's very busy especially near year end, she suggested that we could take off from work 1 day and go out. She gave me a date but can't promise me yet till she confirms her time table. (She's genuinely busy near year end as she's the manager of the HR dept and she is 24 hours on standby to run errands for the boss) I asked her out for dinner after work a couple of times but she always told me she's going out dinner with her LADY friends. She seems to intentionally say the word "lady" louder to make sure I don't misunderstand. Even though she's out with her friends, she would still constantly text me and call me at night before we head to bed. I got frustrated and wonder why does she prefers to go out with her friends than me, it seems she was playing hard to get. And her constant text messaging everyday kind of made me even more frustrated. Constant texting in terms of like every 10-15mins starting from 8am all the way to the night including weekends! She would text me about everything she's doing and asking about myself as if we are both dating already. I've gently reminded her that i can't keep up with her texting at work, she said to ignore her but the text never slowed down a bit. Frustrated and running out of patience, I told her " Stop msging me again, I don't intend to have a cyber GF." She stopped texting me ever since. She was absent from work the next day. Out of concern I texted her & called her but no replies. The next day at work, I popped by her desk to ask how is she. She ignored me and looked very upset. I bought flowers to apologize to her the next day at work. She texted me " Thx and appreciate it very much but no need for flowers and your juices. We shall remain colleagues and friends and I'm not suitable for you." I asked her whats wrong and she kept replying the same thing. I told her i know i made a mistake by sending that text that hurt her and not to judge me just on one text. I asked her why wouldn't she give me 2nd chance. we haven't went out alone with each other to feel each other but her response was the same. I got angry and told her its fine by me but i won't even consider her as a friend anymore but just co worker thats all. She replied " Don't be so immature. thx. " Next day, a co worker of mine had a chat with her. She suddenly pointed at my picture in the company photo and complained why am i so fierce and never smiled. Afraid of getting our co worker's suspicion, she quickly changed subject. Few days later, I humbled myself and apologized to her. She replied " Its not your fault, the problem lies with me. Its just that I can't find myself to accept someone so much younger than i am and i wish we could chat like before." But ever since then, every time I texted her casually she would take a long time to reply or never reply at all. Confused, I called her and asked her whats wrong and we ended up in a very very very bad argument. Since then, I avoided her and stopped all contact for 3 weeks. Then one day we accidentally bumped into her other at the hallway, she smiled back at me and asked me not to be hostile. At first I thought she wanted revenge but i emailed her that night to apologize and she accepted it. We would still smile at each other at work and greet each other. Feeling regretful and desperate to rekindle the relationship before, I apologized to her through text like 2-3 times on different days.A few days later, I texted her asking how is she, she would coldly reply me. Feeling desperate again, I thanked her for forgiving me and saying sorry, she replied " Stop msging me this kind of msg, my bf is getting pissed off." (I knew she was lying cos she was out with a grp of colleagues at that time.) After a couple of days at work, we bumped with each other at the hallway again. She gave me a nasty look. I told myself to forget about her and move on so I ignored her since then. But at work whenever she saw me she would do silly things like calling out very loudly to a friend of mine, interrupting our conversation. I had to pass by her work space today and she slammed her mouse loudly and signed. When ever she passes the hallway, i caught her several times turning her head to my working area. ( She knows its only me and one guy working at that area.) I would find her staring at me when I'm in the office. She would flirt with the guy colleagues at work. A co worker whom I told him about both of us said she's obviously seeking my attention. I have no idea what does she exactly want. A few close co workers who are friends with her said that she's already 40 and feeling lonely and that she's extremely short tempered. Sorry for my bad english and so much details but I hope you can get a clear picture of what i am going through now. The desperate and negative feelings i had is gone and I'm my old happy self but the things she is doing is annoying me. It seems the more i ignore her the more she wants to grab my attention. Yes i still have feelings for her as she is really a nice lady but her immature actions are actually lame. I have moved on from her but if there is a chance i really want to try to rekindle the relationship we had before and progress further. I know I made many mistakes like being short temperd and showing her my desperateness by apologizing to her 3-4x before. At the moment I'm still ignoring her but i still do greet her whenever we bump in each other at work. I really don't understand why is she doing this. Is she out for revenge now? Or did she regret of letting me go and trying to see what's my response? Or is it both? I'm really confused.
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You sit back and relax
she will come to you.
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Sit back and relax and she won't come to you.
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Anyone has a similar experience?
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She's lonely, you're lonely.
You are hethero, and she is there available. Its sexuality at play here and not love.
You're 29yo, you can direct you orientation to a younger gal and start a family.
Problem is younger gals are currently not available to you, but do go out and look for them.
This 40yo is there so that takes the effort out.
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Not really... I'm not lonely and I got lady friends around me too. But sometimes feelings can't be described by age, looks, status, race etc. you cant really choose to fall in love with someone. Yeah I know I can find younger women to be a relationship with but I really like this lady. And ladies in their 30s or above doesn't mean they do not take effort and be easily won. They have expectations, a life, emotions and a human heart too. Lol no offense mancha your reply sounds sacastic not to me but to all those mature ladies members here.
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Do not eat and shit at the same place.
She told you "Its not your fault, the problem lies with me. Its just that I can’t find myself to accept someone so much younger than i am and i wish we could chat like before"
This is 50% of truth. Another 50% is because you aren't the right type of guy she looking for. She is look for big wallet people.
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I am not being sacastic at anyone.
Perhaps you should examine yourself to see if you are pushing yourself, after the initial pleasantries, towards her, and she doing likewise.
Examine what is motivating you.
Love is often used as justification for amorous gratification.
Love actually means nurturing. Do you see another person in that light, - nurturing, growth, wellbeing,
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To be honest, the age gap abit too much... but doesn't mean things won't work out, it just means the possibilities have fallen dramatically... i always prefer girls older than me because i like the feeling of being loved... when you choose xiao mei mei, usually you have to be the giver... that's why I prefer FireIce this type, when I am hungry I shout and she will quickly go kitchen make me a sandwich...
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Thx for everyone's opinions. I've already moved on but still have feelings for her. Just that she seem to be seeking my attention recently which is annoying. I do still have feelings for her. I don't understand why is she doing these silly things. I'm sorry for the long post. In my experience, girls i know who let go really let go of that person. No contact, no emotion and won't even talk about you. Basically don't give a Damm but her actions made me wonder.
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She's quite attractive for her age. I'm the above average looking guy too. I was initially attracted to her on her looks but as time goes by, her fun loving personality was what really attracted me. I really regret to ask her to stop msging me that day. Now I miss her SMS bombing but I guess it's too late
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Her biology clock is ticking..she is 40 liao..once a woman hit late 20s they no longer has any market value la....unlike a guy who gets more valuable with age...in her case.....maybe she suffering from menopause now....who knows...u are better off waiting for her to crawl back to u.....take it easy...if she dun crawl back to u....just move on with ur life.....
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Originally posted by Hseng25:
She’s quite attractive for her age. I’m the above average looking guy too. I was initially attracted to her on her looks but as time goes by, her fun loving personality was what really attracted me.
I really regret to ask her to stop msging me that day. Now I miss her SMS bombing but I guess it’s too late
Hard to believe though there are very rare cases.
If she is still single at 40 even though attractive, there must be a reason for it.
Better find out before you get a big surprise.
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Why are u attracted to a woman that's 40y old ? I think it'll be a problem....but that's just me....maybe you have true love ? I dunno....
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Most likely lack of motherly love to fall in love with someone so old la....40 still single and attractive most likely those requirements very high one ... tat's why till now cannot get married ....
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Only one thing went thru my mind after I finished reading:
Women are nothing but trouble.
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whether you like it or you hate it, race, height, weight, features, age, money and even relatives play a part in any relationship.
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I don't know why I can fall for a lady so much older . Like I said its feelings. From what I see.. She's extremely short temper, maybe that's why she still single and she is quite a busy lady. Her requirements isn't that high, if it was she wouldn't even consider me at the start as she knows my salary and stuff. Lol but I really do not understand why is she trying to seek my attention now. It's making me very annoyed.
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TS, you have to understand that the more you grow, the less risk you take.
For her case, she may be scared of failed romance and what happened after that.
That is also the face issue of people laughing at her big sis and small bro relationship.
She should be in a confused state now.
Since she may have make a decision to know you better, you may consider to know her better and see what happened after that.
When both of you get to know each other better, then you and her better decide whether to go further.
But, there are certain expected social reactions that you will experience when both of you decide to be a couple so be brave to face it.
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Originally posted by Hseng25:
I don’t know why I can fall for a lady so much older . Like I said its feelings.
From what I see.. She’s extremely short temper, maybe that’s why she still single and she is quite a busy lady. Her requirements isn’t that high, if it was she wouldn’t even consider me at the start as she knows my salary and stuff.
Lol but I really do not understand why is she trying to seek my attention now. It’s making me very annoyed.
Wah you still young is it......ok let an uncle 3 years your senior enlighten u a little. She knows it cannot work out at all but at the grand old age of 40, she's enjoying attention from a nubile toyboy like you. And the worst thing is, you keep falling into her trap: fawning on her, apologising and giving flowers. Stop it and you know all this is not going to work out. What will your parents say? When you are 40 and in your prime, she's post-menopausal. Then the younger girls start coming in.
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Ts, The question that needs to be anwered by u is this - u in love with her or u in love with love, or u love with the projections (ideas) in YOU of love on her? When one tries to add to what one is thru another (this is not love, but scarcity within onself, tht one is incomplete) or even find oneself (one' sense of self) thru another - it is not love, but a need for self-validation thru antoher , or even emotional/psycho needs (expectations not excluded) thru another - know jolly well that is heading for turmoil. Imagine the other in the same predicament - it will be of exploitation, it will be of using eachother and worse of all quickly trying to make it into a relationship. Hence, the misery of being owned. When one cannnot relate to what one is, it is nigh impossible to relate to another. In other words, when the means to and end is the motive( which many do not know of nor understand) it is most likely going to be a mutual benefit shceme. Of course, it works but only for a while. A human being is an evolving subjective phenomenon - once objectified - the other n oneself is a mere commodity - to be used and put aside and vice versa. Love abides when there is absence of fears/reasons to love. When the latter is present - it is not love (but needs/expectations) and the sooner one understands,reconciles to that predicament - the wiser one comes away and the possibility of evolving and yet loving another is freeing and yet a beautiful expereince. Only being self-honest and having a porous ego may avail answers!
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Thanks for everyone's opinions and views. Yes I agree there will be tough situations if we were to get together.. Took me 5 months to consider before I asked for her hp number. Yes rock... I agree with u that may be the case. And I told my parents about her, they are very supportive. I'm not sure what's going on her mind at the moment. Those lame silly things she do to try attract my attention is annoying lol. I've stopped all contact with her for a week already and plan to continue like this for a month to give her space and think about stuff. Even if she give the red light by that time, I probably have fully moved on. It's just that I don't want to lose a potential life partner. Now just to ignore her silly actions to annoy me! Lol
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TS, in my opinion, you have stirred a pool of still water. So, unless you are geniune and ready (mentally as well) to start that relationship, don't disturb that water
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Originally posted by Hseng25:
Anyone has a similar experience?
Hi, I believe I am one of those few ladies who are always being courted by much younger guys. I am 39 but I look easily 30 , maximum.In my relationship history, I was usually with younger men not that I wanted to , but things just always happened so naturally.
My youngest ex-steady boyfriend to date was 30 ( 9 years my junior). We were together for 2 years.My youngest suitor to date was as young as 10 years my junior.
Being with a younger man seemed fine for me at first but..somehow..for a woman, insecurity still set in. No woman likes to feel old and with my much younger ex..I always felt insecure compared to being with older men. In the end, I decided to call off the whole relationship. It was very painful but I am glad I had moved on after 1 year.
I understand the turmoil in that lady you mentioned. She may be feeling nostalgic about the attention you used to give. But give her time to heal. Give her time to be her real self again.She will be ok.
She is not ready for a relationship with a much younger man and even if she is with you, boundless of issues will crop up. Already, you both can see the negative sides of each other.That will multiply more after you both get together.Best to move on.She will heal in time.Trust me. Just move forward. -
Hi, I believe I am one of those few ladies who are always being courted by much younger guys. I am 39 but I look easily 30 , maximum.In my relationship history, I was usually with younger men not that I wanted to , but things just always happened so naturally.
My youngest ex-steady boyfriend to date was 30 ( 9 years my junior). We were together for 2 years.My youngest suitor to date was as young as 10 years my junior.
Being with a younger man seemed fine for me at first but..somehow..for a woman, insecurity still set in. No woman likes to feel old and with my much younger ex..I always felt insecure compared to being with older men. In the end, I decided to call off the whole relationship. It was very painful but I am glad I had moved on after 1 year.
I understand the turmoil in that lady you mentioned. She may be feeling nostalgic about the attention you used to give. But give her time to heal. Give her time to be her real self again.She will be ok.
She is not ready for a relationship with a much younger man and even if she is with you, boundless of issues will crop up. Already, you both can see the negative sides of each other.That will multiply more after you both get together.Best to move on.She will heal in time.Trust me. Just move forward.