Greedy Dad
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Today I had another quarrel with my dad. The feeling is so bad that I had to find a way to vent my anger and sadness. Guess one way is to pen this down.
Since young, my dad don’t bother to take care of mum, brother and me. We had been staying with grandma and taken care of by grandma since we were born till the age of 12. It was then that we were seen as old enough to work that we were brought back to stay with dad. Since then we were forced to work in dad’s shop and earn our own living. Working after school till 8pm and earning a tiny $3 a day. Dad was never in the shop to help out, only collecting money at end of the day. My days only got better when I got fed up and signed up with the SAF’s at the age of 16. My dad did not want to pay for my school fee and therefore I had no choice but to seek SAF’s sponsorship for my diploma and earning a monthly allowance at the same time.
Feeling grateful of what SAF had provided me, I worked hard in the SAF and was promoted along the way. Things got even better when I was given the opportunity to study in UK.
During my studies, I read a lot of Buddhist teachings which always remind to be forgiving and providing for your parents. Even though I kind of hated my dad, I still believe that I should provide for my parents with what I can afford. So I suggested having our whole family pool our savings together (Bro, me and dad each paying 33.33%) to purchase a condo and the rental will be given to mum and dad. Dad readily took up the offer, we purchased the condo, but he took the entire rental without sharing with mum. Know his greedy nature, we just let him be.
Years passed and I returned to Singapore. I found my true love in UK and we were preparing to get married. The condo had appreciated more than $200k and I suggested to sell the condo at this high price to share the profit and thereafter we can buy again when the economy goes down again. But dad do not bother with my wedding, he is more concerned with losing the rental then sharing the profits first and helping me in my wedding. His reason in not selling, he did not take good care of us since young and he can trust no one in the world to provide for him!
Mum was so angry with him that she silently told me that she will help me with her $30k of private savings. But this was found out by dad when he saw mum’s messages in my phone.
After much quarreling, he suddenly agreed to loan me 60k (of which he took mum’s $30k and claimed as his own) and that I have to return the entire 60k to his own account. To this, mum and I conceded.
Days passed and (for 5 months) almost every fortnights dad would ask on when will the 60k be returned or that I need to buy new household item like washing machines, pay bills for him.
Today, 10 Dec 2011, he got worst! He actually asked me to take the maximum cash-out housing loan to repay him the 60k (of which 30k is not his) and the rest must be kept by him for his personal purchase of shop house and more rental for himself! The reason being he needs to look after himself and there are so many news saying children are not taking care of their parents!
But thinking aloud myself, did dad ever treat us as his children?
-The sorrow one
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As long as it is not your money, return what is due to him/her. To justify ur stance is a cop out. He being ur father does not mean that he has to pay for u, if he wants to he would have done so. he is not, just accept and find a way to stand on your own. Emotional guilt and emotional blackmail is mind-games
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Let me sayang you. People are like this one lah.
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Well when you're a Dad one day, don't repeat what your father has done to you
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I wanted to pay him through the sales of my asset, yet he doesnt agree, the years of my rental given to him amounts to more than half of the 60k, yet to him its not counted. What can I do?
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It doesnt pay to be kind. You shd consider severing ties one of these days. Your dad is not going to change because he seems like a very stubborn guy. And make sure u get back your fair share of the condo.
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Originally posted by Jia_Ni_loves_cats:
Let me sayang you. People are like this one lah.
Thanks Jia Ni, wished everyone can show kindness to one another.
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Originally posted by SorrowLi:
I wanted to pay him through the sales of my asset, yet he doesnt agree, the years of my rental given to him amounts to more than half of the 60k, yet to him its not counted. What can I do?
if privately settle, cannot settle, find lawyer.
lawyer issue letter 1st.
lawyer call for a meeting and usually want to ask both sides to see if can settle out-of-court.
if cannot out-of-court settlement, then settle in court. -
Originally posted by Rock^Star:
It doesnt pay to be kind. You shd consider severing ties one of these days. Your dad is not going to change because he seems like a very stubborn guy. And make sure u get back your fair share of the condo.
Hi Rock^Star,
Do you really mean it? It seems too extreme to do this.
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why is your mother not in any way suggesting as to what could be done? I also guess that your father is not telling u the actual reason for not wanting to part with his money now - fear and more fear, blame him i dont lah. also, ur impending marriage and the prospects of the kind of daughter- in-lwa and the confluence of many other factors that contributed to these state of affairs is latent. Of course, what is the point of analysis or wondering. fact is he is suspicious and fearful that he mite be abandoned. He does not even trust himself - how to trust another lah
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Dog cannot change their eating shit habit and leopard never changes it's spot. It's very apt for TS's dad, cos while his reasoning of being worried that he may not be taken care of is possible, but TS's dad's act of swallowing up TS's mum's savings. It tells otherwise. He is rather not worry abt his wife's(TS's mum) well being but his own interest. Such a dad is a liability.
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Originally posted by kengkia:
Dog cannot change their eating shit habit and leopard never changes it's spot. It's very apt for TS's dad, cos while his reasoning of being worried that he may not be taken care of is possible, but TS's dad's act of swallowing up TS's mum's savings. It tells otherwise. He is rather not worry abt his wife's(TS's mum) well being but his own interest. Such a dad is a liability.
Every day we are all hoping he will wake up. But seems like day by day, he gets greedier and greedier, now that he had the chick to tell me to pay the entire condo through my CPF and get him all the money that is cashed out! The total cash he paid for my first 15 years will not even amount to $20k, yet he is sucking hundreds of k out of me, mum and bro. Worst of all, he used our earnings for his wed,sat and sun gambling and drinking!
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Originally posted by SorrowLi:
Every day we are all hoping he will wake up. But seems like day by day, he gets greedier and greedier, now that he had the chick to tell me to pay the entire condo through my CPF and get him all the money that is cashed out! The total cash he paid for my first 15 years will not even amount to $20k, yet he is sucking hundreds of k out of me, mum and bro. Worst of all, he used our earnings for his wed,sat and sun gambling and drinking!
tell you already to find lawyer...
you've got a strong case to fight with documents and statements to show the judge in court who's paying the majority of the loan installments...
your father already not scare of you, your brother and mother already...
so the last resort is to see your father in court...
same what...
when singapore and malaysia cannot settle privately on the issue of pedra branca, what they do...
go to court to settle lah...
in the end, problem solved already what... -
Ts ú say ''he used our earnings for his wed,sat and sun gambling and drinking'' - if that is true, then it is obvious that he does not care. hoping is wishful thinking. Do what is necessary, of course, I would urge that you get ur bro and mother's opinions. Never trust a lawyer's promises, do ur own reading, (there a lots of info online) before engaging one, otherwise not another nitemare but a daymare!
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you must have hated your dad
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Originally posted by Rooney_07:
you must have hated your dad
definately and extremely, especially after today qaurrel. My mum still have not woken up also. hai... he pawned my mum's wedding jewellery just one month into marriage. can you believe it! Now he took all her savings away. I dont know what to say on a guy who spend women's money.
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Originally posted by SorrowLi:
definately and extremely, especially after today qaurrel. My mum still have not woken up also. hai... he pawned my mum's wedding jewellery just one month into marriage. can you believe it! Now he took all her savings away. I dont know what to say on a guy who spend women's money.
then dun even quarrel with him. when he talk to you, just walk away and dun bother. just go and locked your room and on your radio loud.
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I seldom talked to him, but he kept coming into my room and started chanting. Guess my only way out is to move to my new home. :(
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you should lock your room. whose house is this? his?
does he has a job, earning good money?
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Originally posted by Rooney_07:
you should lock your room. whose house is this? his?
does he has a job, earning good money?
Its his house. My own house is under renovation but should be ready soon. Lucky.
His job is gambling, and spending good money. As usual since I was born.
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Originally posted by Rednano:
tell you already to find lawyer...
you've got a strong case to fight with documents and statements to show the judge in court who's paying the majority of the loan installments...
your father already not scare of you, your brother and mother already...
so the last resort is to see your father in court...
same what...
when singapore and malaysia cannot settle privately on the issue of pedra branca, what they do...
go to court to settle lah...
in the end, problem solved already what...Thanks, Renano, if he pushes me to the limits, his can say byebye to his stolen 60k and my rental forever. Too greedy will end him up with nothing!
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be ruthless, show no mercy, dun need to give people like your dad any quarters,monday go st8 to lawyer and proceed with the lawsuit. Act fast before he can act. Catch him by surprise so that he can never be able to do anything to counter.
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Originally posted by SorrowLi:
Its his house. My own house is under renovation but should be ready soon. Lucky.
His job is gambling, and spending good money. As usual since I was born.
just your luck to have this type of father. you must have hated him to the core. so when he is in trouble or sick, will you care for him?
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Originally posted by Jacky Woo:
just your luck to have this type of father. you must have hated him to the core. so when he is in trouble or sick, will you care for him?
I guess when he is sick, he wont talk so much, and he will be more bearable.
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Originally posted by SorrowLi:
I guess when he is sick, he wont talk so much, and he will be more bearable.
so when he dies, everyone will die one day, will you cry for him? will you even attend his funeral?