abuse by mom and bro
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I'm 17 this year. I got verbal abuse and sometimes physically abuse by my mother and my brother. They're always threatening me with my life. I need to escape from this house. I need to move out. But i'm not sure if i'm in a legal age to move out in case my mom reports me to the police for "running away from home" or send me to girl's home for moving out. Help me please. I've been crying and cutting my wrist for few days now. I'm suffocating here. I'm going crazy soon.. Samaritans out there, please help me..
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so how did u find sgforums?
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I googled for help and saw sgforums.
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u should seek counselling...
aside, do not end up in bedok reservoir
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i googled for help too
but no see sgf.
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Fcukpap: I'm thinking of samaritans of singapore. But, i don't know how they'll help me..
FireIce: whats the legal age to move out in singapore - Google Search
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how do u know how sgf ppl will help u?
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FireIce....can you kindly try to be less rude to people who are seeking help ? And you are supposed to be the moderator but your attitude is very poor.
Please dont joke around and treat people like that.
coulrophobia :
For starters...click the "Aunt Agony" section above and then see a sticky topic about available help lines. You can try telephoning one of them, and then talk about your problems. I think they are experienced and maybe can give you some adivce.
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FireIce: I saw a post by a teenage boy, with the same situation as me seeking for help. And many sgf users were helping him and giving him advices. So i decided to give it a try too.
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First you need to stop cutting yourself.
Inflicting self-harm is just one of the many ways to express your feelings. Now you come to sgforum already, we try to offer you advice and share with you life experience. Some forumer may puke out negative comments which are unhelpful and unhealthy, and I urge you to ignore such comment should you encounter one.For a start, could you share with us your family background a little?
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Veggie Bao: Thankyou. (:
Okay, i'll give it a try now. Thanks. (:
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Darkness hacker: My parents divorced ever since i was a baby. My mother raised me and my elder brother up. My mom have been very biase to my brother since young. He gets all the things he demands. And i don't. I don't ask/demand things anyway. Since young i've been living with a "mask". I listened to my mom almost everything. Even things i eat. Even if i dislike it, i'll eat them if my mom wants me to. But my brother don't. He's very rude. He's like a spoilt brat. I respect my mom, i love her, i took care of her when she's sick, i bought things for her with my pocket money when it's mother's day or her birthday. But she doesn't remembers any of it. She called me unfilial. She took it out on me when she's in a bad mood. She insults me. She hits me. She said things that a mother wouldn't say. She controls everything. She call me rebellious when i gave her attitude when she accuses me for doing something i didnt do. She call me rebellious when i said i wanna go over to my bestfriend's place for a sleepover. And my friend is a girl. She call me rebellious when i speak up my mind. I started speaking up this year. Because i don't wanna bottle things up anymore. I decided to quit my ite course recently. And i did talked to her about it before. Twice. I wasn't interested in that course. And i wanted to work for a year to save money for private diploma. I dont wanna take that huge sums from my mother. I wanted to rest for school/work for a week or two first. So i went to chill with my friends(girls) near my place almost everyday. She nags at me for going out. So i stayed home. She nags again for not going out. She force me to go out or she'll kill me. So i went out the next day. Then she nags at me for going out. She nags at me for quitting school without telling her when i did. I really don't know what to do.. I listened to her. She's still unhappy.. But my brother, he went out everyday, spending her money, coming back home late, my mom doesn't say anything. I'm really tired of them.. I did my best. I really did my best trying to be a good daughter.
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Originally posted by Veggie Bao:
FireIce....can you kindly try to be less rude to people who are seeking help ? And you are supposed to be the moderator but your attitude is very poor.
Please dont joke around and treat people like that.
coulrophobia :
For starters...click the "Aunt Agony" section above and then see a sticky topic about available help lines. You can try telephoning one of them, and then talk about your problems. I think they are experienced and maybe can give you some adivce.
yes agree. no joke. other thngs u can mess around but this one i think u over did it
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You story makes me reminds me of my girlfriend. Her family is exactly like yours.
Allow me to share with you some of my experience for you to hear."She call me rebellious when I said i wanna go over to my bestfriend's place for a sleepover".
Every parent love their children. The 9 month of gestation is not there for no reason. She loves you, but she doesn't know how to express it in the right way. She's angry that you're going for a sleepover at your friend's place because she worries for your safety because she cares about you.
Instead of expressing her love for you in the right way, she scolded you 'rebellious' in a moment of anger. I'm sure after that fight, both your mother and you felt hurt.I respect my mom, i love her, i took care of her when she's sick, i bought things for her with my pocket money when it's mother's day or her birthday.
You're a sensible girl because you took care of her well when she was sick. You even bought her present when it's her birthday. You are a good daughter, and you're a good girl.
She took it out on me when she's in a bad mood. She insults me. She hits me. She said things that a mother wouldn't say. She controls everything. She call me rebellious when i gave her attitude when she accuses me for doing something i didnt do.
I must admit that channel such negative emotional energies to children is not the right way of stress management. When it comes to this, I'm very used to such cases because my girlfriend would come and sought comfort in my everytime when her mum scolds or hit her. I can tell that your mum is very controlling of your life and you rarely gets your freedom. As I've mentioned previously, when she called you 'rebellious' she was angry at that moment in time. There are much more better ways of communicating other than causing so much negative emotions.
And i wanted to work for a year to save money for private diploma. I dont wanna take that huge sums from my mother. I wanted to rest for school/work for a week or two first.
You are quite self-reliant which is a good thing. It allows you to have the ability to survive in this tough environment.
Seems like you already have a plan in your mind, why not share it with us or your mum? Let her know what is your plan and convince her that you are confident about your education/life plan.When I told my mum I wanna quit polytechnic and wanted to focus on my business, it took me just 15minutes to convince her my idea and gained her support. It was like a business meeting with my mum. It's an Art to convince somebody and listen to your plan. I believe all you need is just some quality time between you and your mum, and talk to her about your plan.
Hell yes, she's worried about you and your life. That explains why she assert so much control over your life.
I can show you the ways to help you change this life and help improve the relationship between you and your mother and brother.I recognise your effort in trying to be a good daughter. From a 3rd person point of view, it's a matter of communication. In order to communicate effectively, you need practice and know the right skills.
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many times the parents r stress out tryin to make ends meet
if u r not schooling, go find a job to help the family. yr mother will see u differently
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Girl, where is your father ? Can you seek refuge at his place ?
Your mother may be suffering from psychological illness. I know it's hard, but try not to take it too personally. When she attacks, shut down your emotion and thoughts. Seek a quiet place to calm down.
Go and find a job to be financially independent, but do not let your brother and mother exploit you financially .
It is possible to work and go for night classes to further your studies in the area of your interest so.
Cutting yourself up can cause infection and ugly scars. So stop hurting yourself.
There are many ways to escape your unhappy life.. just be brave to take the first step.
Be strong. You'll get there.
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Originally posted by coulrophobia:
I'm 17 this year. I got verbal abuse and sometimes physically abuse by my mother and my brother. They're always threatening me with my life. I need to escape from this house. I need to move out. But i'm not sure if i'm in a legal age to move out in case my mom reports me to the police for "running away from home" or send me to girl's home for moving out. Help me please. I've been crying and cutting my wrist for few days now. I'm suffocating here. I'm going crazy soon.. Samaritans out there, please help me..
Normal lah, after 21yo, just like me now, when i think back a few years ago, when I was 17yo, i find it very stupid, but then, that is what teenagers face, as long as you can go thru this period of puberty, the agony of feeling helpless and the assumption of love to be interpret as abuse is what most teenagers have in their mind, I ran away a few times during my teenage time, now at 22yo, you ask me to go out, I also sian. -
did u talk to ur mom?
asking her wad is the problem? -
SgF is the place for self-help, but you must know which advise will help you, or to try out which help.
But for really good help try the Samaritans Of Singapore.
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I would recommend that you further ur studies first...after u complete ur studies n get at least a basic degree then move out......><"
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Hi Coulrophobia,
Actually it is very common in our environment to find these examples of abuse:
-. Boss having a bad day (sometimes of personal reason) and abuse his staff verbally.
-. Driver is rushing to somewhere, meeting (relatively) slow driver along the way and yell / give finger to them.
The only thing you need to make a boundary for yourself is to choose which ones are reasonable and which are not. Once you decide the boundary for yourself, you don't have to be affected by those things on the other side.
If majority of your friends can give you assurance that you are not the person as your mother describes, then the problem is with them. Not with you.
Why do you need to cut yourself when it's other people's problem?
What do you do when people throw rubbish to you? You don't pick them up, and it will remain as other people's rubbish.
What do you do when your family throw rubbish words to you? You ignore them.
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she is cutting herself because this girl loves her mum but her mum didn't love her back the same way. She finds that her mum loves the brother more.
This is common in most families. Father will dote on daughters while mothers on sons.
Opposite attracts. Mothers tend to think that the son will take care of them in the future while the daughters will marry and leave the family. So mothers tend to love sons more as they see them as security.
Your problem is not uncommon. I believe many are facing the same situation. It's how positive you want to take this head on that will make your life easier. You are the one who can live the life you want best in this world. Your mum and your brother can't the rest of the live for you. So think positive, read books on self-help , these usually give you tips on how to manage your thoughts and attitudes.
Last but not least, cutting yourself is not going to solve any of your problem. You are just hurting yourself and it's bad for your body. The scars are not nice to look at. So stop cutting yourself.
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TS, cutting your wrist and inflicting self pain is not and never going to solve your problem. I believe family counselling might help you more for your situation. DO try out the counselling hotlines and if you find that you are facing so much of emotional distraught and emotional stress that you actually feel that u can only seek solace by cutting urself and you can't actually stop it, Please do get help asap. You can drop me a pm, i'll give u more details.Always rmb self harm nvr solves ur problem.
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Originally posted by Veggie Bao:
FireIce....can you kindly try to be less rude to people who are seeking help ? And you are supposed to be the moderator but your attitude is very poor.
Please dont joke around and treat people like that.
coulrophobia :
For starters...click the "Aunt Agony" section above and then see a sticky topic about available help lines. You can try telephoning one of them, and then talk about your problems. I think they are experienced and maybe can give you some adivce.
yes shame on you, shame shame shame
despicable
kudos to you on speaking out on behalf of the poor girl, cheers mate
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hi coulrophobia,
has the situation got better for you? :)