older sister borrowed money never repay
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Hi all, my older sister borrowed 8k from me to help her husband's failed biz. She promised to repay me back but she didn't. She pretended nothing has happened. Her husband never apologise to me & my hubby. I found out they borrowed from the rest of my siblings including my mother. Over some trivia matters, she stopped talking to me and refused to acknowledge me when we have family gatherings. I am angry and hurt so I avoided attending any gatherings if she is there. She is nice to my other siblings. Recently, my estranged father was hospitalised and my mother asked me to help contribute to the expensive medical bills. I am not working and have 2 young kids to feed and my bills to pay. My mother said my older sister is broke so no need to contribute. I feel really angry cos' my mother never for once reproach my older sister for not repaying the money owed to me & other siblings. I told my mother I have no money left to help my estranged father's medical bills and my mother sounds unhappy. What should I do? Thanks!
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Find a middle man that can talk to your sister to address your grievances. Maybe your sister will be persuaded.
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what a fucked up situation to be in... sorry, i can't provide any meaningful answer to your post but i just share your pain.
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Show me the proof that you lend your older sis $8000, and you will be able to recover at least $6000.
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Unfortunately, I didn't have an IOU signed between us. It was only verbal agreement. :(
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i dont think using excuse of yr sister never return u $8K is a vaild reason not to paid yr dad hospital bill. yr dad is yr dad, yr sister is yr sister u are using yr sister as a excuse not to do something for yr dad.
u are a adult. should different things in adult way.
if im been harsh, i apologise,
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Hi, it's not I don't want to help pay my father's medical bills. I am not using my sister as an excuse not to contribute to the bills.Perhaps your dad is good to u. My dad verbally and mentally abuse me and my siblings since childhood, gamble away money, never work, drink, seldom comes home. He even cursed me and asked me to f#%@ off many times .How will u feel? Even my old neighbours all know his bad behaviour. I have no bond nor any contact with him all my childhood and adult years. What excuse u talking abt? Like I said, I am not working, my kids are very young, my husband is the only one working. The reason why I am linking my father's bills to my sister's debts to me is that what we have we lent it to her so now we are broke ourselves. Behave in an adult way? tell it to my father.
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I see a lot of bitterness. Yes your dad was abusive but today you turned up ok, married wif two kids. Had your dad been so nasty until he threw out in the street to fend for urself? Some dads physically beat up their kids, did ur dad do that?
If no, then there shouldn't be any reason why u shld not help. In life there is karma, if u not help ur father, maybe one day, when u old old, lie down in hospital n need ur kids grown up and u need them to pay your bills but your kids don't want to pay because both argue with each other over payment dispute, leave u there n doctors unable to operate on u bcause the bill still unsettled - then only u know how it feels like....Karma.
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When you lend people money, you must expect this to happen mah....what for cry over spill milk....you can say good bye to your 8k la.....
As for your dad...i think it is wrong of people to say that you should contribute just coz he is your dad....if your dad has never been good to you since young...since you don't have excess cash now..dun bother to contribute to him for his hospital bills....just contribute what you are comfortable with...
Dun bother about what people want you to do....do what you deem fit....this is your life
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Yes I am bitter. And yes he beat us with belts. I am married having a family, all thanks to my mother. Yes karma is a bitch. Unless you want me to take out whatever I have to help him then my kids will end up in the street. Then my kids will have no roof over their heads cos' parents cannot pay house loans and yes then my kids will also surely disown me when I grow old.Talk abt karma.I will always remember how I was beaten up....not only my father but by my brother.
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And dun even talk about karma or retribution if you dun treat your parents well.....you din experience what she gone thru during childhood...so no one have a right to teach her what to do in regards to her parents...this is retribution the father is getting now for abusing her....if her father has been nice to her things would have been different.....
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if your sis has no money to repay you what can you do right? its a different matter altogether if she has money and doesnt pay you.
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Haiz, if you oledi set yer mind clear, then don't pay lah, no point TS send out here in forum to ask for opinion, unless TS....is feeling guilty.
He beat TS wif belt but did his use his fist on TS? did he use cigarette butt to burn n abuse TS? Did he use belt buckle to hit TS or use just the leather belt part to whip TS?
No point la arguing, just make up yer mind...if u dun want to pay then just leave it tat way. Leave yer father to die in the hospital.
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why dont you tell your mum you have no more money and to take the 8k from your elder sis as contribution to your dad's medical bill?
you kill 2 birds with one stone!!!
your mum cant say you are not contributing. you cant recoup the 8k debt why not push the onus to your sister?
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Feeling guilty? More like feeling annoy cos' phone calls keep hounding me to help with the bills. Beat with fists. Punching your back until blue black .You name it. How abt kick with his feet? How abt slapping ur face? So using leather part of the belt to beat is okay not serious enuf? Whoa..How abt shoving? Pushing u ard? U think shiok ah??All these acts all repeated by my bro. U justify all these as alrite ah?Yah...I think I already made up my mind.
As for my sis got $ or not, I believe she has but I dunno how much. She borrowed from my auntie also never pay back. Auntie asked her if can one mth pay a bit like $50, she also cannot somemore avoid auntie's phone calls. But heard from my mother she can often go watch movies, buy computers, jalan jalan etc. Go figure. All I can say is I learnt a very expensive mistake and I won't be fooled again.
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Umm...both comes out from the same hole and ought to love one another. The issue is minor and more importantly is to achieve common goal of settling the medical bill. Cultivate loving-kindness and planting meritorious deeds on behalf of your illed father is important.
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Come out of the same hole? I beg to differ. Last year she told me we are not blood related and then she never answer my phone calls. I think she herself feels guilty so she took the opportunity over some trivia matters and cut me off completely. She refused to acknowledge me at family gatherings. The advice of practising loving kindness is more appropriate for her. I practise loving kindness with my kids. I think this is more important. I have to gradually accept the fact that I can't change my sister. I have made the move to resolve things with her but she changed her numbers and totally avoided me. It's a terrible feeling but I stay strong for myself and my kids. At least I would never treat my kids the way I was treated.
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if u are really so bitter about yr past. just totall cut off tie with them. just like my brother. totally disapper from our life. dont know if he get rich or die at the street.
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Originally posted by starz119:
Come out of the same hole? I beg to differ. Last year she told me we are not blood related and then she never answer my phone calls. I think she herself feels guilty so she took the opportunity over some trivia matters and cut me off completely. She refused to acknowledge me at family gatherings. The advice of practising loving kindness is more appropriate for her. I practise loving kindness with my kids. I think this is more important. I have to gradually accept the fact that I can't change my sister. I have made the move to resolve things with her but she changed her numbers and totally avoided me. It's a terrible feeling but I stay strong for myself and my kids. At least I would never treat my kids the way I was treated.
i sense alot of bitterness from you. We are not you, we wont exactly know how you feel. Have u consulted you husband? He probably would be in better position to advice you than us. However, from what i read i would probably do the same thing as you. It sounds like some kind of moral abuse being done on u admist all the physical abuse done to you when u were young. Talking about karma, while everyone is telling you about bad karma for you, this could well be the bad karma for your dad also... old and sick liao got children dun wan pay his medical fees. Not really bad on you imo... but my thinking can sometimes be not so orthodox and not so morally right as seen by society.Hopefully ur problems will get solved. Good luck!
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Keep this matter as family problem. No need for IOUs.
Your elder sister and her hubby are in deep shit. They use money they did not have. They are supposed to generate money with the money they borrow. It is not unusual. In business some make money, some lose money. No need to guess which category they are in. Now they are in a mess, as they must return what they borrow.
They can't re-pay you, at the present moment. You must understand that. They have to take care of non-family members first. That is their creditors, vendors, contractors. etc.
As family member, talk to her, don't ask for the money back, but tell her now its your turn to need money. And that money you lent her could come in handy.
Keep the relationship, if have to sacrifice the money.
Also let this be a lesson, NEVER lend money you cannot afford to lose. People have lent life savings for retirement, much to their regret.
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You know, when I read about the examples of "other dads abuse and rape their kids", but "your dad only abuse you, never rape you", so you should be grateful... it's a bad example... because using the same theory, I can tell a girl that was raped by her father to be happy and cheerful because unlike other kids, their dads gang rape her then abuse her, then kill her... i mean it's like I take a knife stab you and ask you not to worry about the pain because others genna stabbed so many times until they die, but here you are, genna stabbed 2 times by me and you're alive and you're complaining... it's very very very bad logic.
truth is, TS has experienced things we have never experienced ourselves, it's not easy to simply say just forget the pain or what... it's alot different between being stabbed and feeling every inch of the pain vs mere hearing about someone being stabbed...
but for TS... I can only say, instead of looking at the negative side of things, search for the positive ones and be thankful for that...
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Originally posted by dragg:
why dont you tell your mum you have no more money and to take the 8k from your elder sis as contribution to your dad's medical bill?
you kill 2 birds with one stone!!!
your mum cant say you are not contributing. you cant recoup the 8k debt why not push the onus to your sister?
you're a genius
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The children are often a reflection of what goes on in the house. Thanks largely to parents.
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And once money is lent, it is given. Don't expect it back. So moral of the story? Don't lend no matter how close the bond is, unless you are prepared to forsake the loan.
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They did not think abt the contractors, vendors, suppliers etc at all. They quickly sold house and moved so these so called non family members couldn't find them and ask for their money owed. So at present moment I would say they screwed everybody up, family or non family members. Like I said, I tried resolving things with her but she totally avoided me. Our family gatherings are in such a way that if she knows I will be there, she never attend. Get it? I think she's in denial la. I am only grateful that my husand understands my situation and has been supportive. Or else I probably go off the edge. Stress can take a toll on people. I am grateful I am still alive today.My husband doesn't think my family genuinely cares abt me. It's more like when I am needed, they call me. I sometimes feel like an outsider. Yes I will think positively as best as I can. I will not cut off ties with all my family members but NO MORE LOANS to family not matter how close and also NO LOANS to friends.