Married life changed
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Hi,
I am here because I have no one to turn to so I am sharing my story here and hope someone will be listening.
I have been married for 3 1/2 yrs. Initially I am enjoying what I have (Our newly renovation flat, my caring wife, I have a car to drive. Although I dislike my job)
However over this 3 1/2 yrs things have changed, and this is what I feel. We have a lovely baby at the beginning of the year and because of that, my wife pay a lot of attention to him. She will clean the house amount everyday because she want to make sure that the environment is clean for the baby. She is a very good mum which I don't think I can do thing to that extreme. (still many thing she did for our baby but too long to put in word here)
At time I began to get jealous with my baby (just jealous but still I love him like most father do) as most of the attention was switch to our baby. Here focus was on him every min and I know she always miss him as he was taken care by my in law. I have even suggested before that she go to her mother place to stay just to be with him but she don't want just because she say she don't want to lift me alone at home. (I really appreciate that)
However when she is at home she is always doing housework, watching Taiwanese TV show and we have no time together. The worst thing is whenever I request for sex she rejected me, telling me she is very tired but she keep watch tv till 12am plus plus. Sometime she agree to it but she was always asking me to be faster and she mention I just want to get over it. I am really hurt as isn't sex part of what a married couple need and yet she is giving me the feeling of I am always forcing her?
I am really lost and I do not know what to do. When I talk to her, just 2-3 min she get angry and saying all the bad habit I have rather than solving our problem. There no way problem can be solve when she do not want to listen and solve them.
Nowadays there are thinking coming into my mind. I am thinking whether have I married the corrrect girl. I have started to look at girls on the street thinking whether I can find a better option and what I need. I am thinking but controlling as we have a baby now. I am not saying I don't love my wife anymore but she is showing me that kind of feeling that I am not needed and I do not want to left alone and lonely. I am scare of being lonely.
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You're not alone
Women are such a complicated creature. -
The problem is that if u divorce now...u will end up paying tons of money for alimony and maintenance....so you are left with no choice but to stick to the marriage...tat's why nowadays a lot of people prefer to stay single.....coz whenever the guy leave the marriage they end up paying tons of money...u dun see this happening to girls...woman charter...><"
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What a bad situation to be in. Communication breakdown, will be so hard to fix...for the sex part, can you prolong the petting? I think girls will enjoy that more sometimes...But then again, if can see that she totally not enjoying, can be a punch in the face.
Try also to put all your love and attention to your baby, so that can be in-sync with your wife.
Husbandless, you see my other thread where I have my own problem. I am also scared of marrying the wrong girl...hope that things will be better for us soon.
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Originally posted by Husbandless:
Hi,
I am here because I have no one to turn to so I am sharing my story here and hope someone will be listening.
I have been married for 3 1/2 yrs. Initially I am enjoying what I have (Our newly renovation flat, my caring wife, I have a car to drive. Although I dislike my job)
However over this 3 1/2 yrs things have changed, and this is what I feel. We have a lovely baby at the beginning of the year and because of that, my wife pay a lot of attention to him. She will clean the house amount everyday because she want to make sure that the environment is clean for the baby. She is a very good mum which I don't think I can do thing to that extreme. (still many thing she did for our baby but too long to put in word here)
At time I began to get jealous with my baby (just jealous but still I love him like most father do) as most of the attention was switch to our baby. Here focus was on him every min and I know she always miss him as he was taken care by my in law. I have even suggested before that she go to her mother place to stay just to be with him but she don't want just because she say she don't want to lift me alone at home. (I really appreciate that)
However when she is at home she is always doing housework, watching Taiwanese TV show and we have no time together. The worst thing is whenever I request for sex she rejected me, telling me she is very tired but she keep watch tv till 12am plus plus. Sometime she agree to it but she was always asking me to be faster and she mention I just want to get over it. I am really hurt as isn't sex part of what a married couple need and yet she is giving me the feeling of I am always forcing her?
I am really lost and I do not know what to do. When I talk to her, just 2-3 min she get angry and saying all the bad habit I have rather than solving our problem. There no way problem can be solve when she do not want to listen and solve them.
Nowadays there are thinking coming into my mind. I am thinking whether have I married the corrrect girl. I have started to look at girls on the street thinking whether I can find a better option and what I need. I am thinking but controlling as we have a baby now. I am not saying I don't love my wife anymore but she is showing me that kind of feeling that I am not needed and I do not want to left alone and lonely. I am scare of being lonely.
i think you need to see a psychologist.over such a small thing u already want to give up n divource yer wife.i think u shouldnt even have gotten married from the looks of it all.try to undertsand the childbirth blues and things associated with female humans before you think of marrying again.
it appears before most of us that you are not worthy of getting married.but since you already have a kid,JUST LIVE WITH IT LIKE A REAL MAN!
and since when does a real man ever listen to a woman in bed during sex?hey....didnt they teach u anything in the army?
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Originally posted by Husbandless:
Hi,
I am here because I have no one to turn to so I am sharing my story here and hope someone will be listening.
I have been married for 3 1/2 yrs. Initially I am enjoying what I have (Our newly renovation flat, my caring wife, I have a car to drive. Although I dislike my job)
However over this 3 1/2 yrs things have changed, and this is what I feel. We have a lovely baby at the beginning of the year and because of that, my wife pay a lot of attention to him. She will clean the house amount everyday because she want to make sure that the environment is clean for the baby. She is a very good mum which I don't think I can do thing to that extreme. (still many thing she did for our baby but too long to put in word here)
At time I began to get jealous with my baby (just jealous but still I love him like most father do) as most of the attention was switch to our baby. Here focus was on him every min and I know she always miss him as he was taken care by my in law. I have even suggested before that she go to her mother place to stay just to be with him but she don't want just because she say she don't want to lift me alone at home. (I really appreciate that)
However when she is at home she is always doing housework, watching Taiwanese TV show and we have no time together. The worst thing is whenever I request for sex she rejected me, telling me she is very tired but she keep watch tv till 12am plus plus. Sometime she agree to it but she was always asking me to be faster and she mention I just want to get over it. I am really hurt as isn't sex part of what a married couple need and yet she is giving me the feeling of I am always forcing her?
I am really lost and I do not know what to do. When I talk to her, just 2-3 min she get angry and saying all the bad habit I have rather than solving our problem. There no way problem can be solve when she do not want to listen and solve them.
Nowadays there are thinking coming into my mind. I am thinking whether have I married the corrrect girl. I have started to look at girls on the street thinking whether I can find a better option and what I need. I am thinking but controlling as we have a baby now. I am not saying I don't love my wife anymore but she is showing me that kind of feeling that I am not needed and I do not want to left alone and lonely. I am scare of being lonely.
Whatever that has happened to you has actually happened to my ex colleague too other than she's a female and you are a male.
At the start of your marriage life, it was just the 2 of you only and so you guys have alot of time to be with each other and all the attention of your life would be on you and on what the your wife enjoys where in this case i tink it is watching tv? However, when you have a kid at home, alot of the attention will be shifted to the kid and not to you. With majority of the time and effort already spent on the kid, it is only natural that whatever leftover time that she has, she want to spend a little time to do what she likes also. You should probably give her that personal time imo.
Is your wife currently working also? If she is working then you understand that working and doing whatever that she is currently doing is a really tiring job.
I honestly think that if you really love her that much, you should actually take her rantings first and not let it just end there but after letting her rant all she wants, have a good calm talk with her. The thing about ladies i personally feel is that they are emotional creatures and so instead of directly rationally trying to solve the prob, they have the tendency to rant and scold you for your bad habits first. Let her do her rantings first and try to talk to her, i assume there's still love in your r/s to allow her to at least listen to what you have to say.
I honestly feel that things aren't that bad yet that you have to look for other female options. It isn't easy for 2 person to be living together. Definitely there'll be problems. I feel the problem hasn't worsen to that extent yet and in the face of any problems, you have yet to try your best to solve it together with her and yet start questioning if you marry the right person? Then she'll probably think the same way as to whether she's married the right guy too!
All in all, please for any actions that you take, always put the child in the first consideration. ��让上一代的问题连累到下一代。
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I don't know.... some girls really turn into a bloody bit*h after married. I think it's in their genes
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Originally posted by Husbandless:
Hi,
I am here because I have no one to turn to so I am sharing my story here and hope someone will be listening.
I have been married for 3 1/2 yrs. Initially I am enjoying what I have (Our newly renovation flat, my caring wife, I have a car to drive. Although I dislike my job)
However over this 3 1/2 yrs things have changed, and this is what I feel. We have a lovely baby at the beginning of the year and because of that, my wife pay a lot of attention to him. She will clean the house amount everyday because she want to make sure that the environment is clean for the baby. She is a very good mum which I don't think I can do thing to that extreme. (still many thing she did for our baby but too long to put in word here)
At time I began to get jealous with my baby (just jealous but still I love him like most father do) as most of the attention was switch to our baby. Here focus was on him every min and I know she always miss him as he was taken care by my in law. I have even suggested before that she go to her mother place to stay just to be with him but she don't want just because she say she don't want to lift me alone at home. (I really appreciate that)
However when she is at home she is always doing housework, watching Taiwanese TV show and we have no time together. The worst thing is whenever I request for sex she rejected me, telling me she is very tired but she keep watch tv till 12am plus plus. Sometime she agree to it but she was always asking me to be faster and she mention I just want to get over it. I am really hurt as isn't sex part of what a married couple need and yet she is giving me the feeling of I am always forcing her?
I am really lost and I do not know what to do. When I talk to her, just 2-3 min she get angry and saying all the bad habit I have rather than solving our problem. There no way problem can be solve when she do not want to listen and solve them.
Nowadays there are thinking coming into my mind. I am thinking whether have I married the corrrect girl. I have started to look at girls on the street thinking whether I can find a better option and what I need. I am thinking but controlling as we have a baby now. I am not saying I don't love my wife anymore but she is showing me that kind of feeling that I am not needed and I do not want to left alone and lonely. I am scare of being lonely.
HEY PUNY WEAKLING!!GO WATCH PORN AND GET OVER IT!
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THINK THREADBSTARTER CRAVES FOR ATTENTION LIKE ANOTHER BABY!
AS AN ADULT HE SHOULD ACT AND THINK LIKE ONE REAL ADULT!SMALL PROBLEM ALREADY WANT TO GAME OVER!
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Nothing out of the ordinary lah.
These kinds of things always set in, therefore your reaction to them is crucial.
They way you react, makes things worse. Yes, your wife also contribute towards the downwards spiral of your relationship. That part should not be an excuse for you to mope.
I don't have a capsule for you to swallow, and to make your situation suddenly improve. You have to work on improving the quality of your married life. If you and your wife can work together, good, but I think you have to work by yourself. It is possible. Realise that you must take action, and the results will slowly come.
Both of you have a common interest now, your son. Cooperate with her in looking after him. Always think of her positively, and think how to make her smile. Stop your self from complaining and feeling resentful of her. You have to make sacrifices, remember. She will respond appropriately sooner of later.
There are some books you can read, to learn how to win over a person.
One classic is Dale Carnegie's, How to win friends and influence people. The book won't teach you how to win friends and influence people, but tell you what people want and how to treat them.
Oh, marriage does not mean must fuck. Must shag means you just want to masturbate the hard way with your wife. Sexual intimacy is a union of two person, if there is no intimacy in the eyes, then it is just jerking off. Make her want it, not do her duty.
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maxsee: I did not mention divorce because I am not thinking of it yet.WayneKwek: Yes, communication is the problem. Even I try to talk to her she get angry. but if i don't treasure the R/S I will not have try to talk to her.As for the sex part, we are mostly do petting because she don't like intercourse. Most of the time she help me with hand job.Hitman Factory 1: I am not thinkng of divorce, maybe the part where I mention I am looking at other girls have made you guys mistaken. I look at other girls and think whether do they make a prefer wife for me is just imagination.[imdestinyz]: She is working and I know she need her personal time. But the schedule goes like this. Monday to thurs, housework (when I want to help she ask me not to), watch taiwan TV. Friday to Sun (baby time) Sun night after baby go back to in law, start cleaning again. Time left for us alone, when I am driving her to work, when I am driving her back home after work. At time when I am lucky, we have sex but only after she finish her TV which is 12am plus plus and she rush me to be fast.mancha: Thank for your advice, I think I am really lacking people management skill.As for the sexual intimacy part, she have lost interest in it and I am helpless.Hitman Factory 1: I am actually looking for listening ears here and maybe my topic does not interest you. Maybe you can hit the back button like those other 160 viewers? you don't have to screw me with all those big caps wording. Thanks
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I think you may try talking to your wife....afterall you guys still love each other right? Maybe organize a short trip just for you two...let your baby with the in-laws...?
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I believe this is a transitional period la... and especially she's working, with all the housework also she is damn shag 1 larh. Yes she might have lost interest so u probably nid to spice up the r/s but at the same time give her some understanding.
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Demon Bane: Have been thinking of that but with all the baby expense, I really don't know whether I can afford to go. Another things is, she keep telling me she want to work for promotion. Everytime ask her to take leave, she is unwilling[imdestinyz]: I know she is tired and when I see her doing housework, sometime I feel the heartache. When I asked her don't have to do everyday, sometime it led to arugement too. I sometime feel I have difficulties expressing myself even when my intention is good.As for spice up the r/s, I am trying but I don't know what to do?
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Originally posted by Husbandless:
Hi,
I am here because I have no one to turn to so I am sharing my story here and hope someone will be listening.
I have been married for 3 1/2 yrs. Initially I am enjoying what I have (Our newly renovation flat, my caring wife, I have a car to drive. Although I dislike my job)
However over this 3 1/2 yrs things have changed, and this is what I feel. We have a lovely baby at the beginning of the year and because of that, my wife pay a lot of attention to him. She will clean the house amount everyday because she want to make sure that the environment is clean for the baby. She is a very good mum which I don't think I can do thing to that extreme. (still many thing she did for our baby but too long to put in word here)
At time I began to get jealous with my baby (just jealous but still I love him like most father do) as most of the attention was switch to our baby. Here focus was on him every min and I know she always miss him as he was taken care by my in law. I have even suggested before that she go to her mother place to stay just to be with him but she don't want just because she say she don't want to lift me alone at home. (I really appreciate that)
However when she is at home she is always doing housework, watching Taiwanese TV show and we have no time together. The worst thing is whenever I request for sex she rejected me, telling me she is very tired but she keep watch tv till 12am plus plus. Sometime she agree to it but she was always asking me to be faster and she mention I just want to get over it. I am really hurt as isn't sex part of what a married couple need and yet she is giving me the feeling of I am always forcing her?
I am really lost and I do not know what to do. When I talk to her, just 2-3 min she get angry and saying all the bad habit I have rather than solving our problem. There no way problem can be solve when she do not want to listen and solve them.
Nowadays there are thinking coming into my mind. I am thinking whether have I married the corrrect girl. I have started to look at girls on the street thinking whether I can find a better option and what I need. I am thinking but controlling as we have a baby now. I am not saying I don't love my wife anymore but she is showing me that kind of feeling that I am not needed and I do not want to left alone and lonely. I am scare of being lonely.
Husbandless,
Rest assured.. all these problem shall pass. Be more patient. Now you need to be extremely supportive to her needs.
If her needs are not fulfilled.. she cannot fulfill yours.
While she is trying her best to be a good mother.. are you doing your best to be a good father ?
Your wife is going through a nesting period. Very normal for new mothers.. some start before birth some start after child birth. Your job is to be as supportive as you can.
I do not know what kind of bad habits she complained about.. just remember this ..baby's needs come first. Safety, health and well being is non-negotiable.
You need to show you are doing your best to keep your baby safe and healthy too.
Help her set up the child proofing, keeping the environment clean and free of hazards.
If you do anything to counteract what she is trying to achieve.. you will be frowned upon or be told off if she is more verbal type. Let her know you will change your bad habits because you want what is best for your family too.
The reason why you married her.. and have a child with her.. is because you believe she is the right woman to be your child's mother. So let her do her job.
Your baby cannot take care of himself yet.. you are a grown man and is capable of taking care of yourself. Please don't compete against a helpless child. Doing so will only make you look very undesirable in her eyes. It shows your selfish side.. that you only care about your own needs.
I understand you probably feel she is highly critical of you ..so your ego/self-worth is negatively affected. Everyday is like walking on egg shells.. yes ? You are not alone.
A lot of new fathers hav hard time adjusting to their new life.. because men don't like changes, men like routines. But having a newborn throws everything out of whack. Babies don't read the clock.. they function on- demand.
When your baby become less dependent.. things will slowly go back to normal. But you don't want to ruin it now. It will take years to rebuild what you easily destroyed.
Your wife watch Taiwanese movie.. because she needs some "Me" time.
Between.. work, housework, baby, in-laws, husband.. she hardly has time for herself.
In order for a woman to take care of her family.. she needs to take care of her self first.
If you want your wife to be more intimate.. you need to work your magic.
Show her your support love and care, instead of your grumbles and demand. Step up and be a good man.. when the chaos is over.. she will realise what a great man she married.
I don't know what is your financial situation.. but I suggest lifting some burdens from her.. so she don't feel so overwhelmed.
Hire a maid or have your in-laws come stay at your place. Separation anxiety is a huge problem with working mothers.
Best yet.. let her be a full time mom. Men with full time wife.. typically enjoys better sex life.
She is not enjoying sex.. because she is not feeling sexy. Help her regain her self-confidence . Making her frustrated with your selfish demands and childish antics puts off any exhausted woman.
No woman can resist a wonderful supportive man.
Give .. so you can receive.. not so you can take.
Having a new baby is very rough on a woman. Changes in hormonal.. physical.. emotional.. husband also change...she has to struggle with a lot of changes..
New mothers are very fragile, if you are not careful... she may suffer from/develop Post Natal Depression.
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Originally posted by Hitman Factory 1:
i think you need to see a psychologist.over such a small thing u already want to give up n divource yer wife.i think u shouldnt even have gotten married from the looks of it all.try to undertsand the childbirth blues and things associated with female humans before you think of marrying again.
it appears before most of us that you are not worthy of getting married.but since you already have a kid,JUST LIVE WITH IT LIKE A REAL MAN!
and since when does a real man ever listen to a woman in bed during sex?hey....didnt they teach u anything in the army?
Don't listen to this guy, Hit. He has no idea what a marriage is about. The truth is, he is a guy who still live with his parents ! He has little interest in Ozzy girls around him and he is too focused on his bizarre manufacruring idiosyncrasies.
He spends too much time on the forum and has little social life.
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jojobeach: Thank you, really need advice like this. It helpsSasperillabob: Could not be bother about him.
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Really hope you have a pre-nupital inked.
She's having an affair with some one near your place. Don't say I did not warn you.
If you do not get enough sex find it elsewhere. More options will teach a good lesson to your wife.
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It's very tiring for a woman to handle a baby herself. Try and help.
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Originally posted by Sasperillabob:
Don't listen to this guy, Hit. He has no idea what a marriage is about. The truth is, he is a guy who still live with his parents ! He has little interest in Ozzy girls around him and he is too focused on his bizarre manufacruring idiosyncrasies.
He spends too much time on the forum and has little social life.
looking after old folks ,design products and products at same time.along with cats to take care of.
of course i have no social ife.i need to work unlike you.
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Originally posted by Husbandless:jojobeach: Thank you, really need advice like this. It helpsSasperillabob: Could not be bother about him.
i couldnt be bothered with a loser like u too especially when your problems are so trivial.DID YOUR FOKKS MATCHMAKE U WITH YOUR WIFE??HOW COME U EXHIBIT SUCH STUPIDITY AND ABILITY TO SOLVE SMALL PROBLEMS IN HERE ONE? -
IM HERE ACTUALLY TO TORTURE WEAKLING LIKE U!
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Originally posted by Bio-Hawk:
Really hope you have a pre-nupital inked.
She's having an affair with some one near your place. Don't say I did not warn you.
If you do not get enough sex find it elsewhere. More options will teach a good lesson to your wife.
any evidence on that? Dun pass unconfirmed assumptions to add on the TS's worrying mind please. -
Originally posted by [imdestinyz]:
any evidence on that? Dun pass unconfirmed assumptions to add on the TS's worrying mind please.
Everything suggests it. She's banged outside hence no interest. Does not want her cuckold husband to find out so only hand jobs. Within a few weeks she will suddenly feign more interest and voila! preganat with another child again which OP will belive is his.I have seen many people like him working hard to keep happy a cheater.This is reality face it.
@OP: I can write many your wife is tired and what not BS. And all the females will tell this to you. Don't ever bite on this one. That's only their side. Be a man and lead the life you like.
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Thats the approval to go geylang and have fun!