Maid Abuse At Home
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Originally posted by alize:
Are you a disciple of George Yeo, who said
“Remember your place in society before you engage in political debate…
Debate cannot generate into a free-for-all, where no distinction is made between the senior and junior party…
You must make distinctions – What is high, what is low, what is above, what is below,
and then within this, we can have a debate, we can have a discussion…
people should not take on those in authority as ‘equals” "
Well said, Alize.
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Originally posted by alize:
Are you a disciple of George Yeo, who said
“Remember your place in society before you engage in political debate…
Debate cannot generate into a free-for-all, where no distinction is made between the senior and junior party…
You must make distinctions – What is high, what is low, what is above, what is below,
and then within this, we can have a debate, we can have a discussion…
people should not take on those in authority as ‘equals” "
George Yeo ? Who is he ? Your father ? I don't know him.. but maybe he knows me.
Yah.. if everyone is equal.. then what is authority ?
Authority means got special power. Understand ?
Your father and mother got special authority over you... if not they will be the one calling you Lao Peh/Lao Bu ( father/mother).
Now you can call me mother.. I buy you some flower.. OK ? Good.
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Originally posted by KonkeyDong:
What is the simple route, then.
You want me to watch people die again. Dad died from a heart attack after arguing with her. Not gonna happen as long as I'm alive.
My place in the family is by respect. BTW, the cat was what she wanted in the first place.
As long as no maid needs to come work for your mom.. there will be no funeral.
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I'm fine not having one. I've already emphasized that millions of times. If she so chooses, I can't defy. She insists on having one. I suggested one that comes in the day and leaves at night. Or once or twice a week. If she really wants to hire help THAT bad. I can do my own laundry and stuff anyway.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
George Yeo ? Who is he ? Your father ? I don't know him.. but maybe he knows me.
Yah.. if everyone is equal.. then what is authority ?
Authority means got special power. Understand ?
Your father and mother got special authority over you... if not they will be the one calling you Lao Peh/Lao Bu ( father/mother).
Now you can call me mother.. I buy you some flower.. OK ? Good.
Authority exists. But not everyone is equipped to handle it. Stalin/Hitler/Pol Pot?
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Originally posted by KonkeyDong:
I'm fine not having one. I've already emphasized that millions of times. If she so chooses, I can't defy. She insists on having one. I suggested one that comes in the day and leaves at night. Or once or twice a week. If she really wants to hire help THAT bad. I can do my own laundry and stuff anyway.
So are you doing your own laundry and stuff all along ? or you are going to ?
Were you there when your father had a heart attack .. during the argument with your mother ?
So you blame your mother for the death of your father ?
Hitler/Stalin/Pol pot are not equipped ? LOL.. no they are masters in manipulating that power. All they need to do is give a "command".. and his dirty deeds are done.. without him lifting a finger, make victims shake and shiver.
Power is nothing without control . they are able to move millions. How can they not be equipped ?
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Originally posted by BanguIzai:
Even more true if the whole phrase is presented :
ch'hiah tsa-bor, tso ho bor, au-bue mae i si lau-hor
赤查æŸ�，å�šå¥½æŸ�，å�Žé�¢éª‚她æ»è€�虎
Boh leh.. don't anyhow say ok.. They give their wife botox , boob job face lift money.. turn them into real life Barbie dolls.
Only suah koo people like you believe that kind of saying lah.
Your wife ugly.. so you curse her every time you go drink kopi.
Issit ? Must be lah.
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I can see some intense argument here. I just wish to add some comments. First of all Konkeykong, I sympathised with your situation. I can read and try to understand your predicament, but I am afterall not in your shoes. Although I believe that blood is thicker than water, and no matter what kind of situation, you are part of your mother and should never bring her to any kind of discomfort. By reporting her, her life could be worse you know? But that said, I cannot feel what you feel, so my comments are just for reference. I hope everything will turn out fine.
About Konkeykong and Jojobeach...I feel very vex. I dunno why people quarrel. But I formly believe that the fault lies in the person who throw the first punch. Maybe that person is not sensitive enough to know that it hurts, and when retaliated, feels offended and thus thinks that he is not at fault. So maybe you gals can track back to page 1 and see whose comments were packed with spiked durians?
A person without ego will be without temper. Peace..peace...
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My take here is, if you want to post, prepare to accept all kinds of critics, even rubbish sometime also can find a good chip, you come into aunt agony with an agony problem, post it out and want feedback and advices, just ignore those you think irrelevant and take those you think are good advices, but if you end up getting more problem and agony here than your actual agony mother and maid problem, then I dunno why you are here. Be open if you want yr story to go public, if not can keep it to yourself inside a small cubicle toilet and slowly think abou it, that is what my uncle hitman does, consult him, he is a trained poster, you never see he gets angry or frustrated no matter how badly he is treated here.
Within my sista Jojo posting, there are good advices too, take it or leave it, dun hv to argue over it, dun you think yr own maid and mother problem is more important? But at the end of the day, it is still your bloody damn problem.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
So are you doing your own laundry and stuff all along ? or you are going to ?
Were you there when your father had a heart attack .. during the argument with your mother ?
So you blame your mother for the death of your father ?
Hitler/Stalin/Pol pot are not equipped ? LOL.. no they are masters in manipulating that power. All they need to do is give a "command".. and his dirty deeds are done.. without him lifting a finger, make victims shake and shiver.
Power is nothing without control . they are able to move millions. How can they not be equipped ?
Yes to first point. He left for a jog after the argument. Then collapsed shortly after. He looked pretty fucking stressed. I clean the house also. Not just my own stuff. But it's important to clean the house because I have skin allergies so I'm pretty red all the time.
Agree with that regarding Hitler etc. But at the end of the day, many people died and they still got owned. And it doesn't mean it will be respected also. I suppose it's the unfortunate existence of free will in each person. People will burn with the choices they make in life. I can personally respect their abilities to commandeer, but at the end of the day it doesn't justify the suffering of their victims. The germans got owned anyway at the end of the day so to me their manipulation was just stalling what could only have been a natural downfall.
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Originally posted by angel7030:
My take here is, if you want to post, prepare to accept all kinds of critics, even rubbish sometime also can find a good chip, you come into aunt agony with an agony problem, post it out and want feedback and advices, just ignore those you think irrelevant and take those you think are good advices, but if you end up getting more problem and agony here than your actual agony mother and maid problem, then I dunno why you are here. Be open if you want yr story to go public, if not can keep it to yourself inside a small cubicle toilet and slowly think abou it, that is what my uncle hitman does, consult him, he is a trained poster, you never see he gets angry or frustrated no matter how badly he is treated here.
Within my sista Jojo posting, there are good advices too, take it or leave it, dun hv to argue over it, dun you think yr own maid and mother problem is more important? But at the end of the day, it is still your bloody damn problem.
Didn't say there was bad advice. If there was pure trolling I wouldn't entertain it. Don't be another one. Though I can see the resemblance.
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Originally posted by WayneKwek:
I can see some intense argument here. I just wish to add some comments. First of all Konkeykong, I sympathised with your situation. I can read and try to understand your predicament, but I am afterall not in your shoes. Although I believe that blood is thicker than water, and no matter what kind of situation, you are part of your mother and should never bring her to any kind of discomfort. By reporting her, her life could be worse you know? But that said, I cannot feel what you feel, so my comments are just for reference. I hope everything will turn out fine.
About Konkeykong and Jojobeach...I feel very vex. I dunno why people quarrel. But I formly believe that the fault lies in the person who throw the first punch. Maybe that person is not sensitive enough to know that it hurts, and when retaliated, feels offended and thus thinks that he is not at fault. So maybe you gals can track back to page 1 and see whose comments were packed with spiked durians?
A person without ego will be without temper. Peace..peace...
Thank you Wayne. I appreciated it. I probably got carried away. Just slightly stressed nowadays. Thank you for reminding me. =)
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Boh leh.. don't anyhow say ok.. They give their wife botox , boob job face lift money.. turn them into real life Barbie dolls.
Only suah koo people like you believe that kind of saying lah.
Your wife ugly.. so you curse her every time you go drink kopi.
Issit ? Must be lah.
Hey Jojo...cool it alright....newspaper recently report tai tai's don't tell their husbands and pay the surgeon in cash. Aiya it's a fucked up world really. But aggression won't make things better, know.
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Originally posted by angel7030:
My take here is, if you want to post, prepare to accept all kinds of critics, even rubbish sometime also can find a good chip, you come into aunt agony with an agony problem, post it out and want feedback and advices, just ignore those you think irrelevant and take those you think are good advices, but if you end up getting more problem and agony here than your actual agony mother and maid problem, then I dunno why you are here. Be open if you want yr story to go public, if not can keep it to yourself inside a small cubicle toilet and slowly think abou it, that is what my uncle hitman does, consult him, he is a trained poster, you never see he gets angry or frustrated no matter how badly he is treated here.
Within my sista Jojo posting, there are good advices too, take it or leave it, dun hv to argue over it, dun you think yr own maid and mother problem is more important? But at the end of the day, it is still your bloody damn problem.
But it doesn't mean I don't appreciate u stepping in to share your point of view. My retaliation towards jojo is not to her but her posts. I have no doubt everyone here is capable of being nice at some point. No sarcasm intended truly. Posts by people do flare their personality but I may be wrong. No faith lost. Thanks for sharing anyway.
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Originally posted by KonkeyDong:
Yes to first point. He left for a jog after the argument. Then collapsed shortly after. He looked pretty fucking stressed. I clean the house also. Not just my own stuff. But it's important to clean the house because I have skin allergies so I'm pretty red all the time.
Agree with that regarding Hitler etc. But at the end of the day, many people died and they still got owned. And it doesn't mean it will be respected also. I suppose it's the unfortunate existence of free will in each person. People will burn with the choices they make in life. I can personally respect their abilities to commandeer, but at the end of the day it doesn't justify the suffering of their victims. The germans got owned anyway at the end of the day so to me their manipulation was just stalling what could only have been a natural downfall.
do you blame your mom for your dad heart attack? this is important. it may hold the clue as to whether you resented her subconsciously.
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Originally posted by KonkeyDong:
But it doesn't mean I don't appreciate u stepping in to share your point of view. My retaliation towards jojo is not to her but her posts. I have no doubt everyone here is capable of being nice at some point. No sarcasm intended truly. Posts by people do flare their personality but I may be wrong. No faith lost. Thanks for sharing anyway.
What Angle is telling you is right, take what is relevant, and ignore those that are off the mark.
As for the derisive attacks against you, bear in mind that such attacks are always by persons who are unhappy with themselves in the first place.
They spread what is within themselves.
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Originally posted by Rooney9:
do you blame your mom for your dad heart attack? this is important. it may hold the clue as to whether you resented her subconsciously.
No la...I mean...I just deal with it I guess. Not for me to blame whoever. That one let God decide...
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Originally posted by mancha:
What Angle is telling you is right, take what is relevant, and ignore those that are off the mark.
As for the derisive attacks against you, bear in mind that such attacks are always by persons who are unhappy with themselves in the first place.
They spread what is within themselves.
Got it.
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Originally posted by KonkeyDong:
Yes to first point. He left for a jog after the argument. Then collapsed shortly after. He looked pretty fucking stressed. I clean the house also. Not just my own stuff. But it's important to clean the house because I have skin allergies so I'm pretty red all the time.
Agree with that regarding Hitler etc. But at the end of the day, many people died and they still got owned. And it doesn't mean it will be respected also. I suppose it's the unfortunate existence of free will in each person. People will burn with the choices they make in life. I can personally respect their abilities to commandeer, but at the end of the day it doesn't justify the suffering of their victims. The germans got owned anyway at the end of the day so to me their manipulation was just stalling what could only have been a natural downfall.
Too often.. the root cause is not revealed in first few posts/encounters of a troubled person.
More often than not.. people tend to spin their story to make themselves look innocent or victimised.
If you spend enough time talking to that person.. the truth tends to reveal itself. You will see a pattern of contradiction within their story... At that point.. a lot of people will go into denial mode.
I always tell them.. if you cannot find/accept the cause of your illness. you can't cure it. The question is.. do you want to find that cure ?
Daughters tend to be closer to fathers.. sons closer to mothers.. that's very common. While parents try to love both equally.. they love them differently.
For your case... I think the act of exposing your mother is your means of punishing her.
Perhaps you staunchly believed she is responsible for taking away the one person who loved you and cared for you. Now you are left all alone after he abruptly left this world.
My co-worker had the same experience like yours.. only.. she was the wife.. and after an argument the night before.. her husband died of a heart attack during his morning gym session. They have 2 daughters.. both less than 10 years old. She is now on anti-depressant and her daughters are in therapy.
Prior to that.. her husband had high blood pressure and was put on a strict vegetarian diet because of some enzymes that was lacking in his body.
Were you aware of your father's health condition before the heart attack ?
I think it is best.. you seek some professional help.. try to live a more enriching life now that you are no longer living in a bubble.
You are the only child.. and your parents took care of you. That only means you never had to take care of another.. only yourself. Single/youngest child tends to be more self-absorbed. Because they are so self-absorbed.. they have a very narrow view of the world around them.
ADD: They tend not to seek emotional independence.. they wait for other people to give them happiness... As time pass.. the wait turn into despair/depression..
Read more books.. expose yourself to more real life experience and expand your social circle. There's still so much to see and so much to learn. The world is a big big place.
Let your anger/resentment go.. so you may be burdened by it no more.
Don't wait for other people to make you happy.. because you guarantee will be disappointed many times along the way.
Be Self-sufficient.. so you can have freedom.
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Originally posted by mancha:
What Angle is telling you is right, take what is relevant, and ignore those that are off the mark.
As for the derisive attacks against you, bear in mind that such attacks are always by persons who are unhappy with themselves in the first place.
They spread what is within themselves.
Sure or not ?
Unhappy person cannot spread unhappiness to a happy person. That's why Misery loves company.
A person without happiness cannot give another happiness.. they cannot give you what they do not have.
So to be immune to unhappiness one must first be happy.
OK ? Good.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Too often.. the root cause is not revealed in first few posts/encounters of a troubled person.
More often than not.. people tend to spin their story to make themselves look innocent or victimised.
If you spend enough time talking to that person.. the truth tends to reveal itself. You will see a pattern of contradiction within their story... At that point.. a lot of people will go into denial mode.
I always tell them.. if you cannot find/accept the cause of your illness. you can't cure it. The question is.. do you want to find that cure ?
Daughters tend to be closer to fathers.. sons closer to mothers.. that's very common. While parents try to love both equally.. they love them differently.
For your case... I think the act of exposing your mother is your means of punishing her.
Perhaps you staunchly believed she is responsible for taking away the one person who loved you and cared for you. Now you are left all alone after he abruptly left this world.
My co-worker had the same experience like yours.. only.. she was the wife.. and after an argument the night before.. her husband died of a heart attack during his morning gym session. They have 2 daughters.. both less than 10 years old. She is now on anti-depressant and her daughters are in therapy.
Prior to that.. her husband had high blood pressure and was put on a strict vegetarian diet because of some enzymes that was lacking in his body.
Were you aware of your father's health condition before the heart attack ?
I think it is best.. you seek some professional help.. try to live a more enriching life now that you are no longer living in a bubble.
You are the only child.. and your parents took care of you. That only means you never had to take care of another.. only yourself. Single/youngest child tends to be more self-absorbed. Because they are so self-absorbed.. they have a very narrow view of the world around them.
ADD: They tend not to seek emotional independence.. they wait for other people to give them happiness... As time pass.. the wait turn into despair/depression..
Read more books.. expose yourself to more real life experience and expand your social circle. There's still so much to see and so much to learn. The world is a big big place.
Let your anger/resentment go.. so you may be burdened by it no more.
Don't wait for other people to make you happy.. because you guarantee will be disappointed many times along the way.
Be Self-sufficient.. so you can have freedom.
Well the only illness he had was some rotting teeth. Lol. Actually I did think about it. I got sent to Australia about 2 months after he died. I had alot of time to think there. I don't blame her la. I mean...maybe I suppress stuff cause its my problem. Only when I cannot take it I sort of say it, but that's it.
I reflect also, I mean I made mistakes of course. The problem with me is I cannot forgive myself for my own faults and flaws. I was closer to my dad of course. Naturally I agree with what you said. I decided to pay my own way to Nepal to help poor kids. I read to people in the hospice, sometimes play at Mount Elizabeth. It's a grand piano. Pretty wonderful. All this not to serve myself, I assure you. I just wanted to do it la. See someone else smile.
I spoke to a professional. He says I channel all my negative emotions into doing stuff for other people. But what I have to desperately find now is a place where I can be away from everyone for one hour a year or something. Like a zen place.
I really don't enjoy conflict la. It's never fun. But something in my heart don't feel right watching her behave like this. That's why. I ain't the victim or what really. Just trying to dissect the stupid problem and see whether it's a good move or not. I suppose one thing led to another. I foresaw a worse situation mom could get herself into if she continues like this, so I thought ok la. Maybe now is the time to make a decision. But still, it's her choice at the end of the day.
See how it goes. But thanks, jojo. I know you mean well. Someone has to do your job la. But you also sometimes gotta admit u wrong la. Sometimes only. k. Don't anyhow troll people la. Though I understand where u coming from also. Peace between us?
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How is your mother handling your father's passing ?
Rough to lose a mate at her age.
Is she taking any medication ?
Menopausal ?
Is she suffering from depression ?
For your maid.. please direct her to
Humanitarian Organization for Migration Economics
Contact : 67439277 or 68365676
Website : http://www.home.org.sg/
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
How is your mother handling your father's passing ?
Rough to lose a mate at her age.
Is she taking any medication ?
Menopausal ?
Is she suffering from depression ?
For your maid.. please direct her to
Humanitarian Organization for Migration Economics
Contact : 67439277 or 68365676
Website : http://www.home.org.sg/
Agree. Dont try to do everything on ur own. get ur maid to report ur mom since then ur mom prob wont blame u, then get her tested. likely its depression. i see that the symptoms are all there. -
"Well the only illness he had was some rotting teeth."
Poor dental hygiene increases risk of heart attack and stroke.
""Cardiovascular disease is currently the biggest killer in the western world. Oral bacteria such as Streptococcus gordonii and Streptococcus sanguinis are common infecting agents, and we now recognise that bacterial infections are an independent risk factor for heart diseases,” Said Professor Jenkins in a press release. “In other words it doesn't matter how fit, slim or healthy you are, you're adding to your chances of getting heart disease by having bad teeth." "
Unlike western countries where preventive health care is prevalent... Singapore, like most part of asia is more reactionary than preventive when it comes to health care... ESPECIALLY dental health.
Singaporeans are not big on dental health.. most people I know there don't floss their teeth often . Go to the dentist only when their teeth are rotting... or when bad breath becomes too unbearable for their close encounters.
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Originally posted by KonkeyDong:
Hi guys, here's the situation. Every morning my maid Jo would get scolded by my mother for one reason or another. Sometimes my mother would mutter insults under her breath, sometimes it's full on shouting. So far, the scoldings have been about stupid things like vegetables or the way the food is cooked.
We don't use salt or sugar at home to cook, or minimal. The worst was when one day she used slightly "too much seasoning and salt" (actually tasted quite good to me, I don't complain anyway), my mother freaked. She said "your parents both got cancer you will cook this kind of thing for them? Poison your parents!" Then she just continued to go on and on and on for the next half hour about Jo's parents. They do have cancer that's why she's here. It's fucking horrible.
The other big situation was mom saying her nieces and nephews (my cousins) saw Jo with her boyfriend and tried to call out to her. They were gossiping amongst themselves wondering if who they saw was male or female. Like typical aunties who gossip about everything. Firstly, my mother's family is full of shit. Secondly, I don't even know if it's true because she likes to create stupid scenarios like this to force people to confess to things they truly never did. As long as she believes something she'll just make you confess. Jo was desperately trying to tell her her boyfriend was in the Philippines, and had no reason to lie.
My maid can only answer yes or no. She had to fight for her off-day, otherwise she'd have none. The previous one had no off day for 7 months and didn't last a year. In fact we've switched 4 or 5 maids in the past 6 months. And mom would only tell the maid to pack up and fuck off on the day they're meant to. I've intervened many times already, and it fucks with my sleep. Then I'm accused of conspiring with the maid. Wtf.
The worst was when she deducts her already minimal salary, like 5 bucks each time she forgets to do something or cooks something wrong. It's fucking ridiculous. Mom says something about her being the "paymaster", or whatever. Yea she's a boss somewhere in a big company. So she probably thinks everybody is her god damn slave because she has money. Basically la.
I need to put a stop to this. But I've read somewhere about the Penal Code and she hasn't quite hit her yet. This has to stop. I don't know what else to do. I know it all sounds quite mild but it's accumulated over the months she's been here. I cannot bring myself to be close to anyone of my maids. Even the one who worked quite some time for us before couldn't tahan and up and left. I'm really going nuts. And when my mom's full of shit family comes over, they just treat Jo like dirt. Because of what my mother says so they act upon the pre-conceived notion that Jo's dumb or whatever my mother makes her out to be.
I don't know how to proceed from here. I desperately need intervention at home.
KonkeyDong, how much do you know about your maid Jo? And how much do you know about your Mum?People would normally lean towards people they are familiar with and although it isn't uncommon for people to express compassion for outsiders against their own family, you must have accumulated alot of hatred for your Mum because you KNOW what she have done.
The question that I have asked is actually quite important because it is to remind you of how much you have known about your Mum and how little you have known about your maid.
I hope the reason of your post isn't about bringing some form of justice upon your own Mother, and it is really about helping your maid to have a better stay during her time as a maid in your home.
It is unfortunate that your Mum doesn't likes the maid, and regardless of who is trying to get along well with the other, one of them must leave if they aren't compatible to live together within the common space in the house and under the same roof.
The only way to save your maid isn't about finding some sort of penal code to sue your Mum, and neither it is about abusing the law to get a protection order for your maid against your Mum.
You need to let go of your maid Jo if her predicament fucks with your sleep and causes discord in the relationship between you and your Mum.
Letting the maid go is for her own good. Depending on her luck as an individual, she will have another opportunity to work for someone else who is likely to treat her better than your Mum. She may get more freedom to go out on her off days, higher paid, and cook for a family that doesn't carries the Cancer gene no matter how much she "poisoned" them.
You may go against all your family members and relatives to have a war for the sake of protecting Jo, but that is only worth fighting for if you are hopelessly and madly in love with her. So I would say it is easier for you to persuade your Mum to sack Jo, find a hearing-handicapped maid (DEAFNESS IS A MUST), and then sleep well...sleep really well.
Once Jo is sacked, you can rest assurred that nobody will care even if you secretly maintained contact with her outside the family.
Hope you can find your own wisdom in this situation.