Good thing you found out before marriage!
my notion will be "Forgive but never forget".
however, i would like to ask you guys a question (hope u all could answer me :)
If his gf ever turns back and ask for a patch up, (putting yourself in his shoes) Would u consider going back into relationship with her again??
*lets say u are still single and available ..
Originally posted by jhasher:My girlfriend of 5 years ended our relationship yesterday. I was utterly devastated and hearbroken; I cannot concentrate on my work.
We had known each other when I was 22 and she was 20, but I digress.
Last year August she started her first job working as a HR Executive and I, as a Training Executive, albeit in different companies. We were happy for each other. However, it turns out that her colleagues like to bully new staff, so she was getting quite a lot of stick from them, and this caused her to be very stress.
She called me every night saying how much stress she is under and how she yearned to quit, but she held on for our sake. A few months after that, a new guy in another department joined the company and being a HR personnel, she showed him around and they found out that they stayed just a few blocks away from each other. Hence, they go to work with each other everyday as they were both new and needed friendship in a trying environment.
She began to talk to me lesser and lesser on the phone and said that her friend, B, understood the environment better so it is easier to explain things to him. She assured me that they are just friends, nothing more.
One day, I found out she lied to me about being at home but she was actually out with B. I became paranoid and started to secretly check her phone SMSes and call logs. I saw that he always sent her lovey dovey messages and they talked on the phone till 3am almost everyday. I confronted her and she said I invaded her privacy, which I admit I was wrong but she did nothing to allay my fears and worries.
Eventually, she told me that B can text her or tell her anything he wants, but she will not respond to him. This goes on for the better part of half a year and we had some serious fights over this issue, but we still remained with each other. They were meeting more frequently and he asked her out for dinner and movies on a few occasions, to which she complied once. She promised to be home early on that day but at midnight, I received a call from her and she says that she will not be home early as she will watch another movie.
Just last month we had a big fight again over this issue, and she mentioned to me that I was too controlling and wants to check up on her and do not trust her. How can I trust her anymore after all that she has done?
Eventually yesterday, she told me that she loves me a lot, but she wants to go out with B for 3 months as his girlfriend because she find it very comfortable being around him but very pressured when with me. She said that she knows this relationship with B will not last as she sees her future with me, coupled with the fact that B is a flirt and not serious when it comes to girls, but she just want to play with him until the end of the year. She told me to wait for her but still remain status quo and she will give up after she had a go at the relationship with B.
I did not agree at all (would any boyfriend agree, seriously?) and we had another fight over this. Eventually I told her that if you want to be with me, you cannot be with him and vice versa. OR I could just tolerate and let her go with him for 3 months, but she must break off all contact with him afterwards. She was reluctant as she still wants to remain as normal friend with B, and said that she will never drop a friend.
She flared up and told me that she wants to break up, and I left. That was yesterday. Today, I texted her and called up but she did not reply nor pick up the phone. She has made it seem like it is my fault but truly, she is the one at fault here. If she had really love me, nothing can make her sway her love. I know being controlling and invading her privacy is wrong, but I wasn't like that until the first and subsequent times that she lied to me.
I am feeling downright hurt and hearbroken and all I can think about are the years we had spent together, how we went through thick and thin and all the toughest and happiest times together. She's all I can think of only right now, but it seems like she doesn't care about us anymore due to the fact that she did not bother to contact me since.
Can anyone please advise me what to do? I feel like breaking down.
You need her more than she needs you.
She is a selfish person. More interested in her own desires than yours.
Let her go, so you may seek your own future elsewhere.
Even if she comes back to you in 3 months time... she will seek another "adventure" again in another man... and another .. and another.....
I am surprised you never confront that "other guy" yet. Does he know of your existence ?
If he knows of your existence and yet is preposterous enough to attempt such act of stealth... it means your gf had been complaining and acting victim of a broken relationship.
No man will try to snatch a woman from a seemingly strong and healthy relationship.
However.. it is quite obvious.. your gf is a "complainer". One who complains incessantly to get empathy and sympathy as means of manipulation.
5 years with such inferior stock is best left to rest.
Well....
I think she just want to explore her options and choices......
Although the two of you are dating.....but you guys are not married....
At work....she is interacting and meeting other men.......
And she likes one of them.....
This is something that is just inevitable......
If that is the case, this is not something that you can do anything about....Because at the fundamental level, she is not settled yet on the relationship and has not settled or decided that you are the one.
She is not 100% fully committed to you, or 100% happy with you. She is young and she likes the company of other men.
Again, this is not something you can do anything about. It is related to someone's life phase and someone's inner character.
So if she wants to explore, and you cant offer her something new or exciting to make her drop that looking around, then I believe you just have to understand this situation. Maybe her spinning away would go further and farther and finally you guys break up permanently for real.
What to do.
But she has the right to do that, just like one day you may also find another girl that you like. Life is like that.
If you want to hold onto her, all I can say is to evaluate yourself and think how to make yourself better or more competitive, or to make the relationship more appealing. Because it is like a market and a competition out there. If you cant do that, then it's not stoppable because she is evolving and exploring her life.
Dont be too sad when this happen.
It's just a life cycle and a mismatch of expectations.
Good luck and best wishes.
Originally posted by Veggie Bao:Well....
I think she just want to explore her options and choices......
Although the two of you are dating.....but you guys are not married....
At work....she is interacting and meeting other men.......
And she likes one of them.....
This is something that is just inevitable......
If that is the case, this is not something that you can do anything about....Because at the fundamental level, she is not settled yet on the relationship and has not settled or decided that you are the one.
She is not 100% fully committed to you, or 100% happy with you. She is young and she likes the company of other men.
Again, this is not something you can do anything about. It is related to someone's life phase and someone's inner character.
So if she wants to explore, and you cant offer her something new or exciting to make her drop that looking around, then I believe you just have to understand this situation. Maybe her spinning away would go further and farther and finally you guys break up permanently for real.
What to do.
But she has the right to do that, just like one day you may also find another girl that you like. Life is like that.
If you want to hold onto her, all I can say is to evaluate yourself and think how to make yourself better or more competitive, or to make the relationship more appealing. Because it is like a market and a competition out there. If you cant do that, then it's not stoppable because she is evolving and exploring her life.
Dont be too sad when this happen.
It's just a life cycle and a mismatch of expectations.
Good luck and best wishes.
I disagree. TS should not change to make himself competitive. Making himself more appealing sounds as if TS is at fault for his girlfriend behaving like that.The problem occurred because TS made the wrong choices, unfortunately has to learn from the consequences of his error of choice. TS has done nothing wrong, he is just a victim of an immature and uncaring girlfriend. TS should instead be himself, and find somebody who is more compatible rather than a chio bu. People always tell me, marry your best friend not a chio bu.
Both of you have spent so much of your time with one partner.
Better see more of the world first, make an informed decision even if you wish to be with her.
Originally posted by jojobeach:You need her more than she needs you.
She is a selfish person. More interested in her own desires than yours.
Let her go, so you may seek your own future elsewhere.
Even if she comes back to you in 3 months time... she will seek another "adventure" again in another man... and another .. and another.....
I am surprised you never confront that "other guy" yet. Does he know of your existence ?
If he knows of your existence and yet is preposterous enough to attempt such act of stealth... it means your gf had been complaining and acting victim of a broken relationship.
No man will try to snatch a woman from a seemingly strong and healthy relationship.
However.. it is quite obvious.. your gf is a "complainer". One who complains incessantly to get empathy and sympathy as means of manipulation.
5 years with such inferior stock is best left to rest.
"If he knows of your existence and yet is preposterous enough to attempt such act of stealth... it means your gf had been complaining and acting victim of a broken relationship.
No man will try to snatch a woman from a seemingly strong and healthy relationship."
Good insight ! Finally a rare mature statement. Yes very very agree with your notion.
You call that mature statement from my sista, OMG!
5 years of joy, not enuf ar?? so now, you want another 5years of saddness, better not, so what is 5years? it take a person to graduate as Doctor, you can also complete a master or took another partime degree and so on, so many thing to accomplish within that 5 years, but you choose to have a relationship which end with nothing except saddness. But, looking back, ask yourself, aint you a lucky boy that it ended now. Be bless
Originally posted by angel7030:You call that mature statement from my sista, OMG!
More mature than drinking beer at your joo chiat bar.
It is painful and devastating esp you are thinking it is kinda wasted for this relationship has been going for 5 yrs.
Sometimes , it is fated when a r/s comes to end unexpectedly .Yeah it is way too shocking to accept the reality.
But you still have to accept the cruelty .
You have to move on. You have to get into your life and live it with fulfillment esp without her.
Get yourself busy with stuffs and stop thinking about her.
Also not calling or texting her completely and completely erase her from your memory.
If she just need space to sort things out she would reaches you in no time. Stop begin needy and clingly that even drives her away furtheraway probably landing in other man's arms.
Hope you can get over this.
Humm... what to say,
If I ask TS to let go it will be very hard for him, yes we all know the heart pain, the sleepless nights and the endless tears crying out loud asking heaven what have he done wrong. ( We all have been there we know it hurts.)
Breaking up is a process no one wants to go through but I just hope TS will take a step back and look at what has happen.
1) Fact 1 : your gf wants to sleep or have fun with another guy for 3 months knowing he is a flirt and you have to take her back after another guy had "used her". Wow if you can do it then so be it. Out of 10 guys only 1 actually has done it but sadly that guy was never happy cos he is always suspecting of her cheating.
2) Fact 2 : Does your gf really love you? working life is tough so does everyone here in the forum, but does alllow her to go out with other guys and do stuff behind your back. Yes we believe that you love her with all your heart, 5 years is not short but the key question is does her actions not her words show that she treasure all the 5 years.
3) Fact 3 : What is the point of calling her? Do you seriously feel that she will give up the guy for you? In her heart she has already chosen him over you, the small complains of you, actions of saying she is at home but actually she went out with him.
My advice is for you is very simple just take a week break from her, that means no calls to her or just refusing her calls. It helps to clear your mind and allows you to think about whether is it worth keeping the relationship. We are all adults, is time to think like one.
I myself have been through this many times, so this method seems to be the best one I have used so far.
I believe you deserve someone better, someone who true love you for who you really are.
Originally posted by alize:Both of you have spent so much of your time with one partner.
Better see more of the world first, make an informed decision even if you wish to be with her.
I take it back, I might only have been half right.
If his gf ever turns back and ask for a patch up, (putting yourself in his shoes) Would u consider going back into relationship with her again??
Originally posted by jhasher:My girlfriend of 5 years ended our relationship yesterday. I was utterly devastated and hearbroken; I cannot concentrate on my work.
We had known each other when I was 22 and she was 20, but I digress.
Last year August she started her first job working as a HR Executive and I, as a Training Executive, albeit in different companies. We were happy for each other. However, it turns out that her colleagues like to bully new staff, so she was getting quite a lot of stick from them, and this caused her to be very stress.
She called me every night saying how much stress she is under and how she yearned to quit, but she held on for our sake. A few months after that, a new guy in another department joined the company and being a HR personnel, she showed him around and they found out that they stayed just a few blocks away from each other. Hence, they go to work with each other everyday as they were both new and needed friendship in a trying environment.
She began to talk to me lesser and lesser on the phone and said that her friend, B, understood the environment better so it is easier to explain things to him. She assured me that they are just friends, nothing more.
One day, I found out she lied to me about being at home but she was actually out with B. I became paranoid and started to secretly check her phone SMSes and call logs. I saw that he always sent her lovey dovey messages and they talked on the phone till 3am almost everyday. I confronted her and she said I invaded her privacy, which I admit I was wrong but she did nothing to allay my fears and worries.
Eventually, she told me that B can text her or tell her anything he wants, but she will not respond to him. This goes on for the better part of half a year and we had some serious fights over this issue, but we still remained with each other. They were meeting more frequently and he asked her out for dinner and movies on a few occasions, to which she complied once. She promised to be home early on that day but at midnight, I received a call from her and she says that she will not be home early as she will watch another movie.
Just last month we had a big fight again over this issue, and she mentioned to me that I was too controlling and wants to check up on her and do not trust her. How can I trust her anymore after all that she has done?
Eventually yesterday, she told me that she loves me a lot, but she wants to go out with B for 3 months as his girlfriend because she find it very comfortable being around him but very pressured when with me. She said that she knows this relationship with B will not last as she sees her future with me, coupled with the fact that B is a flirt and not serious when it comes to girls, but she just want to play with him until the end of the year. She told me to wait for her but still remain status quo and she will give up after she had a go at the relationship with B.
I did not agree at all (would any boyfriend agree, seriously?) and we had another fight over this. Eventually I told her that if you want to be with me, you cannot be with him and vice versa. OR I could just tolerate and let her go with him for 3 months, but she must break off all contact with him afterwards. She was reluctant as she still wants to remain as normal friend with B, and said that she will never drop a friend.
She flared up and told me that she wants to break up, and I left. That was yesterday. Today, I texted her and called up but she did not reply nor pick up the phone. She has made it seem like it is my fault but truly, she is the one at fault here. If she had really love me, nothing can make her sway her love. I know being controlling and invading her privacy is wrong, but I wasn't like that until the first and subsequent times that she lied to me.
I am feeling downright hurt and hearbroken and all I can think about are the years we had spent together, how we went through thick and thin and all the toughest and happiest times together. She's all I can think of only right now, but it seems like she doesn't care about us anymore due to the fact that she did not bother to contact me since.
Can anyone please advise me what to do? I feel like breaking down.
sure hope you had screwed her in every hole..........................
Originally posted by [imdestinyz]:The most ridiculous part is the 3 mth thing.. 3mths and come back? if TS accepts that proposal, what if 3 mths later and she say it is nt enuff? want another 3 mths? then where does that place TS? from actual bf become like spare tyre liddat.
Yes such a stupid thing to said.
Why not TS tell girl let me go out with a hooker for 3 mths?
the world has added another to the increasing population of singles...
dis is like so silly can.
Forget her and look for someone that is truely loves you forever till death.
Sounds like my ex, asking me for permission to complete the "Honeymoon" period for him and he's new found love.
Totally disgusting!
C'mon, let's be clear minded now and think about what you want. A girlfriend whom will come to you as and when she likes after meeting John Doe? Or someone who's out there more worthy of you.
What is love to her, ask her to stop giving love a bad name!!!!
>.<
That is very selfish man! Only think for himself and only care to enjoy himself.
Forget about him. Look for your true love.
Originally posted by -Rantress-:Sounds like my ex, asking me for permission to complete the "Honeymoon" period for him and he's new found love.
Totally disgusting!
C'mon, let's be clear minded now and think about what you want. A girlfriend whom will come to you as and when she likes after meeting John Doe? Or someone who's out there more worthy of you.
What is love to her, ask her to stop giving love a bad name!!!!
>.<
In relationship for we gals, One woman is another woman poison