Girlfriend ended our 5 year relationship
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My girlfriend of 5 years ended our relationship yesterday. I was utterly devastated and hearbroken; I cannot concentrate on my work.
We had known each other when I was 22 and she was 20, but I digress.
Last year August she started her first job working as a HR Executive and I, as a Training Executive, albeit in different companies. We were happy for each other. However, it turns out that her colleagues like to bully new staff, so she was getting quite a lot of stick from them, and this caused her to be very stress.
She called me every night saying how much stress she is under and how she yearned to quit, but she held on for our sake. A few months after that, a new guy in another department joined the company and being a HR personnel, she showed him around and they found out that they stayed just a few blocks away from each other. Hence, they go to work with each other everyday as they were both new and needed friendship in a trying environment.
She began to talk to me lesser and lesser on the phone and said that her friend, B, understood the environment better so it is easier to explain things to him. She assured me that they are just friends, nothing more.
One day, I found out she lied to me about being at home but she was actually out with B. I became paranoid and started to secretly check her phone SMSes and call logs. I saw that he always sent her lovey dovey messages and they talked on the phone till 3am almost everyday. I confronted her and she said I invaded her privacy, which I admit I was wrong but she did nothing to allay my fears and worries.
Eventually, she told me that B can text her or tell her anything he wants, but she will not respond to him. This goes on for the better part of half a year and we had some serious fights over this issue, but we still remained with each other. They were meeting more frequently and he asked her out for dinner and movies on a few occasions, to which she complied once. She promised to be home early on that day but at midnight, I received a call from her and she says that she will not be home early as she will watch another movie.
Just last month we had a big fight again over this issue, and she mentioned to me that I was too controlling and wants to check up on her and do not trust her. How can I trust her anymore after all that she has done?
Eventually yesterday, she told me that she loves me a lot, but she wants to go out with B for 3 months as his girlfriend because she find it very comfortable being around him but very pressured when with me. She said that she knows this relationship with B will not last as she sees her future with me, coupled with the fact that B is a flirt and not serious when it comes to girls, but she just want to play with him until the end of the year. She told me to wait for her but still remain status quo and she will give up after she had a go at the relationship with B.
I did not agree at all (would any boyfriend agree, seriously?) and we had another fight over this. Eventually I told her that if you want to be with me, you cannot be with him and vice versa. OR I could just tolerate and let her go with him for 3 months, but she must break off all contact with him afterwards. She was reluctant as she still wants to remain as normal friend with B, and said that she will never drop a friend.
She flared up and told me that she wants to break up, and I left. That was yesterday. Today, I texted her and called up but she did not reply nor pick up the phone. She has made it seem like it is my fault but truly, she is the one at fault here. If she had really love me, nothing can make her sway her love. I know being controlling and invading her privacy is wrong, but I wasn't like that until the first and subsequent times that she lied to me.
I am feeling downright hurt and hearbroken and all I can think about are the years we had spent together, how we went through thick and thin and all the toughest and happiest times together. She's all I can think of only right now, but it seems like she doesn't care about us anymore due to the fact that she did not bother to contact me since.
Can anyone please advise me what to do? I feel like breaking down.
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Let her be, a 20 year old who doesn't know a good thing until it's done.
You're right on everything, except that she is not worth keeping.
When you've dated more, you'll know who's a keeper. Hope you've already had sex.
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Hey dude, firstly, let me put it straight. You're not supposed to invade the privacy of another person. That's just not right. Back to the point, your girlfriend seems to be emotionally blackmailing you. Are you sure she is the right person for you? Normally when a person truly loves you, he/she will compromise and respect your opinions on things, but in this case, seems like she wants it her way or nothing. That's not love. Lying is not love too. Given that you had to check on her, put it this way, the trust in the r/s is already gone. Are you sure you want to force things back? I am not sure, it varies people to people, but I think it's easier to move on to a new r/s. I am not sure if you're someone with alot of female friends, which is important because usually in times when I am down, I can just call them out and female friends are better at emotional support. It's just my opinion. Leave this r/s as it is broken, (maybe she'll want to patch back, then you can consider), but otherwise, go into a new r/s. I don't know what your priorities in life are, was it just about having a girlfriend? Was it a career? You need to rethink about your life. Trust me when I say, if you're successful in your career, you'll get lots of girls attracted to you. You may not believe me but if there is a chance you'll be super successful, you'll be surprised how girls will seduce you. Another thing is, everything happens for a reason. You can never tell if it's good or bad until some time later. You may think oh it's so bad now but sometimes when I look back in my life, I just realize everything has its place and if the bad things never happened, the good things wouldn't have either. For example, you may find a better gf, the best ever, and you realize if you had stuck on to this ex, you will never have happen to be with this perfect girl.
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Glad that she broke up with you. She isn't the wife-type. If any Tom Dick Harry can shake her love for you, it probably mean she's not the right one for you. She's probably in the infatuation stage with the guy B. Once she realized that B is not the one she truly loves, she will regret it deepy. I understand that it's a great blow to you because you both are 5 years together. 5 years is just a tiny amount compared to 75 years of life expectancy. If she's the one who cheat on you, count yourself lucky not married to her yet.
I would say.. channel this energy into something else like sports or volunteer work. You may not be able to forget her tomorrow or within weeks, but trust me, after a while, you will feel better and much adapted to her absence in your life. Have a clean breakup. Speak to your friend about this break up, but do not show anger towards the topic. Let your friends know what happened in a calm way. Most of your friends will try to comfort you and ask you to move on. Accept their comfort and express gratitude to them.
Do not make your life toxic by pubbing or clubbing. This will only show how weak you are. Instead, channel your energy into something more positive which will benefit others or yourself.
I notice in your post that you are a person of good nature and self-cultivation because you did not post any negative words in the post. Because of this, I am very sure that it will be easier for any valuable advice to reach you. With your cool-mindedness, I believe that you will be able to let go of your past and start a new easier.
The first step to do is to change your contact number and do not give your number to your ex-girlfriend. Having a clear cut is way much better than having a sticky complicated relationship. This way, she will never be able to contact you again and hurt you further. Delete her facebook/MSN/friendster/Hi-5/LinkedIn/Email address and other social contact from your life.
Second step is to go for a new hair cut whether or not you just have your hair cut. A new hair cut symbolizes new life. Trust me, once you cut your hair, you will feel much relief and will be more easier to move on in life. Cutting your hair free your mind from troubles and negative thoughts. In buddism, cutting of your hair symbolizes your determination to cast aside your attachments and achieving enlightenment.
The third step is to compile all the gifts that she gaved you and put it into a box. How you handle this box represents your determination to start anew. Some people may keep everything in this box and keep it at an ulu side of the room. Some will throw the whole box away without even blinking. I'm sure based on your sentimental nature of the post, you will rather keep those memories at a location close to you.
Four step is to fill the time with meaningful activities. Doing volunteer work will help you keep you busy and adding values to other's people life. You're a smart person, I am sure you understand that how much you worth is equivalant to how much value you're adding to people's life. DO something nice, and if possible, come and help out with me at Homework Forum to offer your services to students.
Breaking the news to people around you. Sooner or later, you will have to face this. Just tell your friends/family that you have broken up with your ex-girlfriend, and briefly explain what happened. It take a lot of courages to recognize the fact that you're now going to lead a brand new life. With support from real friends and family, it will be easier for you to make it through this stage.
If there's anything else, please post it back here.
Take care and Cheers!
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She a bitch, find another one soon...
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i find the sentence that she says she wants to play with him till the end of the year very disturbing. it shows that she is very immature. The fact that she wants you to wait for her while having a 3 month flirt with that guy shows she dont care for your feeling at all. No sane guy would allow that. Just let her go. She's not worth it. If you accept this arrangement. Ther's not telling that another guy would come along and she wants another flirt for 6 months. Then how? You'll go crazy. Your are young. Recover from this and start anew.
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I had an ex-gf of 7 years in the past and I was in the almost same situation before.....If a person is not meant for you, no matter what you do or what you have done...both will not be together....One day when you have found a new love/partner and starts a family, you will look back secretly how you have reacted to the breakup and you will laugh at yourself how silly you have reacted in this breakup.
It is better to discover that both are not meant for each other than to discover it later....it is not easy but you will have to motivate and think positively yourself...Move ON with your life...when you grow older..you will get wiser.
GOOD LUCK!
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i have a friend that goes to pub regularly, meet some gals
bring them back, have sex with them. then only know that they are either got boyfriend, husband and even have kids
he would meet them up regularly and have sex with them.
well we cant do anything except advice him that he better dont have daughter when her get married and have kids
in this case, its the woman that is throwing themselve at him.
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You really sux at relationship leh. First of all, when she told you she is just friend with that boy... that is just bullshit! Its not invading privacy. Its jealous,Love and being serious with her. If any guys that dun really love his GF/wife would not even bother loh.
First of all,when girls tells u are reacting too much to this threat... tell them u love them.So naturally u are jealous. If they feel u are immature, then they dun really love u.So time to give them up. A girl who really love u will be willing to give up such small things like a fling for u.
I must congrats you to rid yourself of a bitch!!! I found a lot in the past.Just make sure you give them lots of "love" b4 you dump them(or they dump u).We are guys.Admit it that we just wan to get into their pants. So if they are bitches, do it and get over it and leave them.
Feel so good after getting rid of crazy bitches who has lots of flings! trust me!!
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move on. sure it hurt and painful, but thats the process of falling in love.
next time when u marry, pls note there is such a thing as divorce. learn from this so that the next relationship will be a better one when it comes along.
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Well TS, dun be too sad and allow time to heal. Although it is always more easily said than done and that 5 years aint that short in a r/s before marriage, but u have to learn to slowly heal urself. I do not think that any BF can tolerate this nonsense at all where she wants 3 mths to play with him and stuffs. Talk about being faithful...I believe a bf is not being controlling towards a gf for nth but most of the time, girls only sees the control but not what's behind the control. I would say invading her privacy was wrong on ur part but given the same situation, i believe i would have done the same too. With the amount of feelings that you have put in, you definitely would not be able to tolerate it. I believe a break up wld do you good actually. If a new guy from a office which came in to her life shorter than a year can break a 5 yr r/s b/w both of you, it would say alot about your relationship with her already.
You'll feel the pain but dun pressurise urself to heal it in a short time... look at it from another perspective, it might just be good for you that you found out everything now and not later when things could get more complicated.
All the best, take care and remain optimistic.
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Originally posted by Darkness_hacker99:
Glad that she broke up with you. She isn't the wife-type. If any Tom Dick Harry can shake her love for you, it probably mean she's not the right one for you. She's probably in the infatuation stage with the guy B. Once she realized that B is not the one she truly loves, she will regret it deepy. I understand that it's a great blow to you because you both are 5 years together. 5 years is just a tiny amount compared to 75 years of life expectancy. If she's the one who cheat on you, count yourself lucky not married to her yet.
I would say.. channel this energy into something else like sports or volunteer work. You may not be able to forget her tomorrow or within weeks, but trust me, after a while, you will feel better and much adapted to her absence in your life. Have a clean breakup. Speak to your friend about this break up, but do not show anger towards the topic. Let your friends know what happened in a calm way. Most of your friends will try to comfort you and ask you to move on. Accept their comfort and express gratitude to them.
Do not make your life toxic by pubbing or clubbing. This will only show how weak you are. Instead, channel your energy into something more positive which will benefit others or yourself.
I notice in your post that you are a person of good nature and self-cultivation because you did not post any negative words in the post. Because of this, I am very sure that it will be easier for any valuable advice to reach you. With your cool-mindedness, I believe that you will be able to let go of your past and start a new easier.
The first step to do is to change your contact number and do not give your number to your ex-girlfriend. Having a clear cut is way much better than having a sticky complicated relationship. This way, she will never be able to contact you again and hurt you further. Delete her facebook/MSN/friendster/Hi-5/LinkedIn/Email address and other social contact from your life.
Second step is to go for a new hair cut whether or not you just have your hair cut. A new hair cut symbolizes new life. Trust me, once you cut your hair, you will feel much relief and will be more easier to move on in life. Cutting your hair free your mind from troubles and negative thoughts. In buddism, cutting of your hair symbolizes your determination to cast aside your attachments and achieving enlightenment.
The third step is to compile all the gifts that she gaved you and put it into a box. How you handle this box represents your determination to start anew. Some people may keep everything in this box and keep it at an ulu side of the room. Some will throw the whole box away without even blinking. I'm sure based on your sentimental nature of the post, you will rather keep those memories at a location close to you.
Four step is to fill the time with meaningful activities. Doing volunteer work will help you keep you busy and adding values to other's people life. You're a smart person, I am sure you understand that how much you worth is equivalant to how much value you're adding to people's life. DO something nice, and if possible, come and help out with me at Homework Forum to offer your services to students.
Breaking the news to people around you. Sooner or later, you will have to face this. Just tell your friends/family that you have broken up with your ex-girlfriend, and briefly explain what happened. It take a lot of courages to recognize the fact that you're now going to lead a brand new life. With support from real friends and family, it will be easier for you to make it through this stage.
If there's anything else, please post it back here.
Take care and Cheers!
thats very good advice from this very senior forummer... =D
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hi bro the thing in life is that we are never contented. A simple quotation "Yes, there are people who are greater than you. There are people who are more attractive, more caring and more fortunate than you. That's life - full of temptations. But didn't you realize that there are people greater than her and yet you chose her instead."
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TS, your gf likely want to know more bf other than you.
She might feel she want more freedom and want to know more bf other than you.
What she do, you cannot control her as this is her private life.
Ask her this question firmly and serious, "Do you still like me?".
If no or dont know or see how, you can forget about the relationship with her.
Move on.
Time will heal.
You too may go out with other gf too.
If one day, your gf knock on your door, and happen you already have new gf, told her off for not treasure this relationship.
She is not worth for your pain feeling.
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Sounds like she is trying to test her market. Maybe she feels good about being "wanted" so she wants to be able to attract more guys.
You must know how to draw the line. Her statement that she wants to date this guy for 3 months is unacceptable. It shows immaturity and unloyal behaviour on her part. I ask you, do you want to marry a woman like this? You are right to tell her that it is unacceptable. You are a person and you do not like to be a second fiddle. Don't let her push your around like this and allow her to date and try out another guy for 3 months.
I know you feel hurt, I symphatise with you. However, you must consider your situation now. You must look at things with more reason. She is trying to flirt with thsi guy, and this shows disloyalty to your relationship.
I am not going to tell you what to do. You may decide to try to win her back or you may decide to call it off. You call the shots. But whatever you do, whether you want to breakup or not, never burn the bridge. Don't cut her off - change your phone number, delete her contacts (thingslike that). If she wants to remain as friends, so be it. Because burning the bridge, leaves an unsolved feeling in your heart. You will always feel this pain in your heart with a lot of "what ifs". If the relationship is over - let there be closure, so your heart can be at peace and forgiveness and you can go on with your usual life.
On the other hand, if she comes back to you, I congratulate you. However, you have to build that trusts with her and try to rebuild back your relationship and reconcile your past hurts.
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Originally posted by alize:
Let her be, a 20 year old who doesn't know a good thing until it's done.
You're right on everything, except that she is not worth keeping.
When you've dated more, you'll know who's a keeper. Hope you've already had sex.
he's 27 and the lady 25 right?
girlfriend of 5 yrs and he got to know her when he was 22.
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The most ridiculous part is the 3 mth thing.. 3mths and come back? if TS accepts that proposal, what if 3 mths later and she say it is nt enuff? want another 3 mths? then where does that place TS? from actual bf become like spare tyre liddat.
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I feel so sad even when reading it, let alone TS. I feel for you, and hope you brace yourself up. Change your lifestyle, take up activities you have never done before, walk a different route home, etc.
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Consider yourself lucky.
Five years meant nothing to her. That means you are second best until a better one comes along. Here she is willing to put aside all that years, to find out whats best for her. If B don't make her grade, she'll fall back on you. Until someone else comes along. It does happen, and even has, after marraige.
Do you want that?
I suggest you find a girl who would be equally committed to you as you would be to her.
The lousy feelings is normal, its just feelings, no big deal, you'll get over it.
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took you 5 years to find out how much she valued the relationship and the trust you placed in her - not much.
take comfort in the fact that you found that out now rather than later where you might have possibly gotten married.
Meanwhile, enjoy what life has to offer, in your career, in your friends, and the freedom of singlehood, as it only lasts for a while until you find someone else.
All the best dude
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*pat pat* Never forget.. never forgive.
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To :SasperillabobWhen you break with someone.Especially when she dump u.Its best not to leave anything behind that reminds of her.Because you love her so much but she reject you after you puts in so much.To give up everthing of her is making it easy on yourself. Never have the hope that she will be back.That is the very basic thing. Always tell yourself this:- "Even if she comes back,i will not wan her back.Because she is not worth your attention"If you do not do this, you will have a hard time trying to get over a relationship that the girl dun care a shit about.Only you will be the one suffering.Most importantly, over a girl that is not worth it.Trust me,if she can go loving another man like this,she will sleep around more than you know.If you can take it that your woman sleep around with other man... Then its ok with u!!!But if you are a normal guy like me,just have a good break from her.Go back to your own life like nothing happened.Make sure you are more happy than you are with her.Dun care about her.Since she enjoy like this,let her be.
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Girlfriend ended our 5 year relationship
Count yourself lucky that you never married her. Married for 5 years then go for divorce.You are one lucky son of a bastard.
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" One day, I found out she lied to me about being at home but she was actually out with B. I became paranoid and started to secretly check her phone SMSes and call logs. I saw that he always sent her lovey dovey messages and they talked on the phone till 3am almost everyday. I confronted her and she said I invaded her privacy, which I admit I was wrong but she did nothing to allay my fears and worries "
This must be very painful.
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Originally posted by Worcer:To :SasperillabobWhen you break with someone.Especially when she dump u.Its best not to leave anything behind that reminds of her.Because you love her so much but she reject you after you puts in so much.To give up everthing of her is making it easy on yourself. Never have the hope that she will be back.That is the very basic thing. Always tell yourself this:- "Even if she comes back,i will not wan her back.Because she is not worth your attention"If you do not do this, you will have a hard time trying to get over a relationship that the girl dun care a shit about.Only you will be the one suffering.Most importantly, over a girl that is not worth it.Trust me,if she can go loving another man like this,she will sleep around more than you know.If you can take it that your woman sleep around with other man... Then its ok with u!!!But if you are a normal guy like me,just have a good break from her.Go back to your own life like nothing happened.Make sure you are more happy than you are with her.Dun care about her.Since she enjoy like this,let her be.
I tell the TS also no point, 5 years of relationship, obviously he will try to bring her back. All the logic and wisdom in the world won't stop a guy who is so attach to 5 year rship to try to bring back his girl.
I am in no position to advice the TS what his action should be. I only give him the options that are available to him.
However, I fully agree with TS that he should put his foot down and tell her that he doesn't agree with her flinging with the other guy.
I leave it to TS. If he thinks he wants to break up, that is good because she is not loyal. If he wants to keep her, not so good but perhaps he could make her change her mind? Maybe she is immature and she doesn't realise that she is going for sex ratherthan someone who truly loves her? Can she change? We really dunno.
We are only reading from TS opinion, we dunno true situation.