My wife has been "detained" by her 2 brothers since Saturday 24 Sept.
They had brought her for SOKA chantting sessions at Tampines. But had decided not to bring her home thereafter. They had decided to let her continue chantting at his house in Hougang Ave 8
I have asked for police assistance on 2 occasions on Saturday 24 and Sunday 25. But the police would only say that she had told them that she had wanted to stay on.
They did not allow me or any members of my family to talk to her.
Now the brothers had brought my wife to issue a PPO on me for violence on a certain day and time. But it is not true. I really cannot understand how she can swear on oath to the judge for the said violence when her NRIC is still at home.
The brothers are just trying to break up my family. Is this such a SOKA behaviour. It seems like they are trying to get us divorced and then perhaps enjoy the gains from my wife.
My wife has early dementia symptons. Are they trying to take advantage of the situation.
Please help me.
I understand the other brother is an insurance agent from AVIRA in River Valley. which is perhaps why he is initiating all these
I have tried to seek help from all various channels but no avail.
They feel that I have been "fierce" to my wife. Such excuse is an intrusion into my personal life. We are in our 50s and have been married for more than 30 years with 2 graduate children. We are retired.
Please remove the address before further complications. Thank you.
I know you are currently facing a huge problem. The best way is to sit down, calmly think of the solution.
How to edit it
wat are the "various channels" u have tried to seek help from?
all other forums?
Have you told your children about the current situation? What do they say?
The various channels are Sub Court, Family Court, PAVE, FSC, police, lawyers.
My children are girls. They cried. But then what can they do. They are not close to my wife's brothers.
tell your MP about your case.
If you dare, call TNP hotline and tell the journalist about your story. then the reporter will go investigate and report it.
Originally posted by Reruny:The various channels are Sub Court, Family Court, PAVE, FSC, police, lawyers.
so after trying those, u think the best choice of all is forumites?
If rooney9 is a reporter he will definetly take up your case and publish it in the newspaper because he is too free.
Otherwise if its other reporters they will not even bother because they are busy with many other more interesting stories to publish
and now, I present to you
Originally posted by Reruny:My wife has been "detained" by her 2 brothers since Saturday 24 Sept.
They had brought her for SOKA chantting sessions at Tampines. But had decided not to bring her home thereafter. They had decided to let her continue chantting at his house in Hougang Ave 8
I have asked for police assistance on 2 occasions on Saturday 24 and Sunday 25. But the police would only say that she had told them that she had wanted to stay on.
They did not allow me or any members of my family to talk to her.
Now the brothers had brought my wife to issue a PPO on me for violence on a certain day and time. But it is not true. I really cannot understand how she can swear on oath to the judge for the said violence when her NRIC is still at home.
The brothers are just trying to break up my family. Is this such a SOKA behaviour. It seems like they are trying to get us divorced and then perhaps enjoy the gains from my wife.
My wife has early dementia symptons. Are they trying to take advantage of the situation.
Please help me.
I understand the other brother is an insurance agent from AVIRA in River Valley. which is perhaps why he is initiating all these
I have tried to seek help from all various channels but no avail.
They feel that I have been "fierce" to my wife. Such excuse is an intrusion into my personal life. We are in our 50s and have been married for more than 30 years with 2 graduate children. We are retired.
So.. what are you agonizing about ?
The fact that you have no control over your wife now ?
She would rather find peace and solace in a religion and extended family members than in you ?
Perhaps she had TOLERATED you for the past 30 years and had enough of the crap you threw at her.
So obvious you are a control freak who is losing it.
You are a man of CONFLICT, any person ( including your wife and children ) who seeks peace and harmony will naturally distant themself away from you.
Go seek some professional help. ( Not to deal with others.. but to learn to deal with your inner demon) So you don't die a lonely man.
My wife and myself do not have any problems with our relationship. We had planned our retirement. My wife did not have to work to support the family.
Upon diagnosis with dementia, I did not want her to be doing housework. I clean, sweep, do laundry, wash dishes, clean toilets, picking up after her.
I have to get her to work her brain in the hope that the progression of dementia will slow down. I tell her to cook. If she can remember how to cook, it's a bonus to me.
Her behaviour is instigated by her brothers. She is not conversant in English and will not be able to construct a sentence. How is she able to write up a PPO against me.
Our marriage is normal. Going through all trials and tribulation in those 30 years and still enjoying it till today. We have lived through dissapointments, shoutings, misunderstanding,cries of joy and sadness and have came out strong, realising that life is not custom made to be content happily ever after. We have to work for it. This is the thought that we have shared all along. We are realists not dreamers.
Everywhere I went, I brought her along. My friends all realised that whenever, we get together, my wife will always be with me.
We are still active in private.
She has just only started to join her brothers when I suggest so. I did not realise that her brothers are so deviant in their SOKA.
They are doing this to break up my family.
I think I have had enough. I am highlighting this in this forum, because, there is nothing that can help me. I just want to share with all.
Perhaps their brothers are envy of her using SOKA as a front for their actions.
we din hear the other side of the story.
You are right. I also want to hear. But they are avoiding all communication between me and my wife. No one can talk to her. I have requested a social worker, FSC to call her.
But no.
Sorry, but I will need to say,that they always stammer when they talk. It's hard to understand what they are trying to say. Only in Chinese. So as my Chinese is not good, perhaps there's a problem. But I always try not to show it.
So they begin to think that they are "GODS". This is the feeling that I get.
Hi Reruny,
So sorry that you are going through an unhappy moment of your life.
I dont quite understand your situation and if you care to elaborate... I would like to understand a few things:
1) You are not on good term with your brothers in law?
2) Your wife is only having mild dementia and she is still normal otherwise?
3) She is unhappy with you in some ways.. so much so that she agree to apply of a PPO?
4) Is it true that you have been fierce to her before? Perhaps even lay hands on her? Or abuse her verbally?
5) You do not like this SOKA thingy at all or are you from there before too? I ask this because you said you suggested your wife to "join the brothers"..
6) You are retired at quite a young age, do you consider yourself a rich man?
7) Your bros-in-law do not speak English, are they of the same social standard as you? I am also confused about this part...I was under the impression that people from the insurance industry should at least speak some English..
Furthermore, I do not know if you mean it the way I read it, I hope you can clarify:
8) You explained that they accused you of being fierce.. and you follow up to say that you have been married for 30 years with 2 graduate children and retired. Bing married for 30 years or having 2 kids or being retired at 50s does not equate to any answer as to whether you are actually fierce to your wife or not. Care to elaborate?
9) Your kids are old enough and are graduates, dont they have better ideas rather than just cry? Did you try asking them to do something? Perhaps talk to the mom? Or the mom does not even want to see them now?
10) Do you think that by not letting your wife work, you are doing a great thing for her? Or do you think that you are already very good to her since you are able to let her stop work? Do you expect anything in return for the things you have done?
11) If your answer to qtn number 2 above is that your wife is having very serious dementia, then I would like to ask if she can recognise you still? Because if she has problem remembering who you are and you guys are still "active in private", that may be a huge problem.
12) You mentioned that your marriage is normal, but you also continue to say that you guys went through 30 years of trial and tribulation "and still enjoy it now".. Do you mean that you guys are still going through "trails and tribulation" ?
13) Finally, if the brothers are bad people, then may I ask how is the relationships of your wife with them all along since younger days?
Sorry if I have too many qtns..
Hermit
Cont'd, Hi, Mr Reruny, i am Angel, princess of this forum,
14) Firstly, may I ask, are you yourself on medication of any kind?
15) You asked yr wife to join your brother, how did you asked, in a good or bad mood? or shout at her? just like "IF YOU LIKE yr Brothers, then go JOIN THEM AND make sure you dun come BACK!!!"
16) Have you in one way or the other threatened your wife with no serious intention other than to control over her?
17) Most people working in River Valley understand and speak good english, I wonder why they choose to speak chinese to you?
18) If you wife is not converse in english and you are not converse in chinese, how do you both communicate and get married in the first place?
19) You got 2 graduated gals, graduated and still cannot help out but instead cry, or it could be you stop them from giving suggestion and they start to hate you for being a sick old man.
20) And why are you so worry about a divorce and a PPO when you do nothing wrong? Are you feeling guilty concious at the moment? scare, frighten, worry, stress etc etc, ??
If so, dun worry, come joo chiat, Angel's Pub and lounge*. I make sure all ur problem will be settle. Just remember to bring your C card along, dun leave home without it.
*Terms and condition apply
Cut away all the excess information.
By all intent and purpose, your wife is staying away from you by her own free will. She is assisted by her two brothers. You did not indicate brothers withing quotation marks, so I presume they are her siblings. Thats why the police can't do anything. She is not held against her will.
This is a domestic dispute, not a cult abduction, as you wish to portray it.
The SOKA organization has a good reputation in Singapore. They have a contingent at NDP every year. So they must have been doing good community service as well, other wise the MIW would distance themselves from SOKA.
The two brothers may have acted radically, there are always such people in every organization. So you would have better results if you approach the SOKA personnels for help. I am sure they will sort things out in favour of both parties.
There is no domestic dispute with my wife. She had chosen to stay away from our family is tantamount to a breakup. Was she led on ? No mother would want to allow her brother to break up her family.
If they are not afraid,why are they avoiding me. Do not let my wife to talk to me.
She was not prepared for this. She did not bring any clothes with her.
Now she issue a PPO on me. All because of me disallowing her to stay away?
Is this the way to solve problems ? Very shallow mentality.
Originally posted by Reruny:There is no domestic dispute with my wife. She had chosen to stay away from our family is tantamount to a breakup. Was she led on ? No mother would want to allow her brother to break up her family.
If they are not afraid,why are they avoiding me. Do not let my wife to talk to me.
She was not prepared for this. She did not bring any clothes with her.
Now she issue a PPO on me. All because of me disallowing her to stay away?
Is this the way to solve problems ? Very shallow mentality.
Your children are graduates, so they are adults.
Are they as desperate to bring their mother home ?
Stop harrassing your wife. She will come home when she is ready to come home.
She is not your property.. she can come and go as she well please.
Right now.. your anger and anxiety is making her stay away longer.
The tighter you grip the faster she slips away.
As long as you don't divorce her.. what is there for the brothers to gain ? Nothing. Except they have one more burden upon themselves.
So don't be a fool.. the rage in your eyes are making you a blind man.
I am not harassing my wife.
But she have to know that she has got appointments to attend to.
Now that all these things are caused by her brothers, things will never be the same even if she returns home.
My children are getting angry with her as well.
I just want to avoid many more unpleasant episodes.
Originally posted by Reruny:I am not harassing my wife.
But she have to know that she has got appointments to attend to.
Now that all these things are caused by her brothers, things will never be the same even if she returns home.
My children are getting angry with her as well.
I just want to avoid many more unpleasant episodes.
She only stayed away since Sept 24.. not long enough for you to throw such a major fit.
Yet you called upon the security forces to extract her on 24th and 25th ? That's HARASSMENT.
No wonder she thinks you are crazy and is now fearful of her own safety.
Look yourself in the mirror.. YOU are the problem.
FYI : PPO can be issued to someone who don't speak English ok. Most officers are bilinguals.
I suggest you also go for some kind of psychological checkup.
She is not capable ot such thoughts and action.
I have told the brothers nicely to bring her back. But they refused and shouted at me, daring me to take action against them.
I am just trying to stop her from breaking up the family.
I just want to talk to her.
If she has decided on the PPO, which I know is instigated, can I as a husband still stand around and do nothing.
I really cannot understand where are you coming from with such remarks.
Originally posted by Reruny:There is no domestic dispute with my wife. She had chosen to stay away from our family is tantamount to a breakup. Was she led on ? No mother would want to allow her brother to break up her family.
If they are not afraid,why are they avoiding me. Do not let my wife to talk to me.
She was not prepared for this. She did not bring any clothes with her.
Now she issue a PPO on me. All because of me disallowing her to stay away?
Is this the way to solve problems ? Very shallow mentality.
Regardless of your feelings, the police will classify this as a domestic dispute. You can scream all your arguments and pull you hair out, a for the police it is domestic dispute.
For a very shallow mentality, you have generated quite a tsunami by your breaking up the family, and avoiding you and other accusations. You want justification for your actions, and condemnation of SOKA from us.
I suggest you calm down, go talk to the SOKA people. Please talk calmly with the view of coming to a solution, not to having your own way.
You wife may want a break.
To legally change the PPO situation, you must either get her to retract the PPO or prove she is a mentally disordered person. Then her brothers will be in trouble for any will or PPO that she signs.
I don't think they are using SOKA as a front, I think they are using their activities to make her happy and unwilling to leave since she has dementia. Emotions are more influential than logic on her.
Is there a legal way to lead a rescue mission, spring her from her brother's home and ask her to say she is now willingly staying with you?
I haven't heard of such a situation, only heard stories of relatives shutting out immediate family members when a person is on his deathbed, only letting them in when they have "converted" the person to another religion just before he died. Maybe after signing a will too.
Hope it works out for you.