GF wanna go overseas with platonic friend
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Hi
My gf and i have been together for quite awhile. Recently we had a tiff when she said she was intending to go Malaysia during the weekend with a guy friend of hers. They have been close platonic friends for many years so her perspective is that it is merely hanging out with a friend. I reason that it beyond what i can accept as a social norm as i was brought up with a traditionally conservative mindset.
She is trustworthy and what she reasoned is logical and comprehensible. However, understanding it is easy but accepting is difficult. Hence my question is:
Firstly, is anyone able to rationalise my point of concern so that i can better convey my view for her understanding. She is a rational person and if I am able to justify my concern to her instead of me stating this is social norm thingy, it would be much better.
Secondly, any suggestions as to how this can be resolved/moved forward? -
erm, usually i let my gf do whatever she wants... I even encourage her to find more male friends in her social circle... I said if she finds someone she like more than me, go ahead, life is short... i dun see a point in controlling another person's life, they are not my puppet. i will give advice where it's due, if they proceed and hurt themselves, then they have to be accountable for their own actions. there are always idiots who dun know the dangers and went in blindly sometimes, i mean look at sgforums and you can easily see some retarded forumers, so yes there are stupid people in this world... which means there is no right or wrong action to take, because we won't know whether it's right or wrong until later on...
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You cannot stop her for being going out with a mail friend of her to malaysia right?
Is you gf go alone with him to malaysia for a few days?
If so, then there is some question need to ask.
Why alone with him?
Is she taking your relationship like a bread and butter issue?
Since she quarrel with you, is she taking this as a punishment?
You should ask her why need spend time with a guy over weekend and in malaysia. What is her motive doing this? Are you sincerely love me?
Ask her these questions and see her respond.
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Relationship is based on trust. You need to trust her. Of cuz it depends.
Is she going out with a group of friends or she is just going out with that guy alone?
If the answer is former, you should lay back and relax - trust !!
Is the answer is latter, something not right. For guy and girl to go out alone, it is regarded a date ! (conservative or open thinking)
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tell her u feel very jealous
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She seemed to like freedom of well beings. You seemed to loving too deeply, it may be painful for you. Upon love needs to rationalise, is not love anymore. It becomes sort of business negotiation.
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Originally posted by JerryJan:
tell her u feel very jealous
Give her the straight answer also good. -
There are three points of concern.
1. The gf
2. The platonic guy friend.
3. The aftermath.
Both are well behaved in the present circumstances in Singapore. It is easy as they have no romantic interest in each other other than friendship.
But in a remote situation in Malaysia, and in the private setting of a hotel, the circumstance changed dramatically. Opportunity for intimacy arises.
1.Can the gf be trusted?
2.Can the guy be trusted?
3.There will always be the lingering doubt afterwards. The uncertainity will be nagging in the mind.
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"........She is a rational person and if I am able to justify my concern to her......"
This is a Gordian knot.
Reply if do not understand.
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good luck
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Then pose a hypothesis of a similar nature to her: what if you go overseas with your platonic best female friend? If she cannot see the logic at all, then just find another gal. This will cause constant problems in the future again and again because she is such good pals with that guy.
No joke, it's not easy to let go but you'll have to. If she hangs out with guy friends, why not? If you trust her and she keeps a distance, why not? But going overseas alone with the platonic male friend is just pushing the limit.
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Originally posted by Hongjin82:
Hi
My gf and i have been together for quite awhile. Recently we had a tiff when she said she was intending to go Malaysia during the weekend with a guy friend of hers. They have been close platonic friends for many years so her perspective is that it is merely hanging out with a friend. I reason that it beyond what i can accept as a social norm as i was brought up with a traditionally conservative mindset.
She is trustworthy and what she reasoned is logical and comprehensible. However, understanding it is easy but accepting is difficult. Hence my question is:
Firstly, is anyone able to rationalise my point of concern so that i can better convey my view for her understanding. She is a rational person and if I am able to justify my concern to her instead of me stating this is social norm thingy, it would be much better.
Secondly, any suggestions as to how this can be resolved/moved forward?don't worry lah............
any sex between them will be platonic also.............
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the usual post-tiff tactic warning u to improve your Key Performance Index..
it depends on whether u wanna be her slave of love forever....
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Ask her to wear this
or
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Tell her that you will be going to malaysia with a female friend. Use the same reasoning or even better critical rationality explanation to professionally explain to her the situation the way she used to rationally rationalize her point to you.
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Originally posted by Darkness_hacker99:
Tell her that you will be going to malaysia with a female friend. Use the same reasoning or even better critical rationality explanation to professionally explain to her the situation the way she used to rationally rationalize her point to you.
Do not be surprise that her answer is "Go ahead, no problem"."You also can one what .... "
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if she respect u, she wouldnt have even the slightest thought of gg to malaysia alone with another guy fren
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Originally posted by RaTtY8l:
if she respect u, she wouldnt have even the slightest thought of gg to malaysia alone with another guy fren
Respect is not the right word. Committed should be more appropriate. -
Well, you can alway go oversea with a gal of your wish, I got plenty of them here for you to choose, then just tell yr gf that u r going with a female friend, let see how your gf react.
I alway believe in looking at issue cooling, let other take their own medicine and see how they feel and react
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Just say you are concerned and worried and is a bit jealous as a boyfriend, and suggest maybe they go as a group (ask more people to go), not just the two of them, or dont go to there and change the travel plan, maybe go to Sentosa instead or go to the coffee shop for a chit chat.
In this way you are negotiating and is proposing something to meet both parties interests half-way.
You can think about this or some other method. But remember the idea is to meet half-way, if not somebody will be unhappy.
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Most of the opinions here have the same message: you can't stop her from cheating even in Singapore.
People will have different opinions on whether this trip is acceptable. There are so many factors involved: it's voluntary (ie not a business trip), it involves 2 people alone... But these are totally not relevant because you should address the first line.
Do both of you have total or partial commitment, trust, good fundamentals, shared aims in life...?
After these questions, going on the trip becomes only a matter of opinion between you and your gf and there is no right answer.
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All I can say is, given that she is your gf, and there love in between, she would not go out with a male fren or go oversea with him. As a gal, I must respect my bf who love me, not trying to make thing bad for him, afterall, he is my dear one. Going out in a group of frens is not really a problem, but I still need to consult him, but going out with a single male fren is definitely making things worst than good.
I believe that TS gf is not serious with him, and he is taken for a ride by her.
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I said it's a matter of opinion because I have friends who have made lifelong commitments and yet their partners are totally ok with them going on trips.
If I or my partner want to take a trip, we are okay with each other. Neither of us needs to leave Singapore to cheat.
If I don't trust her, why would I care what she wants to get up to?
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good advice from others already.
i think it's more than whether it's okay to go or not. If relationship is at a stage where it's already leaking water, then this kind of trip come up and she want to go....then start looking for the exit sign me thinx.
If relationship is strong and u feel uneasy about the trip, you can try and see why she wants to go without you and only him. You'll have to use your judgement and exercise trust at a certain stage after she tells you....and leave it at that.
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日久生情. till then, take care lor