I need help please, read my story? (a story of a quiet girl)
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Originally posted by xiaogougou:
Well for most pple, when you got your bf / gf, you basically kissed all your friends goodbye. So if you already have one, you can pretty much ignore that aspect.But to survive at work, it is another skill altogether other than your work capabilities. I never ever let myself get disadvantaged at work. There are a few golden rules I think you really gotta learn especially for your predicament.
Working hard doesnt cut it. The most successful worker is seldom the hardest worker, but the smartest one who falls in the good books of your boss.
NEVER EVER let anybody step over you. This is something i realized during my school days. Because if some member in your project group can be a slacker and get free marks for your group work, what is there to stop such cheapskates from repeating the same crap when they get into work life?
Remember there'll always be jerks who'll backstab you, put you in the bad light over your bosses and take credit for your hard work.
I make it a point to let my bosses know that its me, Me, ME !!! that did all the work for the events / projects. I will let my boss know if somebody didnt do a shit for anything !!
Now you'll probably think that in doing so i'll be making some enemies in the workplace. But hey .. thats not backstabbing. Besides, i didnt come here to work to make friends ok? I am here to earn money and advance my own career. I will do whatever it takes to get to where I want and whatever stands in front of me will be kicked away or dealt with. It is that SIMPLE.
If you do not make an enemy out of someone, sooner or later someone will make an enemy out of you.. So long your boss recognizes you as a capable worker, you are an asset to him, you can get away with murder.
And never ever do anything out of your jobscope. I mean NEVER. Because if you volunteer or if you allow yourself to do something that you were not originally meant to do, your bosses or co-workers will "conveniently" think that you could do it again in the future. You are merely adding extra work on your table, you still having your own work responsibilties to fulfil is one thing, not getting paid for the extra work is the worst kind of shit i despise the most.
It is a dog eat dog world out there. Sometimes the only way to survive or go on is to be more cruel and vicious than what other pple can dish out. Being nice to someone is being cruel to yourself.
People like to bully me. I am by nature a very quiet person, not loud at all. I get nervous around people, and then when they start to talk very loudly, I will cringe (duno mentally only or physically too, but mentally confirm have). In office always got people tell me do this and that, and my title is 'assistant'. So sometimes hard to tell when I'm not supposed to do stuff.
How to not let people bully? If someone tells me to do something, I might say 'busy now, cannot help'. But then that person will 'I also very busy, help la, short while only'. I cannot say 'no'. Help!
Xiaogougou, you must be very vocal...that's your nature, right?
Originally posted by jojobeach:You don't have to try to be someone else.
Your conversation does not flow.. is because there is nothing in common to chat about.
If you have more to relate to people.. the conversation will start to flow.
Some of your friends are just superficial.. they joke and make noise. At the end of the day..such "boisters" and "fun" are meaningless.
Try to hangout with people with more depth. Travel around more and experience life in quality.. not just quantity.
It's not that I try to be someone else, but I try to make myself appear more interesting...although most of the time I don't give a heck about what people are talking about. If not, I will be silent all the time, even more so that I am now.
Because around me, many of the people just make meaningless noise...and even those who are not predisposed to do this, will start doing this too due to peer pressure. Then it is hard to differentiate the real empty vessels and those who just do so to try to fit in.
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3 women make up a marketless noise is better
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If you notice a fellow loner, will you make the first move to know him/her? If not, how to find your ideal quiet buddy. All of your type repel each other.
Regarding work, since you're the type that always give in, learn to make it difficult for others. If you know you're gonna end up doing the work eitherway, make faces, snide comments and give excessive excuses whenever someone approaches you to do volunteer work. That way, they'll soon find it a bother to ask you to do stuff.
And since you're a girl, woah best, try re-modelling yourself, such that you wear perhaps trendier wear, apply a bit of lipgloss or something, that helps boost your confidence when you step out of the house.
Lastly, even if you're quiet or have nothing to contribute to the matter at hand, it's good to be responsive and better yet, smile [Even if it's fake]. I've been around quiet people and when they start to disappear into the background, it's really a downer because if people didn't like you, they wouldn't have bothered asking you along.
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come on guys. there is nothing wrong with TS. your giving advise is telling TS he or she is somthing not right. From what i see, the people around him or her really has got a problem. only thing is they all have problem, they won;t know it. youhave no problem, they will think when you don;t have their problem, you have a problem., even docs and ppsychologis also same. cos many have the problem you don;t have the problem, then you are the one with the problem. so you have to be treated. have a beer, cheers
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It's a matter of being versatile and adapting to changes, despite what your real personality is.
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Maybe you can try complain back to management...via email? Silently type? Got a slacker in my project group always submit things late, i scold him a lil only he like wanna fight, say wat talk and settle after class. He wrong yet he can quarrel until he is right like that. I just email teacher and case closed le
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Originally posted by troublemaker2005:
From what i see, the people around him or her really has got a problem.
Troublemaker, why do you say this? Please elaborate...It's only logical that "when one is near mud, they are stained mud-coloured". Some Chinese 8-character thing. But I am not 'stained mud' and such...so this is out of the norm liao worh.
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yo no need to be stain-mud even if youare not near mud.
they jibai and arse grw at their mouth that is their problem. you don;t have their jibai and arse growing at the mouth that is not your problem. quiet poepl everywhere they go sure get bullied. from school nursery to adult work life is like that. so they all group together band together for strength and fear that they are left alone.
don;t treat your work life like your home and own life. although you may spend more than 1/2 a day there, work is alwasy work. after work you should have a life elsewhere, and no one can dictate what you can or should be, be it forcefully, or softtalk.
you should immediately log out and not read here anymore. weekedns after work alone go tosomewhere quiet and serene, park pr seaside. think what you can do to make your life better, short and long term goals, need not be materialistic. set a goal for yourself to ahieve and work towards it.
good luck
* i gotta log out noe, have many nostril haird to trim.
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Originally posted by AngelOfDarkness:
People like to bully me. I am by nature a very quiet person, not loud at all. I get nervous around people, and then when they start to talk very loudly, I will cringe (duno mentally only or physically too, but mentally confirm have). In office always got people tell me do this and that, and my title is 'assistant'. So sometimes hard to tell when I'm not supposed to do stuff.
How to not let people bully? If someone tells me to do something, I might say 'busy now, cannot help'. But then that person will 'I also very busy, help la, short while only'. I cannot say 'no'. Help!
Xiaogougou, you must be very vocal...that's your nature, right?
No, i am the way i am now is because of circumstances. This is how you survive or have an edge in this concrete jungle.
Havent you heard of the saying '人善被人欺 ' ?
What i have other than you is courage, determination, and a whole lot of pride. I will not allow any dweeb to walk over me. If someone will have to be miserable, it has to be me to effect that misery on others rather than let somebody do it to me.
To excel in the workplace, you got to have the proper attitude. If you want something, you need to show others you want it bad enough, so they know well enough to stay out of your way.
My advice for you is: Dont really trust anybody in the workplace, especially those who have conflicting interests with you. If it means stepping over someone to get to the place you want, so be it. Wanna blame then blame why that fellow has to stand in your way.
You need to especially build up your self esteem and be courageous. It is nothing wrong to refuse pple. Learn how to say NO in a big way. I ranted and scolded the hell outta pple who wanted to push their work to me. Yeah, i made everybody see just how shameless that weasel is. Yeah, i am selfish. But thats the way how the office works. I aint coming to the office to make friends, sorry. You dont like it, you can cry me a river.
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Quit playing victim, make a point to make your stand.
Change comes from within. It only a matter of how it comes out.
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Originally posted by xiaogougou:
But thats the way how the office works. I aint coming to the office to make friends, sorry. You dont like it, you can cry me a river.
got shameless ones come her my ofice with a box tocollect soins, slowly slowy they will tell you go to their church, then they want you todonate 10percent of your salary to their 'cause'. know know why ho yao shan and his gay husband so rich until police investigate. -
Originally posted by AngelOfDarkness:
It's not that I try to be someone else, but I try to make myself appear more interesting...although most of the time I don't give a heck about what people are talking about. If not, I will be silent all the time, even more so that I am now.
Because around me, many of the people just make meaningless noise...and even those who are not predisposed to do this, will start doing this too due to peer pressure. Then it is hard to differentiate the real empty vessels and those who just do so to try to fit in.
When you try to "appear" more interesting.. you are trying to fit in. To become one of "them"...thinking this is the way to be accepted by your peers.
However, you don't need to behave just like them..They are loud, they are noisy.. but that does not means people will "like" them.
If you are a good person.. with kind heart, helpful, sincere, honest and considerate.. people will LIKE you .. and wish to be close to you.. without the need to change your characteristic.
It's ok to be different.. to be unique.. yet still be liked and accepted by others around you.
As for people taking advantage of you.. that happens all the time.. loud or quiet... there's nothing wrong being assertive... as long as you do it in a non-hostile way.
Indeed... saying "NO".. requires plenty of practise..it's hard to break out of the "obedience" shell... especially when we were taught from young to listen and do what our parents wish.
So, after so many years of repressed emotions..it will take time to get use to that new found "rebellion" as an adult.
As you test your strenght and discover your weaknesses.. you'd be able to better handle your emotion and be able to assess others and how to react to them more efficiently and effectively.
My favourite quote from a mafia movie.. - Difficult .. not impossible.
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Mine is from those sexually R21 movie quote " the harder, the better"
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Originally posted by troublemaker2005:
come on guys. there is nothing wrong with TS. your giving advise is telling TS he or she is somthing not right. From what i see, the people around him or her really has got a problem. only thing is they all have problem, they won;t know it. youhave no problem, they will think when you don;t have their problem, you have a problem., even docs and ppsychologis also same. cos many have the problem you don;t have the problem, then you are the one with the problem. so you have to be treated. have a beer, cheers
There are sure to have different type of characters and peoples, some diam diam type, some talk a lot like you, some talk big, some talk small, some even dunno what they are talking, and of course there are problems, without problems, nothing survive, darn, still prefer a singapore Sling -
When one ceases to cherish opinions - living is easy. Mine, not excluded!
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Originally posted by AngelOfDarkness:
I am now working, already 2 years plus out in working force. I graduated from Poly and worked from then. I find that life is very hard, mostly because I am very reticent. Easy for people to bully me, to take advantage of me, make me do things to cover their backside etc. Especially now that I'm working. I try to be good, I do my best at my work. But, anything that goes wrong, fingers point at me, and I cannot defend myself cos I have a weak voice and I get tongue-tied if people suddenly focus their attention on me.
It has been like this since I was young. Was a quiet kid. Sitting in corner reading books during big family outings. Then in Primary school I was quiet, but people liked to tease me because I would tease back, or blush. As I grow older I get more and more quiet. Because I don't know what to say, because I see the people around me don't seem to 'click' with me, as in they are too boisterous. I like to read. I don't like watching television, and even if I do, they are all 'old' shows, shows that are no longer 'in fashion' or 'popular'.
How? Easy to say that to remedy it is to talk to people, but then the conversation doesn't flow
I'm quite content being quiet, I love my quiet time, to observe the clouds in the sky, or people-watch, see their emotions etc. But I desire friends. Friends who are like more in tune with me, not overly-boisterous. Because I have made friends who are really boisterous, but then they get bored of me soon, cos I am not the type keen to join in their "come let's get drunk and dance!" kind of fun.
Does anyone else also have this experience? Of being so super quiet like me? How can I overcome it? I always feel that people find me boring, and then I also get the feel that the people avoid me, cos people who are usually alone give off this 'vibe' thing that people with normal social lives can sense.
if you enjoy reading and watching old movies, perhaps you can begin by joining a local books or movies club? socializing a crowd with nothing in common is a chore for anybody. by mingling with like minded individuals, we can gradually widen our social circle, exchange ideas... this may help hone the social adjustments that'll help you in other aspects of your life. but somewhere somehow, you've got to take a deep breath and make that first step.
you don't have to feel out of place or alienated, the world is made up of introverts and extroverts. you just happen to be introverted! introversion does not mean you're out of place, odd or anti social... the danger is by continuing to believe you are so, there's the tendency to reinforce the same behavior and worsen the situation.
when you change your point of view about yourself, others will start to change the way they view you too. :)
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Originally posted by soleachip:
if you enjoy reading and watching old movies, perhaps you can begin by joining a local books or movies club? socializing a crowd with nothing in common is a chore for anybody. by mingling with like minded individuals, we can gradually widen our social circle, exchange ideas... this may help hone the social adjustments that'll help you in other aspects of your life. but somewhere somehow, you've got to take a deep breath and make that first step.
you don't have to feel out of place or alienated, the world is made up of introverts and extroverts. you just happen to be introverted! introversion does not mean you're out of place, odd or anti social... the danger is by continuing to believe you are so, there's the tendency to reinforce the same behavior and worsen the situation.
when you change your point of view about yourself, others will start to change the way they view you too. :)
"when you change your point of view about yourself, others will start to change the way they view you too. :) "
What kind of rubbish is that? Point is we will neva know what others think of us. We only perceive what others think of us - which may not be true. So tere is no point in worryng about what others think of us, we must carry on to be ourselves to our best efforts. Get it? Get your points correct, soleachump.
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Originally posted by Fugazzi:
When one ceases to cherish opinions - living is easy. Mine, not excluded!
opinons is good for us to upgrade and change ourselves to be better, those who deny opinons are just ego driven peoples, as "I am alway right, the only one, the rest are shit" kind of thinking is not going help a person live easily.But of course, you take good opinons, those shitty ones can throw away, but not that just because of one shitty opinons, the rest are shit and you start to close your door to opinons.
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Originally posted by Lobotomy:
"when you change your point of view about yourself, others will start to change the way they view you too. :) "
What kind of rubbish is that? Point is we will neva know what others think of us. We only perceive what others think of us - which may not be true. So tere is no point in worryng about what others think of us, we must carry on to be ourselves to our best efforts. Get it? Get your points correct, soleachump.
Viewing is different from thinking, you need to preceive at least a 50% of what people are thinking, you cannot ignore mind reading of others, it part and parcel of our living, from sales to relationship, you need to preceive what peoples wants, needs and future action from us or on us. We can be doing our best, but to others we can be doing the worst. The understanding of how people look and view you is critical, and these skill is not gain just by a day, it goes with experiences from the day in and day out dealing with peoples, in relationship, you can do your best, but you also need to have a sense on how the gal or the guy view on you. -
Originally posted by AngelOfDarkness:
I am now working, already 2 years plus out in working force. I graduated from Poly and worked from then. I find that life is very hard, mostly because I am very reticent. Easy for people to bully me, to take advantage of me, make me do things to cover their backside etc. Especially now that I'm working. I try to be good, I do my best at my work. But, anything that goes wrong, fingers point at me, and I cannot defend myself cos I have a weak voice and I get tongue-tied if people suddenly focus their attention on me.
It has been like this since I was young. Was a quiet kid. Sitting in corner reading books during big family outings. Then in Primary school I was quiet, but people liked to tease me because I would tease back, or blush. As I grow older I get more and more quiet. Because I don't know what to say, because I see the people around me don't seem to 'click' with me, as in they are too boisterous. I like to read. I don't like watching television, and even if I do, they are all 'old' shows, shows that are no longer 'in fashion' or 'popular'.
How? Easy to say that to remedy it is to talk to people, but then the conversation doesn't flow
I'm quite content being quiet, I love my quiet time, to observe the clouds in the sky, or people-watch, see their emotions etc. But I desire friends. Friends who are like more in tune with me, not overly-boisterous. Because I have made friends who are really boisterous, but then they get bored of me soon, cos I am not the type keen to join in their "come let's get drunk and dance!" kind of fun.
Does anyone else also have this experience? Of being so super quiet like me? How can I overcome it? I always feel that people find me boring, and then I also get the feel that the people avoid me, cos people who are usually alone give off this 'vibe' thing that people with normal social lives can sense.
I like quiet girls. -
Quite dog can bite leh, those barking loudly are useless.
Becareful hor
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quiet cat leh?
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Originally posted by angel7030:
Quite dog can bite leh, those barking loudly are useless.
Becareful hor
walks towardsm your leg.....takes a bite at it....lets leg go,,,,,walks away. -
Originally posted by Loor:
quiet cat leh?
Quiet cat are those with no more sex drive -
Originally posted by Hitman Journal:
walks towardsm your leg.....takes a bite at it....lets leg go,,,,,walks away.
pull the hair back and give him one tight SLAP!