I need help please, read my story? (a story of a quiet girl)
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I am now working, already 2 years plus out in working force. I graduated from Poly and worked from then. I find that life is very hard, mostly because I am very reticent. Easy for people to bully me, to take advantage of me, make me do things to cover their backside etc. Especially now that I'm working. I try to be good, I do my best at my work. But, anything that goes wrong, fingers point at me, and I cannot defend myself cos I have a weak voice and I get tongue-tied if people suddenly focus their attention on me.
It has been like this since I was young. Was a quiet kid. Sitting in corner reading books during big family outings. Then in Primary school I was quiet, but people liked to tease me because I would tease back, or blush. As I grow older I get more and more quiet. Because I don't know what to say, because I see the people around me don't seem to 'click' with me, as in they are too boisterous. I like to read. I don't like watching television, and even if I do, they are all 'old' shows, shows that are no longer 'in fashion' or 'popular'.
How? Easy to say that to remedy it is to talk to people, but then the conversation doesn't flow
I'm quite content being quiet, I love my quiet time, to observe the clouds in the sky, or people-watch, see their emotions etc. But I desire friends. Friends who are like more in tune with me, not overly-boisterous. Because I have made friends who are really boisterous, but then they get bored of me soon, cos I am not the type keen to join in their "come let's get drunk and dance!" kind of fun.
Does anyone else also have this experience? Of being so super quiet like me? How can I overcome it? I always feel that people find me boring, and then I also get the feel that the people avoid me, cos people who are usually alone give off this 'vibe' thing that people with normal social lives can sense.
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you need to be outspoken and assertive when being pushed, being quiet will make matters worse, though not necesarrily true all the time.
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You need more oxytocins in your brain =P Its a neurotransmitter secreted by your brain when you are busy. An increase in level of oxytocins is found to increase one's ability to socialise.
I totally understand how you feel.. as a kid I was quite like what you've described.. I came to singapore at age 8 at that time i couldn't speak english at all so I was pretty much an outcast. I can't speak mandarin well either cuz I was from hong kong.. so for the next couple of years I was like you.. very quiet. I guess some in my primary school didn't even know I existed. You really do remind me of myself. some parts of me changed, some still remain. I still love observing clouds and looking at stars.
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wow...at least u pour them out on the page....thats good....
ermmm....the solution is still yourself.....but even u can't do it.......just be yourself
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hmmm....so poetic .....watching a dumpling of white clouds float past on the blue sky.....
for me....i hope to see....
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if u are happy going about doing ur own things, u dun have to care about others.
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but now.....US dollars soonz becoming 香蕉钱.....haiz....
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@Rooney, Wayne, Fcukpap & FireIce
Thanks for reading my wall of text and replying with encouragements..I'm feeling very very down, and just hope to get some help.
I did go for motivation courses, read self-help books, but they all don't last beyond a week. :C Now really don't know what to do le.
@FireIce:
True, but like they say, no man is an island. I get weird looks a lot. But I like doing my own things. Because it's more efficient than trying to communicate my ideas to people around me, most of whom are not as fussy as me when it comes to details. But company stuff, I need help as well, cos most stuff are teamwork, but no one wants to help me, unless I really go all out and boldly ask for their help in no-nonsense words. Whereas for others, all they have to do is hint that they want help and they get it.
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how r old r u? early 20s?
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Originally posted by Rooney9:
how r old r u? early 20s?
Yes.
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so u dun intend to get married? u got bf before?
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Originally posted by Rooney9:
so u dun intend to get married? u got bf before?
Uhh, suddenly switch topic? Whether or not I intend to get married...depends on how things go lor...but don't intend to be alone all my life, that's why I ask this question? Alone I can handle...loneliness no..
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Originally posted by AngelOfDarkness:
I am now working, already 2 years plus out in working force. I graduated from Poly and worked from then. I find that life is very hard, mostly because I am very reticent. Easy for people to bully me, to take advantage of me, make me do things to cover their backside etc. Especially now that I'm working. I try to be good, I do my best at my work. But, anything that goes wrong, fingers point at me, and I cannot defend myself cos I have a weak voice and I get tongue-tied if people suddenly focus their attention on me.
It has been like this since I was young. Was a quiet kid. Sitting in corner reading books during big family outings. Then in Primary school I was quiet, but people liked to tease me because I would tease back, or blush. As I grow older I get more and more quiet. Because I don't know what to say, because I see the people around me don't seem to 'click' with me, as in they are too boisterous. I like to read. I don't like watching television, and even if I do, they are all 'old' shows, shows that are no longer 'in fashion' or 'popular'.
How? Easy to say that to remedy it is to talk to people, but then the conversation doesn't flow
I'm quite content being quiet, I love my quiet time, to observe the clouds in the sky, or people-watch, see their emotions etc. But I desire friends. Friends who are like more in tune with me, not overly-boisterous. Because I have made friends who are really boisterous, but then they get bored of me soon, cos I am not the type keen to join in their "come let's get drunk and dance!" kind of fun.
Does anyone else also have this experience? Of being so super quiet like me? How can I overcome it? I always feel that people find me boring, and then I also get the feel that the people avoid me, cos people who are usually alone give off this 'vibe' thing that people with normal social lives can sense.
You don't have to try to be someone else.
Your conversation does not flow.. is because there is nothing in common to chat about.
If you have more to relate to people.. the conversation will start to flow.
Some of your friends are just superficial.. they joke and make noise. At the end of the day..such "boisters" and "fun" are meaningless.
Try to hangout with people with more depth. Travel around more and experience life in quality.. not just quantity.
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as long its not ur fault u need to stand for urself and speakout to defend urself if not they will continue to bully u.
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Originally posted by AngelOfDarkness:
Uhh, suddenly switch topic? Whether or not I intend to get married...depends on how things go lor...but don't intend to be alone all my life, that's why I ask this question? Alone I can handle...loneliness no..
Well for most pple, when you got your bf / gf, you basically kissed all your friends goodbye. So if you already have one, you can pretty much ignore that aspect.But to survive at work, it is another skill altogether other than your work capabilities. I never ever let myself get disadvantaged at work. There are a few golden rules I think you really gotta learn especially for your predicament.
Working hard doesnt cut it. The most successful worker is seldom the hardest worker, but the smartest one who falls in the good books of your boss.
NEVER EVER let anybody step over you. This is something i realized during my school days. Because if some member in your project group can be a slacker and get free marks for your group work, what is there to stop such cheapskates from repeating the same crap when they get into work life?
Remember there'll always be jerks who'll backstab you, put you in the bad light over your bosses and take credit for your hard work.
I make it a point to let my bosses know that its me, Me, ME !!! that did all the work for the events / projects. I will let my boss know if somebody didnt do a shit for anything !!
Now you'll probably think that in doing so i'll be making some enemies in the workplace. But hey .. thats not backstabbing. Besides, i didnt come here to work to make friends ok? I am here to earn money and advance my own career. I will do whatever it takes to get to where I want and whatever stands in front of me will be kicked away or dealt with. It is that SIMPLE.
If you do not make an enemy out of someone, sooner or later someone will make an enemy out of you.. So long your boss recognizes you as a capable worker, you are an asset to him, you can get away with murder.
And never ever do anything out of your jobscope. I mean NEVER. Because if you volunteer or if you allow yourself to do something that you were not originally meant to do, your bosses or co-workers will "conveniently" think that you could do it again in the future. You are merely adding extra work on your table, you still having your own work responsibilties to fulfil is one thing, not getting paid for the extra work is the worst kind of shit i despise the most.
It is a dog eat dog world out there. Sometimes the only way to survive or go on is to be more cruel and vicious than what other pple can dish out. Being nice to someone is being cruel to yourself.
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Yar, just be yourself. I'm sure there are many out there that feel like they have similar characteristics to you, so don't feel like you're alone in that way.
Do your own thing and that's your style = originality.
Try and speak up when you're in a situation that u know is wrong. Being too timid and just accepting everything will sometimes put us in a difficult situation, that could have been very different simply by saying a few, but important things. Take your time to think of what you want to say if u need to, but try and speak out when necessary.
Jia you.
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Im precisely the same. but you need to mix with people.
Ever watched the show Dexter? Harry teaches Dex to blend in with 'normal' people - because that's exactly the best way to let you be yourself.
I have plenty of freinds who are the drink & dance type, and i still get along well with them - you just need to know just when & how much to give to them.
My work is heavily people dependant - it's almost ironic that each time i end up with people-centric work; I give what I must, then I also leave time for myself.
It's possible - you appear to be young, so give yourself time to grow into your self - but always remember to try stepping out of your comfort zone now & then - the biggest crime one can do to themselves is to remain exactly where they are for long periods of time. You have one life, make the most of it.
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You good lor, can keep quiet and stay lonely, I want to have a quiet time all myself also cannot, everyday,..angel, why you never order this liquors, angel!! wake up! time to work, angel!! where are the ladies??? wha! hardly able to breathe, only at sgforums, can find some peace, but still get left and right from forumers.
Anyway, quiet, alone, and do thing by yourself is ok, many peoples also DIY mah, bet it is part of your parent genes, you mom or dad must be damn quiet too. Sometime when i attend funneral, there are those so quiet ones, only a few peoples, most probably the person who passed away must be someone like you. Quietly come, quietly Go
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hi!!!!im a lonely guy too from young...go everywhere n eat anywhere by myself since young till today.....thats why porn is the best!
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ok...so theres a few bullies u meet in working life......met a few when i went out into the workforce.i was nice at first,,,then over the years,,,,i got violent.....i yelled and threatened and cursed at those bullies....later on i found out i was capable of muredering those bullies too with no time even to think of them finishing pleading for mercy........i have met european,chinese ,malay and indian bullies in my life.
then one day,i said.,..i have had enough.i used violence on them after 10 years in workforce n got away with murder.
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Try to find some friends with similar hobbies that you like. Easier to click with them imo. Then again, try to have more confidence in yourself. With confidence you wont be so afraid to speak up.
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I remember my ex-colleague once told me, In this world it's either you bully people or
you let people bully you. How true is that right now.. -
Originally posted by AngelOfDarkness:
I am now working, already 2 years plus out in working force. I graduated from Poly and worked from then. I find that life is very hard, mostly because I am very reticent. Easy for people to bully me, to take advantage of me, make me do things to cover their backside etc. Especially now that I'm working. I try to be good, I do my best at my work. But, anything that goes wrong, fingers point at me, and I cannot defend myself cos I have a weak voice and I get tongue-tied if people suddenly focus their attention on me.
It has been like this since I was young. Was a quiet kid. Sitting in corner reading books during big family outings. Then in Primary school I was quiet, but people liked to tease me because I would tease back, or blush. As I grow older I get more and more quiet. Because I don't know what to say, because I see the people around me don't seem to 'click' with me, as in they are too boisterous. I like to read. I don't like watching television, and even if I do, they are all 'old' shows, shows that are no longer 'in fashion' or 'popular'.
How? Easy to say that to remedy it is to talk to people, but then the conversation doesn't flow
I'm quite content being quiet, I love my quiet time, to observe the clouds in the sky, or people-watch, see their emotions etc. But I desire friends. Friends who are like more in tune with me, not overly-boisterous. Because I have made friends who are really boisterous, but then they get bored of me soon, cos I am not the type keen to join in their "come let's get drunk and dance!" kind of fun.
Does anyone else also have this experience? Of being so super quiet like me? How can I overcome it? I always feel that people find me boring, and then I also get the feel that the people avoid me, cos people who are usually alone give off this 'vibe' thing that people with normal social lives can sense.
And? What is the problem? You sound like a normal person to me.Why so worry? In 7 years time, u will meet a guy, get married.
And the next 22 years you will spend raising kids.
Another 15 years raising grandkids.
Then you expire.
So wat so abnormal? Quiet? So what? Don't bother about getting accepted. Not everybody gets accepted, only 10% of the popular people get this kind of life. Just accept the fact that u r normal.
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Acceptance of others presupposes acceptance of oneself - warts and all. till tht is an experience for you and in you, there are no miracles.
Also, it could be taht you want to see yourself in others, that is, when others validate you, you aceept them. when they dont or u feel that your being labelled by them as .. you unwittingly reject them.
In the rejection of others, one does not reject another or others, one rejects what one is!