This close to losing it
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Originally posted by vins&stitchs:
Dear all,
The boyfriend is someone who is insecure about himself, he has no confidence due to a defect on his face since young so he's always "behind the scenes" and not fond of conversations. I am his first girlfriend, probably the longest to date. Dated him since i was 17, both of us are 24yrs old. I am always there since day 1 to tell him he looks good today, to constantly make him feel good about himself, to be there for him and tell him to learn to speak up and e defect is nothing but a god's gift for him but in return, he make me feel worthless. 7 years and very worthless.
His problem: Since day 1 he has been trying to change me, change the way i wear, talk me into putting make up, hinting me to start wearing heels, asking me to stop wearing tshirts n more blouse and i did all he wanted, i was a new me, secondary school friends all thought i "bloom" but in fact i was just another person.
I am someone who never really give a thought about how people look at me, how people thought of me but he is the complete opposite. I thought maybe because of e "defect" it affected so much on how people look and thought of him. This im fine with it, i changed, i am different now because of love.
2nd year in our relationship: He started calling me fat, at first it was all jokes but it went from "haha fatty" to "please stop eating rice/no cakes/no ice cream". I am 158m, 48kg and yes, i am not skinny but i know i am not fat. It got out of hand, he didn't allow me to take lunch n force me to sleep through breakfast and most of the days i only am allowed to have dinner with him. We fought so much because of this issue and from then on...i changed.
My problem: I was never a angry kid, i have little fights here n there but never a physical one. I curse n swear like a sailor when i am beyond mad but that draws the line. Today i am someone who fights like a street gangster, i roll up my first and throw punches. I no longer find a need to reason out with The Bf, i used to cry, walk away from him or just plenty of shouting match but now i hit him. I HIT HIM. I did not even notice i was so abusive but i know im being push to e edge.
I love him with all my heart but whenever he push it too far i will slap, throw punches and kick n swear. I hurt him physically n mentally but i feel that he deserve it, i always feel that i don't deserve a guy who treats me good only when i look skinny/pretty today. So whenever i wear something that makes me look fat he will go all out and "suan" me and he won't even want to hold my hand or have proper conversation with me.
I don't know what to do anymore, everytime i physically hurt him ill cry so hard for e whole day while he will just walk out of e room n not come in till hours later. We both do not want this r/s to end but he told me it's very hard for him to change. I tried to leave but 7 years is not short, we had our good times together n i am so dependent on him. He is my bestfriend, my shopping kaki, my holiday kaki but i cannot accept that fact that i am with someone who constantly wants to change me.
Just yesterday we fought so badly, he pissed me off so bad that i just walk towards him and slap him but he even push it futher and we started pushing n shoving each other. At one point i even started to strangle him and all he could do is to hug me so that i wont be able to hit him but i manage to gave him 2 punches to his face and he started bleeding. I am so depressed till now, yes i feel terrible, i hate myself so much.
Recently, our circle of close friends started talking about applying for HDB eg. settling down. i asked him if he would want to settle down with me and all he said was "no, i can't marry a girl who uses her fist on me" and my reply was "same here, i don't think i can ever marry one who never truly love me for e way i am" even though deep inside i am broken, his words caught me off guard.
I want to end this all but i can't leave him, i thought of suicide, i thought of many ways to die the whole night and even now. suicide is never an option but it's been in my head so much now. I am no longer happy. I even drafted a goodbye note to him asking him to never treat his next girlfriend/wife the way he treated me, i will be that expensive lesson he will get.
This is e last straw, i am not sure how long more can i take it.
You r 148 m tall n u only weigh 48kg? He say u r fat? U gotta be so damn skinny like hair thin. U know how tall is 148m ?
My two cents, first, you got a real temper problem. No matter how he hurt ur feelings, u should never hit another person.
Second, if you want to break up, then go for it. You're not happy anyway. Its better u break up now then end up in a divorce, or worse divorcee with kids and husband don't want to pay alimony.
Third, just because you have a seven year relationship does not mean you both are going to be happily married. I've met friends who only met for 1.5 years and got married - even more happy than those dating for 7 years.
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Dump his wimpy, useless ass.
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Originally posted by vins&stitchs:
Appreciate all your replies.
After the last fight we had we had a good talk, few hours worth of tears included. He didn't know i was hurting so much but i am glad he did now. I know he will go back to his old ways of wanting to change me but he promise me he will TRY to not do it anymore, he told me to give me him time to change. At least he is willing to try, this past week is blissful, no teasing, no arguments nothing and i am hoping for e best though i know this won't last long. Arguments can't be avoided, it is only how far he is willing to take it.
I am willing to give it a shot, a very good friend of ours told me this "at least you know even though he wants to change u but end day he has only eyes for you". For this past 7 years, never once did he stray. He did not even look at the other side of the grass, i am very certain of this. Throughout school, i was his date for any birthdays events, graduation etc. Army, i was there for every "graduation", POP etc. birthdays at clubs and even a guys night out but i gladly wanted out in any boys night out, i know when to give him space and i really appreciate the invite.
Today, i am still very hurt but i know a good guy when i see one. He is not perfect but really, no one is. I am willing to give a shot or 2 more but end day if we're not meant to be together at least i know i did try.
He should promise not to do it again not just TRY, did u ask him why he keep trying to change u?
anyway hope things turn out for well for both of u
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Originally posted by lovegoodness:
You r 148 m tall n u only weigh 48kg? He say u r fat? U gotta be so damn skinny like hair thin. U know how tall is 148m ?
My two cents, first, you got a real temper problem. No matter how he hurt ur feelings, u should never hit another person.
Second, if you want to break up, then go for it. You're not happy anyway. Its better u break up now then end up in a divorce, or worse divorcee with kids and husband don't want to pay alimony.
Third, just because you have a seven year relationship does not mean you both are going to be happily married. I've met friends who only met for 1.5 years and got married - even more happy than those dating for 7 years.
ya, 48kg is abit too heavy, me only 45kg, and the horse jockey told me 42kg is the best, ...to ride a horse -
Originally posted by jojobeach:
The defect is a God's gift to him ??? Who are you kidding girl ?
You think he is that stupid to believe you ?? Gosh.. you have no idea.
Quit patronising him, what he needs is respect..NOT pity !
Don't you get it ? He is using emotional abuse on you because of his own insecurities.
He puts you down.. hurting your self-esteem.. so that you will never think you are too good for him.
Nothing you do will ever be good enough for him.
Walk away.. before he plunge you into the abyss of depression.
He's a foolish guy.. and you clinging on to him ENABLES his behavior.
If he loves you.. he won't be hurting you.
Since he believes he doesn't deserve you.. then go find someone else who does !
i agree with you.
never stay with someone who is insecure. there is no end to the misery.
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Originally posted by lovegoodness:
You r 148 m tall n u only weigh 48kg? He say u r fat? U gotta be so damn skinny like hair thin. U know how tall is 148m ?
My two cents, first, you got a real temper problem. No matter how he hurt ur feelings, u should never hit another person.
Second, if you want to break up, then go for it. You're not happy anyway. Its better u break up now then end up in a divorce, or worse divorcee with kids and husband don't want to pay alimony.
Third, just because you have a seven year relationship does not mean you both are going to be happily married. I've met friends who only met for 1.5 years and got married - even more happy than those dating for 7 years.
weight and height seem to be okay leh?!
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Originally posted by dragg:
i agree with you.
never stay with someone who is insecure. there is no end to the misery.
But some people love to live in misery, without misery, no fun for them, very boring -
Originally posted by vins&stitchs:
Appreciate all your replies.
After the last fight we had we had a good talk, few hours worth of tears included. He didn't know i was hurting so much but i am glad he did now. I know he will go back to his old ways of wanting to change me but he promise me he will TRY to not do it anymore, he told me to give me him time to change. At least he is willing to try, this past week is blissful, no teasing, no arguments nothing and i am hoping for e best though i know this won't last long. Arguments can't be avoided, it is only how far he is willing to take it.
I am willing to give it a shot, a very good friend of ours told me this "at least you know even though he wants to change u but end day he has only eyes for you". For this past 7 years, never once did he stray. He did not even look at the other side of the grass, i am very certain of this. Throughout school, i was his date for any birthdays events, graduation etc. Army, i was there for every "graduation", POP etc. birthdays at clubs and even a guys night out but i gladly wanted out in any boys night out, i know when to give him space and i really appreciate the invite.
Today, i am still very hurt but i know a good guy when i see one. He is not perfect but really, no one is. I am willing to give a shot or 2 more but end day if we're not meant to be together at least i know i did try.
gud 2 hear u guys talked it out.
too many relationships fail bcasue of poor communication
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Too much communication also got problem in relationship, Love is silence
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Originally posted by angel7030:
Too much communication also got problem in relationship, Love is silence
can give example? -
Example like if the gal or the guy is too talkative, the relationship can get sour, cos Love is best kept inside deep each other heart, talk less, enjoy love sex and beautiful scenery and peace of real love mind in tranquility, talk so much for what??? Love is not something that need marketing or sales, it is an emotion that both treasure and keep deep in their heart. Maybe initially, during the courting period, some conversation btw each other go on, but after love matured, you dun even need to talk so much, each know each other urge, each other feeling, each other like and dislike, each other wants and needs, and most importantly, each other trust.
Keep talking can result in building something out of nothing
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Er i am 158 not 148 la guys.
lovegoodness: you are right, in the first place i should never even lay a finger on him and i have been trying to curb the anger issues i have. so far so good, i learn to walk away instead now and deal with it after 30mins.
Angel: i feel that your comments are just to provoke in order to curb your boredness at work/school. Some doesn't even make sense at all.
Communication is the key to a healthy relationship, perhaps yours was just base on sex and er beautiful scenery?
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well... in the first place, when violence is used in the r/s, i think that something is already very wrong with that. Ts's bf shld be loving her for who she is instead of try to change her and now "trying" to change the "my gf shld change" aspect of his mentality. Anyway, since TS has already decided to give a chance for the r/s, good luck to you ts.
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Just break. Life is short. Even those who get married also divorce. zzz.
If both of you truly love one another, you will be back together in 3 yrs time.
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Originally posted by angel7030:
Example like if the gal or the guy is too talkative, the relationship can get sour, cos Love is best kept inside deep each other heart, talk less, enjoy love sex and beautiful scenery and peace of real love mind in tranquility, talk so much for what??? Love is not something that need marketing or sales, it is an emotion that both treasure and keep deep in their heart. Maybe initially, during the courting period, some conversation btw each other go on, but after love matured, you dun even need to talk so much, each know each other urge, each other feeling, each other like and dislike, each other wants and needs, and most importantly, each other trust.
Keep talking can result in building something out of nothing
fair enuf - it's ideal to reach that stage where u know each other so well that little needs to be said.
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I think you better give up this guy or leave him alone to think thru ..
no point keep on fighting like no ending very hurting and tiring thus go find some friends and hang out and dun stick wif him all the times ,do not be too clingy .He has got defect and yet despise you thus he is not worthy to you. U r suffocated already..
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Originally posted by Loor:
fair enuf - it's ideal to reach that stage where u know each other so well that little needs to be said.
Sometime said what is to be say, not go gossip too much, some of my gal frens gossip too much, bfs left them, or some bf just said "oh, that lady looks sexy" then the gf get very jealous and angry, then end up whole week never talk or see each other, I am not saying you become a dumb dumb, but when you communicate in Love, you need to stay focus on each other feeling and emotion needs. Like if a gal said "darling, that lady by the door looks beautiful and sexy, you guys sure like it" a clever guy would had said "no lah, my dear, in my mind you are the most beautiful and sexy, love you so much, come lets go for dinner" like this hor, love will flourish and deepen.Love communication also need skill, like if a gf want her bf to see less porn, being tactful not to hurt his feeling and needs, she just said, "darling, you can watch porn, it is common, but I want to more time with you, we can also share watch porn together" like this hor, the bf will be more affirm and also realise that his gf understand him, so, naturally he will give way abit by abit to his gf needs.
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angie, that explain for your weird habits, like to ride a horse
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you're wrong, I love to ride on a horse cart, not just a horse
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such a lame reply, sama sama to the lame advices
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sama sama? sound like the national anthem.
Yo troubleman, horse cart needs more horses ya, one horse dun satisfy me
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yo got a problem, really. start a thread on your own, i sear i subscribe to it and replies you with many many smama samamaaamama advices
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I got no problem, me not so a trouble gal, and me no start thread one hor, aint want to maker of any troubled thread
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likes me
your last reply was so full of me -
Hey Children!