No, I don't know what to do or what not to do. I only know how to not make her unhappy.
Thanks for enlighten for me. It seems that the way I treated her and trying to prolong the relationship is wrong. It will backfire at me.
Bro,
Same situation here, it started out great with flying colours and ended up by me being doing everything at last,
She didn't even want to break up in the right way, which i feel very angry about, shows she has no respect for our 6month relationship
Leave her and stop paying her bills!
Originally posted by melodymaker:Bro,
Same situation here, it started out great with flying colours and ended up by me being doing everything at last,
She didn't even want to break up in the right way, which i feel very angry about, shows she has no respect for our 6month relationship
Leave her and stop paying her bills!
Even a 10 year relationship can end in naught.
6 months is not worth mentioning.
Seems like there are afew guys out there with the same situation. Wonder what makes these girls to do that.
Taking for granted? No spice and excitement because everything goes to her way?
Haha.
A Relationship should always be mutual, it should involve task done by the two in a fun and exciting way in which they take turns in doing what they want to do.
Even for the money issue, i know some women wish they want to pay for my dinner when i went with them, they highlighted me its their turn to pay, i was surprised!
Actually this builds confidence in a relationship, when one side tries to do all the work than the other, its more of sea-saw ride, imbalanced, and set to ruin.
Communication is key, and also doing interesting stuff is important too!
I learned a bit of guitar and played for her once, it was sweet! the most memorable time of my relationship, I still remembered how she looked so different and happy as compared to angry and rude as she thought i would suck at playing it haha.
Try to impress her sometimes with your best skills in your inventory, women always liked to be impressed, its sometimes our duty too!
Not everthing with money will do you know?
Originally posted by ImAwesome:Seems like there are afew guys out there with the same situation. Wonder what makes these girls to do that.
Taking for granted? No spice and excitement because everything goes to her way?
Haha.
No. She just trying you out.. since you don't fit her taste.. then she say bye bye.
Just because you got her hooked.. doesn't mean you get to keep her forever.
Originally posted by jojobeach:Even a 10 year relationship can end in naught.
6 months is not worth mentioning.
Its just the same thing, with more time and money spent etc
has there ever been a ten year relationship? i thought that will end in marriage ha
Originally posted by melodymaker:Its just the same thing, with more time and money spent etc
has there ever been a ten year relationship? i thought that will end in marriage ha
A relationship is a journey.. not an investment.
Yah.. 10 years.. married 2 years.. now divorced. Grew apart after becoming too familiiar they say.... (shrugs)... no kids..a power couple..money wasn't even an issue..
Originally posted by jojobeach:No. She just trying you out.. since you don't fit her taste.. then she say bye bye.
Just because you got her hooked.. doesn't mean you get to keep her forever.
What melodymaker said about see-saw is quite true. Even if both really love each other but 1 side always take and the other always give. It will ruin the relationship eventually. It's natural for the giving side to think about the other 1 is not giving. Doesn't need to be in complete balance, a slight or small differences will do, not a big gap.
Originally posted by jojobeach:A relationship is a journey.. not an investment.
Yah.. 10 years.. married 2 years.. now divorced. Grew apart after becoming too familiiar they say.... (shrugs)... no kids..a power couple..money wasn't even an issue..
Agree with you, i would love to experiance such a journey without thinking it as an investment.
The few woman i have been with had their share of love and care for me at the start and i made sure i was there for them, as days rolled i always felt that i was doing alot for them,when in turn they could alteast pick up my call and answer and say Hi. I don't know what really went wrong, and i always been apologetic to them.
That you know, makes you feel like an idiot and self esteem steers low, abeing too apologetic can actually make you look low.
Still alot of fish in the sea, and before you know it you already learned your lessons
Originally posted by ImAwesome:
What melodymaker said about see-saw is quite true. Even if both really love each other but 1 side always take and the other always give. It will ruin the relationship eventually. It's natural for the giving side to think about the other 1 is not giving. Doesn't need to be in complete balance, a slight or small differences will do, not a big gap.
Really depends on what you expect from the other. And how you feel about this relationship lah.
You'd know if she cares about you or not.
I gift you this... you gift me that.. in the end.. it's really just an exchange of objects.
If you care for her.. give her what she wants.. not what you want to give.
If she care for you.. you'd feel it in little things she do for you. Text you mushy stuff... let you know she thinking of you for a split second... send you emails about how she's doing.. know what I mean ? Girls are emotional and social creatures... so just because she did not buy you presents or bake you a cake.. doesn't mean she don't give a damn.
You are still young.. and she also very young... don't expect anything like National day parade celebration in your relationship.
Little things count...
Originally posted by melodymaker:Agree with you, i would love to experiance such a journey without thinking it as an investment.
The few woman i have been with had their share of love and care for me at the start and i made sure i was there for them, as days rolled i always felt that i was doing alot for them,when in turn they could alteast pick up my call and answer and say Hi. I don't know what really went wrong, and i always been apologetic to them.
That you know, makes you feel like an idiot and self esteem steers low, abeing too apologetic can actually make you look low.
Still alot of fish in the sea, and before you know it you already learned your lessons
When you look at relationship as an investment.. you know it's not sustainable.
Here's why...
Investment means... the more you put in.. the more you demand back later. As your expectations ballooned over the years.... towards the end .. it pops when it can no longer hold the pressure. All you get is broken bits of memories and shards of pain.
But when you look at relationship as a journey.. to discover yourself and your partner's being.. ... putting in effort, time, resources - as merely paying your toll along the way.. so you can enjoy this relationship longer....and perhaps reach your final destination together...there will be no need to be so calculative... even when the journey ended abruptly... at least you have walked as far as you can go....there will be no regrets nor remorse....
Totally agree!
You can say my mind is quite corrupted when thoughts about money comes to a relationship. but not always since i am trying to be fair in the relationship.
Aside of that, we guys have to be creative in the way we handle a relationship, doing little things that are not much of an effort but can actually impress the girl.
I am not sure, but do you think a secreted relationship is successful then an open relationship? in which posting pictures of ourselves on vacation to our friends than keeping them a sceret and not letting anyone know that we're actually in a relationship?
I remember some women broke up with their guys just because a few people knew about their relationship
From what you've mentioned; I'd leave her.
The issues that r bugging u don't seem like they'll be going away easily and will only get worse if things continue the way they are. If u get in further, you'll find it harder and harder to get out.
If she only take no give, but you're happy to keep doin it.....then what's the problem? If it is a problem then tell her. If no change, then bye bye lor. Otherwise u stress and even if u do, it doesn't mean she'll understand or even care by the sounds of it.
Originally posted by melodymaker:Totally agree!
You can say my mind is quite corrupted when thoughts about money comes to a relationship. but not always since i am trying to be fair in the relationship.
Aside of that, we guys have to be creative in the way we handle a relationship, doing little things that are not much of an effort but can actually impress the girl.
I am not sure, but do you think a secreted relationship is successful then an open relationship? in which posting pictures of ourselves on vacation to our friends than keeping them a sceret and not letting anyone know that we're actually in a relationship?
I remember some women broke up with their guys just because a few people knew about their relationship
If your girl ask you to keep a low profile or "secret" relationship.. you should respect that request. Especially when the relationship is still brand new.
She may fear the relationship will not last .. if it does.. good, then it will progress into the next phase...... if not.. she won't look like a failure in front of friends or family, since no body knows anyway.
Once the relationship becomes stable.. and the future is in sight... she will change her mind.. and desire to be recognised/validated as your other important half. If you insist on keeping it secret by then... she'd be mad and think you are not serious with her...then you will see a downward spiral towards the end.
So.. it's all in the timing.. and how far along the relationship is at the moment.
Most important..always seek her opinion when you want to post photos with her on your facebook. Girls will dump guys who disregard their request.. because it shows how insignificant their girl must be in their eyes... no girl wants to be so un-important to their men.
Originally posted by jojobeach:When you look at relationship as an investment.. you know it's not sustainable.
Here's why...
Investment means... the more you put in.. the more you demand back later. As your expectations ballooned over the years.... towards the end .. it pops when it can no longer hold the pressure. All you get is broken bits of memories and shards of pain.
But when you look at relationship as a journey.. to discover yourself and your partner's being.. ... putting in effort, time, resources - as merely paying your toll along the way.. so you can enjoy this relationship longer....and perhaps reach your final destination together...there will be no need to be so calculative... even when the journey ended abruptly... at least you have walked as far as you can go....there will be no regrets nor remorse....
The way i see its more like, at the start it was great! we were getting to know each other and i still remember how she would even help my lazy ass get to work by putting an alarm even if she doesn't have work. she really i mean REALLY loved me alot. days of meet ( 3 times a week) if i don't meet her she'll be angry so i better go!
at the mid, it was a series of ups and downs, I am the one to blame i made alot of mistakes in trying to keep her up expectations but ofcourse i did all i can and made sure i was there for her as per plan for going out, etc, and i slowly had a feeling where she wasn't liking it, roughly once in a month this type of issue occurs, i become late or do something stupid she will be angry, and i make sure i comfort her, she then does it vice versa, but make sure i am not angry that much. days of meet (Once a week)
The end, this was the time when i felt i was all alone, the only times when i really had a chance of meeting her was when i actually had to buy something, such as products, worth a 1/4th my pay, i was happy atleast to meet her that was okay enough for me. days of meet ( Once in 25 days),
I went to my hometown for a week, so i got to meet her before i set off, it was a good where she kissed me goodbye etc.
I returned with gifts from my hometown so i got a chance to meet her again!
And then she talked differently, yes i can feel her now, she is not interested anymore in hanging out,she wants me not to spend money for her anymore? haha really?thats nice of her actually she really does care after all. She never metioned as a breakup, otherwise i would just smile at her and be happy that it has ended.
So i thought she was still in this and i called her once, never picked up, then i waited for a week for her to call, no response, i didn't want to spend money as she did not want me to, but alteast can she answer? Hmm, i waited.
After trying for nearly days i became angry and replied a bit agressive, first time, then BOOM! i got an instant reply, she wants to argue with me, and i had to break up.
Money isn't always a thing in a relationship, you can support your relationship through love, if she really loved me in the end she would actually help me save money and still continue having relationship with me through love, but she has the mentality that she wants to save my money so she better quit, I never really uttered a word to her that i am spending too much and i need to stop, but i believe she feels guilty a bit. who knows whats in a womens mind these days.
am i sounding like an ass with a tit for tat mentality?
Guys if so i want to change
Originally posted by jojobeach:If your girl ask you to keep a low profile or "secret" relationship.. you should respect that request. Especially when the relationship is still brand new.
She may fear the relationship will not last .. if it does.. good, then it will progress into the next phase...... if not.. she won't look like a failure in front of friends or family, since no body knows anyway.
Once the relationship becomes stable.. and the future is in sight... she will change her mind.. and desire to be recognised/validated as your other important half. If you insist on keeping it secret by then... she'd be mad and think you are not serious with her...then you will see a downward spiral towards the end.
So.. it's all in the timing.. and how far along the relationship is at the moment.
Most important..always seek her opinion when you want to post photos with her on your facebook. Girls will dump guys who disregard their request.. because it shows how insignificant their girl must be in their eyes... no girl wants to be so un-important to their men.
Yeah.
Although i generally follow the concept of, "if the relaionship needs to be secret, then it's not worth being in", I think there are exceptions in some circumstances.
We all have our ideals, but should compromise at times 2.
REPOST
The way i see its more like, at the start it was great! we were getting to know each other and i still remember how she would even help my lazy ass get to work by putting an alarm even if she doesn't have work. she really i mean REALLY loved me alot. days of meet ( 3 times a week) if i don't meet her she'll be angry so i better go!
at the mid, it was a series of ups and downs, I am the one to blame i made alot of mistakes in trying to keep her up expectations but ofcourse i did all i can and made sure i was there for her as per plan for going out, etc, and i slowly had a feeling where she wasn't liking it, roughly once in a month this type of issue occurs, i become late or do something stupid she will be angry, and i make sure i comfort her, she then does it vice versa, but make sure i am not angry that much. days of meet (Once a week)
The end, this was the time when i felt i was all alone, the only times when i really had a chance of meeting her was when i actually had to buy something, such as products, worth a 1/4th my pay, i was happy atleast to meet her that was okay enough for me. days of meet ( Once in 25 days),
I went to my hometown for a week, so i got to meet her before i set off, it was a good where she kissed me goodbye etc.
I returned with gifts from my hometown so i got a chance to meet her again!
And then she talked differently, yes i can feel her now, she is not interested anymore in hanging out,she wants me not to spend money for her anymore? haha really?thats nice of her actually she really does care after all. She never metioned as a breakup, otherwise i would just smile at her and be happy that it has ended.
So i thought she was still in this and i called her once, never picked up, then i waited for a week for her to call, no response, i didn't want to spend money as she did not want me to, but alteast can she answer? Hmm, i waited.
After trying for nearly days i became angry and replied a bit agressive for not picking up, first time, then BOOM! i got an instant reply, she wants to argue with me, and we argued the whole day until the next, i had to stop had to break up with dissapointment.
Money isn't always a thing in a relationship, you can support your relationship through love, if she really loved me in the end she would actually help me save money and still continue having relationship with me through love, but she has the mentality that she wants to save my money so she better quit, I never really uttered a word to her that i am spending too much and i need to stop, but i believe she feels guilty a bit. who knows whats in a womens mind these days.
am i sounding like an ass with a tit for tat mentality?
Guys if so i want to change
Originally posted by Loor:Yeah.
Although i generally follow the concept of, "if the relaionship needs to be secret, then it's not worth being in", I think there are exceptions in some circumstances.
We all have our ideals, but should compromise at times 2.
I agree, secreting sometimes can cause alot of social related problems, you can't get to socialize with her friends and she doesn't get to socialize with mine.
Socializing helps boost confidence too, the guy and the girl will not feel restricted and they will feel more open to people who they meet and somtimes you feel great that you show the world that you're in a relationship to be proud of
Again don't take relationships as a status. i know some people who just want to show off haha
Originally posted by melodymaker:REPOST
The way i see its more like, at the start it was great! we were getting to know each other and i still remember how she would even help my lazy ass get to work by putting an alarm even if she doesn't have work. she really i mean REALLY loved me alot. days of meet ( 3 times a week) if i don't meet her she'll be angry so i better go!
at the mid, it was a series of ups and downs, I am the one to blame i made alot of mistakes in trying to keep her up expectations but ofcourse i did all i can and made sure i was there for her as per plan for going out, etc, and i slowly had a feeling where she wasn't liking it, roughly once in a month this type of issue occurs, i become late or do something stupid she will be angry, and i make sure i comfort her, she then does it vice versa, but make sure i am not angry that much. days of meet (Once a week)
The end, this was the time when i felt i was all alone, the only times when i really had a chance of meeting her was when i actually had to buy something, such as products, worth a 1/4th my pay, i was happy atleast to meet her that was okay enough for me. days of meet ( Once in 25 days),
I went to my hometown for a week, so i got to meet her before i set off, it was a good where she kissed me goodbye etc.
I returned with gifts from my hometown so i got a chance to meet her again!
And then she talked differently, yes i can feel her now, she is not interested anymore in hanging out,she wants me not to spend money for her anymore? haha really?thats nice of her actually she really does care after all. She never metioned as a breakup, otherwise i would just smile at her and be happy that it has ended.
So i thought she was still in this and i called her once, never picked up, then i waited for a week for her to call, no response, i didn't want to spend money as she did not want me to, but alteast can she answer? Hmm, i waited.
After trying for nearly days i became angry and replied a bit agressive, first time, then BOOM! i got an instant reply, she wants to argue with me, and i had to break up.
Money isn't always a thing in a relationship, you can support your relationship through love, if she really loved me in the end she would actually help me save money and still continue having relationship with me through love, but she has the mentality that she wants to save my money so she better quit, I never really uttered a word to her that i am spending too much and i need to stop, but i believe she feels guilty a bit. who knows whats in a womens mind these days.
am i sounding like an ass with a tit for tat mentality?
Guys if so i want to change
All she wanted was .. you stop making the same mistakes which are pissing her off...she needs conviction.. not false gratification.
Yet.. you think you can BUY your way out of trouble.
The bigger/more mistake .. the bigger/more expensive the gift.. is it not ? that's where you went wrong bro.
When you went back to your hometown.. did you forget about her ? Did you call her ? Did you send her your thoughts ? Or were you too busy entertaining your homies ? Then you expect her to be all excited because you bought her a 10 carat diamond necklace ? No dude... just be prepared she club your head off with her 4 inch heels. You were lucky she only gave you the cold treatment.
When the visits becomes lesser and lesser.. it's not time to whip out your credit card or hit the shopping center... it's time to bring her on a trip.. to RE-INVENT the already boring relationship..
When you give her no good reason to be excited about meeting you... why bother ? You're not THAT interesting as a person are you ? Like you're not Elvis Presley re-incarnated you know.
So, you gota learn to ENTICE her.. and you will get more loving.. that's how women are... believe it..
Originally posted by melodymaker:
I agree, secreting sometimes can cause alot of social related problems, you can't get to socialize with her friends and she doesn't get to socialize with mine.
Socializing helps boost confidence too, the guy and the girl will not feel restricted and they will feel more open to people who they meet and somtimes you feel great that you show the world that you're in a relationship to be proud of
Again don't take relationships as a status. i know some people who just want to show off haha
Guys like to show off their arm candy. It boost their ego. It shows that he is desired by women.. it shows... their umph.. yes ?
Girls.. on the other hand.. does not want to be paraded infront of your friends as a piece of arm candy.
Yes..she will brag about how much you adores her to all her BFFs..
So just be patient.. and take it slow..eventually she's gonna be yours anyway..right ? So what's the rush ?
Originally posted by jojobeach:All she wanted was .. you stop making the same mistakes which are pissing her off...she needs conviction.. not false gratification.
Yet.. you think you can BUY your way out of trouble.
The bigger/more mistake .. the bigger/more expensive the gift.. is it not ? that's where you went wrong bro.
When you went back to your hometown.. did you forget about her ? Did you call her ? Did you send her your thoughts ? Or were you too busy entertaining your homies ? Then you expect her to be all excited because you bought her a 10 carat diamond necklace ? No dude... just be prepared she club your head off with her 4 inch heels. You were lucky she only gave you the cold treatment.
When the visits becomes lesser and lesser.. it's not time to whip out your credit card or hit the shopping center... it's time to bring her on a trip.. to RE-INVENT the already boring relationship..
When you give her no good reason to be excited about meeting you... why bother ? You're not THAT interesting as a person are you ? Like you're not Elvis Presley re-incarnated you know.
So, you gota learn to ENTICE her.. and you will get more loving.. that's how women are... believe it..
Yep mistakes part that was me i admit, but i did change after she didn't like it so much
I never wanted to buy the way out of trouble, I always contacted her almost everyday and made sure i was available to meet but she wouldn't want to reply. But i wonder why she only responded to things such as buying?! Hmm,
Nope i really didn't like going home but i had to because of my brothers wedding , i did chat with her a couple of times and also made myself availble on facebook, even when i messaged her she would't respond?
She's one of those women who doesn't like it when all the phrases such as" Oh i am thinking about you so much" "I miss you" and i get a cricket response haha
But i did message her and talk to her as possible we have often have situations were we don't know what to talk and i actually say something she goes " Don't waste my time"
"When the visits becomes lesser and lesser.. it's not time to whip out your credit card or hit the shopping center... it's time to bring her on a trip.. to RE-INVENT the already boring relationship.."
Aye i wish i had my thoughts up too, This is where i went blur really blur, she wouldn't want to even give me a chance to share a song or in turn she can try to help me give feedback, again i am not forcing her to listen to it am i ? but prefers to buy the cute bunnies that she saw at Sembawang shop the other day OMG?!
"When you give her no good reason to be excited about meeting you... why bother ? You're not THAT interesting as a person are you ? Like you're not Elvis Presley re-incarnated you know"
Yep! thats what striked me alot, but based on my history of trying to do interesting things for her at the start and all that have worked... i wanted to try to see if she can try to do something interesting for me? thats mutual isn't it? I don't want to sound like a selfish guy, but you know my mind tells me to give her a chance if she really cares, If i keep doing all the stuff for her, am i like a clown, an entertainer? Everytime i meet her i can sense her mood, If she's happy i can make the meet interesting, if she's angry oversomething, i still make sure i tell her jokes etc? What happens if i become angry or sucidal? will she help me?
And about the bragg part haha i never did that, she told me our relationship should be kept secret so i did : ), I just got feeback from my buddies when they attended parties.
I guess i did all i can for her, and i know that you can find fault in me i am not the perfect guy but i tried to be, lol this sounds like a rap
Maybe i suck at my music
"When the visits becomes lesser and lesser.. it's not time to whip out your credit card or hit the shopping center... it's time to bring her on a trip.. to RE-INVENT the already boring relationship.."
Can you help me with this? Tips? Thanks! : )
Originally posted by melodymaker:
Yep mistakes part that was me i admit, but i did change after she didn't like it so much
I never wanted to buy the way out of trouble, I always contacted her almost everyday and made sure i was available to meet but she wouldn't want to reply. But i wonder why she only responded to things such as buying?! Hmm,
Nope i really didn't like going home but i had to because of my brothers wedding , i did chat with her a couple of times and also made myself availble on facebook, even when i messaged her she would't respond?
She's one of those women who doesn't like it when all the phrases such as" Oh i am thinking about you so much" "I miss you" and i get a cricket response haha
But i did message her and talk to her as possible we have often have situations were we don't know what to talk and i actually say something she goes " Don't waste my time"
"When the visits becomes lesser and lesser.. it's not time to whip out your credit card or hit the shopping center... it's time to bring her on a trip.. to RE-INVENT the already boring relationship.."
Aye i wish i had my thoughts up too, This is where i went blur really blur, she wouldn't want to even give me a chance to share a song or in turn she can try to help me give feedback, again i am not forcing her to listen to it am i ? but prefers to buy the cute bunnies that she saw at Sembawang shop the other day OMG?!
"When you give her no good reason to be excited about meeting you... why bother ? You're not THAT interesting as a person are you ? Like you're not Elvis Presley re-incarnated you know"
Yep! thats what striked me alot, but based on my history of trying to do interesting things for her at the start and all that have worked... i wanted to try to see if she can try to do something interesting for me? thats mutual isn't it? I don't want to sound like a selfish guy, but you know my mind tells me to give her a chance if she really cares, If i keep doing all the stuff for her, am i like a clown, an entertainer? Everytime i meet her i can sense her mood, If she's happy i can make the meet interesting, if she's angry oversomething, i still make sure i tell her jokes etc? What happens if i become angry or sucidal? will she help me?
And about the bragg part haha i never did that, she told me our relationship should be kept secret so i did : ), I just got feeback from my buddies when they attended parties.
I guess i did all i can for her, and i know that you can find fault in me i am not the perfect guy but i tried to be, lol this sounds like a rap
Now.. why is it you left her here.. while you went home to meet your family ? It's kinda strange you don't have her tag along with you.
Friends aside....Is she so insecure in this relationship.. that she does not even want any of your family to know of her existence ? Does her family knows of your existence.. have you met her family yet ?
Have you both talked about the long term plan at all ? Is this a friends with special benefit kinda thing from the beginning ??
Try pushing this relationship to a different level... if she's still hush hush.. something is wrong.. perhaps its time you cut your losses.