My girlfriend and I have been together for 10 months, shes 22 and I'm 21. As she's staying in hostel (just started), she will come my house and stayover every weekend (fri night to sunday evening). I used to wanting to meet her as much as possible by meeting her under her block or nearby shopping centre but she refused, saying it's troublesome to wash clothes that wore for afew hours just to meet me (yeah, she does all the washing herself). So I have to agree with meeting her only on weekends.
Being with her for so long, I know what her priority is. Family (I understand this) > Friends > Bf. She's ok with not meeting me for over 1 week and postpone our meeting just to meet her friends. (Although not ok for me). In the end, I also have to agree with her.
Now heres the big problem (it's big to me), she always take and seldom give. Over the 10months, i feel like i have always been the 1 giving. I cook for her for the first few monthly anniversaries (she did nth but eat and of course diff food/cuisine everytime), prepared her a surprise valentine gift with decorations (she did nth, only receive and no gift for me or anything) and a special day afew days ago, i cook for her again (I stopped cooking for afew months after my last cooking for her. and yes, she did nth again). As for the valentine's gift I gave her, she put at my house since valentine till now. Her reasons were no place no put at her hse. I helped her do her things/work whenever she asked or have problem with it. When I said no, she will get unhappy and all sorts, in the end I have to help her.
Recently I asked her to help me do something (i'm independent, don't really need to ask people for help unless needed), she refused to. I asked afew more times, she refused all the way and tried to change subject. I'm really disappointed and angry with her. Shes those "the more you want her do, the more she refuses. the more you don't want her do, the more she wanna do". She likes to play mind games too. Don do, she will go act crying, wanna go home etc.
Should I leave this girl for good? Yes, I'm happy with her when we didn't have any issue. But these problems has been going on for very long time. I tried to talk to her about it, she gave me attitude and said she is like this.
P.S: Sorry for making you all read essay!!
wait. Did you already have sex with her?
nope. we didn't have sex, shes the "no sex before marriage" type. so I have to respect her decision
ok no sex then leave.
You already lose out alot
quite hard to leave her. this is my longest relationship so far. the previous 1 I have lasted for afew months only. shorter than this.
u can find another one which will last longer and let u have sex.
lol. sounds like finding a sex partner. anyway, i'm enlisting in nov, no time for me to find another 1?
She's not into you.
You are just a convenience to her.
If a guy willing to do as much or more comes along... she'll have no problem leaving you and going to him.
Right now.. you're the one needing her than she needs you.
Have a talk with her... if she keeps giving you lame excuse.. walk out that door.. and don't look back.
Regarding the when we have no issue/quarrel, she gets abit loving. Sometimes, yes i said sometimes, she speaks some loving words, kisses and all etc. So i'm confuse right now.
are those things fake?? it looks genuine to me.
Oh i forgot to mention, when things are normal, she updates me with her life everyday and we have goodnight call every night.
Originally posted by gunner77:u can find another one which will last longer and let u have sex.
Agreed with you
why dun u date other girls and keep your options open. once u find your dream girl, you can break up with her. I am sure she is thinking like this also. once she finds his dreamguy, she will break up with you.
Originally posted by ImAwesome:Regarding the when we have no issue/quarrel, she gets abit loving. Sometimes, yes i said sometimes, she speaks some loving words, kisses and all etc. So i'm confuse right now.
are those things fake?? it looks genuine to me.
Oh i forgot to mention, when things are normal, she updates me with her life everyday and we have goodnight call every night.
So she gives you attention and make you feel love.
Yet those are not enough for you.
You want more from her.. because you did more for her. That's a lousy way to getting your way.
The presents are given out of love...not so that she becomes indebted to you.
give and take is no longer sustainable in today's relationship...
gals now move on faster than men if they find better ones...
so why should u keep giving without her reciprocity?
they say they want equality.....make sure u give her back the same equal treatment she takes from u ...
then...move on
Originally posted by jojobeach:So she gives you attention and make you feel love.
Yet those are not enough for you.
You want more from her.. because you did more for her. That's a lousy way to getting your way.
The presents are given out of love...not so that she becomes indebted to you.
"So she gives you attention and make feel love" - that was once in a blue moon.
"Yet those.... " I don feel I did more for her just because I want more from her.
"The presents are giving .... " so that means she doesn't love me because I never receive any presents?
Overall, how do you explain why she gets angry at me when she asked me to do things which I'm not comfortable to do (please don think about sex) ? That means I'm indebted to her?
Originally posted by ImAwesome:
"So she gives you attention and make feel love" - that was once in a blue moon."Yet those.... " I don feel I did more for her just because I want more from her.
"The presents are giving .... " so that means she doesn't love me because I never receive any presents?
Overall, how do you explain why she gets angry at me when she asked me to do things which I'm not comfortable to do (please don think about sex) ? That means I'm indebted to her?
Everyone of us love our partner in our own way.
Just because she is not loving you the way you want her to love you.. does not mean she doesn't love you.
She cannot read your mind.. neither can you read hers.
If you prefer that she spend some of her money on you.. just to make you feel good and loved.. then let her know... that's what you expect of her.. and that's the only way you can feel loved back.
If you want her to love you the way you want.. she can do so.. just to make you feel happy.. even though the action has no meaning to her.
You have this pre-conceived notion that love must be I give.. so I expect.. so I take.
That's not how it works.
I have no idea what kind of "uncomfortable" things she wants from you.. so I can't comment on that.
Originally posted by jojobeach:Everyone of us love our partner in our own way.
Just because she is not loving you the way you want her to love you.. does not mean she doesn't love you.
She cannot read your mind.. neither can you read hers.
If you prefer that she spend some of her money on you.. just to make you feel good and loved.. then let her know... that's what you expect of her.. and that's the only way you can feel loved back.
If you want her to love you the way you want.. she can do so.. just to make you feel happy.. even though the action has no meaning to her.
You have this pre-conceived notion that love must be I give.. so I expect.. so I take.
That's not how it works.
I have no idea what kind of "uncomfortable" things she wants from you.. so I can't comment on that.
Actually, I don't mind whether she has ever spend $ and buy me gifts or not. What matter me most is having her to help me do something is like wanting her life. Always give lame excuses or try to change the subject, what's worse is agreed to do but later act like i never asked.
Yes, I have sort of what you mention I give, so I expect, so I take. Isn't it really unhealthy for a relationship to have unbalance give and take? I don often ask for anything. In a month, the number of times I asked can be as maximum as 1 or 2 times.
Could you tell me how relationship works? Love her the way she is. Give and don't ask anything in return despite she has no actions done for you. Isn't all these like one-sided? If this was treated to a girl instead of guy, many will said the guys fault instead of girl.
Originally posted by ImAwesome:
Actually, I don't mind whether she has ever spend $ and buy me gifts or not. What matter me most is having her to help me do something is like wanting her life. Always give lame excuses or try to change the subject, what's worse is agreed to do but later act like i never asked.Yes, I have sort of what you mention I give, so I expect, so I take. Isn't it really unhealthy for a relationship to have unbalance give and take? I don often ask for anything. In a month, the number of times I asked can be as maximum as 1 or 2 times.
Could you tell me how relationship works? Love her the way she is. Give and don't ask anything in return despite she has no actions done for you. Isn't all these like one-sided? If this was treated to a girl instead of guy, many will said the guys fault instead of girl.
You are being vague.
You expect me to read your mind ?
You want her to do stuff for you.. like what ? Why is it SOOO important that she must do it for you ?
If you know she doesn't like doing it.. why force it ? Arn't you just being controlling ?
Agreeing and then not doing is a form of passive aggression. When she felt forced to do stuff against her will... yet is afraid to speak out against it... that's how she will act out.
Sorry to say this.. but it seems you are an ego centric guy.. and she is a passive aggressor... two of you together will be a disaster.
Yes, it's best to call this off. This relationship only breeds resentment and discontent. So end it soon.
I agree with mutually breaking up with her. Once you realized her flaws and up to the point that it irritates, you cannot help but develop a growing resentment as time pass. I guess it's natural to think "What an ungrateful bitch!" despite all the nonsense about relationship's give and take.
Besides, you're going to serve NS soon, that oughtta keep you occupied.
whatever it is, remember to pump her before you go.. hahhahaha
Originally posted by jojobeach:You are being vague.
You expect me to read your mind ?
You want her to do stuff for you.. like what ? Why is it SOOO important that she must do it for you ?
If you know she doesn't like doing it.. why force it ? Arn't you just being controlling ?
Agreeing and then not doing is a form of passive aggression. When she felt forced to do stuff against her will... yet is afraid to speak out against it... that's how she will act out.
Sorry to say this.. but it seems you are an ego centric guy.. and she is a passive aggressor... two of you together will be a disaster.
Yes, it's best to call this off. This relationship only breeds resentment and discontent. So end it soon.
So, the way I behave is controlling and the way she did the same thing to me is not controlling. The way she forces me to do everything she asked despite I'm not happy about doing it is not egocentric but I am.
Do you know what happen if I don't do what she asked? Did you read what I posted? She will act crying then say want to go home, don't wanna stay at my house, taunt me by saying she could go find other people(guys) that could do it for her. If I still don't do it, she gets unhappy and angry at me. Lastly, ignore me and don't talk to me. It's not she doesn't know how to do it, I'm not that unreasonable, is she lazy to do it herself.
Just leave her la
short pain better den long pain
tell yrself u can find a better ger den her
no point wasting yr time on tis useless relationship
Been there bro...have a good talk with her...it is time to show hands...and if she says she don't love you...and unwillinging to change...then maybe its time to think about going your seperate ways...
Take care dude...
Originally posted by ImAwesome:So, the way I behave is controlling and the way she did the same thing to me is not controlling. The way she forces me to do everything she asked despite I'm not happy about doing it is not egocentric but I am.
Do you know what happen if I don't do what she asked? Did you read what I posted? She will act crying then say want to go home, don't wanna stay at my house, taunt me by saying she could go find other people(guys) that could do it for her. If I still don't do it, she gets unhappy and angry at me. Lastly, ignore me and don't talk to me. It's not she doesn't know how to do it, I'm not that unreasonable, is she lazy to do it herself.
Not happy, then don't do.. Do already.. then stop complaining.
Both you and your soon to be EX girlfriend are behaving like little children.
Since not happy.. then breakup.. it's not like you are married to her.
She not happy.. let her go seek other guys. What's there to be so possesive about ?
Relationship is for you to try out see if each other is a good match for a longer term commitment.
Since it's not working out .. then it's time to let go.
Frankly, even if you find the most perfect girl.. you are too immature to keep her.
Wait till you grow up more.. mature more.. then seek a new beginning in a new relationship.
Originally posted by jojobeach:Not happy, then don't do.. Do already.. then stop complaining.
Both you and your soon to be EX girlfriend are behaving like little children.
Since not happy.. then breakup.. it's not like you are married to her.
She not happy.. let her go seek other guys. What's there to be so possesive about ?
Relationship is for you to try out see if each other is a good match for a longer term commitment.
Since it's not working out .. then it's time to let go.
Frankly, even if you find the most perfect girl.. you are too immature to keep her.
Wait till you grow up more.. mature more.. then seek a new beginning in a new relationship.
Ohh.. I can don't do even if that makes her angry. I do = my own fault, I don't do = make her angry, my fault again. So is there really a choice?
Sorry but mind defining immature and your definition of mature?
Originally posted by ImAwesome:Ohh.. I can don't do even if that makes her angry. I do = my own fault, I don't do = make her angry, my fault again. So is there really a choice?
Sorry but mind defining immature and your definition of mature?
Yah.. it's ALL your fault.. OK ?
If you arn't so insecure... she won't be able to wrap you around her little finger.
What to do.. or what not to do... do you even know ?
You want to control her.. she wants to control you. Like playing monopoly game... see who is the winner , or the loser... who owns and who gets owned.
Since you believe she don't love you issit ? So what are you waiting for ? Dump her lor..