My mother continues to make wrong foolish decision
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I don't know what I should do to my mother who continues to make foolish decisions in her entire life.
Long time ago when I was still a kid, my mother is a very stingy woman. She is working but she don't want to spend her money. She will ask my father for money and still ask him to pay for all the family expenses.
This caused them to quarel very often and they eventually divorced. My father was very nice to give her the house and $200 every month after they divorced.
When they divorced, I went to stay with my father and stepmother and I couldn't get along with my stepmum. My life was very miserable back than.
Finally I moved back to stay with my mother. Life was better than as my mother gave me alot of freedom. But she refused to give me any money.
My very responsible father continue to provide for me and gave me $400 every month during my poly education while my mother refuse to give me any money except a place to stay.
She saved all her money and recently I accidentally found out taht she have 300k savings in her fixed deposit!!
I am her only child and staying together with her. But she does not trust me at all. She open a joint account with her sister about 100k together.
I have warned her many times that her sister is married and have kids. 1 day if her husband got retrechned or her children go to university to study, she may need money and will just withdraw out all her money to spend.
But my stubborn mother refuse to listen. She trusts her sister very much and say that she is very kind and will not do such things.
My mother refuse to put my name in the house as she is afraid that I will force her to sell the house and than give the money to my father.
I have explained to her many times that only 2 owners of the house agree to sell it than can the house be sold so I can't force her to sell it if she don't want to do so. But she refuse to listen and believe it.
She say she open joint bank accounts with her sister as she is afraid that when she die, the bank will freeze her account and her money cannot be withdrawed. She say at least her sister can withdraw the money when she die and than give me the money.
I have explained to her that it is ok to leave the money in her own name. If she pass away, I can just get a lawyer to apply for letter of administration to the court for the banks to release her money.
I have also explained to her not to trust her sister so much as I am very sure that her sister will not give me the money in the event that she pass away.
Again, she refuse to listen to me.
You all may say that its ok lah just 100k joint account with her sister mah. even if her sister take all away, my mother still got 200k savings mah more than enough to last for her entire life.
Now the issue is my mother is near retirement age and 200k is definetly not enough for retirement as she have alot of illness and spends about $500 a month just for medical expenses.
She don't have much money in her cpf account. It mostly been used in investments. She earns only 1.5k a month now so she can't really save much money in the next few years that she can work before retirement.
Considering now that medical technology is so good, most people can live beyond 90 years old so I don't think 200k is enough for her to retire.
I must admit I am not a good son who can't enough money to support her so she have to relie on herself.
I feel sorry for her just to think that 1 day her sister might just betray her and withdraw all her money.
Being a very stingy person, I wonder how she will react if she knows her sister withdraw all her money to use.
She most likely cannot take it and she might even commit suicide.
Can anyone advise me how I should knock some sense into her?
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it's her $$$.
she can do wateber she wans wif it.
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ya but she will feel very sad and may commit suicide if her sister take her money..
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Hi Dechang,
I agreed that it is her money, she have the prerogative to do what she like.
Sometime, when there is fear, people can no longer think logically. In my opinion, she is unsecured. So, naturally, the only secured things is money to her. I have seen a few women behaving this way.
So, if you asked me, I will say, shower her with lot's of love and care, not for the money sake, but because she is your mother. If she can sensed that you genuinely love her, and care for her, she may be more open to you.
When she place her trust in you, other things will also come. By that time, you can have the freehand to invest on other instrument, and help her do the financial planning.
But I hope you do not squander all her saving away, else, she will die a bitter woman.
All the best.
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Originally posted by dechang:
I don't know what I should do to my mother who continues to make foolish decisions in her entire life.
Long time ago when I was still a kid, my mother is a very stingy woman. She is working but she don't want to spend her money. She will ask my father for money and still ask him to pay for all the family expenses.
This caused them to quarel very often and they eventually divorced. My father was very nice to give her the house and $200 every month after they divorced.
When they divorced, I went to stay with my father and stepmother and I couldn't get along with my stepmum. My life was very miserable back than.
Finally I moved back to stay with my mother. Life was better than as my mother gave me alot of freedom. But she refused to give me any money.
My very responsible father continue to provide for me and gave me $400 every month during my poly education while my mother refuse to give me any money except a place to stay.
She saved all her money and recently I accidentally found out taht she have 300k savings in her fixed deposit!!
I am her only child and staying together with her. But she does not trust me at all. She open a joint account with her sister about 100k together.
I have warned her many times that her sister is married and have kids. 1 day if her husband got retrechned or her children go to university to study, she may need money and will just withdraw out all her money to spend.
But my stubborn mother refuse to listen. She trusts her sister very much and say that she is very kind and will not do such things.
My mother refuse to put my name in the house as she is afraid that I will force her to sell the house and than give the money to my father.
I have explained to her many times that only 2 owners of the house agree to sell it than can the house be sold so I can't force her to sell it if she don't want to do so. But she refuse to listen and believe it.
She say she open joint bank accounts with her sister as she is afraid that when she die, the bank will freeze her account and her money cannot be withdrawed. She say at least her sister can withdraw the money when she die and than give me the money.
I have explained to her that it is ok to leave the money in her own name. If she pass away, I can just get a lawyer to apply for letter of administration to the court for the banks to release her money.
I have also explained to her not to trust her sister so much as I am very sure that her sister will not give me the money in the event that she pass away.
Again, she refuse to listen to me.
You all may say that its ok lah just 100k joint account with her sister mah. even if her sister take all away, my mother still got 200k savings mah more than enough to last for her entire life.
Now the issue is my mother is near retirement age and 200k is definetly not enough for retirement as she have alot of illness and spends about $500 a month just for medical expenses.
She don't have much money in her cpf account. It mostly been used in investments. She earns only 1.5k a month now so she can't really save much money in the next few years that she can work before retirement.
Considering now that medical technology is so good, most people can live beyond 90 years old so I don't think 200k is enough for her to retire.
I must admit I am not a good son who can't enough money to support her so she have to relie on herself.
I feel sorry for her just to think that 1 day her sister might just betray her and withdraw all her money.
Being a very stingy person, I wonder how she will react if she knows her sister withdraw all her money to use.
She most likely cannot take it and she might even commit suicide.
Can anyone advise me how I should knock some sense into her?
When you can earn LOTS and LOTS of money.. then will she trust you to not squander hers away.
First you need to knock some sense into your head.
You keep eyeing her money... like a wolf hungry to gobble up a sheep.
Leave her alone.. show her how capable you are first.. then she will be more willing to let you handle her money for her.
You got savings or not.. you got no savings.. yet you salivate over her 300K....
If I am her sister I also tell her.. beware of your greedy son !!
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My mother is also like that. So I can tell you there is absolutely nothing you can do. We as siblings renounce any inheritance when my father died. So all went to her. She got the lawyers joint tenancy the house with our youngest brother, because she is afraid government take all when she dies, joint account the monies with the youngest brother too for the same reason. Believing the youngest will share with all when she dies. When she passed away, we were all grown up, and youngest kept it all to himself, claiming the law says survivor takes all in joint tenancy or account. We siblings left it at that.
She won't listen to you. But surprisingly she will listen to "others". Fear, real fear is the underlying cause. The fear is put in by the "others", who to her are seemingly knowledgeable people.
Your aunt did not directly tell her what to do. She frightened her by stories of rich peoples' wealth being taxed heavily and seiziing property and searching for gold and jewellery by the government. This is the olden days 17th or 18th century government, but old people swallow it whole sale.
Frightened, she will ask what to do?
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Hi dechang There is nothing you can do to convince your mother. The more you want to point it out to her, the more she will believe her sister. In fact, why don't you do something now for yourself in prepare for the day that the event happen? At least if the unfortunate does happen, you will be there and ready. And please do spare her the "I told you so" speech, there is no joy in proving you are right in this kind of situation.
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weakling
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Originally posted by dechang:
I don't know what I should do to my mother who continues to make foolish decisions in her entire life.
Long time ago when I was still a kid, my mother is a very stingy woman. She is working but she don't want to spend her money. She will ask my father for money and still ask him to pay for all the family expenses.
This caused them to quarel very often and they eventually divorced. My father was very nice to give her the house and $200 every month after they divorced.
When they divorced, I went to stay with my father and stepmother and I couldn't get along with my stepmum. My life was very miserable back than.
Finally I moved back to stay with my mother. Life was better than as my mother gave me alot of freedom. But she refused to give me any money.
My very responsible father continue to provide for me and gave me $400 every month during my poly education while my mother refuse to give me any money except a place to stay.
She saved all her money and recently I accidentally found out taht she have 300k savings in her fixed deposit!!
I am her only child and staying together with her. But she does not trust me at all. She open a joint account with her sister about 100k together.
I have warned her many times that her sister is married and have kids. 1 day if her husband got retrechned or her children go to university to study, she may need money and will just withdraw out all her money to spend.
But my stubborn mother refuse to listen. She trusts her sister very much and say that she is very kind and will not do such things.
My mother refuse to put my name in the house as she is afraid that I will force her to sell the house and than give the money to my father.
I have explained to her many times that only 2 owners of the house agree to sell it than can the house be sold so I can't force her to sell it if she don't want to do so. But she refuse to listen and believe it.
She say she open joint bank accounts with her sister as she is afraid that when she die, the bank will freeze her account and her money cannot be withdrawed. She say at least her sister can withdraw the money when she die and than give me the money.
I have explained to her that it is ok to leave the money in her own name. If she pass away, I can just get a lawyer to apply for letter of administration to the court for the banks to release her money.
I have also explained to her not to trust her sister so much as I am very sure that her sister will not give me the money in the event that she pass away.
Again, she refuse to listen to me.
You all may say that its ok lah just 100k joint account with her sister mah. even if her sister take all away, my mother still got 200k savings mah more than enough to last for her entire life.
Now the issue is my mother is near retirement age and 200k is definetly not enough for retirement as she have alot of illness and spends about $500 a month just for medical expenses.
She don't have much money in her cpf account. It mostly been used in investments. She earns only 1.5k a month now so she can't really save much money in the next few years that she can work before retirement.
Considering now that medical technology is so good, most people can live beyond 90 years old so I don't think 200k is enough for her to retire.
I must admit I am not a good son who can't enough money to support her so she have to relie on herself.
I feel sorry for her just to think that 1 day her sister might just betray her and withdraw all her money.
Being a very stingy person, I wonder how she will react if she knows her sister withdraw all her money to use.
She most likely cannot take it and she might even commit suicide.
Can anyone advise me how I should knock some sense into her?
why are you eyeing your mother's money already ?!?! ......
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You do not need to talk any further sense into your mother, her mind is fix and set, what you can do now is be as stingy as she is, keep all your money, learn to be like her.
And also remember to buy her an insurance that insure whatever death, so that you can get some if something happens, but the premium is not low
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Originally posted by angel7030:
You do not need to talk any further sense into your mother, her mind is fix and set, what you can do now is be as stingy as she is, keep all your money, learn to be like her.
And also remember to buy her an insurance that insure whatever death, so that you can get some if something happens, but the premium is not low
Yup that is what I intent to do. I will save as much money now so in the event that she pass away without any money left for me I will be able to survive myself.I am not going to give her any money now because she will save it in joint account with her sister and eventually her sister will take it away. Its as good as giving my money to her sister
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Originally posted by lce:
weakling
Ban Ice ! -
Get your own life straight and leave that motherbitch.
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Originally posted by Siliconchip:
Get your own life straight and leave that motherbitch.
yes the fatboy ice should straighten up its life, stop failing exams n leave its motherbitch. -
Originally posted by dechang:
Yup that is what I intent to do. I will save as much money now so in the event that she pass away without any money left for me I will be able to survive myself.I am not going to give her any money now because she will save it in joint account with her sister and eventually her sister will take it away. Its as good as giving my money to her sister
the key is, if you cannot change a person, a situation, a culture, a behavor and a mind, might as well join that person, let her see herself in you. -
Dechang, since your mother is stingy, she likes to earn money as well, why dont you do some research on investment and then introduce it to her? Come up with good information and figures to support your findings in order to convince her to put her money to good use instead of sitting duck under joint ac with her sister. With her poor health, alot of money is needed to get good health care. Mind her, cost of living is very high in Singapore. eh sai si beh sai pua peng. Can die but cannot fall sick because medication and hospitalisation can rip off all your hard earn money.
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Dechang,
There is little you can do under the circumstances. These are one of the repercussions of divorce, especially with a mother with a character you describe.
Though you may be blood, she will view you as a product of association (i.e. your father) and simply not trust you, these are common traits of insecurity.
Why in the first place are you asking her for money? I think its a very fair tradeoff when your father provides for your education and your mother provides you with a place to stay. If you lack funds and are of poly age, why not get a part time job? If not ask your father for more money.
As for her savings, what she does with the money is entirely up to her. You can 'advise' her till the cows come home, but it will only frustrate you further and waste your time.
Forget about inheriting anything, its akin to waiting for a coconut to drop. Time will have past you by, and for what? The sum total of what you could potentially earn for yourself in a year.
Look on the bright side, if she has a joint account with her sister, then all financial responsibility is between them. If she runs out of money, it will be her sisters family burden, not yours. She may be doing YOU a big favor in the long run.
You have a place to stay, so make full use of it, do the best you can in your own endeavors and get on with your own life.
Peace!
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Hi Dechang
When I was your age, I used to feel similarly about my parents. I too am the only child.
But now that I have a family of my own, I understand their actions am thankful that my parents were frugal. Why? Now that they are retired, they are very self sufficient in every way. I still give them a monthly allowance, but they have more than enough of their own.
I have friends whose parents enjoyed a carefree lifestyle in their younger years, squandered all their savings away and now are reliant on their children for their daily expenses/needs. Do you want that to happen to you? Your mom is doing what she is, because she does not want to be a burden to you in her old age.
Dacheng - life could really be a lot worse. Imagine having a mother who spends every waking moment at the casino and having loan sharks harassing you every other day. Imagine a mother who is an alcoholic or drug addict. Imagine if your mom remarried and you had a stepdad who squanders all her savings away. Just imagine.
In fact, I am in awe that your mother is able to squirrel away that much savings out of her salary of S$1,500 (approx S$1,200 nett). Just do a simple monthly cost calculation based on a minimum spend.
Food = 300 / Water n Elect = 120 / Transport = 160 (Total = 580)
I have not factored in a number of other things - the major one being your tuition fees at the poly. I am also asssuming that the 400 that your father gives is for your own expense (meals in school, clothes, outings on weekends, etc).
Like I said, I don't expect you to understand all this at your age, but your mother is really doing all this for your own good. Believe or not, she is being a very good and responsible parent. You are blessed indeed.
Take care!
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Guess the most foolish decision your mom did was giving birth to you