dad issues
-
I am a guy who is 18 years old this year.From the day i have become sensible,i have not been in good term with my father,i consider him as a asshole.Since i was born,he has never done his job as a father,he don't work, just laze around in the house smoking or sleep.My mother is malaysian(till now still cannot get PR becus of my father),since she married my father,she has never has a good life,she have to work to earn money for the family.i have 2 other younger sibling.I hate my father attitude towards his life and his family.He is the most fucking inresponsible father i had ever seen.He never bother to try to find a stable job to help support the family,not only he is lazy,he is also a arrogant control freak.since young he has never respect anyone in this family,EG.he decide what i must eat,he always say must eat rice but i can never understand the logic why should i listen to him when the meal i eat is not even paid by him???He has also hit my mother several time during their marriage.More over our family of five is living in a rented 2room flats,yet he keep tons of rubbish in the house, making the whole house look like a rubbish collection area. I HATE him so much that there has been so many time that i wished he was dead,if he was dead my life would be so great.He is not needed in my life,he affect my life,as he always say thing that hurt me.Eg,he say we are poor people,so cannot take taxi,cannot buy laptop and something like we will never succeed.I have low self esteem because of him,i have never been comfortable telling my friend about my father.I am currently studying in a polytechnic,my wish is to quickly finish my diploma so i can get a job and get the fuck out of this house with my mum and my sibling.However recently the problem between my father and me has really worsen,i don't feel like goiing home as i don't want to see his jerk face.Its affecting my studies,i really want to move out now,but i don't have enough $$$.When i see the happy family of my friend,i really feel so bad and even abit jealous,i am starting to hate and doubt myselfT-T Anyone can advice me on what can i do to solve my problem???Thanks.
-
First thing you need is good paragraphing. IMO just treat him as invisible..
-
use ur anger as a motivation to succeed... nobody can put you down if you do not allow them... we cannot control other people's bad mouth so let them say, but deep down, we must be stronger than they are... if you notice, when people say something, it usually reflects them rather than you... if they say life is poor, money is hard to make, it usually reflects what happened to their lives... if you ask the richest men in the world, they will tell you money is easy to come by, sometimes just need to ask and you can get the money from VC etc... so whatever output is sometimes derived from the input on their lives which may not have anything to do with you... although there is no clear cut way to resolve ur problem, but if there is any consolation it's that some of the people did come from very tough and poor backgrounds, such as the Olivier Lum from Hyflux and also there are people with worse problems than you such as my dad who is suffering from cancer and will have little time left to live.
All I want to say is, ur problems may be tough but if you can be stronger and be higher than all these problems. have some trust in your own ability.
-
If you have low self esteem, you dad has the lowest of the low self esteem. Yes, dads also can have low self esteem, and nobody helps them, and they can't help themselves.
Just build yourself up with positive actions. Resentment is negative and will keep you in low spirits.
You need to break out of the poverty cycle. Your dads poor, so will you be poor as well? That will be the case if you harbour resentment. Break away from it, and think of the good that you have.
People repeatedly and repeatedly think of the bad things in their lives, but the good things they just think about it for 20 seconds.
You are able to resent your dad for the whole week, but how much time do you spend thinking of your good mum, and other aspect of your fortunate life. Little lousy thing upset you for a long time, little good things you hardly acknowledge.
Try and reverse that trend, and improve your life. More good things come from happiness than from resentment.
-
are you really gonna blame your father for all your failures?
or are you gonna take responsibility for your own future and focus on what you want instead of lamenting your fate..
get a hold of the bitterness you have in you.. if you allow it to continue to fester, it will rob you of all future happiness..
-
Take the hard knocks of life lah, later when you become successful, look back and tell yourself you come a long way, take present as a test of your strength, endurance and part of learning curve in life, not everyone is born with a silver or gold spoon, me included
-
hey guys thanks for the advice,i am not gonna give up so easily.i will take my father as a example,a example that i will not become,he had become my motivation to become a successful person.i will work damn hard to get rid of him from my life!!!!
-
Strange man! poor people where got computer and internet access one? I bet also have an iphone too. Is this even poor?
-
Your father is your father.
You are still young, you have future. Work hard and climb up the corporate ladder. One day, your father will appreciate you and you will appreciate your father.
Blood is thicker than water.
Dont give up.
-
Originally posted by Liptonman1993:
I am a guy who is 18 years old this year.From the day i have become sensible,i have not been in good term with my father,i consider him as a asshole.Since i was born,he has never done his job as a father,he don't work, just laze around in the house smoking or sleep.My mother is malaysian(till now still cannot get PR becus of my father),since she married my father,she has never has a good life,she have to work to earn money for the family.i have 2 other younger sibling.I hate my father attitude towards his life and his family.He is the most fucking inresponsible father i had ever seen.He never bother to try to find a stable job to help support the family,not only he is lazy,he is also a arrogant control freak.since young he has never respect anyone in this family,EG.he decide what i must eat,he always say must eat rice but i can never understand the logic why should i listen to him when the meal i eat is not even paid by him???He has also hit my mother several time during their marriage.More over our family of five is living in a rented 2room flats,yet he keep tons of rubbish in the house, making the whole house look like a rubbish collection area. I HATE him so much that there has been so many time that i wished he was dead,if he was dead my life would be so great.He is not needed in my life,he affect my life,as he always say thing that hurt me.Eg,he say we are poor people,so cannot take taxi,cannot buy laptop and something like we will never succeed.I have low self esteem because of him,i have never been comfortable telling my friend about my father.I am currently studying in a polytechnic,my wish is to quickly finish my diploma so i can get a job and get the fuck out of this house with my mum and my sibling.However recently the problem between my father and me has really worsen,i don't feel like goiing home as i don't want to see his jerk face.Its affecting my studies,i really want to move out now,but i don't have enough $$$.When i see the happy family of my friend,i really feel so bad and even abit jealous,i am starting to hate and doubt myselfT-T Anyone can advice me on what can i do to solve my problem???Thanks.
Your father is a deadbeat. Your mother could have left him long ago.. but because she cares about your future, she stayed with him and endured the humiliation and abuse for so many years.
Study hard and take good care of your mother. Encourage your siblings so they too can be successful.
If you don't feel like going home to see your scum ass dad, then go to the library or study room facilities in community centers to concentrate on your studies.
Make sure you tell your mother where you are.. so she will not worry so much about you.
I don't quite understand why your mother is unable to get a PR or citizenship ? You are a Singapore citizen are you not ? Do u have a pink IC ? You should check with ICA about your mom's PR application via her Singaporean children.
I reckon your mom is poorly educated thus she does not know her rights. Your father must have used your mother's ignorance and fear of deportation to control and oppressed her all these years.
Your father is mentally unsound, he has compulsive hoarding disorder. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compulsive_hoarding
-
Your father is nothing but a damn deep male chauvanist pig, and you one day may also become like him, blood is thicker than water, but chendol is thicker than blood, so, forget about getting yr mom a PR or citizenship, she must be from some third world country that end up offending the laws of this state, so never able to get PR status, but that could be a blessing in disguise, cos she still can go back to her homeland, my foreign gals here also got some end up marrying singapore men but get abused, and also cannot get PR due to their black mark with CID
-
Hi pal,
As some has advised you, turn your anger into a motivation force, and do well in your study.
Frankly, we can choose spouses, but not siblings and parents. So, it is indeed unfortunate that you are in this situation.
I will not want to talk much about your dad, perhaps he has his reasons or something along that direction. No point, But I want to remind you as the last reply said, he is your dad, and you may follow his footstep.
So, what is most important is, no point blaming him, but be sure that you do all you can not to become like him. One way to do so is to do your best in your study.
BTW, I am also a poly boy some 20 yrs back. I do have my fair share of struggle with family, and I always stayed in library to study until dark. So, it is possible to do all your study outside your own house.
In ending, I wish you all the best. Do well in your school work, and be a man that is useful to the society.
Regards,
Old man.
-
Originally posted by angel7030:
........ blood is thicker than water, but chendol is thicker than blood, .......
this is great!
-
wonder, how many commented do have a son at 18 y old?
all so experience ar
-
was luke skywalker 18?
-
endure for the next few years, get a good education and ja good job and move out of the house.
-
Wanna pluck him? Call The Married Man.
-
Wanna whack him? Call the Married women
-
wanna fuck him? call the Mamasan
-
TS, without your father, you wont be here posting or rather you wont be in this world. Make peace with your father. Understand him more.
-
Like father like son, axxhole
-
Originally posted by likeyou:
TS, without your father, you wont be here posting or rather you wont be in this world. Make peace with your father. Understand him more.
I do agreed with what you said.
But at this juncture, he is too young to think in that direction. Thus, my advice is to focus on getting his study done, and move on. I too, took a long time to realise this simple truth.
So, Liptonman1993, focus on making it in life, and not on how to get back your father. Life is surly more than this. Things are really beautiful outside. Take time to appreciate it. :)
By the way, I am now on the road trip from Toronto to Prince Edward Island with my family, why? because I focus on the positive part, determined not to follow by dad's footstep.
What my dad cannot give me, I will do my best to provide for my family. That is what you should aim for. If you want to 'beat' your dad, do it in a positive way. :)