Regrets of the Dying
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Stumbled upon this some months ago, thought it was very meaningful, so do stop for a moment and chew on this. :p
REGRETS OF THE DYING
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.(Source: http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html)
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This should be taught in CME in all secondary schools.
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When you wish, you crave, and when you crave, you shall return. Therefore, you shall never ever enter heaven, but then heaven can wait. Go with a smile, do not clinch on what you missed or wished here, it just an illusion.
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.....confesses i wanna screw a blonde pamela anderson n bite mo0st of her bazoomas off her happily.....that will role all the 5 to do list into 1.
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and the taller n more master race the better!!!
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my regret is not protecting the cat
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Originally posted by Director Hitman:
.....confesses i wanna screw a blonde pamela anderson n bite mo0st of her bazoomas off her happily.....that will role all the 5 to do list into 1.
I give u 48 rotans 1st -
i protected my cat.....again n again yet no help left n right n worse.....i should have waved a baseball bat n yelled n be violent !!!!
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Originally posted by Mr Milo:
I give u 48 rotans 1st
i need a swat team.......not 48rotans. -
dreamt my cat spirit went back to singapore in old neighbourhood near bedok...:(
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all because there were gaps in the door panels...gaps in fencing...cracks that went from underground putside to inside and gaps hidden here n there all over the circumference of the groundfloor where cat resides under lock n key!!!i sealed all of them and yet the cane toads still come in....
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In order not to live a life of regrets, always live as if today is your last day on earth. Live as if there is no tomorrow.
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Originally posted by Pinknutri:
In order not to live a life of regrets, always live as if today is your last day on earth. Live as if there is no tomorrow.
if i live life as there's no tommorrow, i sell all i own, go on a trip in the world, slap all those i hate.and tommorrow, i will be in trouble
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Originally posted by Jiani:
if i live life as there's no tommorrow, i sell all i own, go on a trip in the world, slap all those i hate.and tommorrow, i will be in trouble
Are you sure those are what you will do if you know you are going to die ? Let's say you are going to die today, you still have time to sell your assets and prepare to go on trip? Why bother to slap those that you hate, you know you will not be seeing them.
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*activates search & destroy app on Ipad to kill cane toads
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Stop ruining my thread
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well, this thread is actually ruining itself, in dying, we should hv no regrets, we should not leave behind regrettable stuff for our decendent to ponder and be sad about, come nothing, go nothing, this is the journey of our existence here
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Originally posted by Director Hitman:
.....confesses i wanna screw a blonde pamela anderson n bite mo0st of her bazoomas off her happily.....that will role all the 5 to do list into 1.
Lol...i think she might not like the biting part very much.