Need some urgent advice (Parents and engagement)

• Fugazzi

  24 Jun 11, 03:05

  TS, It is a relationship but sadly there is no relating to what you are or what she is. It is relating to what you have and what she has. In other words, it is needs, expectations parading as love and bluntly this woeful sobriquet befits the predicament - mutual benefit scheme ( ie, u do this for me and i will do this for u, it is simply coming together and using one another as a means to one's ends! It is merely propping oneself up with ... In the short run, it is tenable and sustainable but for the long haul it is not only a dicey affair but most likely to be that of constant conflict and pain. PS - What is lacking is that of self-understanding. Stupidity is trying to get to know someone better when oneself is utterly blind to one's own .... How can a beggar give ... when he/she is in a state of ''penury''.
• Fugazzi

  24 Jun 11, 03:07

  TS, It is a relationship but sadly there is no relating to what you are or what she is. It is relating to what you have and what she has. In other words, it is needs, expectations parading as love and bluntly this woeful sobriquet befits the predicament - mutual benefit scheme ( ie, u do this for me and i will do this for u, it is simply coming together and using one another as a means to one's ends! It is merely propping oneself up with ... In the short run, it is tenable and sustainable but for the long haul it is not only a dicey affair but most likely to be that of constant conflict and pain. PS - What is lacking is that of self-understanding. Stupidity is trying to get to know someone better when oneself is utterly blind to one's own .... How can a beggar give ... when he/she is in a state of ''penury''.
• Loor

  24 Jun 11, 10:07

  whao..the posts on here chim man.

  One word - communicate.

• storywolf

  24 Jun 11, 11:14

  Originally posted by Godot:

  I have been together with my girlfriend for coming to 2 years.
  
  My profile:
  Well to do family background (Father earning quite a fair bit), overseas educated for 5 years, lives in landed property in prime area almost all my life.
  
  Context:
  One day, she told me that she wanted to get a ring for 10k+. I was thinking about this and decided to consult my parents.
  
  Problems:
  1) My parents think that I am too young to think about getting married. (ps: I am 29 this year and she is 25) as they think that i need to get to know the woman better before making a commitment and that i am not mature enough.
  
  But i personally feel that she is "the one" for me. and they use the arguement that my brother knew his wife for 8 years before proposal and getting married (prior to that he knew another girl for 5 years before breaking off) and that my sister (who is one year younger than my girlfriend) knew her boyfriend for 4 years and is nowhere close to marriage. But we do not have the luxury of time that we both met each other so late in our lives. (If we met when i was 22 and she was 18, things would have turned out very differently)
  
  She too doesn't want to get married too late as she feels that if she gets married at 28, she will be 50 when our children is 20. (assuming she gives birth at 30) and she will be too old to enjoy the time together with our kids. (doesn't help that our relatives have children who only get married only after dating more than 7 years)
  
  2) The ring. Even though i know the ring will cost 10k, It is going to be my money which i have earned thru working through the years and i won't be touching a single cent of theirs, but yet they feel that i should not get the ring because they feel that engagement ring should be something cheap because its supposed to be the gesture that counts and the wedding ring should be something expensive. 

  -(Btw my girlfriend thinks that my parents are not reasonable as they do not want to part with 10k, which is not even their money to begin with, even though they can afford it)

  (btw2: I asked my mum again this time with a figure of 5k for the ring, and she even said that this sum was unreasonable)
  
  (my mum used the example where she spent 30k of her own money on my brother's wife's wedding ring when they got the engagement ring for 1k plus) but my girlfriend has said that she will not be requiring
  -Honeymoon
  -Banquet
  -Wedding ring (her mum will be giving it to her)
  
  and all that she wants is a nice engagement ring as she feels that the engagement ring is more important than the wedding ring.
  
  3) Me and my girlfriend got into a very heated arguement over the ring, and i listened to some bad advice from my best friend's wife and went to close a joint account. My girlfriend was very angry but has since forgiven me for this. But my parents know about this and might use this against me.
  
  Solutions:
  
  How do i
  1) get out of this situation a winner?
  2) shed my image that my mum has of me that i am forever a teenager?
  3) not lose my girlfriend? (she has said that she WILL leave me if i don't get this resolved, she feels that if my parents are so controlling now, she doesn't know what they will feel about her in the future.)

  
  Godot,

  Facts :
  1) Note : your family is rich , not you !!!  earn your own money !!!
  2) For a gf to ask for 10k engagment ring, kind of make you wonder in future what she will ask for ?  - dump her fast,  materialist and unrealist for a wife is no no !!!
  3) my girlfriend thinks that my parents are not reasonable as they do not want to part with 10k -  hello , on one hand you say you got your own 10k , later both of you like expect your parents to remburse you all 10 k ?   Not your money !!! got money also not to waste like that !!!
  4) she feels that if my parents are so controlling now ? maybe you should grow up and stop expecting your parent for money, then they treat you as a grown up !!!

  Grown up and get another gf !!!