Mother-Inlaw
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hummz since you try everthing try this.
Since your MIL is very " talkative, busybody, interfere our private life, controlling etc."
return the same behaviour back to her, by being her.
The problem with this type of people is that they cannot stand their own character being thrown back at her.
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Originally posted by Manmanlun:
“u dun nid SGD 10k monthly to get a flat to live in”
sorry, I dont get what you mean ?
If it's around 8 - 9 k you can definately afford a flat -_-"
Even if combined income of 5k you can get a flat
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
What are you expecting from your mother-in law ?
Didn't you alredy know what kind of person she is BEFORE you got married ?
When she kaypoh.. just taichi everything to your husband lor. Let your husband deal with her. Afterall, she is your husband's mother, not your mother wat.
A lot of MILs don't show their true colours if not their son won't be able to get married
And some husbands are wusses when it comes to handling their mum
Oh better still, my friend's MIL is like an angel when her son is not at home, but a totally different person when he is not in. She made the mistake of forgetting that he was one leave one day and he saw her true colours coz my friend said he never believe what she told him about his mum.
I told her these days got so many hidden video cams. Want to prove that his mum is a bloody bitch also damn easy.
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TS, All these wishing wanting is unnecessary and wasting one's energy. As for your mother in law, nothing is going to change. It is nigh impossible to change another with words or but it is possible to change another with one's behaviour. Jojo's suggestion to be accepting of her is sensible and I would add this - take a look at your own insecurites. Otherwise, ti would eventually implode in you or manifest it in your social cirumstances!
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I had few times, argue with her, asking her not to interfere our private lifes, she will tell her neighbour friends, how bad I treat her, adding this N that too. We are trying to control our private life to the minimum, as you know, some old flats, no sound proof. I accept her all the while but she dont accept me, how then ? I already do what I should do as daughter inlaw, but she still dont accept me as part of the family, how then ? Both of us got think, send her to old folks home, what you all think ?
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Originally posted by elindra:
A lot of MILs don't show their true colours if not their son won't be able to get married
And some husbands are wusses when it comes to handling their mum
Oh better still, my friend's MIL is like an angel when her son is not at home, but a totally different person when he is not in. She made the mistake of forgetting that he was one leave one day and he saw her true colours coz my friend said he never believe what she told him about his mum.
I told her these days got so many hidden video cams. Want to prove that his mum is a bloody bitch also damn easy.
Hiding true colors is but a short sighted act.
The son can get a bride, but he won't be able to KEEP one for long.
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Originally posted by Manmanlun:
I had few times, argue with her, asking her not to interfere our private lifes, she will tell her neighbour friends, how bad I treat her, adding this N that too.
We are trying to control our private life to the minimum, as you know, some old flats, no sound proof.
I accept her all the while but she dont accept me, how then ?
I already do what I should do as daughter inlaw, but she still dont accept me as part of the family, how then ?Both of us got think, send her to old folks home, what you all think ?
You are entrenced in the power struggle all married women fear and try hard to avoid.
I suggest you take a break from this family life. Let your husband know you need some time to yourself. Be away from the house for a few days.
Your mother-in law and your husband need to reflect on their own doings too.
Her behavior is nothing but selfish and destructive to her son's marriage.
Your husband's refusal to address the problem is enabling your mother-in law's intrusive behavior.
If she truly wants her son to be happily married, she will need to back off.
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dear all, is it becasue I no baby yet or some other reasons ?
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You will start to appreciate them once you have a baby....
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Originally posted by Manmanlun:
dear all, is it becasue I no baby yet or some other reasons ?
Nothing to do with baby or no baby lah.
Even you have baby.. she will not change. You think baby will change your status in the family ...and she will start to treat you better ? ..dream on lah.
Some of my friends also think baby's arrival will change the bad situation to better... in fact.. they get worst. They fight over how to raise the baby.. the old school vs new school methods. They fight over who takes care of the baby.. they fight over the affection of the baby... it's kinda sickening after a while.
Your mother in law is trying to establish her position in this family.
She used to be the Queen of household.. now you come along.. she needs to partially cede power.. her son has to listen to you also wat.
When baby come along.. she will need to share her son's attention 3 ways ! Soon she'll be throwing a crying fit because no one gives a dang bout her.
Since your hubby is too weak to fend for you.. then it's time you learn to fend for yourself...
She only dare to bully you because you diam diam.. smash a few tables and throw a few chairs.. she will guai guai eventually lor.
If your hubby complain.. just remind him that woman is not your mother.. yours is still alive somewhere.
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You should move out. You earn less than 10k means you definitely have more than 6k. this is good enough for a 4/5 room HDB flat. I dont understand why you say it is expensive. Stretch the 30 years Loan and you+husband pay roughly 1k-1.4k per month ( can use CPF somemore) so which part of it is expensive? dont tell me salary will not increase! You dont move out. You will continue get hell like tat. No other solution..
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Originally posted by CfCJ:
You should move out. You earn less than 10k means you definitely have more than 6k. this is good enough for a 4/5 room HDB flat. I dont understand why you say it is expensive. Stretch the 30 years Loan and you+husband pay roughly 1k-1.4k per month ( can use CPF somemore) so which part of it is expensive? dont tell me salary will not increase! You dont move out. You will continue get hell like tat. No other solution..
Be careful when dealing with testy in-laws.
Some in-laws will get angry if the wifey suggest moving out.
Posessive parents will accuse the wife of stealing their son away from them.
Want to move out.. the son must be the person to bring it up and execute the move. Else more animosity will ensue.
To have an understanding in-law is a blessing. The unfortunates are many.
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thanks all, I will disccus with him to tell her, our plan, moving out later, if not, 1 day, I cannot stand it anymore my temper will burst out, then somethings terrible will happen between me N her.
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Originally posted by SevenEleven:
You will start to appreciate them once you have a baby....
Err 7-11 not so easy one
I agree with what JoJo said that things will get worse if you don't resolve current issues and have a baby.
I have friends caught in similar situations especially If husband is spineless and MIL is a wayang bitch, it can be really terrible.
But one thing la, I really marvel them lor coz with the amt of stress I get at work and if my MIL is such a bitch I think I really don't give face one lor. In fact this is the fact my mum is most worried about coz she knows my tolerance threshold with wayang and dramas is very very low and tell me if ever live with MIL must "REN"
I told her no promises
but ok la, though we don't live with my MIL, I don't think we will have anything to quarrel about since there is a language problem in the first place and if anything happens, the poor guy will be MPB coz he will have to be the translator -
sorry, whats the meaning of "REN" ?
Baby, we have be trying all this years, no luck too.
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Monster-in-law
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Originally posted by Manmanlun:
sorry, whats the meaning of "REN" ?
Baby, we have be trying all this years, no luck too.
As in "tolerate"
Something which I'm bad at
Anyway I have no problems with my in-laws which is good :P
Anyway no baby the problem may not lie with you but with him. Especially if your husband drinks or/and smokes coupled with stress it can also lead to low sperm count.
Did the both of you go for a health check?
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mebbe mother in law is like that cuz her son tasted the forbidden fruits.i suppose she is kinda angry that her son she knew with the cute curry puff haircut ate someones....cheerry or durian mango..etc etc
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Damn....
This is scaring me.... Cos I told my 'Fiona' that mum has to have somone to stay with... I dumb dumb volunteer a place at our new home when tat happens.....
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he drinks N smokes, occasionly, same as I, but no smokes only, I did take pills before, after married, I stop already, no need to prevention, stress, I think everybody have also, due to workload or some other related problems in life.
yes, we did checkup, can say, he abit not so healthy.
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Originally posted by shrekho:
Damn....
This is scaring me.... Cos I told my 'Fiona' that mum has to have somone to stay with... I dumb dumb volunteer a place at our new home when tat happens.....
Depends on what kind of mommy you have lah.
Some mother/in-laws know to mind their own business and are really nice to have around especially when you have kids. They are nurturing yet not intrusive.
The only problem is ... a lot of couples can't enjoy sex when their parents are right next bedroom you see. At night.. where you expect your parents to go ?
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Originally posted by Manmanlun:
he drinks N smokes, occasionly, same as I, but no smokes only, I did take pills before, after married, I stop already, no need to prevention, stress, I think everybody have also, due to workload or some other related problems in life.
yes, we did checkup, can say, he abit not so healthy.
Low sperm count ? Then let your mom-in law know lah.. that'll shut her up.
If your egg is healthy, womb is healthy can't fault you wat.
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elindra, what you mean " Err 7-11 not so easy one" ?, I dont get you this ?
she knows he drinks N smokes, occasionly.
yes, sometimes, is very difficult when she sleep next room to us when we are during that time, scared no sound proof, I mention before, sometimes, I sense she peeping or spying at us outside our room at night.
she got told me before, lower my sound during that time, as its not good, scared neighbours can hear it too.
at night, where else, she is in her room
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: ( .......
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Originally posted by Manmanlun:
elindra, what you mean " Err 7-11 not so easy one" ?, I dont get you this ?
she knows he drinks N smokes, occasionly.
yes, sometimes, is very difficult when she sleep next room to us when we are during that time, scared no sound proof, I mention before, sometimes, I sense she peeping or spying at us outside our room at night.
she got told me before, lower my sound during that time, as its not good, scared neighbours can hear it too.
at night, where else, she is in her room
I was replying to 7-11's post about appreciating the in-laws after having a baby.
If he has problems let her know. It's always the woman being blamed including sex of the child when it all comes from the man.