Husband wants divorce after 5mths
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I wrote here to try get some perspective on where he is coming from.. And some whining of course.. I guess xg84 spot on his mentality.. Except that we had discussed abt the mj thgy before marriage, thinkg that we have reach a compromise.. At least I thought so.. Well, there are many thgs I thought but it does not matter now.. Looks like he has made up his mind to escape from me forever.. :) Divorce coz I made him lose face, coz I did this I did that...? :) I m tired of giving in/explaining myself to him too.. I think he has lost interest in this relationship long time ago..
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your husband get married for fun - to proof he is a big lover
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To TS
1) Why do you love him so much?
2) He knows that he can live alone and you can't thats why he is using this point against you,
3) I am a bit confuse, during the start of the relationship you say that he wants you to be with him all the time. After marriage he rather plays majong then be with you?
What does he actually wants?
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You married to a gambler....gamblers mentality are generally short tempered and they dun think properly and objectively...
you still wanna be with him? Will he be a better man if he stopped gambling ? -
angel 7030 don't hid
come out and help
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If you lose your mind over him playing MJ so many hours a day and that you can't make him stop gambling....then you should leave him....
But I think if you can let him know you are worried about his gambling habit....have you talked nicely to him? Avoid harsh words and nicely tell him to stop gambling....try lah...if not then leave him lor... -
It may be a simple problem....dun give up just yet....
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thanks for all your views.. i think some ppl got the wrong idea. No he is not addicted to gambling. He is not a gambler at all. He has 3 other colleagues who are married with kids and likes to get him to make up enough ppl to play.. I knew them & their wives as well.. Precisely coz their wives object to that for watever reasons, they always push to play at our house.. ok. They played at our place a few times before & they stop ard 12 to 1, which i am fine.. But this time, I dont know why, he is just testing my limit.... By the way, this argument that I had with him is when we are alone at home, before the MJ session... when we came to a deadlock, he commented that I can decide how to deal with when they play beyond 2,3 am.. bascially, he is challenging me if i have the guts to scold his friends or act like a mad woman if they are to step on my nerve.. My husband is a v smart man. At many quarrels he dare me to do thgs which he later can hold me accuntable for causing the emotional damage.. This is one of the cases where i am cornered.. ya.. its strange i love him huh.. or perhaps in other point of view, i may not really be loving him since i cant even let him do smthg he likes.. ? :-)... anyway, I had compromised to the best I can & i think it's time to leave it the will of whoever up there... watever come may... :-)
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Love is blind.
Marriage is an eye opener.
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Originally posted by βÎτά:
Love is blind.
Marriage is an eye opener.
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Originally posted by Carb:
thanks for all your views.. i think some ppl got the wrong idea.
No he is not addicted to gambling. He is not a gambler at all. He has 3 other colleagues who are married with kids and likes to get him to make up enough ppl to play..
I knew them & their wives as well.. Precisely coz their wives object to that for watever reasons, they always push to play at our house.. ok. They played at our place a few times before & they stop ard 12 to 1, which i am fine.. But this time, I dont know why, he is just testing my limit….By the way, this argument that I had with him is when we are alone at home, before the MJ session… when we came to a deadlock, he commented that I can decide how to deal with when they play beyond 2,3 am.. bascially, he is challenging me if i have the guts to scold his friends or act like a mad woman if they are to step on my nerve..
My husband is a v smart man. At many quarrels he dare me to do thgs which he later can hold me accuntable for causing the emotional damage.. This is one of the cases where i am cornered..
ya.. its strange i love him huh.. or perhaps in other point of view, i may not really be loving him since i cant even let him do smthg he likes.. ? :
)... anyway, I had compromised to the best I can & i think it’s time to leave it the will of whoever up there… watever come may… :)Oic....so its a test of your å¿�è€� ability....its still a simple problem....you love him or not....?
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I am always willing to try and find ways to compromise.. So far, I am able to adapt and still look forward to seeing him spend time together. Nonsense evy now and then but so far so gd. I am not sure if my definition of love is too simple. But since I look fwd to spend time w him and I am v excited hag a baby w him, In my context I do love him. However, Apparently, what I find ok may not be ok for him.. Somehow the whole thg adds up to an extent it seems like I am living in my own world while he quietly suffers and finally blow up... I cannot rationalize how a person can blurt out the idea of divorce while a few days ago we are still talking abt baby etc... No signs no warning.. Yea.. Ishd pick up this hint in initial period of dating.. But then..well.. It's like threading in mine field and I trigger one... Sigh... Doesn't really matter now.. Guess I jus have to wait and be mentally prepared for wat ever may come... Aarrrgghhhh... Scary... Thanks for listening .. :)
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we are not listening, just reading with pleasure.
anyway, divorce could be a blessing in disguise. Aiya, these type of bo kai man, like them for what, come, i can recommend you single CEO, MD, towkays and even good handsome ang mo guys. They sure to treat you nice, go holiday in europe, live in big houses with maids and luxury cars, why go end up with a mahjong guy??? haiz, no eyes see see
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princess
start to give advice
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Certainly, many stupid gals alway think that no man cannot survive, become lonely or simply cannot live on...come on gals, what so great deal about men, in many ways, they still loose to us, for eg, they cannot take sex more than us, they cannot erase their hobbies and easily get addicted to thing like gambling, drinking, smoking and prositution. Men are weak in nature, that is why they exercise alots, studying alots, work alots just keep up the momentum. Moreover, statistic said that they die faster than us. You should make them love and care for you more, not the other way round.
Since they alway claim that they are the master of the house, let them be, let them worry about the house, the financial, the family matter, let them work for the house, and also during sex, let them work, we just relax, enjoy and shop what we want. Never let a man climb above you.
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Originally posted by Carb:
On jojob comments, the reality is diff from what is depicted.. He has very limited friends.. Playing mj doesn’t mean u hv a v healthy social life.. He doesnt hv many frns beyond work..Its me who is going out evy wk with my friends..i gain his trust slowly by showing him that i dont date other guys anymore… He completely doesnt trust me in the past coz he knows I have a number Of male friends who are after me when I was single..
In fact when we first got together, I asked him to catchup w his old friends and I even asked him if he wanna be single coz I don’t wanna be his rebound.. When he started to stay w me.. I have to stop my golf, stop late coffee w my frn, spend almost all my time w him.. In spite of all quarrels We still patch back… My friends were asking if he was crazy.. He storm out of the house when I m ready magazine complaining that I ignore him.. He complained that I don’t love him anymore when my kiss is so called not so passionate.. There were many times where I hope we will break up but he still come back..
I made the stupid mistake of asking him to wait for me to b bk from overseas and ask for job change when he complained that he doesn’t want the mother of his kid to be away.. He alReady warned me thgs may not be the same.. I.e. He has lost the feeling for me..
Stupid me..
Your guy is a tamer. He tames the wild animal in you. That's his conquest.
But does it means he is domesticated?.. no.
He is a " Do as I say, not as I do" kinda person.
Marriage, his demands, having a baby is his way of taming you -The balls and chains.
He wants to keep you in a marital cage.. but he does not want to be caged.
Think carefully again ... about having a baby with this kind of guy.
He wants you to have his baby.. not that he wants a baby.
Did he bring up the baby request ? Or was it you all along ?
I have to warn you.. the emotional blackmail and passive aggression is not something you want to live with your whole life.
When the baby comes.. will he be willing to give up his vices ? Not likely.
A baby will not solve your marital problems.. it will only make it worst.
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Originally posted by Carb:
I am always willing to try and find ways to compromise..
So far, I am able to adapt and still look forward to seeing him spend time together. Nonsense evy now and then but so far so gd. I am not sure if my definition of love is too simple. But since I look fwd to spend time w him and I am v excited hag a baby w him, In my context I do love him.
However, Apparently, what I find ok may not be ok for him.. Somehow the whole thg adds up to an extent it seems like I am living in my own world while he quietly suffers and finally blow up… I cannot rationalize how a person can blurt out the idea of divorce while a few days ago we are still talking abt baby etc… No signs no warning.. Yea.. Ishd pick up this hint in initial period of dating.. But then..well..
It’s like threading in mine field and I trigger one… Sigh…
Doesn’t really matter now.. Guess I jus have to wait and be mentally prepared for wat ever may come… Aarrrgghhhh… Scary…
Thanks for listening ..
So you still loves him...that'll be simple....accept him as he is...all of him....good and bad....dun divorce out of anger....cool down, think and ponder over these matters.... surely have a win-win solution....
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Just dun take courtship love into marriage love, it is totally a different dimension
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He text me to wanna talk and apologized for his so calledsilly mistake.. I can't bring myself to talk to him.. Text him on my thots and he says he has no comments as he sucks as bf and husband.. Ball is at my court now.. Gonna take some time off to think of whether I can accept him or to walk away.. I want very much be with him.. But On the other hand, don't like the way I am treated.. Other issues are just telling me he Bo chup.. :-)
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He sucks as a bf.. sucks as a husband... soon to be..suck as a FATHER.
Is he the kind of man you want to be your child's father ?
Remember.. your child cannot choose his/her father.
You decide what kind of father the child gets.
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Can lah, who said the child cannot, the child can do a miscarriage mah.
Anyway, for TS, he may forgo mahjong, but there are poker, black jack and show hands, can you handle all these, if not, forget it. Tons of guy out there waiting for you.
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Originally posted by Carb:
He text me to wanna talk and apologized for his so calledsilly mistake.. I can’t bring myself to talk to him.. Text him on my thots and he says he has no comments as he sucks as bf and husband.. Ball is at my court now.. Gonna take some time off to think of whether I can accept him or to walk away.. I want very much be with him.. But On the other hand, don’t like the way I am treated.. Other issues are just telling me he Bo chup.. :-)
This will be the pattern of your married life. There will be ups and downs, and some rough patch handled badly by both sides.
But you both have made your decisions to come together and get married. When everything is rosy mamby pamby, the envy of your friends, the appearance may be decietful, think Tiger Woods, Arnold Swatch -what ever. And rough patches are tiring and drains the energy. Also living is about avoiding pain and desiring pleasure. But it is not a must that one must be happy all the time. A life lived well should be the goal.
It boils down to how both of you respond to each other on simple communications. An innocuous remark would trigger an outburst because of who knows what. Sometimes "Go where for dinner?" "Don't know." " You always don't know, with your friends you very clever." and a fight starts.
Unknown to each other is the remark that hurt cause hurt, and the barbed retort that escalate matters and things get out of control, as each try to avenge their past hurt.
Some thought and intelligence is required on how to react in future, and avoid gettig into quarrels. Unfortunately you can only vouch for yourself, as for you husband it is not known. But he did sms you and apologise, that means he did reflect on his actions.
It is not that he is a bad person, or you are a silly person, it is just that both of you don't know how to avoid quarreling. Check if quarreling comes naturally in both your families. Married life is usually a continuation of the family life you know.
You have made the decision to marry him, now decide if you want to give the marraige a chance. Do you think it has a chance? It is not going to be a rosy mamby pamby blissful, you know that, but it is the two of you going through this journey of time together for the rest of your life. Up and down, warts and all. Only you know your husband enough to make that decision.
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Many men do walk out that door... to join their friends for karaoke, drinking sessions, mahjong sessions, golf sessions, whatever session..
Leaving behind... their depressed wifeys holding their crying babies.
Red flags abounds.. when you choose to ignore em.. you have to live with em...
The fact is... life is never rosy.. but there are some.. who choose to trample on it.
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Since he's not really concern about how you feel, maybe you should have a heartfelt talk with him....let him know how exactly you feel...you said he bo chup attitude, maybe that's his style? Why do you love him in the first place? "Bo Chup" is kind of cool ???
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For me, it is good to break off now, 5 mths is better than waiting for 5 years then decide to divorce, abit old liao. As a Gal, we must show some of our color, cannot anyhow let guy take you for a ride, afterall, we practice equal genders here, more so with the women charter behind you and AWARE at your door, men can crow whatever they like, but it us, the gals who lay them ya.