S is married with J and she is going out with L. She only knows L recently and finds that L is always very thoughtful and understanding. It all started when J was busy at work and S has noone to has dinner with. She asked L out for dinner and they started from there. S grows to like L and keeps giving J excuses to spend some time with L. She hates herself for that but she don't know how to stop it. The worse thing is, S allows L to hug her too. S also quarrelled with J over L!
The strange fact is, J & L both don't wish to put S in a difficult position and L is singel and 3 yrs younger than S. S don't wishe that her scandal with L will last forever. She wishes that L will gives up on her but she hates to see L being so sad. She knows that she has to putan end to put it to an end. The problem is how?
How to do itin a way that she don't lose L as a friend? How to do it in a way that L won't get hurt?
Do u think S is having an affair? Has she really betray her hubby?
seems like some feelings is involved. could be considered as slight betrayal. careful because hug can lead to sex. once sex + feelings involved, then confirm betrayal liao lah but i dun think reach that stage yet?
anyway, if really dun love the husband, best is to divorce lah. my philosophy is life only live once, must live it happily. dun live room for regrets. but that's only if L is really the right person, because normally guys you go out with them initially very nice, later they will come out all the pattern and the r/s turns bored, that's when suddenly will start thinking about J and all the wonderful moments, then that's true agony.
best is to lose L as a friend. if L already know S married and still hug her, that's exactly the type of guy who will sleep around with other girls. and that's when S will feel cheated and then start thinking back about J.
cherish the people who love you, because one day when their love ends, you would wish for the love to come back, by then it's too late.
Yes, S is having an affair. Yes, S has betrayed her husband. [If the husband hires a PI and obtain information on the adultery, there goes the marriage....]
My suggestion is... avoid L for a period of time. Avoid him at all cost, delete facebook, msn, twitter, contact number. Just don't get in touch with L. The rest... let time heal the marriage. I believe J will be very understanding.
Regarding about L.... just forget him.
The matter of fact is L & J knows abt each other. In fact,J gives S permission to go out with L. L plays his role very well. He never crosses his bondaries and he just an appetiser to S. S don't want to loose L & J. So does both of them.
To the matter of fact, S knows it's complicated and she doesn't needs anyone to agree to what she does. She just happens to be lucky that she has 2 guys who goes crazy over her .
It's just a matter of time that L finds someone he really likes and forget abt S. They don't have sex and they are very concious about the rule of this game.
It's just a scandal that doesn't turn to an affair.
Empty room, alcohol, troubles, lonely girl, eagle guy, = fill in the blanks
Sooner or later, J will actually feel a littlebit insecure and start a huge quarrel. S will proceed to L to seek comfort and L will always be there for S. When J realised that the only person she went to was L's place, J will become very mad.
J might end up in a fist fight with L. J might end up divorce.
Ha ha ha
People like to kid themselves.
Is there such a thing as a slight affair?
An affair is an affair.
We are used to torrid affairs, that are secret, and then exposed.
What makes you think a slight affair, openly done with knowledge of all parties is not an affair.
J don't like it (would S like if the tables are turned), S and L shouldn't do it. It is scandalous to the marriage of J and S, an affront to J, a disgrace to S, and not honourable of L. Where is the value in this sordid state of affairs.
Liberal modern lifestyle? Why get married, in the first place.
It is an affair. It's just that no sex is involved in this case.
When you're married, you're expected to not go out alone with a member of the opposite sex, unless that person is a close family member.
Even dinner with a close friend of the opposite sex doesn't seem right if there isn't at least one more person. Three people can be considered as a dinner outing, but when only two are involved, it becomes a dinner date. Imagine you're doing that, and one of your in-laws is in the restaurant and sees you having what looks like a dinner date with someone who isn't your spouse. Go figure.
Bottom line is, friendship with someone of the opposite sex is perfectly fine when you're married, but one should be mindful of the OB markers. This friend of yours has clearly crossed the OB markers, lack of sexual betrayal notwithstanding.
surely its a betrayal.....all she needs to do is (using your misspelled phrase) ram-putanend it
I would not say it is an affair...........it is not an affair yet.....but I would say there is some genesis or some potential that the direction of things may turn it into an affair......it is an unhealthy situation........
I believe the woman is seeking solace / seeking emotional fulfillment......which she is getting from the friend....
However one must be careful because this type of seeking solace from a third party friend....if this continues for some time.....is unhealthy......even if no physical relations is involved........
I believe the direction must be changed and must be steered into something more appropriate.......
Why not the husband and wife talk through their issues.......solve their problems between them.....
If the marriage relations is healthy.....automatically, naturally there will not be a need to find external fulfillment elsewhere.......
So reduce / stop meeting the friend 1 to 1.......and start talking through the marital issues....
As of now, nobody need to feel guilty because nobody is doing any affairs.........it is not an affair......the wife is seeking solace and someone to talk to....and the friend is trying to console her.....that is all.....so nobody need to feel guilty or that someone has done something wrong....it is not like that........but the parties involved need to know that this situation cannot go on for long.
women charter has given rise to many excusitis for women to enhance social advantages...
thanks to the govt
wha, now use S, J and L,
Got sex or not, if got, than it is an affair, be it home or current, it is still an affair
If not sex, nothing to do with affair, more of the problem at home, the home affair
y SL is not home affairs problem lah.
Its inteferance in internal affairs.
S should go for counselling session for marriage.
She should harbour realistic expectation about her marriage and learn to manage it instead of running away to any guy who shower attention to her.
What if L eventually become busy and ignored her, will she be looking for another lover ?
Originally posted by [imdestinyz]:why must the issue of whether it is a affair or shall we name it as a EMA depending on whether there’s any sexual relationship involved?
S and J are married,it is totally different from BGF because they are now already husband and wife? Has S forgotten the vow she took together with J when they walked down the red carpet? The whole idea about marriage is to live together, to love each other, to support each other, the merger of soul, heart and body and not leaving each other regardless of illness, poverty etc. Marriage is not just a piece of paper stating that you both are married to each other hence the issue of an affair anot should not be purely based on whether there’s sexual relation involved anot.
IMO S should already be considered having affair because she has already betrayed J in heart and soul. What has should really do is to see and be realistic into her marriage and not seek for somemore fairy tale love. Don’t watch too much taiwan “ou xiang ju” and love J more for wad J did and if it is that hard to make clear her feeling for L, simply don’t meet L anymore. Nothing is that hard to do as long as we set our minds to it.
Vow? you still believe in Vows?? my goodness.
Under the eyes of the civil laws, affair is never a crime, but just a social moral issue.
Now, who give vow to who? the couple give vow to a marriage counsellor or god, never to each other hor...look at it probably. The gal never ask the guy to vow, it is the pastor or the marriage counsellor, so couples are not obligated to love or take care of each other, after all, the marriage counsellor or pastor also dun give a damn if you really do it or not.
Originally posted by fudgester:It is an affair. It's just that no sex is involved in this case.
When you're married, you're expected to not go out alone with a member of the opposite sex, unless that person is a close family member.
Even dinner with a close friend of the opposite sex doesn't seem right if there isn't at least one more person. Three people can be considered as a dinner outing, but when only two are involved, it becomes a dinner date. Imagine you're doing that, and one of your in-laws is in the restaurant and sees you having what looks like a dinner date with someone who isn't your spouse. Go figure.
Bottom line is, friendship with someone of the opposite sex is perfectly fine when you're married, but one should be mindful of the OB markers. This friend of yours has clearly crossed the OB markers, lack of sexual betrayal notwithstanding.
Spot on!!! In fact, an emotional relationship is far worse than one that is purely physical.
Originally posted by angel7030:Vow? you still believe in Vows?? my goodness.
Under the eyes of the civil laws, affair is never a crime, but just a social moral issue.
Now, who give vow to who? the couple give vow to a marriage counsellor or god, never to each other hor...look at it probably. The gal never ask the guy to vow, it is the pastor or the marriage counsellor, so couples are not obligated to love or take care of each other, after all, the marriage counsellor or pastor also dun give a damn if you really do it or not.
Marriage has its roots from tradition and religion. That's the primary reason 'same gender' marriages is still not allowed in almost all countries.
The 'vows' are part of this tradition and religion. In fact, it is also used in a 'civil' marriage not just 'religious' marriages. If the vows are not included, then it is not a union of marriage.
In such marriages, the vow is made to each other (ie. husband & wife) with the registrar or minister as a witness and also God (for those who believe) as a witness.
The problem is that people while more educated and questioning, do not have the depth of reasoning to understand the original purposes of marriage.
Originally posted by angel7030:Vow? you still believe in Vows?? my goodness.
Under the eyes of the civil laws, affair is never a crime, but just a social moral issue.
Now, who give vow to who? the couple give vow to a marriage counsellor or god, never to each other hor...look at it probably. The gal never ask the guy to vow, it is the pastor or the marriage counsellor, so couples are not obligated to love or take care of each other, after all, the marriage counsellor or pastor also dun give a damn if you really do it or not.
Is EMOTIONAL AFFAIR.
Originally posted by cawca:
Spot on!!! In fact, an emotional relationship is far worse than one that is purely physical.
Agree with you. Emotional affairs can be much more difficult to dissolve than purely physical ones.
Frankly to say, having affair is not to us to judge. Only hard evidence will tell everything. Hugging is only a kind of affection which i don't think will lead to any physical affection. We have walk through lots of marriages problem face by husband or wives and have salvage many marriages. Communication is always the main root of a marriage breakdown. What I analyze is S and J should spent more time communicating.
Marriage is a man made process, it is about bringing both sex together and then, call for a celebration. The west god said, go produce yourself, he never said go get marry, or need to make whatever vows, the hindu never mention about marriage, their only said, offer to their brahim god and get togther to produce decendent, the muslim, just call for a celebration, and for them, more better, can marry more than 3 wivies, so what is marriage to them?? then the taoist and the confused confucius in the chinese said about house and home, the need to form a family and have decendent, respect the elder, nothing about marriage. Man created an occasion, and oso because the commerical and businesses also want to make money, including the lawyers, counsellors and those doing bride and groom business. Peoples also wanted to celebrate here and there, whereby hotels and restuarant also can make money. So are the tour agencies and all those tour bus, agents etc etc, so marriage is a lucrative business, and who said there should be a honeymoon? It all man make ya
Depends where you draw the line.
-double-
Originally posted by Nelstar:Depends where you draw the line.
u mean my eyebrows, oh, i use black Elizabeth Taylor contour to draw my eyebrows before going to work.