Porn is killing my marriage
-
I am 30 years old and my wife and I have been married for 4 years. I known my wife for over 7 years because before we got married we dated for 3 years.
All those years when we where in a relationship, she never knew the deep dark secret about me; I am addicted to porn. I like to especially watch Japanese porn and memorise the name of Japanese AV idols, as I imagine that I have sexual trysts with them in my head.
After we got married and moved in together in the apartment we shared to buy, everything was ok. At first I was able to stop masturbation and watching porn for 6 months but the urge got in teh way. Whenever my wife is working late or she goes for her pillate lessons or visit her parents place, I take opportunity to surf the net for porn and masturbate. The pretty Japanese girls is so unbelievable that my heart years for them even though I feel so guilty because I love my wife so much. Sometimes when we go shopping outside togather, when I see some pretty girls looking like hot japanese, I get a bit erotic.
However, recently my life of crime have caught up on me when one day my wife was using my notebook, she somehow was able to access all the hidden porn I downloaded. She even once got back home early to catch me masturbating. We argued a lot over this, I apologised to her but she cried and we haven't spoken a lot recently. I feel so guilty because she is a good wife, she has been there for me through all my troubles. However, I am addicted to porn, it is like drugs to me. I have been watching porn and masturbating since 7 years old when I stayed with my grandmother and my uncle used to store his secret collection of porn video in his room, I would watch them whenever he is not around. Early years of watching porn has made me a porn addict.
I don't have affairs, I think I am very helpful to my wife, we clean the apartment together, I always give her a lift to work, we go shopping all the time, our parents like us as son in laws and daughter in laws. We get along fine, we love each other. However, it is porn that is tearing us apart. My wife tells me that she feels betrayed that I go watch porn and masturbate because it makes her feel that I don't want her anymore and I want other women. In a way, I feel guilty too, I know that outer beauty is not surreal and what is important is in the heart. Recently my wife has suggested I go for therapy.
-
is this some kind of joke? MANY, many guys watch porn and jack off. this is supposed to be a norm you know. masturbation is a form of releasing stress, if you wanna look at this in a medical POV. you have never cheated on her or slept with anyone else, she should accept the porn and masturbation and let it go, because isn't that much better than having a bloody affair?
really, porn should never get in the way of a relationship when everything else is fine. think you both really need to talk things out. if she insists you go for therapy, then make her go WITH you. cos she needs someone to tell her in a nice way that this whole porn thing is not something extremely serious enough a problem.
talk about a mix up in priorities man.
-
the problem runs in the family... you and yr uncle can't seem to hide things properly
-
Hubby bought alot of porns from JB
we sometime watch together or he watch himself
there's nothing wrong for man to watch porns
-
watch porn since 7 years old (- -).......
are you sure...????
-
?????thread starter was still jacking off when wife came back???!!!!then why dun u strip her n do it there like a real man?????u what??scared dirty yer clothing is it??
-
and why the hell would yer wife cry???she should be taking part in the porn thing instead>>>??u have a wife n yet go for porn???whats wrong with yer wife????she too fat after many years???then its time u made her exercise!!
having sex 2 hours a day is wortth 1 week at a gym!b4 u know it she would look better than pornstars!!!
-
i dun get it with folks these days.they r more confused.
-
tS,
Watching porn is symptomatic of something within oneself that is being suppressed. No theraphy is going to work till oneself is self-honest and reconciles to that which is unsettling one.
As for the marriage, it died l ong ago and to pretend so is deluding oneself.
If for some reason your wife is not fulfilling u (your expectations of sex or ...) it is not her fault. To blame someone or shift responsiblity for what one is or does to another or another thing is deception and a cop out.
Porn cannnot ehance sex life and i is neurosis. Love can and would provided oneself is rich within. So this crap about watching porn as being healthy is collective sickness!
-
here ....
here's something to cure you of your wanking .....
=> Masturbation leads to penis shrinkage
-
Porn is bad for your kkj.
-
use some chemical castration drugs, once ur libido is down sure got no urges
check this forum for more info
-
you better stop masterbating if not she will divorce you and use the women act to get half of your assets
-
Originally posted by Fatum:
here ....
here's something to cure you of your wanking .....
=> Masturbation leads to penis shrinkage
nice ad, sell many medicine.
-
i'll get upset too if my partner watches porn. it's like as if you can't pleasure them. it's like you aren't good enough.
why not delete all the sites and only use the laptop when ur wife is around (ur wife sets a password)? if you urgently need to use a com, go to the internet cafe. bet you don't wank at the cafe or watch porn there.
you can have sex with her everynight too
to relieve ur high-ness. -
Originally posted by Fugazzi:
tS,
Watching porn is symptomatic of something within oneself that is being suppressed. No theraphy is going to work till oneself is self-honest and reconciles to that which is unsettling one.
As for the marriage, it died l ong ago and to pretend so is deluding oneself.
If for some reason your wife is not fulfilling u (your expectations of sex or ...) it is not her fault. To blame someone or shift responsiblity for what one is or does to another or another thing is deception and a cop out.
Porn cannnot ehance sex life and i is neurosis. Love can and would provided oneself is rich within. So this crap about watching porn as being healthy is collective sickness!
For first time, I have to disagree with Fugazzi argument totally. The wholesome idea of just finding happiness within oneself is NOT the ultimate answer to all questions in life. It is not about whether watching porn or not is healthy or not. The argument becos there is masturbation, marriage or love must have died long time ago. So I guess love is ended in him when he is 7 years old. It is also not about blaming etc..
First of all, people have to understand. Do female masturbate also? The answer is Yes, except they don't talk about it. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071021212926AAh05e6
Secondly most people run into this kinda of problem, is either they brain-washed in religious ideology or lack of knowledge in science (or basically lack of proper education about sex in human being). What we all know about sex is must use condom for safety... well all this is sex education.. lol... this shows how much we don't know about ourselves. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masturbation and the inclination in male is more than female. Human did evolve from animals. Look at animal sex. It is part of chemical made-up, passed into human.
Thirdly sex is just neurosis when male and female have fun together. Sex is not equivalent to love, neither love is equivalent to sex. Some people started their love relationship as soulmate without element of sex; some people started their love relationship by first beauty attraction and sex, etc.. People who don't sex is like vegeterians. People who sex a lot is like those who love meat. Are they wrong or right? So if those can love to eat vegetables only, why can you also? But if you going to understand that whole thing about this sex fancies is sin, you are getting everything messed upside down and sex will manage you instead. The only solution is you better get a fulfilled sex life with your wife, then... and be nerusis brain-dead becos God made you marriage...and marriage sex is holy not criminal...lol..
Let's take example of lesbians and gays. They are symptomatic of something within human oneself that is being over-used (let say it is not genetic). So basically it is up to you. You can have no sex, little sex, or twisted sex. Sex is pleasurable. Sex is part of being human, perhaps the best part of being human. You control sex, your nature, not sex controls you. Get it?
-
Originally posted by David Kok:
I am 30 years old and my wife and I have been married for 4 years. I known my wife for over 7 years because before we got married we dated for 3 years.
All those years when we where in a relationship, she never knew the deep dark secret about me; I am addicted to porn. I like to especially watch Japanese porn and memorise the name of Japanese AV idols, as I imagine that I have sexual trysts with them in my head.
After we got married and moved in together in the apartment we shared to buy, everything was ok. At first I was able to stop masturbation and watching porn for 6 months but the urge got in teh way. Whenever my wife is working late or she goes for her pillate lessons or visit her parents place, I take opportunity to surf the net for porn and masturbate. The pretty Japanese girls is so unbelievable that my heart years for them even though I feel so guilty because I love my wife so much. Sometimes when we go shopping outside togather, when I see some pretty girls looking like hot japanese, I get a bit erotic.
However, recently my life of crime have caught up on me when one day my wife was using my notebook, she somehow was able to access all the hidden porn I downloaded. She even once got back home early to catch me masturbating. We argued a lot over this, I apologised to her but she cried and we haven't spoken a lot recently. I feel so guilty because she is a good wife, she has been there for me through all my troubles. However, I am addicted to porn, it is like drugs to me. I have been watching porn and masturbating since 7 years old when I stayed with my grandmother and my uncle used to store his secret collection of porn video in his room, I would watch them whenever he is not around. Early years of watching porn has made me a porn addict.
I don't have affairs, I think I am very helpful to my wife, we clean the apartment together, I always give her a lift to work, we go shopping all the time, our parents like us as son in laws and daughter in laws. We get along fine, we love each other. However, it is porn that is tearing us apart. My wife tells me that she feels betrayed that I go watch porn and masturbate because it makes her feel that I don't want her anymore and I want other women. In a way, I feel guilty too, I know that outer beauty is not surreal and what is important is in the heart. Recently my wife has suggested I go for therapy.
Your wife needs to seek counseling.
It is not porn nor your private act destroying this marriage.
It is her perception of what goes on in your head that is destroying this marriage.
Put yourself in her shoes.
If she sees a sexy guy at the swimming pool.. and she gets all horny and starts masturbating or seek your body for sex that day..how will you feel ? Used.
When she is having sex with you.. will you not wonder if she is imagining you are someone else ?
Do women fantasise about having sex with another guy ? yes we do. But we keep these to ourselves because we do not want to hurt our love one. But when you do porn, you confirmed it openly.. and it hurts her feelings.
When you are having sex with her.. she will be thinking you must be imagining your wife to be someone else. This makes her feel inadequate, and her self-esteem destroyed.
Are you somehow, hoping to let her into this secret world of yours.. that's why you are so careless about concealing your tracks ?
Perhaps you are hoping for ACCEPTANCE of this hobby of yours. All these years of hiding is wearing you down... but there are secrets in life.. we need to bring to our graves.
After all these years.. your love credits have dwindled.. perhaps your sex live ain't so active anymore.. your wife is not stupid.. she can figure this out... and she is feeling highly INSECURE about your love for her.
Seek to amend the and re-ignite the love.. or the demise of this marriage will be inevitable due to INACTION.
-
I dont understand why TS want to save/download into his pc.
-
First of all,
I would like to extend my condolences to you........
Secondly....
I agree that you need to change your habit.....for the time being, why not just follow your wife's suggestion and seek therapy / rehab.......this will accomplish two things :
First,
It is for your own good.
I believe you yourself actually want to change your habit because you think it is an addiction and that it is negative / destructive.
So for your own interest and for your own benefit, it is good to seek therapy / rehab.
It is good to have some external influence or actions which can help you. For example sometimes if one wants to excercise, one can get lazy or unmotivated, but if one joins a gym or has friends who go with him, this will be much better.
Similarly for changing a habit and an addiction, I believe it is hard to rely on one's own internal resources. You need the external help.
Secondly,
Apart from benefiting yourself,
It is benefiting your wife.
If you go to the therapy / rehab, this will show your commitment and your resolve to change. It will also signal to your wife that you are seriously trying to tackle a problem and you are applying a solution to a problem. This will soothe your wife and calm her a lot.
So in conclusion,
For those 2 benefits, I recommend that you enter rehab / therapy.
Additionally,
I would like to make some general comments regarding porn in marriage.
I dont have any strong opinion because it depends on each person's expectation and what marriage means / symbolizes to him / her.
It is obvious that for your wife, marriage is something sacred and serious, and she will not accept your fleeting heart when you mentally and virtually engage in infidelity.
I dispute and disagree with some other forum posters who say "porn is normal"
Now it depends on how much you love your wife, when she has already indicated to you that porn is not acceptable to her and that she has high standards of fidelity in her expectations of a marriage.
So,
It seems that you are leaning towards agreeing on this concept, and that you yourself feel bad / feel guilty.
Why not just say you are sorry to her, apologize profusely, explain that you have a problem and a weakness (Actually you are also a victim in a sense), and then talk to her and soothe her feelings. Say that you agree to go to rehab.
Wish you the best,
-
Take up some hobbies, dont go into porn site. Come in here oftern and chat. Dont let your mind control your urge.
-
Going to the casino, once as a noob is ok. It is getting hooked that is frown upon.
Looking at porn is ok. Just to look and see how a dick in a cunt look like. Lotsa people screw, but haven't seen whats down there. I have seen porn, everything, but I find it kinda boring, repetition, same thing, only different actors..
The problem comes in when porn becomes a substitute for the real thing. TS and the wife should have watched porn together, as someone suggested, and learn some erotica. Indulging in porn is a solo activity, which makes it convenient to masturbate. Watching porn with the spouse leads to sexua fun together, unless of course one finds porn unacceptable. It is the preoccupation with porn that is the issue. It can aid ones sexual experience. If used as a means to an end, rather than an end in its self. i.e. use porn material for highten experience with a partner, rather than porn for sexual gratification.
TS is going about porn like when he was kid, with fear of the parents. He is an independent adult now. His only fear should be the law, and not to get caught.
As with anything, moderation or sparingly is the best.
Fried chicken is good, but everyday? Thats bad.
-
wah lao, the TS guy sounds like my situation, we both love our wives but we still prefer masturbate... the next worse thing guys like us can do is to find hookers, i mean do the girl prefer us masturbate or find hookers?
the thing about guy is that our sexual preference is based on excitment. once married, that kind of excitment dies off. sexual without excitment is like eating same food everyday, eventually the taste dies off, but doesn't mean we don't like the food.
-
Originally posted by MobTwo:
wah lao, the TS guy sounds like my situation, we both love our wives but we still prefer masturbate... the next worse thing guys like us can do is to find hookers, i mean do the girl prefer us masturbate or find hookers?
the thing about guy is that our sexual preference is based on excitment. once married, that kind of excitment dies off. sexual without excitment is like eating same food everyday, eventually the taste dies off, but doesn't mean we don't like the food.
You prefer to masturbate instead of having sex with your wife ?
If the above is true.. then it is a sad situation.
If your wife prefers to use a dildo instead of having sex with you... that'll put a big ding in your ego too.
If your sexual libido is higher than your wife.. ofcors your wife wouldn't mind you masturbating to release excess "energy".
But if the sex life between you and your wife is already/almost
non-existent...When Mr Dildo / Ms Righthand is your best sex partner... then it's time to hit the counselor's office.
-
Normally ones see porn for a certain period of time, the urge will die down and dont feel like watching until when the urge is back again.
But for ts, it is different. Sound like a very serious habit.
-
Originally posted by Bus&Soccer l0v3r (VO3x 1):
next time
DL porn
see lia0 then delete ....
Don't see porn best.
Pollute subconscious mind.