my husband
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I'm suffering..No one knows it.. But I'm slowly killing myself..
I'm caught in between.. My family n him. I know he's delibrately torturing me inside
coz he didnt get something that he wants. I know that he wants to rent this house n
move to j.b to get fast cash. The lazy man way. But my family is putting up at my house which means they have to leave too..
Moving out to jb is something i dun want to agree to. One,its totally inconvenient. Two, its just another excuse for him
not to work. Three, I dun feel at home there. Why would anyone want to move away from from home
for no good reason? Simple, laziness. I do not know how to explain to people that my debts are mounting coz
my husband refuses to find a job. He rather sits at home play the guitar, play computer games. Eat and sleep.
How do I tell him that he have two mouths to feed. A child that we wanted so badly,and now that we have a baby, he act so irresponsibly. That aside, I've never felt so cheap in my life before. After all that mental sufferings I've been thru,
I thought, Well at least we can have a normal love life. But sadly no. All I have felt is emptiness, coldness in his eyes,
coldness of his heart. I feel so cheap, I have to force him to sleep with me, Usually it ends up with me crying by myself.
Is there still love when all that happens. I feels like a slave, cleaning n cooking expected of me, and all I expected is some
appreciation, a warm smile after every meal. But no, my work doesn't end. I'm ordered to do this and that, where's the love?
I only felt so much happiness everytime I look at my baby's face, always ready to smile at me,full of love. EVen though my family
is having so much financial problems, they paid for the utilities, baby's milk,diapers, groceries.. I don't even get my allowances
from my hubby. What should I do. I am always the one trying to make things right. He knows I'm trying hard and he enjoys seeing me
begging and crying. Should this marriage be saved? I don't know...
It just hurts me so bad right now. When I was pregnant, he hit me for not wanting to accompany his mum. I was too tired, I needed
to rest. When I was in my confinement, he hit me again for reasons I can't even remember.
Should I suffer in silence for my marriage. So that my baby would not grow up in a broken family? -
abby,
He wants a baby badly, because that's how he can trap you. Sadly, you see it as sign of love.
You seem desperately wanting his love, so he is able to control you by withholding love. Feeding you scraps whenever he feels like it, yet you lap it up like a hungry puppy, and beg for more.
When you no longer desire his approval, you shall be emotionally free. He cannot hurt you anymore when you don't care for his love.
You are a mother now, focus your priority on your child, for he/she is the only one in this world capable of giving you UNCONDITIONAL love.
Let your husband rot.
Draw strength from your family living with you. As long as they are there, he will not dare treat you worst.
Your husband bully you because he can, it's not love. Every time you shed a tear for him, he is embolden.
Your husband is but a coward, to treat you badly when you are most VULNERABLE.
Your child will grow up to accept abuse as normal, and in turn allow themselves and/or their own partner to be treated this way.. the vicious cycle will continue into your next generation.
Get a police report every time he lays his abusive hands on you.
Better a broken family than an abusive one.
Be strong. Have courage to stand up to his bullying ways, and you will be victim no more.
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Seek a marriage councillor. Maybe they can help you.
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Originally posted by abby1:I'm suffering..No one knows it.. But I'm slowly killing myself..
"i have learned that if u must leave a place that u have lived in and loved and where all ur yesteryears r buried deep - leave it in any way except the slow way, leave it the fastest way u can. never turn back n never believe that an hour u remember is a better hour because it is dead. passed years seem safe ones, vanquished ones, while the future lives in a cloud, formidable from a distance. the cloud clears as u enter it. i have learned this, but like everyone, i learned it late." - markham
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abby, it seems like you're in a really difficult position. It's definitely not easy being you, but do this, be positive and continue to be strong. Here are some things that you may want to consider...
1) A person cannot survive without money. If he refuse to work, then do NOT give him money. Secretly stash away something for yourself and the child. Stop cooking once a while and let him go hungry. Let's see how long he can last.
2) Understand this (there are scientific evidence backing this reasoning out so if you want proof, go google). If you're hanging out with people with bad mood, you will be influenced and your mood will drop. If you're hanging with happy lively people, similarly your mood will be positively affected, you will be happier. Saying this, it's good for you to start having some social life with positive friends if your husband continues to be a bad influence on your life, as in causing unhappiness. Then again, you might be able to start putting a happy positive thinking attitude in the hope that he will be positively influenced, but if it doesn't work, then just concentrate on your own life. Look, I do not condone divorce but in some cases, this can be the solution.
3) I think it's important for couples to find a suitable day, when both are feeling ok (or in a good mood), and start a heart to heart discussion about the issues on hand. Both have to agree as a team and commit towards solutions for the problems on hand. Some mistakes couples make is when they come to discussion, they usually play the blame game. This is NO time for blaming. This is the time for both to take responsibilities for their own lives and strive towards a common goal.
4) Some mistakes people make is jumping to assumptions. Is there maybe some chance that what you think may be wrong? For example, he may be looking for a job but he couldn't get an interview yet? Or maybe he really loves you but he's so stressed and depressed over his current situation and he doesn't know how to express it? Guys and girls think differently. For example, when a guy is sad, he won't cry in front of you. He will hide his feelings and want to be alone (perhaps the real reason why he don't want to sleep with you). The fact that he suggests moving to JB hints at the fact of a quick solution to solving the problems. Usually when guys are stressed out, they tend to find a quick fix instead of a long term solution, so really maybe he's depressed but he didn't want to show. I mean guys are like that, they don't reveal their true feelings.
5) This is the most important advice that I can ever give to you. A man who beat or physically abuse a lady is not a man, he's a coward monster, no matter what the reason. So my suggestion to you is that if he hurts you physically, it's time to move on. While you're still young, you can still find a nice guy who will take care of you and give you monthly allowances to spend on necessities. It is damn stupid to keep wasting your life and then regret when you're like 60 years old, by then you're running out of time and choices.
And finally, be strong and be positive. Every problem will pass eventually, you just need to endure and overcome it.
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why he doesn't want to get a job ? is he facing some difficulty ?
i am sure he is not like that when you know him ? otherwise you wouldn't hv married him, right ? so something must have happened to lead him (you) to this stage today
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Originally posted by ahtiong:
why he doesn't want to get a job ? is he facing some difficulty ?
i am sure he is not like that when you know him ? otherwise you wouldn't hv married him, right ? so something must have happened to lead him (you) to this stage today
what something, all men are born lazy by nature, just that some are more responsible than others, so work hard for himself in order to get a better living, nice car and gals. -
Dear TS,
You must learn the meaning of detachement, learn to detach from the illusion of life, as we move along in life, we start to make ourselve attached to many things, from love to greed to carving. We had alway wanted a normal life, and that itself is a carving, a carving for normal life, and that carving turns to attachment. This in turn create an illusion in you that you hv a normal happy family life, and once attached, you do not know how to detach when things do not go so normal as you dream to be, therefore, you are still living into believing that things are normal, but is it not, it is getting worst by the days. We gals tends to have a soft spot that men love to exploit by making you attached to that spot of weakness, be strong, learn to detach it. I myself adore and admire women who control their husbands, but few do that, most are like you, weak and soft, which is why our women charter is set up for. Seek to be yourself, find back yourself, you are actually a single, nice, happy woman, but why become like this, because you are attached to something that you yourself do not want to let go, just let go, and you will see life better
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JB a lot of conveniences. Mebbe yer husband like vice bcause I used to go to the nightclubs there for cheap bar gals from Indon, Viet and PRC. In addition JB grocery is very cheap. Can live in house for once. Golf is oso very cheap in JB as with petrol. Police in JB not very gud mebbe tat is why he want to go there, a lot of domestic violence go unreported in Malaysia.
Haiz, useless husband. His job is to bring food to the table but instead he like to play computer game. Wat is he? Ten year old? But u neva indicate why he dun want to find a job. He got criminal record? He is unqualified?
Anyway, u're rite, baby shld grow up wif better environment. Rite now u got two baby, yer baby n yer husband. The latter one shld be discarded. Mebbe u're better off on yer own. But then again, u miss out a lot more details, so I dunno half of the story. Furthermore, we're listening yer side of the story.
I suspect TS is a Malaysian bcause I never heard of a Singapore woman would stand for such a nonsense man.
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Originally posted by abby1:I'm suffering..No one knows it.. But I'm slowly killing myself..
I'm caught in between.. My family n him. I know he's delibrately torturing me inside
coz he didnt get something that he wants. I know that he wants to rent this house n
move to j.b to get fast cash. The lazy man way. But my family is putting up at my house which means they have to leave too..
Moving out to jb is something i dun want to agree to. One,its totally inconvenient. Two, its just another excuse for him
not to work. Three, I dun feel at home there. Why would anyone want to move away from from home
for no good reason? Simple, laziness. I do not know how to explain to people that my debts are mounting coz
my husband refuses to find a job. He rather sits at home play the guitar, play computer games. Eat and sleep.
How do I tell him that he have two mouths to feed. A child that we wanted so badly,and now that we have a baby, he act so irresponsibly. That aside, I've never felt so cheap in my life before. After all that mental sufferings I've been thru,
I thought, Well at least we can have a normal love life. But sadly no. All I have felt is emptiness, coldness in his eyes,
coldness of his heart. I feel so cheap, I have to force him to sleep with me, Usually it ends up with me crying by myself.
Is there still love when all that happens. I feels like a slave, cleaning n cooking expected of me, and all I expected is some
appreciation, a warm smile after every meal. But no, my work doesn't end. I'm ordered to do this and that, where's the love?
I only felt so much happiness everytime I look at my baby's face, always ready to smile at me,full of love. EVen though my family
is having so much financial problems, they paid for the utilities, baby's milk,diapers, groceries.. I don't even get my allowances
from my hubby. What should I do. I am always the one trying to make things right. He knows I'm trying hard and he enjoys seeing me
begging and crying. Should this marriage be saved? I don't know...
It just hurts me so bad right now. When I was pregnant, he hit me for not wanting to accompany his mum. I was too tired, I needed
to rest. When I was in my confinement, he hit me again for reasons I can't even remember.
Should I suffer in silence for my marriage. So that my baby would not grow up in a broken family?
I can empathize with your situation; it's not easy having to manage a
seemingly loveless relationship, two young children, financial woes and
family violence all in one single package.I am actually worried about your safety - family violence is not tolerated under any circumstances.
As you type, I was just wondering when is the turning point in your marriage since you mentioned that the both of you wanted a baby so badly in the past. Or was it a case of a wrong perceived expectation or desire? You also mentioned about forcing him to sleep with you? Seemed like the relationship has notably been damaged and perhaps you could share what could have caused this.
P.S: You don't have to suffer in silence; depending on where you stay, you can approach the nearest family service centre for assistance. If you don't know where to go, PM me.
Cheers
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there are 2 types of people - 1 type is a talker n other type is a doer. the talker just talk n nothin happen n wen the doer starts, things start to change
wen u are not the victim, talkin is easy coz nothin is going to happen
only the victim noe wat had happenned n only wen the victim becomes the doer then things start to change
so please SHUT THE FUCK UP talker
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Originally posted by Icerage:
there are 2 types of people - 1 type is a talker n other type is a doer. the talker just talk n nothin happen n wen the doer starts, things start to change
wen u are not the victim, talkin is easy coz nothin is going to happen
only the victim noe wat had happenned n only wen the victim becomes the doer then things start to change
so please SHUT THE FUCK UP talker
Oh, only 2 types meh?? I dun thing so leh, there are many types of peoples, you are one of the type too, like to scold pple, but also do nothing. -
If TS PM the mod and still can settle her problem, can PM me ya.
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Hi...
I recommend a divorce.....
About the baby.......
Well....you may remarry and then the baby can get a daddy.....
I believe you are suffering too much at the moment.....why torture yourself.......there are thousands of men out there......why do you have to stick with one, who clearly is a bad choice......
Think about it.....
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Originally posted by DailyFreeGames.com:
1) A person cannot survive without money. If he refuse to work, then do NOT give him money. Secretly stash away something for yourself and the child. Stop cooking once a while and let him go hungry. Let's see how long he can last.
he will beat her till she land in hospital if she refuse to give him $$$listen a man that beat a woman is never a good man
he will beat you if he angry, drunk
if he dont have sex with you, its over, he already lose interest in you. even if you stip naked infront of him, he wont touch you.
plan carefully if you wan to regain yr freedom, discuss with yr family if you really feel you suffer enough.
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Originally posted by Veggie Bao:
Hi...
I recommend a divorce.....
About the baby.......
Well....you may remarry and then the baby can get a daddy.....
I believe you are suffering too much at the moment.....why torture yourself.......there are thousands of men out there......why do you have to stick with one, who clearly is a bad choice......
Think about it.....
Huh? after so hard to get out of one man life, you ask her to go into another man clutches, omg! Trust no men who are breathing ya. -
Cheat on him, problem solved. Man I like this sgforum thing.
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Originally posted by Hwaimeng:
he will beat her till she land in hospital if she refuse to give him $$$
that's why i said secretly stash away lah, then claim no money... anyway if he will hit her, it's best to get some protection right away, either move out or apply PPO or something... -
Originally posted by DailyFreeGames.com:
that's why i said secretly stash away lah, then claim no money... anyway if he will hit her, it's best to get some protection right away, either move out or apply PPO or something...
she no metal skin that can bear the torture of that beater, he will wack her till she pass the $$$ out, and even when its truth that she have no more $$$to gave him, he will still wack her till she broke a few bones, till she faint, a despair, desperate man will never stop till he get wat he wans. some more he already got that record. -
Originally posted by Hwaimeng:
she no metal skin that can bear the torture of that beater, he will wack her till she pass the $$$ out, and even when its truth that she have no more $$$to gave him, he will still wack her till she broke a few bones, till she faint, a despair, desperate man will never stop till he get wat he wans. some more he already got that record.
wah lao, how come you talk until like you know the man so well, what he will do, etc... -
Ts,
He is going to be what he is. Trying to foist on him what you feel and think he ought to be is senseless. It is adding to the woes of this ....
To change him words are not enough, change with your behaviour and that is a message in itself as to what you u are willing to put up with or not. Of course, it presupposes love and being kind to oneself first. If the latter is absent, it will be a game of who is rite/wrong and so on so forth.
Being a responsible mother and human being to yourself should precede anything like a divorce or another man.
A dysfunctional adult cannot raise a functional child. As to who is being dysfunctional presupposes that person is self-honest.
Shifting blame on others is easy!
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Originally posted by DailyFreeGames.com:
wah lao, how come you talk until like you know the man so well, what he will do, etc...
cause i have seen tons ofthings in life. experiance tons of things in life. -
Tons, wow! Ah pek liao, must be,
Need to order lorries or not?
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TS is missing after one post
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After all our replies, TS siao liao