issue with my brother
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hello everyone,
just something i would like you to give your opinion/advice about, because it has been going on for quite some time now, and i believe it is time to address this problem.
for the past 5 months or so, my elder brother has been coming into my room, searching for my wallet (i know this cus he usually walks into my room when im using the computer, starts some random conversation as he walks around my room and checking out what was on my table/opening my school bag), when he does eventually find it, he would take some money out of my wallet without my permission. the approx. amount which i think he had taken from me is about $100, if not more.
and to dismiss the possibility of my money (though technically its my parents' money) vanishing into thin air by itself, i have hidden my wallet in my room. during the time it was hidden to the time i took it out, the amount remained the same.duh. -_-"
to prove my other hypothesis, which was the possibility of my brother stealing from me. i had hidden the wallet under my school bag, and then deliberately shown him where the wallet was when he was in my room.
just this morning, he sneaked into my room while i was asleep, but unforunately for him, the squeaky sound produced by the door as he entered woke me up. i kept my eyes shut, while occassionally opening them to see what he was doing. and what i saw with my own eyes was him taking money out of my wallet, then continue to putting the wallet back to where it was originally, and then sneaked out.
okay, so you're on the same page already, what do you suggest i should do? or perhaps the reason he is doing it? i didn't want to catch him red handed is because i was afriad this would hurt our relationship, neither did i brought it up to him.
although my friends told me to talk to him, which im hoping to avoid, so that's why im seeking other alternatives.
Please help! :(
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How old are you? Perhaps ur brother can be on drugs and too scared to ask ur parents, so he took it frm u?
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Originally posted by mardiana:
How old are you? Perhaps ur brother can be on drugs and too scared to ask ur parents, so he took it frm u?
i'm 17 this year. now that you've mentioned it, he does have lots of medication in his drawer. but, he's also going on a holiday with his gf to korea under his own expense...
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i think hes using u as a bullying tool. since he think u cant do much about it. u can do 2 things now: approach him and ask whats going on. or u can go to ur parents straight. but i suggest u approach him first cos say if there is any THING going on, things any parents dont want to hear, u will be guilty for stirring things up in ur family. :)
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Originally posted by mardiana:
i think hes using u as a bullying tool. since he think u cant do much about it. u can do 2 things now: approach him and ask whats going on. or u can go to ur parents straight. but i suggest u approach him first cos say if there is any THING going on, things any parents dont want to hear, u will be guilty for stirring things up in ur family. :)
how to approach T_T
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Originally posted by Owenlovesbbq:
how to approach T_T
uhm just approach and ask him? from what i can tell, ur quite afraid of ur brother. sounds like u 2 are more like enemies than siblings..
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Use the grandfather theory,
first, talk to him, if cannot,
talk to your parents, if still cannot,
talk to your granparents, if still cannot solve,
talk to Angel at Joo Chiat, we can teach him a lesson for you.
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Originally posted by mardiana:
uhm just approach and ask him? from what i can tell, ur quite afraid of ur brother. sounds like u 2 are more like enemies than siblings..
no la..he helped me with a lot of stuff also, like taking his weekend off to find a suitable laptop from me, although he got a hundred dollars from that. he gave me lots of advice too.
it's not that im afraid of him, i just want to show him the respect he deserves as an elder, and also not to have any awkward situations in the future, like when money is the subject of our conversation..
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Originally posted by Owenlovesbbq:
no la..he helped me with a lot of stuff also, like taking his weekend off to find a suitable laptop from me, although he got a hundred dollars from that. he gave me lots of advice too.
it's not that im afraid of him, i just want to show him the respect he deserves as an elder, and also not to have any awkward situations in the future, like when money is the subject of our conversation..
Hmm okay... But he is not doing the right thing... Hes taking ur money without ur permission. If my bro does that i will give a warning. Its unacceptable. Its up to u on how far u wanna bring this issue. :)
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Originally posted by angel7030:
Use the grandfather theory,
first, talk to him, if cannot,
talk to your parents, if still cannot,
talk to your granparents, if still cannot solve,
talk to Angel at Joo Chiat, we can teach him a lesson for you.
haha nice theory. i think i'll talk to him only bah, not very sure how to do it though..
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Ah,...maybe he is short of a $100 to travel to seoul with gf, talk to your house peoples, I can guarantee, your father, mother, ah ma and ah kong also finding their money missing, just that you never talk, they also never talk...
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Originally posted by mardiana:
Hmm okay... But he is not doing the right thing... Hes taking ur money without ur permission. If my bro does that i will give a warning. Its unacceptable. Its up to u on how far u wanna bring this issue. :)
damn, guess there's really no other way around it. -.-
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Since u like me, love BBQ, why not suggest a Family BBQ, get them all altogether and speak it out once and for all, no hard feeling ya. Tell your brother, if he money, can ask, do not need to steal.
You bigger size or your brother bigger size?
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Originally posted by angel7030:
Since u like me, love BBQ, why not suggest a Family BBQ, get them all altogether and speak it out once and for all, no hard feeling ya. Tell your brother, if he money, can ask, do not need to steal.
You bigger size or your brother bigger size?
i really don't know what he's doing leh.. he has a job, he isnt supporting anyone but himself, why the need to steal? lol ya lo, my mom is hiding her cash too.
woah, i like your family bbq idea! :D and it'll probably be the most favourable condition to talk abt such things. thanks!!
i'm bigger size, hah. but he has been through BMT before. lol.
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Oh, u bigger size, i see, what is BMT? some kind of Body mass test? If you bigger size, why u scare of him.
Put yr money in bank, use atm card and nets lah.
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How old is your brother?
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Last time, i got one maid who like to take my money from my barbie wallet, so i print some fake money using my cannon color printer, she also take..hahaha...then i told my Dad, she deny, then, dad ask her to show her money, inside got my fake money, caught red handed, close door, call police, release dogs..
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Originally posted by angel7030:
Oh, u bigger size, i see, what is BMT? some kind of Body mass test? If you bigger size, why u scare of him.
Put yr money in bank, use atm card and nets lah.
BMT is basic military training, lol. haha not scared of him... is just that he has his way around with words yknow... very stressful to argue with him, like debating with lawyer like that.
and the outcome may be such that he make himself seem innocent, then things could possibly go violent. but is it really worth it, conflict between blood brothers over money.
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Originally posted by Siliconchip:
How old is your brother?
hi, he's 23..
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Originally posted by Owenlovesbbq:
BMT is basic military training, lol. haha not scared of him... is just that he has his way around with words yknow... very stressful to argue with him, like debating with lawyer like that.
and the outcome may be such that he make himself seem innocent, then things could possibly go violent. but is it really worth it, conflict between blood brothers over money.
Oh, army lor...hehehe..blood brother also must be clear and clean mah, so what if brothers, even mother and father, son and father, brother and sister, bro and bro can fight over money, no give chance one lah, when come to money, no relation one hor, even rich people like Yeo hup seng or the scott family also hv to go court and settle.Lucky me and my brother no problem, but i dun like his wife, look like want to take my shares away
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Hi ts, why not put your money in saving account?
When you need it, go to atm and withdraw.
That way, yr bro will have no chance to take money from you.
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have monopoly money? put $5000 inside and wait for him.
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u go exchange SGD to vietnam dongs (: 1SGD is about 16.5k dongs (:
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Very strange.....
This is unusual.......
But from what you are saying, I am having a hint that this is an issue about how people perceive money........and how money is handled in the family......
For instance you said he helped you buy a laptop, but he earned $100 from that ?
Although in different families there might be different values, I would feel uncomfortable with that. In my family, nobody would be earning any money or any "commission" from such kinds of help. It is a taboo to earn money from one family member to another.
From what you have described, I believe this may be the root cause of the problem.
Somehow your brother does not have the sharing spirit. Does not perceive or understand about family unit in relations to money.
That is why he wanna earn $100 cut from the laptop deal, and also this may be the reason why he wanna steal money from you. Because he sees and perceive things differently. He thinks you are a target and he can take the money from you and then put it in his pocket. Actually it is your parents money, which is his parents money, which is his family money also indirectly.
Another thing you mentioned is that he does not support anybody but himself.
I do not know about this for sure, but if your parents is not very rich, actually the working children should send some portion of the earned money to the parents. This is happening in my family. It is a sign of piety, as a symbolism, as well as for practical reasons.
It is not good that your brother does not send any money to your parents, wants to earn $100 cut from a laptop deal for himself, and sneaks in to take money out of your wallet.
It is not good in the sense that the way he perceive money or how to treat money within the family is too individualistic.
If you are not able to fully digest what I am trying to say,
Try to talk to your parents.
This is not something you can talk to him or make him understand.
Firstly, it is a fundamental issue. He needs someone who is older, wiser, and someone he will listen to. If you talk to him, you wont be able to fully convey the concerns, because you yourself lack the maturity, and secondly, he himself will not fully understand or be willing to accept or listen to you, especially since you are younger.
But you need to be realistic also, because even if your parents step in and have a deep talk with him........this kind of issue is related to someone's views and someone's inner character.....it is hard to change.......so be prepared that he may not change much........maybe just little bit only.......
From your part and your family's part.....just try to encourage and display more sharing.......that may help a little bit also....
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Originally posted by Owenlovesbbq:
hello everyone,
just something i would like you to give your opinion/advice about, because it has been going on for quite some time now, and i believe it is time to address this problem.
for the past 5 months or so, my elder brother has been coming into my room, searching for my wallet (i know this cus he usually walks into my room when im using the computer, starts some random conversation as he walks around my room and checking out what was on my table/opening my school bag), when he does eventually find it, he would take some money out of my wallet without my permission. the approx. amount which i think he had taken from me is about $100, if not more.
and to dismiss the possibility of my money (though technically its my parents' money) vanishing into thin air by itself, i have hidden my wallet in my room. during the time it was hidden to the time i took it out, the amount remained the same.duh. -_-"
to prove my other hypothesis, which was the possibility of my brother stealing from me. i had hidden the wallet under my school bag, and then deliberately shown him where the wallet was when he was in my room.
just this morning, he sneaked into my room while i was asleep, but unforunately for him, the squeaky sound produced by the door as he entered woke me up. i kept my eyes shut, while occassionally opening them to see what he was doing. and what i saw with my own eyes was him taking money out of my wallet, then continue to putting the wallet back to where it was originally, and then sneaked out.
okay, so you're on the same page already, what do you suggest i should do? or perhaps the reason he is doing it? i didn't want to catch him red handed is because i was afriad this would hurt our relationship, neither did i brought it up to him.
although my friends told me to talk to him, which im hoping to avoid, so that's why im seeking other alternatives.
Please help! :(
Stop abating your brother's criminal act. Taking without asking for permission is STEALING.
Your brother has skewed sense of entitlement over your belongings. Why, does he feel that he deserve the money more than you ?
And why you allow him to get away with it when you caught him red handed that day ? He is not respecting your boundaries. As long as he thinks he can get away with his act.. he will continue to steal from you.
Today, it's $100, next time he will be stealing your girlfriend, your income, your home, even your inheritance. why ? Because he can.
Family should never STEAL from another family member. But there are also family members who PREY on other weaker family members... this is the stark reality.
You should talk to your parents about this. Stop enabling your brother's stealing act.
He doesn't give a shit about you as a brother that's why he steals from you, why are you so desperate for his approval ?
Learn to protect yourself.