Should I get a Divorce?
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WTF, TS, you married my wife ah!! LOL!!
My wife checks everything I do, ask who sms, who call, see what game msg i type while i playing game. Soon, you will feel like a prisoner...wahahaha!
Yeah, she can do housework. But anything siong, her face will turn black, and scold me for not helping. It's like "u want to do, then cannot take it, then come and argue with me?!! WTF!"
But like yourself, I love my wife more than she does me, so I endure, and it has been so many years liao.
As for wives and in-laws, this is a pretty common problem, so not an individual problem.
I take it for the timing of the post, that you can't post all these at home right? Me neither, she will check!
So now, I am paying the price of it, and suffering from subconscious-depression. I look, talk, feel normal and happy in normal times, but deep inside I pray for death every single day.
Good luck to you! Hope you don't end up like me :)
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Originally posted by likeyou:
TS marriage will fail one day.
No room to breadth, wife pressing him everyday in office and at home.
Cannot mix with friends, cannot talk and log in pc (facebook).
What kind of life is this?
What if one day ts got their first baby? Ts will work till kick the bucket while his wife song song go facical and message and travelling.
sound like my friend. Divorce right after his his birth of his son. Wife cannot take care and handle a baby and all the past accumulated differences/conflicts erupted. Sometimes, parting is a good solution.
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ya.poor man.hard to find a man can cook,can wash already.ur parents are impt, give them some respect and love.
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Originally posted by av98m:
I find it difficult to believe that there were no warning signs before marriage.
if i am correct, TS whole life only get to know one girl and then get marry. Hence, lack of relationship experience and hasty decision resulted in such situation.
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oh ya,how u wan ur child to treat u 2 when u and ur wife become old 1 day?like now?don wan to have dinner with them,avoiding them?
cannnot take it talk to her, if cannot dump her,u are a good guy, can always find another lady.a woman like her will left to die alone next time
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If ts cannot bring himself to talk to her, ts might ask brother in law or sister in law for help. Or talk to her mother or father. Or ask your own mother to tell her. (Guess it will not work) since the relationship between your parents and her is suck!
I really cannot think of any options.
Did you try the above? Ask someone for help?Maybe her colleagues?
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i thought as a single i am lonely and sad.
married man more sad ah.
hahaha...
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Have a good talk with her. Don't let her dominate you! Its better to talk to her yourself. If you really can't do it, i suggest writing a letter. All the best man
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Originally posted by dragg:
i thought as a single i am lonely and sad.
married man more sad ah.
hahaha...
You're kidding me!
You may face your five fingers during lonely times, but at least the 5 chaps don't argue back, reject u, or cannot get along with ur parents. LOL!
Think twice before marry, man!
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I think it would be better to lay down all the cards on the table and discuss issue by issue.
Sort of like a '6 mth milestone' review.
This cannot go on for a long term, there will be a breaking point and you'll just be delaying the inevitable.
Communication between 2 parties is key.
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Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:
WTF, TS, you married my wife ah!! LOL!!
My wife checks everything I do, ask who sms, who call, see what game msg i type while i playing game. Soon, you will feel like a prisoner...wahahaha!
Yeah, she can do housework. But anything siong, her face will turn black, and scold me for not helping. It's like "u want to do, then cannot take it, then come and argue with me?!! WTF!"
But like yourself, I love my wife more than she does me, so I endure, and it has been so many years liao.
As for wives and in-laws, this is a pretty common problem, so not an individual problem.
I take it for the timing of the post, that you can't post all these at home right? Me neither, she will check!
So now, I am paying the price of it, and suffering from subconscious-depression. I look, talk, feel normal and happy in normal times, but deep inside I pray for death every single day.
Good luck to you! Hope you don't end up like me :)
This really sucks. Life is short, why not step out of your comfort zone ?
You have kids ?
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As a woman, all I can say is be a man.
Seriously you are letting her walk all over you. If you are a doormat, she will treat you like a doormat.
Respect has to be earned, but you will never get any giving in to her all the time.
I think you should just turn a blind eye to her black face and nonsense and just go home after work instead of waiting for her.
Just let her know you are going home. Change things slowly, 1 thing at a time. Ask her if she will wait for you for 1.5 hrs and I think you should just be upfront and let her know what a selfish bitch she is and if things are going to continue this way, it will just lead to divorce.
If she doesn’t change, I think you can just jolly well dump her because it’s just not worth it.
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Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:
Think twice before marry, man!
twice is not enough
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Originally posted by iwannabehappy:
*sorry if this is repost. I posted once but i didn't see it come up at the forum, so trying again*
I've been married for under 6 months. Living together has not been easy. In the house, I do all the chores. The cooking, cleaning, laundry, vacuuming, etc. I make breakfast and dinner for her everyday. During lunch, as our workplaces are only walking distance away from each other, she wants to have lunch with me everyday. I don't get to eat with my colleagues or friends who work nearby. Only on occasions when i have a lunch meeting, she will let me eat with my colleagues, but she will still give me a sulky face.
She doesn't let me go out with my friends after work. Everyday I wait for her to finish work before we go home together, even though she sometimes finishes work 1.5 hours after I do. I will just walk around the area to pass the time. I think the security guard at her office lobby knows me quite well. There's only a small group of friends that she has 'approved' me to go out with. And when i go out with them, she must come along too.
She gets jealous very easily, I feel like she doesn't trust me at all. Last week, I wished my good friend on Facebook "Congratulations!", cause she got married. She then accused me of looking at pretty girls on facebook and being kaypoh.
She hates staying with my parents, even though to me they are nice parents. I try to be understanding coz i know it's difficult for a girl to move out of her family and stay with a new one. But my parents have been very accomodating and nice to her. But she hates to eat with them. We will walk home SLOWLY until we know that my parents have eaten dinner already, so that by the time we reach home, she doesn't have to sit at the same table as them. She will then hide in our bedroom and sleep/watch tv. Only once my parents have retreated into their bedroom to sleep, then she will be willing to come out to shower. Sometimes it's already 1am by then.
She doesn't appreciate my passions either. I love music. I wanted to take guitar lessons, just once a week for an hour, maybe after office hours while waiting for her to end work. But she told me not to waste the money and to save it for our house in the future. The lessons are only about $150 a month. Yet she can go shopping every weekend and spend over $300 each session.
I feel so strangled. I really do love her and there are good days. But I feel like a part of me is dying. What should I do? I really don't want a divorce but is it the only answer?
WELCOME TO MARRIAGE !
You didn't see tis coming when u were seeing each other?
Come on, too late oledi. Nobody said marriage wuz easy. Let me giv u comfort, u r not the first guy wif tis problem. Ur story sound very familiar, I heard of many husbands complaining about the same type of wife u described.
But u r the first guy I hear, who want to divorce over tis problem.
Haiz, put urself in yer wife shoes la, if you r staying wif yer wife's family, u be behaving the same way la.
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Originally posted by Julian.khor:
WELCOME TO MARRIAGE !
You didn't see tis coming when u were seeing each other?
Come on, too late oledi. Nobody said marriage wuz easy. Let me giv u comfort, u r not the first guy wif tis problem. Ur story sound very familiar, I heard of many husbands complaining about the same type of wife u described.
But u r the first guy I hear, who want to divorce over tis problem.
Haiz, put urself in yer wife shoes la, if you r staying wif yer wife's family, u be behaving the same way la.
No le. I have plenty of friends who stay with their husband's family and they certainly do not act this way.
They help out with the housework, is respectful to their husband parents and they don't have problems eating at the same table.
Yes there are the occasional conflicts but they don't show that much disrespect to the point of outright avoidance
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Originally posted by elindra:
No le. I have plenty of friends who stay with their husband's family and they certainly do not act this way.
They help out with the housework, is respectful to their husband parents and they don't have problems eating at the same table.
Yes there are the occasional conflicts but they don't show that much disrespect to the point of outright avoidance
Then they married the rite woman.
Tis world got lots of type of people. So surely got gud wife or husband. Sometime, got worse wife or husband.
TS unlucky tat his wife not tat understanding. But he is not the first, I oso heard a lot of story about wife like his. Of cuz, I oso hear story about gud wife too.
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Originally posted by Sagara:
This really sucks. Life is short, why not step out of your comfort zone ?
You have kids ?
No, I do not have kids.
I am comfortable with death, just waiting for it :)
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Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:
No, I do not have kids.
I am comfortable with death, just waiting for it :)
Wah piangz! U how old only?
Married to wrong person doesn't mean u have to go die hor.
Please go look for counselling. There're so many things out there that you've not experienced. Don't give them up because of 1 mistake/lousy choice.
I believe that your life can be alot better, you just have to pull thru this.
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She knows all this lei. We argue about it all the time. So she knows what I'm gg thru. After each time she will feel guilty and promise to do more. She's very low self esteem, always saying that shes not good enough for me. Actually shes the one that always bring up divorce, but I really don't want to resort to that. She also says it in the spur of the moment. After the argument we will be loveydovey again. I dont feel our problems are very big if shes at least willing to try. But after so many months of arguing about the same thing over and over, I'm starting to feel very tired.
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TS,
I think that you should communicate with your wife no matter what. Divorce is not a 1 person thing, it involves, and will affect the both of you.
Right now your wife is acting like an immature kid, if you make any rash decisions without considering how both parties will be affected, then you'll be equally immature.
Both of you need to thrash things out and reason with each other. Set standards, create a duty roster for housework if you need to.
If the both of you are truly in love, then it'll be a pity to give up on your marriage just because of housework and minor disagreements.
PS: From your POV your wife is acting like a stupid kid, but I wonder if you've ever thought that you might have been acting the same way around her (maybe for different issues, not accusing you, just want you to try and see things from another POV).
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Holy crap. I felt frightened for you the more I read your entry, TS. it just seems like this woman isn't human. It sounds bad. No one should live like that, regardless of gender. this is coming from me, a girl, please just get a divorce soon before your soul withers to nothingness. Seriously. Just get it over and done with because life isn't going to wait around for you like this. you need to be happy, and if you're obviously not, then just fk it and get out man.
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@killtheink: thanks for being upfront. Divorce is so messy though. I read some legal websites and apparently we must be married for 3 years before considering divorce. There's also the flat and the hdb loan. (oh yah. Someone was asking abt whether we have plans to move out of my parents place. We actually got a dbss flat, but waiting for it's completion maybe end of his year or early next year.) The loan is worrying because it's such a huge sum of money and I think If we divorce we will not be entitled to the flat and still have to pay back 50% of the loan or something like that. Can anyone verify? Scarely divorce already I still have to declare bankrupt. @littlemissbonkers: ya we seem to have gotten married rather early. Perhaps she is still immature in some ways but it's also her naivety that I love. I guess it's double edged. As for me, I'm not childish in the sense that I throw tamtrums or being stubborn, but I believe that we should take the opportunities while we'e young to learn and have passion for the little things. Once we're older we might not have the time or energy to do such things already
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Originally posted by iwannabehappy:
@killtheink: thanks for being upfront. Divorce is so messy though. I read some legal websites and apparently we must be married for 3 years before considering divorce. There’s also the flat and the hdb loan. (oh yah. Someone was asking abt whether we have plans to move out of my parents place. We actually got a dbss flat, but waiting for it’s completion maybe end of his year or early next year.)
The loan is worrying because it’s such a huge sum of money and I think If we divorce we will not be entitled to the flat and still have to pay back 50% of the loan or something like that. Can anyone verify? Scarely divorce already I still have to declare bankrupt.
@littlemissbonkers: ya we seem to have gotten married rather early. Perhaps she is still immature in some ways but it’s also her naivety that I love. I guess it’s double edged. As for me, I’m not childish in the sense that I throw tamtrums or being stubborn, but I believe that we should take the opportunities while we’e young to learn and have passion for the little things. Once we’re older we might not have the time or energy to do such things already
I believe that we should take the opportunities while we’e young to learn and have passion for the little things. Once we’re older we might not have the time or energy to do such things already,
0.o
What has that got to do with anything?
BTW I think u can ask for a marriage annulment....not that I'm encouraging you to do so.
And since like you said, you guys are still young, I think that the both of you should try again. It's not like you hate each other, so just learn to compromise.
But if your heart is already set on divorce, then I guess nothing will change your mind. Maybe the both of you are too immature for a long term commitment.
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Originally posted by Veggie Bao:
Hi...
I dont recommend divorce....anyways youve been married for 6 months only....so its only some adjustment problems......no need to think to divorce...its too drastic....
In my opinion the basic fundamental underlying problem may be........staying with parents.
Anyways I wanna ask you...how long do you guys plan to stay with parents while saving / looking for a home ?
The longer it is, the worse it is for the wife especially since from your description she feels rather pressured and unhappy living there.
I believe at most, you guys can survive that arrangement for several months. Anything longer than several months or worse, several years, will be a big problem. If indeed it will take a long time to save, I recommend to just move out to rent first.
Maybe because she does not feel she has her own space and her own independence or her matrimonial home, she may feel pressured and feel that she has to have you around, as a kind of shield or a company. This may manifest to things such as having you to pick her up after work and go home together etc.
Im just saying that her mentality and emotions may be unsettled and unhappy due to the housing issue, so this may manifest into many different things.
Nowadays modern women will find it hard to live with in-laws. I believe you know this also. Anyways if I am you this is something which I will examine first and foremost because I think this may be the major or primary impediment, and if this issue is resolved she may feel more secure and settled and she may feel more positive. After that everything else will flow.
I fully agree with this one. I also suspected that the wife's issues are primarily due to her stay with the in-laws. I have a friend in a similar situation.After the couple got their own house, she was more relaxed and allowed the hubby some freedom.Less contact with the in-laws enabled her to feel less pressurized and still be in good terms with them, at the end. So to TS, hope all will become better once you shift over to your new place.
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Originally posted by littlemissbonkers:
I believe that we should take the opportunities while we’e young to learn and have passion for the little things. Once we’re older we might not have the time or energy to do such things already,
0.o
What has that got to do with anything?
But if your heart is already set on divorce, then I guess nothing will change your mind. Maybe the both of you are too immature for a long term commitment.
@littlemissbonkers: I was referring to the guitar lessons i wanted to take. for some people, learning an instrument at 28 might be really late, but i just want to keep my interest in music going instead of submitting myself to age and just accept whatever's on my plate right now.
Cause that's what my wife wants me to do. To stop producing music, just focus on my 9-7pm job and bring home the bloody bacon.
my heart is not set on divorce, otherwise I would just do it already. I'm hoping to hear from married or divorced people on some advice, that's all.
@Thesmilingdaisy: i hope so too. i keep telling her to be patient, it's not like we don't have a place, we're just waiting for it to be ready. losing her temper isn't going to make the flat come any faster.
@frustrated_guy: glad to hear there's someone in my shoes, although honestly I'm pretty lucky that my wife actually does not spy on my handphone or laptop.
@shazamnick: actually she's not my first girlfriend, she's my 4th, not counting some non-serious relationships. I was always very open with my past relationships to my wife, which I felt is necessary for her to accept before marriage. I thought she had accepted it as history, but perhaps deep inside it's fueling her insecurity. ever since i've been with her, i've been faithful and dedicated and I've done nothing to give her reason to doubt me. But it's sometimes so ridiculous. I can just give a comment that I think Elva (the taiwanese singer) is pretty while watching a variety show, and she'll become upset and start thinking that i'm hinting she's (my wife) not pretty enough for me. WTH right? I don't even get to comment on celebrities? does she think that i'm going to elope with Elva??!?
@Julian.khor: I guess i saw some signs before I married her. it wasn't as severe before, and she's always promised me that she will help around the house, promise that she'll let me go out with friends, etc. aiyah, promises promises, when her mood comes then everything also throw out the window already. I actually do not want to divorce over these problems. Like i said, she brings up divorce everytime we argue. She says that she's not good enough for me and that I should just find someone better. It really hurts when she brings up divorce, cause i really don't want to. but i sometimes wonder issit hurting her more that i keep holding on to her if she wants to leave. Yet, i feel that she's only bringing up divorce because she gets into a bad mood. When she's in a good mood, i can feel how much she loves me. Aiyah it's frigging confusing la.
I guess when i posted this topic, I wasn't really asking if I should divorce her; more like i'm asking if I'm stupid for not divorcing her cause I have to deal with more shit than what other husbands have to go through (i think..., no offence to other husbands). My love for her keeps this marriage going. sometimes it's ALL that keeps this marriage going. Is love enough? How long can I continue loving her before the hurt is too much to bear?