Should I get a Divorce?
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*sorry if this is repost. I posted once but i didn't see it come up at the forum, so trying again*
I've been married for under 6 months. Living together has not been easy. In the house, I do all the chores. The cooking, cleaning, laundry, vacuuming, etc. I make breakfast and dinner for her everyday. During lunch, as our workplaces are only walking distance away from each other, she wants to have lunch with me everyday. I don't get to eat with my colleagues or friends who work nearby. Only on occasions when i have a lunch meeting, she will let me eat with my colleagues, but she will still give me a sulky face.
She doesn't let me go out with my friends after work. Everyday I wait for her to finish work before we go home together, even though she sometimes finishes work 1.5 hours after I do. I will just walk around the area to pass the time. I think the security guard at her office lobby knows me quite well. There's only a small group of friends that she has 'approved' me to go out with. And when i go out with them, she must come along too.
She gets jealous very easily, I feel like she doesn't trust me at all. Last week, I wished my good friend on Facebook "Congratulations!", cause she got married. She then accused me of looking at pretty girls on facebook and being kaypoh.
She hates staying with my parents, even though to me they are nice parents. I try to be understanding coz i know it's difficult for a girl to move out of her family and stay with a new one. But my parents have been very accomodating and nice to her. But she hates to eat with them. We will walk home SLOWLY until we know that my parents have eaten dinner already, so that by the time we reach home, she doesn't have to sit at the same table as them. She will then hide in our bedroom and sleep/watch tv. Only once my parents have retreated into their bedroom to sleep, then she will be willing to come out to shower. Sometimes it's already 1am by then.
She doesn't appreciate my passions either. I love music. I wanted to take guitar lessons, just once a week for an hour, maybe after office hours while waiting for her to end work. But she told me not to waste the money and to save it for our house in the future. The lessons are only about $150 a month. Yet she can go shopping every weekend and spend over $300 each session.
I feel so strangled. I really do love her and there are good days. But I feel like a part of me is dying. What should I do? I really don't want a divorce but is it the only answer?
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since you already know she is so fucked up then why did you marry her?
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you found out all these after marriage?
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Originally posted by iwannabehappy:
*sorry if this is repost. I posted once but i didn't see it come up at the forum, so trying again*
I've been married for under 6 months. Living together has not been easy. In the house, I do all the chores. The cooking, cleaning, laundry, vacuuming, etc. I make breakfast and dinner for her everyday. During lunch, as our workplaces are only walking distance away from each other, she wants to have lunch with me everyday. I don't get to eat with my colleagues or friends who work nearby. Only on occasions when i have a lunch meeting, she will let me eat with my colleagues, but she will still give me a sulky face.
She doesn't let me go out with my friends after work. Everyday I wait for her to finish work before we go home together, even though she sometimes finishes work 1.5 hours after I do. I will just walk around the area to pass the time. I think the security guard at her office lobby knows me quite well. There's only a small group of friends that she has 'approved' me to go out with. And when i go out with them, she must come along too.
She gets jealous very easily, I feel like she doesn't trust me at all. Last week, I wished my good friend on Facebook "Congratulations!", cause she got married. She then accused me of looking at pretty girls on facebook and being kaypoh.
She hates staying with my parents, even though to me they are nice parents. I try to be understanding coz i know it's difficult for a girl to move out of her family and stay with a new one. But my parents have been very accomodating and nice to her. But she hates to eat with them. We will walk home SLOWLY until we know that my parents have eaten dinner already, so that by the time we reach home, she doesn't have to sit at the same table as them. She will then hide in our bedroom and sleep/watch tv. Only once my parents have retreated into their bedroom to sleep, then she will be willing to come out to shower. Sometimes it's already 1am by then.
She doesn't appreciate my passions either. I love music. I wanted to take guitar lessons, just once a week for an hour, maybe after office hours while waiting for her to end work. But she told me not to waste the money and to save it for our house in the future. The lessons are only about $150 a month. Yet she can go shopping every weekend and spend over $300 each session.
I feel so strangled. I really do love her and there are good days. But I feel like a part of me is dying. What should I do? I really don't want a divorce but is it the only answer?
Seek counselling.
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You marry with your eyes close ar?? Angel like me you dun wan, what to do?
Each man must control and lead his family, not the other way round, you so scare and lame, no wonder get wife bullied lah, if it is me, everynite whip you also can
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Well there are some things that you can only find out after marriage. She always had a maid at home so she never did housework. she promised that she would help out around the house, and she does! but she will do until her face black black, complain her hand pain, back pain, and sometimes we will end up arguing. It's too emotionally tiring to keep arguing like that, so I sacrifice and do it myself. In the past she didn't have to see my parents so often also.
she loves my music, but she hates when i practice with friends... but if i don't practice, how can there be music right? that's why i want to learn the guitar so I don't need my band. But she doesn't see it that way. she feels i should just give up music entirely since it doesn't contribute to anything.
i love her, so i see past alot of her flaws. and i would honestly not mind if she could show me the same love that i give her. But it seems like i'm the only one sacrificing, and all she does is complain.
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Originally posted by iwannabehappy:
*sorry if this is repost. I posted once but i didn't see it come up at the forum, so trying again*
I've been married for under 6 months. Living together has not been easy. In the house, I do all the chores. The cooking, cleaning, laundry, vacuuming, etc. I make breakfast and dinner for her everyday. During lunch, as our workplaces are only walking distance away from each other, she wants to have lunch with me everyday. I don't get to eat with my colleagues or friends who work nearby. Only on occasions when i have a lunch meeting, she will let me eat with my colleagues, but she will still give me a sulky face.
She doesn't let me go out with my friends after work. Everyday I wait for her to finish work before we go home together, even though she sometimes finishes work 1.5 hours after I do. I will just walk around the area to pass the time. I think the security guard at her office lobby knows me quite well. There's only a small group of friends that she has 'approved' me to go out with. And when i go out with them, she must come along too.
She gets jealous very easily, I feel like she doesn't trust me at all. Last week, I wished my good friend on Facebook "Congratulations!", cause she got married. She then accused me of looking at pretty girls on facebook and being kaypoh.
She hates staying with my parents, even though to me they are nice parents. I try to be understanding coz i know it's difficult for a girl to move out of her family and stay with a new one. But my parents have been very accomodating and nice to her. But she hates to eat with them. We will walk home SLOWLY until we know that my parents have eaten dinner already, so that by the time we reach home, she doesn't have to sit at the same table as them. She will then hide in our bedroom and sleep/watch tv. Only once my parents have retreated into their bedroom to sleep, then she will be willing to come out to shower. Sometimes it's already 1am by then.
She doesn't appreciate my passions either. I love music. I wanted to take guitar lessons, just once a week for an hour, maybe after office hours while waiting for her to end work. But she told me not to waste the money and to save it for our house in the future. The lessons are only about $150 a month. Yet she can go shopping every weekend and spend over $300 each session.
I feel so strangled. I really do love her and there are good days. But I feel like a part of me is dying. What should I do? I really don't want a divorce but is it the only answer?
and you married this bitch ?...................aiyoh..................
and you still not divorced yet ?.......................aiyoh.....................
don't be a PUSSY-WHIPPED WIMP like Nelson Mandela lah...........................
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Originally posted by iwannabehappy:
Well there are some things that you can only find out after marriage. She always had a maid at home so she never did housework. she promised that she would help out around the house, and she does! but she will do until her face black black, complain her hand pain, back pain, and sometimes we will end up arguing. It's too emotionally tiring to keep arguing like that, so I sacrifice and do it myself. In the past she didn't have to see my parents so often also.
she loves my music, but she hates when i practice with friends... but if i don't practice, how can there be music right? that's why i want to learn the guitar so I don't need my band. But she doesn't see it that way. she feels i should just give up music entirely since it doesn't contribute to anything.
i love her, so i see past alot of her flaws. and i would honestly not mind if she could show me the same love that i give her. But it seems like i'm the only one sacrificing, and all she does is complain.
Hello, you are the head of the family leh, you cannot control your wife, who can??I also got maids to help me out, but i do the housework too, and also hv to run a business with no man helping me. Your wife are those typical overly pampered sg gals, most sg guys dun wan them, dunno why you blind blind go and marry them, cham liao.
What you should do now is take control, give command and orders, in taiwan, we say, marry chicken follow chicken, marry dog follow dog, put that into your wife brainy, if she rebel, then you get an accuse to divorce, but dun said I teach you hor
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Originally posted by iwannabehappy:
Well there are some things that you can only find out after marriage.
Nope, you are aware of her attitude problem all along... so you should be mentally prepared for "some things". Anyway, counselling is the way to go.. PM me if you are interested.
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Originally posted by angel7030:
Hello, you are the head of the family leh, you cannot control your wife, who can??I also got maids to help me out, but i do the housework too, and also hv to run a business with no man helping me. Your wife are those typical overly pampered sg gals, most sg guys dun wan them, dunno why you blind blind go and marry them, cham liao.
What you should do now is take control, give command and orders, in taiwan, we say, marry chicken follow chicken, marry dog follow dog, put that into your wife brainy, if she rebel, then you get an accuse to divorce, but dun said I teach you hor
you're right, but I grew up in a family where respect is earned, not expected. i tend to lead by example. How can I ask my wife to sweep the floor if I am unwilling to do the same? So I do the chores, and hope that she will chip in from time to time.
for husbands and wives, i believe that if one give 100%, and the other gives 100%, then both sides are receiving 100% even if no one is expecting to get anything. -
must talk must talk to her .......
Psycho her slowly .
Input ! Input !
劳改 ! 劳改 !
In long run , good for both .
Of couse in short term , she felt like dying . But she will live on , woman will change , man not likely to change much , changes can only makes us more miserable .
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my former colleague was a bit like you.
he stopped going out with us after he got married.
we had to keep quiet whenever his wife called.
he paid a share of the car but he didnt get to drive it.
he did all the household chores.
i heard he divorced recently.
i bet nobody was surprised. coz everyone knew his wife was a bitch.
knn see people also never bother to say hello.
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Originally posted by iwannabehappy:
Well there are some things that you can only find out after marriage. She always had a maid at home so she never did housework. she promised that she would help out around the house, and she does! but she will do until her face black black, complain her hand pain, back pain, and sometimes we will end up arguing. It's too emotionally tiring to keep arguing like that, so I sacrifice and do it myself. In the past she didn't have to see my parents so often also.
she loves my music, but she hates when i practice with friends... but if i don't practice, how can there be music right? that's why i want to learn the guitar so I don't need my band. But she doesn't see it that way. she feels i should just give up music entirely since it doesn't contribute to anything.
i love her, so i see past alot of her flaws. and i would honestly not mind if she could show me the same love that i give her. But it seems like i'm the only one sacrificing, and all she does is complain.
Love is a package. It is not about giving or taking. It is about acceptance and understanding.
Understanding and acceptance must not be weighed. There are times I will feel my spouse is not doing enough. There are times I will feel I am not being respected.
Is it the end, and did I understand what I wanted and what my other half wanted? Difference in views is common.
Now we are hearing your point of view. Had you understood her actions and her reasons. Have you put across your views to her before you come to the decision that the marriage is going to fail?
You must remember a woman's needs and wants are very different from a man's. You must remember that for every action, there is a reason. For every refusal, there is a reason. You must try to reach an accomodation, if not it is meant to be doomed.
Once you let it collapse, it is very hard to mend.
Think about it. If need be, talk with her and think about marriage counselling.
You are newlyweds. Not even in your first year. A marriage is a life long devotion.
A life long devotion, means that there are things you have to put the family before self.
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Hi...
I dont recommend divorce....anyways youve been married for 6 months only....so its only some adjustment problems......no need to think to divorce...its too drastic....
In my opinion the basic fundamental underlying problem may be........staying with parents.
Anyways I wanna ask you...how long do you guys plan to stay with parents while saving / looking for a home ?
The longer it is, the worse it is for the wife especially since from your description she feels rather pressured and unhappy living there.
I believe at most, you guys can survive that arrangement for several months. Anything longer than several months or worse, several years, will be a big problem. If indeed it will take a long time to save, I recommend to just move out to rent first.
Maybe because she does not feel she has her own space and her own independence or her matrimonial home, she may feel pressured and feel that she has to have you around, as a kind of shield or a company. This may manifest to things such as having you to pick her up after work and go home together etc.
Im just saying that her mentality and emotions may be unsettled and unhappy due to the housing issue, so this may manifest into many different things.
Nowadays modern women will find it hard to live with in-laws. I believe you know this also. Anyways if I am you this is something which I will examine first and foremost because I think this may be the major or primary impediment, and if this issue is resolved she may feel more secure and settled and she may feel more positive. After that everything else will flow.
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song bo?
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TS,u have lost ur dignity as a man.u let ur wife control u,u let ur wife do anything she likes to you,she lord over you.she got no respects for your parents,a mother who carried u for 9 months in her tummy,and a father who feed u and sent u to school.what the heck????!!!!!!!!!u say love ia about acceptance and understanding,but do ur bitch wife accept your parents??do ur wife understand how important parents are??parents are irreplaceable,u dumb fucking asshole ungrateful son bastard!!!!!!she dun accept,and she dun understand,that means she dun love you,right u bloody fool!!!!!????do the rite thing u bastard,talk to her,if dun work,divorce her.i hate unfillial ,bastard son like you.i despise you.fuck you TS
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Dignify yrself more often on the bed of romance, it will stick even more, but not sure it is good for u, but is a joys for most. Probably, u can try to do some volunteer work as a form of detachment to breath some air, while helping others and also it helps yrself. Through this joys of charitable works, you also enjoy more company and is helpful for a more relaxation of mind as well
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TS,talk to her,tell her ur feeling,tell her how u feel after u 2 married.if she still don wan to change a bit. i think ä½ èµ°ä½ çš„é˜³å…‰é�“，他过她的独木桥。in case u don understand i will translate for u. you walk ur sunlight path,she walk her lonely wooden bridge.
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yes. 'nuff said
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You pampered your wife too much. Housechores must be share among each other. Cannot one do while the other shake leg.
How about household expenses? You pay everything? She keeps her salary warm?
In that case, she leaves you no room for any private.
Suggest you talk to her.
Worst case, divorce.
I am sure you both are still childless.
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I find it difficult to believe that there were no warning signs before marriage.
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Originally posted by av98m:
I find it difficult to believe that there were no warning signs before marriage.
Love is blind.When one fall in love, cannot find one's bad point.
After marriage, slowly all bad point sufface.
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Marriage is a long term marathon that requires two person to hold hand-in-hand and run till finish line. Your instinct already telling you at the 50 metres sprint that this run will not last. Why struggle in pain when each other already know running hand-in-hand is surely not going to last. You can encourage and seek your running partner to change and continue this run with you. Otherwise, isn't it better to seek a better replacement partner and run together till end, happily ever after.
End of the day, life has be fulfilling. Live life to its fullest!
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TS marriage will fail one day.
No room to breadth, wife pressing him everyday in office and at home.
Cannot mix with friends, cannot talk and log in pc (facebook).
What kind of life is this?
What if one day ts got their first baby? Ts will work till kick the bucket while his wife song song go facical and message and travelling.