bro n sis, below is some question from my friend. need advice.
me n my bf is currently 24 have been together for 7yrs already. things turning sour regarding some lying here n there which make it hard to trust in him.
[U]problem[/U]
i am worried that he might break up with mi as i donno how to move on from there.
he took my V which is very important to mi and told me that he will take care of me. but i cant let my parents about this if we dun wrk out
my parents wan mi to brk up wit him cos we are nt suitable or sth i guess
so i guess nw is in a situation of i duno if i sld brk up wit him despite wad happened or sld i juz tel my parents abt the real truth.
i am very worried that he will betray me one day
i would like to hear what will u do if u were me thank u.
He took your V or you gave him your V is all refer to the same thing. You are adult le... need to start taking personal responsibility. It doesn't mean giving him V means the whole relationship will be perfect. He promised to take care of you, then please, give him a chance to take good care of you by
1) Whatever happened in the past, it's already the past. Nothing can change the past, but you can alter the course of future. It is your mentality, your idea, your psychological, your emotional, your thoughts that is powerful enough to make changes in our r/s. I know how you feel about the "betrayal" thing, because everybody does at some point doubt their partner.
In the past, I used to think like how you think. I can relate to you in my own ways. There was a time where my girlfriend and I used to quarrel almost everyday for god-know-whatever reasons? and I think you experience that tooo... Now? things change for the better after a good talk. Actually couples should focus the goods things in a r/s, instead of having quarrels that doesn't make each other look good.
Because your bf and you have been together for 7 years already, I think it is now the right time to take a short break from one another. Recently, I just broke off with my gf of 2 years... after two week of cooling off, we're back together.. Things are looking fine for me as we both use this two weeks to recharged on personal life. :-D Sometimes, you should have a personal recharge time... I do not know whether how much my comments can help you, but I hope you do reconsider having a short "recharge break"... and also evaluate the way you think about this relationship.
Ask yourself these few questions:
1) If I were to tell you, "There is nothing you can do to change the fact that it has already happened", are you able to reply me "I know I can't change the past, but I have the power to alter the future".
2) Are you able to let go of the past and start everything afresh? I mean it literally by forgeting all the quarrels and negativity. Bad things should go to the recycle bins, while good things be saved in the memories. It is ironic that the concept of "how you think will alter the outcome of an event" is not very widely adopted, but psychologist have proved that How you think can actually affect the outcome of an event! This powerful theory can be found in almost everyday life from Educational settings to Business management. I suggest start thinking about the good things between book of you. Right now, your magnifying glass is emplifying the effects of "Bad BF", and you almost totally forgotten about the good and sweet things he does to you. Am I right?
Just start slowly to recall the time you both spend together, those romantic moments that both of you shared and enjoyed. It could be some outing trip or movie, dinner etc.. just recall those moments together, I am sure you "at that time" feel very happy and special! Small little things he does for you, also try to recall it. In your current state of mind, If I don't ask you to think, you'll almost always not think about the good and positive stuff.
3) It's hard to achieve for some people, but this is important. Are you able to lower down your expectations to zero? I mean... with expectation, love will improve. But In the verge of breaking up, I am asking you to lower down your expectations to zero. Believe me, you will see a huge change in your life. When you expect nothing, everything seems to be great! But when you expect something, and it doesn't met your expectation, the world seems to be a darker place.
4) Are you able to forgive him for whatever thing he did to you in the past? I may not know what is happening between both of you, but in order for a relationship to work out, "forgiveness" is an essential ingredient.... Forgive means to truly accept one's apology and regain confidence in that person. Are you able to forgive him?
If you really want to continue this relationship, then you'll need to learn how to forgive him.
Best Regards,
Chin Seng
Homework Forum Moderator
Originally posted by Dreamerzs:bro n sis, below is some question from my friend. need advice.
me n my bf is currently 24 have been together for 7yrs already. things turning sour regarding some lying here n there which make it hard to trust in him.
[U]problem[/U]
i am worried that he might break up with mi as i donno how to move on from there.
he took my V which is very important to mi and told me that he will take care of me. but i cant let my parents about this if we dun wrk out
my parents wan mi to brk up wit him cos we are nt suitable or sth i guess
so i guess nw is in a situation of i duno if i sld brk up wit him despite wad happened or sld i juz tel my parents abt the real truth.
i am very worried that he will betray me one day
i would like to hear what will u do if u were me thank u.
Most of the time, people lie for self preservation.
However, they do not realise what truly hurt is not what had been done, rather it's the DECEPTION (lies) that cuts and destroys.
7 years is a long time to be in a relationship. Some marriage don't even last more than 5 years.
If you havn't already had a sit down talk with him, you should.
If you already did have a honest conversation, yet he refused to change now, then he is not likely to change in the future.
Perhaps he is already bored after 7 years. Perhaps he has no desire to continue another 7 more years, with you as his priority.
I think you need to let go, take a step back and look at this relationship from the outside.
Not saying that you should break up, but if you cannot lower your expectations on how your long term relationship should be, you will be paranoid, hurting and unhappy in the long run.
As for him, he probably won't be as bothered as you, because he is now putting HIMSELF as his priority. Future life with or without you, no big difference.
If you love something let it go, if its come back to you, its yours forever and if its never than it was never meant to be.
Unlike other things in life, Love is unexplainable. Sometimes the harder you try to save it, the furher it drift away from you.
Good luck & be happy always.
almost everygal who lose their first V to their very 1st boyfriend is with another guy right now.
donw worreid about yr V. some already lose it to their bicycle.
and matural man like us dont bother about V unless you are 16 years old.
get on with yr life and if there a break up. seek another better man.
well. then i ask you.
is your V important or your future more important?
Since already lost it, i dont think you have a choice to regain it. so dont harp on that fact. instead why not change your view? find a better guy whom can love and appreciate you better. this manner perhaps you got brighter future instead of a uncertain future ahead. else even if you can continue your r/s with him for next 10 20 30 40 years wif your heart worrying everyday, is he cheating on me?
which would you prefer? the choice is yours.
jus my 2cent worth of thoughts.
You said your V is very important to you. Surely it is not that important.
If you grand ma gave you a pendent with her picture in it, and you had it all your life, would you give it away just like that. It is too valuable. You will never give it away. So is the V very important?
It is just a first experience, don't attach too much to it. Is it also the boy's first experience? I doub't so. Don't know how many experiences he has. To him its nothing, to you, you are making it important, because you are frightened. The importance of V is an explanation for not challenging your fear. Your parents are most probably traditional people, there is no need to tell them. As for your future husband, you decide there an then. Do not fear about your ex telling all. It won't happen, unless he is a sore loser. But then this kind of kids are easy to dismiss.
Many people make promises. The one time promises are easiest to keep, the long term promises are always changed. e.g. He promise to return $100 to you, easy to do. He promise to give you $100 per month for 5 years, very hard to keep.
Don't be afraid.
Originally posted by Dreamerzs:bro n sis, below is some question from my friend. need advice.
me n my bf is currently 24 have been together for 7yrs already. things turning sour regarding some lying here n there which make it hard to trust in him.
[U]problem[/U]
i am worried that he might break up with mi as i donno how to move on from there.
he took my V which is very important to mi and told me that he will take care of me. but i cant let my parents about this if we dun wrk out
my parents wan mi to brk up wit him cos we are nt suitable or sth i guess
so i guess nw is in a situation of i duno if i sld brk up wit him despite wad happened or sld i juz tel my parents abt the real truth.
i am very worried that he will betray me one day
i would like to hear what will u do if u were me thank u.
Hi sister, if you and bf no ok, pass him to me, I am 22yo, they said bf and gf with same age will not last, cos gal will grow older very fast, so for me 22yo, 2 years younger than him, should be better.
PM me hor, thanks
yo yo yo... another love problem... yoyoyoyo...