Being a divorcee in Singapore
-
Originally posted by opeth:
I will recommend my friends to get export set, rather than sg girls....
just make sure export set use the same voltage. -
so funny. married then divorce. so farnie.
-
Originally posted by African Killer Bee:
Laverne there is still a stigma and the ah soh brigade will gossip. The good news is that the stigma has less of a sting these days as divorces become commonplace. Personally I know few who would judge a failed marriage unkindly. most folks understand how challenging a marriage can be so few would cast stones unless you are tiger woods, Larry king or huang yi liang. There you go, local context.
I think your issue comes more from within you than anywhere else. Perfectionist? Religious upbringing maybe? A failed marriage can make you a better partner so in that sense you are giving the dude you marry you very best. Well at least the better you with an added benefit of experience. And if you marry a man with broad shoulders, so to speak, he will be able to handle your past with maturity and grace.
Thanks for your kind words AKB.
Realistically, being divorced is not the norm in Asia, and it isn't exactly something good either. At the same time, most people would not bother about other people's business, good or bad ones. They would only speak badly of the others to lighten their own burdens, i.e. to make themselves feel better. So if someone needs another person's issue to make their problems seem smaller, they would for instance, bring up my case of being a divorcee. That would however not be fair to my partner, because he had a clean past, but would need to bear with nasty comments because of someone he loves. So yep, I would feel like I've indirectly done him wrong, although it's inevitable. Well, we cannot change the past.
As to your question about my age , you can do the math. You see, I started school a year earlier, don't have to serve 2 years of NS, finished tertiary education at the fasting possible pace and got a job right after graduation.
(No prize for guessing my date of birth. Basically I seem to be doing things ahead of the others of my age, even when it comes to marriage and divorce >_>)
Originally posted by Zweiz:tl;dr: sg girl fails marriage overseas and decides to hide her marital status for a 2nd chance to snag a better sg guy
Singaporean guys do have the merits many foreign guys don't. It's because of our environment, education and opportunities. I have also been telling my Chinese (PRC) girl friends that, recommending them to find a husband in Singapore.
But still, if I have to rebuke you, a "2nd chance for a better guy" does not necessarily have to be a "Singaporean" one. Fine, put westerners aside on this if you want, there are also many eligible Chinese guys actually (I don't know what's up with the PRC stigma). It's just a matter of where the girl wants to settle down. Do Singaporean men have something against Singaporean girls marrying foreigners or is it just you? Besides define "better", especially in the case of having to hide any sort status just to "get" a supposedly "better" guy; a truly good guy respects and likes a girl for who she is. (Am I answering my own question here? heh)
Originally posted by Kirin_Rider:how old are you ? I guess you havent seen whats it like outside there, no offence though but i guess you are not into that age group yet but when you do you will find that true love and all that crap you see on tv doesnt exist especially with a local woman and white guys at the end of the day its the hot sex that comes to mind when you group this 2 together. Sorry it sounds harsh but thats what i have seen alot of time.
And also, a previous post by the guy above, who seem to hate westerners, makes me want to clear some misunderstandings asians have of westerners, especially western males.
(Disclaimer: In case of there are extremely sensitive guys reading this, I am not comparing the superiority of ethnics. I'm merely stating what I have seen in life....so far.)
It is indeed extremely normal in many western countries to divorce. In fact the majority of the Europeans around me have either been divorced before, or are cohabitating with children from each other, without being married. It's not because they have something wrong with their values, it's just a different perception of values.
However, most of them are extremely loyal to their partner if they are in a committed relationship. They are much more faithful than the Asian men and women I know, who appear to take such values so importantly. The extra-marital affairs that I know of, are mostly among Asian couples. Perhaps Europeans just officially separate or divorce when the relationship fails, backstabbing their partner with another man/woman isn't quite their thing. Sure there are European men who go sexually astray occasionally, but the concept of "a wife as a keep-at-home possession" along with "young, roadside flowers for every-other-thing" isn't instilled in the European culture like it is in some Asian culture. And also, a western relationship is definitely not just about "hot sex" like Kirin_Rider described. Western guys are in fact, extremely devoted, sometimes so painfully sincere that they can be a little...suicidal when the relationship fails. So girls have to be very tactful and considerate when they are in a relationship with such a westerner. A committed relationship is not a game to them.
Singaporeans also tend to have a misconception of Chinese (PRC) men and women. But that's for another time.
-
:lol: many times I look at woman as a adolescent, self-seeking being. the misconception of the world revolving around them.
-
Originally posted by FBFIce:
:lol: many times I look at woman as a adolescent, self-seeking being. the misconception of the world revolving around them.
As a self seeking being like an adolescent eh? Yea perhaps...girls are like that.
Misconception of the world revolving around us? Nope, not the point at all. Besides, that would be self-centered, not self-seeking.
-
Originally posted by Laverne:
As a self seeking being like an adolescent eh? Yea perhaps...girls are like that.
Misconception of the world revolving around us? Nope, not the point at all. Besides, that would be self-centered, not self-seeking.
all in 1 word ' IMMATURE'marriage is not all about great sex, pleasure or what I want .........
-
my advice to you is to spend time looking for the right partner rather than to spend time to think of such matter... the chances of finding someone who did not mind your status is higher than a few decades ago... it is the past that make who you are now... what is important is live the present... life's too short...
-
no lah lots of people still sit at coffee shop tok rot. they still hang in the past. tokin and laughing will not make you a better person, i am so glad so many ppl so silly and stupid. they still think they very smart. after all wake up in the morning still sama sama tthe same old shit they have in their lives
-
Originally posted by troublemaker2005:
no lah lots of people still sit at coffee shop tok rot. they still hang in the past. tokin and laughing will not make you a better person, i am so glad so many ppl so silly and stupid. they still think they very smart. after all wake up in the morning still sama sama tthe same old shit they have in their lives
I find early marriage eg. 18 or 20's is the main reason for divorce in the future?
-
Originally posted by FBFIce:
:lol: many times I look at woman as a adolescent, self-seeking being. the misconception of the world revolving around them.
you mean your mother or sister? -
Originally posted by troublemaker2005:
no lah lots of people still sit at coffee shop tok rot. they still hang in the past. tokin and laughing will not make you a better person, i am so glad so many ppl so silly and stupid. they still think they very smart. after all wake up in the morning still sama sama tthe same old shit they have in their lives
At least they laughed and be merry, sometime, life needs a break, you keep chiong here and there also nothing come out...chiong into the wrong one, lagi worst. Anyway, if more rot in my pub, i am more than happy. -
Originally posted by angel7030:
you mean your mother or sister?
neither, onli u -
Originally posted by FBFIce:
neither, onli u
so yr mother and sister not woman hor -
Originally posted by Demon Bane:
I find early marriage eg. 18 or 20's is the main reason for divorce in the future?
When people are young and impulsive, they got married very early...but later their brains/minds developed further or matured, they got divorced.
-
Originally posted by Laverne:
Do Singaporean men have something against Singaporean girls marrying foreigners or is it just you? Besides define "better", especially in the case of having to hide any sort status just to "get" a supposedly "better" guy; a truly good guy respects and likes a girl for who she is. (Am I answering my own question here? heh)
go date another divorcee then, problem solved
also, you're the one going on about foreigners. a divorcee means a divorcee to me. all things being equal, i would pass on divorcees (hence, good decision to hide. just don't expect me to applaud you)
-
Originally posted by Zweiz:
go date another divorcee then, problem solved
also, you're the one going on about foreigners. a divorcee means a divorcee to me. all things being equal, i would pass on divorcees (hence, good decision to hide. just don't expect me to applaud you)
I have a fren divorced twice....very difficult to find another partner siah...Hahaha!
He's now a happy single! -
Originally posted by Demon Bane:
I have a fren divorced twice....very difficult to find another partner siah...Hahaha!
He's
now a happy single!my sis is a divorcee too.
as her bro, i don't have to 'hide' anything when i introduce her & such. i'm proud of her
-
Originally posted by Zweiz:
my sis is a divorcee too.
as her bro, i don't have to 'hide' anything when i introduce her & such. i'm proud of her
What's her reasons for divorce ? My fren was divorced becos his ex-wives were unfaithful.
-
Originally posted by Demon Bane:
What's her reasons for divorce ? My fren was divorced becos his ex-wives were unfaithful.
hmm apparently her hubby was unfaithful? hah. we must also consider that we're usually hearing only one side of the story, so it may not be accurate
after all, a marriage is between 2 people, if it fails both parties are at fault
-
Originally posted by Zweiz:
hmm apparently her hubby was unfaithful? hah. we must also consider that we're usually hearing only one side of the story, so it may not be accurate
after all, a marriage is between 2 people, if it fails both parties are at fault
Unfaithfulness is the main problem for many divorce....if people have more moral values, the world will be a better place to live in.
-
Originally posted by Zweiz:
go date another divorcee then, problem solved
also, you're the one going on about foreigners. a divorcee means a divorcee to me. all things being equal, i would pass on divorcees (hence, good decision to hide. just don't expect me to applaud you)
You mentioned "fails marriage overseas" and "a better sg guy", sounds like it's hinting at issues on foreign marriages to me.You still don't get it, a "good decision" to hide isn't because it would give divorcees more choices on people who would otherwise "pass on divorcees". Doesn't make sense anyway to hide from a potential partner if he isn't able to accept it afterall. Hiding just protects the future partner from having to face unnecessary stress.
-
Originally posted by Laverne:
You mentioned "fails marriage overseas" and "a better sg guy", sounds like it's hinting at issues on foreign marriages to me.only because you mentioned overseas marriage and sg men's opinion on divorcees
-
Originally posted by Laverne:
Hiding just protects the future partner from having to face unnecessary stress.
you'll say the same thing about guys who hide their medical conditions? bankruptcy? stds? 'protecting the future wife from having to face unnecessary stress'?
-
Originally posted by Zweiz:
you'll say the same thing about guys who hide their medical conditions? bankruptcy? stds? 'protecting the future wife from having to face unnecessary stress'?
There are issues or factors that would cause implications in the future, when getting into a relationship with those people. But again, those people needn't go around telling their problems. The reason however would then not be to "protect the future wife". That wouldn't quite make sense too, would it?Similarly there are also issues and factors that would not result in the slightest bit of implication, but might cause stress due to the people around you. We don't live alone in this society you see.
-
Originally posted by Laverne:
There are issues or factors that would cause implications in the future, when getting into a relationship with those people. But again, those people needn't go around telling their problems. The reason however would then not be to "protect the future wife". That wouldn't quite make sense too, would it?Similarly there are also issues and factors that would not result in the slightest bit of implication, but might cause stress due to the people around you. We don't live alone in this society you see.
so? should they tell their wife or not?