Being a divorcee in Singapore
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i always try to look at the bright side of things..
now with your status, you will immediately sieve out those you will have problems later in life if you ended up with them... just look at some of those who posted here and you have a glaring example of those who should never be allowed to breed
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Originally posted by Laverne:
I agree that regarding the issue of a girl's virginity, we're debating in a man's world. I am conversative too. In reality, most Asian men actually do mind. It's just that most people in other parts of Asia also no longer expects their wife to be a virgin, unless she is their university sweetheart. I am not sure about Singapore now, but during my younger days back in Singapore, most still do expect their wife to be one. Actually I can understand the other asians. Unlike Singapore, the other asian countries are huge and their cities can be hundreds of km apart. The singles do not live with their parents, they have their own apartments or student hostels. When living alone outside, many singles tend to be less disciplined. My point about virginity was that, it will not be a topic I have to dispute about if someone uses that against my divorced status. This is because this isn't something I have to hide, i.e. it isn't an affair or it isn't that I slept around randomly while being young and single. I was married.
As to being divorced and not divorced, sure "unmarried" is definitely a better "deal", if a "deal" is what a person is looking for in a marriage. A more educated wife or a prettier wife also makes a better "deal" for a partner, doesn't it? See my comment to Veggie Bao about listing potential partners in an excel sheet. It's just a matter of, how much Singaporeans in general, mind a divorced status. Is it something that most would definitely not accept, or it is just something that would make them waver when considering a serious relationship with her.
You are not gonna like what i say but you can try promoting yourself as much as possible here but your few paragraphs of self beliefs isnt gonna change the mindsets that has already been deeply instilled into most asian's minds. Fact is, you are used. The only realistic thing to do is to find another guy whom is also a divorcee, talk is cheap. Sure everyone can be an angel here but when it comes to the real thing and thats to marry a divorcee, heaven can become hell. Things like how the family, friends and relatives think or pressure will start coming in and its highly unlikely that you will succeed in your quest unless you are very confident that you have something that every men sought after. Otherwise if you are no more or less different from every other woman, i can tell you your chance is close to zero. -
i rest my case about those you will be able to sieve out immediately..
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
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Originally posted by Kirin_Rider:
You are not gonna like what i say but you can try promoting yourself as much as possible here but your few paragraphs of self beliefs isnt gonna change the mindsets that has already been deeply instilled into most asian's minds. Fact is, you are used. The only realistic thing to do is to find another guy whom is also a divorcee, talk is cheap. Sure everyone can be an angel here but when it comes to the real thing and thats to marry a divorcee, heaven can become hell. Things like how the family, friends and relatives think or pressure will start coming in and its highly unlikely that you will succeed in your quest unless you are very confident that you have something that every men sought after. Otherwise if you are no more or less different from every other woman, i can tell you your chance is close to zero.Wow, being divorced is the end of the world to you. Last I checked, it’s 2011 tomorrow and you seem to be stuck in time.
Funny, a lot of my guy friends who got married and are still happily married are married to women who were divorced
It’s not like they are “damaged goods” It’s just that in a relationship it takes 2 hands to clap and it just didn’t work out the 1st time for them.
Marrying someone who has not been married before does not mean you will be married happily ever after or that your wife to be is a virgin.
I bet some single women have more sex partners than a divorcee
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Bear out, we call the next witness to the stand in the afternoon, court adjourn....all stand!!
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Originally posted by elindra:
Wow, being divorced is the end of the world to you. Last I checked, it’s 2011 tomorrow and you seem to be stuck in time.
Funny, a lot of my guy friends who got married and are still happily married are married to women who were divorced
It’s not like they are “damaged goods” It’s just that in a relationship it takes 2 hands to clap and it just didn’t work out the 1st time for them.
Marrying someone who has not been married before does not mean you will be married happily ever after or that your wife to be is a virgin.
I bet some single women have more sex partners than a divorcee
yalor, in fact, those men also, before marrying us, all also dunno lost their virginity long long ago liao...wa lau, what so shame about losing virginity, can sew back by surgery mah, then come back and be virgin again. Divorce rates are increasing and marriage rate is decreasing, some people like my Uncle, married just to get a HDB house, but never live together, each goes on each own life, rent out HDB for 5 or 10 years, later, sell, both earned and share and then, divorce, marrying in singapore can also make money ok. -
Marrying will only make money if ure poor and not so well off, the concept of buying HDB just might work......u try getting married if u have a net worth running in the millions of dollars....just the thought of having to lose out million of dollars once the divorce is finalized give me the creep...better to swing around everyday....><"
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ya i love guys who swing alot,....can make money out of them
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Aiyah how much $$$ can one girl make once the all impt SEX is gotten before u swing to another girl......at least much better to lose all the a single gal....><"
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Originally posted by Kirin_Rider:
Fact is, you are used.Originally posted by elindra:Marrying someone who has not been married before does not mean that your wife to be is a virgin.
I bet some single women have more sex partners than a divorcee
Elindra has my reply.
Anyway, I think there's no need to dispute against mindset about divorcees if it's really just about "virginity". Like I've said, virginity isn't about reputation.
As to family and society pressure the guy might face, this could be an issue. That is also a reason why I don't think I should disclose my status to anyone except to the one I'll re-marry.
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Originally posted by maxsee:
Aiyah how much $$$ can one girl make once the all impt SEX is gotten before u swing to another girl......at least much better to lose all the a single gal....><"
no lah, when guys go swing, they should go drinking first, then swing, then drink again,...so i can sell my beers and liquors mah...what sex u toking abt? -
TS - u have suffered. if u r in your mid 20 u r matured compare to many girls here. u r trying hard to rehabilitate and get on with life. Many would say " u have only 1 chance in life" but i dun agree totally. I always feel that a woman role is much more demanding than a man and if given the 2nd chance, u should make a good wife.
I wish u the best
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hmmm...let me see, that mean i still got two chances...so, marrying is a gamble after all, either buy big or small. No wonder casinos full of ah soh and aunties, must had bet the wrong guys.
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I don't think there is a need to disclose this to anyone except to someone you already intend to date seriously.
Not because there is a need to HIDE but simply because what is the past is the past! It is clear you have moved on from the past, and as long as there is no longer any inconvenient baggage from the previous rship, thats it! You've moved on.
There is a need to tell the person you intend to marry next - only because your philosophy about life and values change because of your experiences - if anything I think people who have been divorced learn to take their second chance at marriage far more seriously and with more commitment. But it isn't about accountability - it is about sharing what makes who you are today.
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Divorce is pretty common nowadays. Human make mistakes....dun punish yourself too hard by ignoring a new relationship that may turn out to be all that u ever wanted.
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If u do not see yourself as a divorcee, there should not be a problem with getting to know any man. However, to use another to escape oneself, to fulfil oneself or to prop oneself is heading for another disaster.
Assuming u do get to know another guy and if he appreciates u for what u are and what u are not that is in itself is telling that he accepts himself (which is so very impt) and hence this freeing stance of accepting you.
The same goes for you! One who is unfree on the inside can never free another. As such, one would gravitate towards another only to end up using each other. That is the misery of relationships not that being in a relationship is unwise. It is the misunderstanding, the misinterpretation and the hurrying to cement a relationship all to self-preserve onself thru another in this sleep-walking predicament is accidental. Two self-fufilled individuals have much to share, appreciate and still be. Two personalities (masks) dont and cannot share - it is a mutual benefit scheme.
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Originally posted by Laverne:
@Julian.khor: Hmm...Divorce is definitely not a runaway-solution. But sometimes we don't have a choice, people make mistakes in life. If you mean dating as in a steady, long term relationship between a couple, yet it is a r/ship that does not have a plan for marriage at all, then I wouldn't even get into such a r/ship in the first place. I am looking to form a family back home in Singapore, not for random romances (there are tons of chances out here in Europe for such romances, but I am not in my teens).
@Veggie Bao: There are different ways of picking your partner, i.e. through sifting out choices because it's time to get married and form a family, or through love. If a very eligible man/woman is gonna pick a woman/man by listing them in an excel sheet and comparing their qualities, then I think being a divorcee is definitely something that would make him/her cross the person out ;-) At least that is the case for some Asian countries like China. I'm not sure about Singapore. But if you're speaking of true love...I think being divorced without children wouldn't really come into question then. Hence I was wondering, how much do Singaporeans actually mind a divorced status.
@shrekho,mistyblue and Fcukpap: Yep and thanks :-)
Of course, of course, I want to have my own family. I don't mind dating you.
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Originally posted by Laverne:As to being divorced and not divorced, sure "unmarried" is definitely a better "deal", if a "deal" is what a person is looking for in a marriage. A more educated wife or a prettier wife also makes a better "deal" for a partner, doesn't it? See my comment to Veggie Bao about listing potential partners in an excel sheet. It's just a matter of, how much Singaporeans in general, mind a divorced status. What I would like to know is that in Singapore's society, is this something that most would definitely not accept, or it is just something that would make them waver when considering a serious relationship with her?
i am just doing a apple for apple comparison. naturally, in every r/s, there is a whole basket of fruits to weigh. however, it will always be a serious disadvantage being divorced if u are involved with a bachelor (never married). again, the patriarchal society makes the reverse less unpalatable.
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There will always be different opinions about everything. So why ask. Singapore like any asian cities, is striding the old and new .... its not really important what others think but what do you do with yourself and moving forward.
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Originally posted by russiabear:
i am just doing a apple for apple comparison. naturally, in every r/s, there is a whole basket of fruits to weigh. however, it will always be a serious disadvantage being divorced if u are involved with a bachelor (never married). again, the patriarchal society makes the reverse less unpalatable.
Actually, that's what I believe too. Anyway thanks for your insight.
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Laverne, for an obviously intelligent person, you asked a very dumb question. There will be men who would never marry a divorced person and, on that same whom-won't-I-marry continuum, there will be others who would. Even in conservative singapore, you will be surprised by the plurality of opinions. You may argue that, in general, Singaporean men will be less keen than their european counterparts in marrying a divorced woman. But talking in general is useless when you are marrying just one, not a people.
How it will play out for you is also influenced by your own eligibility. J Lo will have her fourth husband if she is so inclined. So if you are young, pretty, rich, and intelligent, you'd stand a good chance in meeting someone who will overlook/accept the fact that you were married. Assuming he belongs to the group of folks who prefer a spouse who were never married.
IMO, you don't have to let a potential mate know about your previous marriage until he becomes so. You will have to make that decision when that point in time is.
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Originally posted by seyKai:
TS - u have suffered. if u r in your mid 20 u r matured compare to many girls here. u r trying hard to rehabilitate and get on with life. Many would say " u have only 1 chance in life" but i dun agree totally. I always feel that a woman role is much more demanding than a man and if given the 2nd chance, u should make a good wife.
I wish u the best
Yes I agree, everybody deserve second chance.
I deserve a second chance too. Why so hard to find a date, nowaday?
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If divorced with children, more difficult to get another new relationship going. Without children easier.....
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I dun even want to think about the possibilities of a divorce... nooooo!!!
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Originally posted by Julian.khor:
Yes I agree, everybody deserve second chance.
I deserve a second chance too. Why so hard to find a date, nowaday?
hard meh, go arab street lah, got red, black and even golden color dates, they also got those preserve 30 years good old dates.