Why is it so hard to find somebody we like
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Originally posted by Julian.khor:
Rubbish collector canot take loan. Anyway my family got a lot of debt. Long story. My parent money got cheated by a relative. Why you all always like to blame yourself? No wonder Sg suicide rate so high.
sorry, I am always blame myself in order to tell myself that "i cannot failed" if not i fail -
Originally posted by Julian.khor:
Dear everybody,
I have a few question:
1) Why the girl I like, always don't like me? But they girl I don't like always give me attention?
I like a certain girl but she avoids me so I believe she rejected me. But then there is this 24 year old girl at office who always want to pester me to go out with her but I am not interested in her because of her character. She like to talk a lot of bad word and profanity. She also known for sleeping with other men. I know some forumer here is going to tell me to go for one night stand. Firstly, I am not interested in her, secondly, she is not attractive to me, thirdly, I don't want to catch STD, fourthly, I got my own ethics.
2) Why everbody have same taste as I?
Whenever I like the girl, there is always 3 guys going after the same girl. I feel so frustrated. She always take the guy who is most aggressive, most rich and most charming. I am not very good at charming because I am bit introvert.
3) Why I never success after 2 dates?
I never ever success after 2 dates. After that the girl will text me sms saying "I am such a sweet, nice and good guy, but we cannot go out again because she is not that keen on me. Bla Bla thank you for the memories".
I have 3 dates and all failure. That was 3 years ago. So hard to find girl friend.
Last week, my friend from Malaysia show me a newspaper cutting saying more men in Malaysia than women. Censor say 100 men to 88 women. I wonder how many 100 Singapore men to ??? Singaporean women???? Must be fewer. Sigh, so hard to find girl friend.
I always have to fight against 3 to 5 guys for one girl's hand. So unfair.
Julian,
Don't worry there are a lot of fishes in the sea. I was also like you, one sg girl after another break up. Until I found a Malaysian girl and married her. Malaysian girls better than Sg girls especially Malaysian girls from East Malaysia (Borneo), they more simple and look like chinese. After I married, all of them want to flock at me for attention but now I only have one girl in my heart, my wife.
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Originally posted by Julian.khor:
I don't know wat is your problem. It is not the mirror problem, it is the pocket problem. I can look ugly like shit but if I got $$$$, drive Bentley, don't say all the beautiful Sg girls only go after me, all the Miss Universe will go after me.
Money talks not facial.
julian, o' julian,
i am afraid you have misunderstood my (good) intentions.
the problem is not your 'face' but 'YOU'.
of course money talks (but don't forget that good looks are a BIG BIG factor too). nevertheless, when i use the mirror to illustrate the problem, i am referring to YOU the person as the problem.
you are whining about why is it so hard to find a girl, why other more aggressive guys can get a girl, why richer guys can get a girl?
it's time to ask, what should i do to improve myself? other guys more aggressive? i will be MORE aggressive than them. other guys richer? i will earn MORE money than them. other guys more romantic? i will be MORE romantic than them.
instead of blaming external factors, it's time to look inside yourself and ask how you can improve yourself.
blaming others can only get you so far. and it makes you look pitiful in front of others, especially the girls that you like.
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coz u didnt advertise yourself
put an ad in the newspaper, sure lots of anuty will contact u
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too bad, this is life. like it or not
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I must say the aggressive and romantic thing still can do something about it...but the RICH factor is easier say then done...And the main problem is $$$....coz sg girls too money minded...can't really blame them.....everything in singapore is about money...And all the girls are so status conscious especially when they keep on comparing this and that...:P
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Originally posted by teraexa:
julian, o' julian,
i am afraid you have misunderstood my (good) intentions.
the problem is not your 'face' but 'YOU'.
of course money talks (but don't forget that good looks are a BIG BIG factor too). nevertheless, when i use the mirror to illustrate the problem, i am referring to YOU the person as the problem.
you are whining about why is it so hard to find a girl, why other more aggressive guys can get a girl, why richer guys can get a girl?
it's time to ask, what should i do to improve myself? other guys more aggressive? i will be MORE aggressive than them. other guys richer? i will earn MORE money than them. other guys more romantic? i will be MORE romantic than them.
instead of blaming external factors, it's time to look inside yourself and ask how you can improve yourself.
blaming others can only get you so far. and it makes you look pitiful in front of others, especially the girls that you like.
I am doing everything I possibly can. What more you want me to do? By the time I get to drive a mercedes, I will be 60 year old. I join fitness first, work out. I go jogging. I go buy better clothes (within budget). I buy nicer watches (within budget). I go night classes. My body can only take so much, I am tired from gym, work, night classes. I go read motivation book whenever whereever I can.You want me to be more aggressive? Afterward people say I harass them.
I work so hard last year, this year I hear bonus amount so little. You think I work harder, I will suddenly get a few more $ million? Everyday I werk until 9pm.except when i have night classes. I come on Sat to work too you know.
Weekend I join MLM, try to earn more money. Go sell product, sell sell sell, then amount to what? So little money I get back. You think very easy is it? You say life is hard. But when tough life get to you, you also complain. It is our nature to complain. We are singaporeans, it is what drives us. If LKY didn't complain complain about Malaysia, we will still be under Malaysia - lazy, not bother to work hard and no motivation for success.
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ah...................... no wonder..........................
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is the office girl who uses lots of profanities the only woman who likes you? if not, find some good points and *TRY* to overlook the bad points of other women who like you
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the more you try to find love, the more it evades you. simple.
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cos u are an emo fk
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Originally posted by Julian.khor:
Dear everybody,
I have a few question:
1) Why the girl I like, always don't like me? But they girl I don't like always give me attention?
I like a certain girl but she avoids me so I believe she rejected me. But then there is this 24 year old girl at office who always want to pester me to go out with her but I am not interested in her because of her character. She like to talk a lot of bad word and profanity. She also known for sleeping with other men. I know some forumer here is going to tell me to go for one night stand. Firstly, I am not interested in her, secondly, she is not attractive to me, thirdly, I don't want to catch STD, fourthly, I got my own ethics.
2) Why everbody have same taste as I?
Whenever I like the girl, there is always 3 guys going after the same girl. I feel so frustrated. She always take the guy who is most aggressive, most rich and most charming. I am not very good at charming because I am bit introvert.
3) Why I never success after 2 dates?
I never ever success after 2 dates. After that the girl will text me sms saying "I am such a sweet, nice and good guy, but we cannot go out again because she is not that keen on me. Bla Bla thank you for the memories".
I have 3 dates and all failure. That was 3 years ago. So hard to find girl friend.
Last week, my friend from Malaysia show me a newspaper cutting saying more men in Malaysia than women. Censor say 100 men to 88 women. I wonder how many 100 Singapore men to ??? Singaporean women???? Must be fewer. Sigh, so hard to find girl friend.
I always have to fight against 3 to 5 guys for one girl's hand. So unfair.
1) Most of the time that is how it is. First of all, unless you both somehow click, then yes, there are chances that u will mutually like each other. And as for the girl liking you, ever wonder why ? Maybe that kind of girl...attracted to a certain type of guys and you are that type.. unfortunately. lol
But that doesnt mean you can win over someone that doesnt like u right ? Its just that now is wrong time right place.. you can always wait for it to be the right place right time, and for that to happen u gotta put in EFFORT. And I am not talking stalker style effort.. I mean some serious effort. And one of the way is to at least start of as friends and worm your way from there.
2)Whats your taste? Is your taste on because she is hot or pretty ? Well.. maybe u can blame TV, or u can blame majority of guys that like pretty girls. If you think she takes most charming most aggressive, then maybe u should be aggressive and charming ? But that is not you... even if u win her, she will realise that u are just not who she thought u were. Plus, is the juice really worth the squeeze ? U can always show her.... your way, but seeing how negative you are in your own ability, I doubt u can even up the game. Besides, sometimes, you are just out of her league.
If you cant even handle 3 or 5 to 1, you cant survive in the modern age where its not just 5 on 1... its 5 + the butches and lesbos on 1. You aint gonna make it.
And about the rich factor.... do u REALLY want to be with a girl that only wants to be with you because you are rich ? She is going to be the one that burns your hole. Sure.. u can buy her a Mercedes SL and make her happy, but thats it. Besides the sex, the relationship is just going to be booooring *yawn* and for show only. You going to find another equally or hotter chick that is also willing to spend your money. There is endless supply of chicks like that. But there less supply of genuinely nice good caring girls out there. So its a race... heh
I do not deny that having money is an advantage, thats just about it. An advantage. There are always things like talent.. skills.. principles.
I think u are just pissed because you are frustrated and jealous. Which I dont blame you, its because you like many, that watch too much MTV. lol. Constantly bombarded by images and not to mention dramas.. hahaha
3) 3 dates.. only ? Define your date, like asking her out , yada yada... what... once ? twice ? thrice ? Maybe u also need lessons in dating. U can always learn from your mistakes, but just a heads up that a relationship based on a lie will not end well.
Anyways, think and like some say, look in the mirror, are u really going for her because of ur ego... or because she is someone u really like, and not just because of her looks. I hope it's not ur desperadoness that put them off. Cause they can smell it. lol
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Find a woman is hard, that's why you're constantly look for her to appear. If you believe that she will, one fine day she would. Find a woman that will eat rice plus soy sauce with you and not complain and leave in times of trouble.
If you can't even meet her then watch porn, there's always porn. Man thrive on sex and woman needs love, thats the first difference.
And your first question is really a ridicule " 1) Why the girl I like, always don't like me? But they girl I don't like always give me attention? " , I will marry a woman that loves me, but not one that i am the one that's providing the love with.
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Originally posted by Julian.khor:
Problem lie with me? How can I blame myself for being myself? How can I blame myself if I am born ok looking but not as handsome as brad pitt? How can I blame myself or my parent when they cannot afford to take me to univeristy and Poly and I have to go straight to work?
Blaming myself = self defeatism. I try my best and only my best count.
Why you look down on Viet-Con woman? You think Singaporean men must buy Viet-Con wife? Cannot have relationship wif foreigh woman without buying them wan meh?
It is not that I am Not Man Enough, I am every Man that a Singaporean girl want - physically. Only problem is I have no $$$$$.
The problem lies with you because you think you're faultless and your insistent to remain "perfect" or "noble", because you think that is an act of self-defeatism.
You are already a person who is just waiting to be labelled as "DEFEATED", if you are not able to identify and pinpoint your own weakness in your character and correct them without being identified by another person. To put it in simpler terms, you are already defeated if you do not know how to improve yourself to be more closer to perfection.
No $$$$$ doesn't means you cannot make a girl fall in love with you. You only really need to know how to TALK, if you wish to make someone think fondly of you.
Do you dare to admit that you do not know how relationships are formed and how to form a relationship with a girl?
And admit that it is your weakness and your problem that you have been unable to get the girl you like to form a relationship with you?
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Originally posted by Julian.khor:
I don't know wat is your problem. It is not the mirror problem, it is the pocket problem. I can look ugly like shit but if I got $$$$, drive Bentley, don't say all the beautiful Sg girls only go after me, all the Miss Universe will go after me.
Money talks not facial.
Wrong, I will NEVER consider you even if you drive a real Ferrari 458 if you can afford in real life.The girl you like will never go after you, regardless of what shit you have on you.
There's always an invisible door in between you and the person you like, be it mutual or not.
It needs to be unlocked first, but if you think your key to the invisible door is $$$$, then your invisible door will always be locked betwee you and the girl you like.
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heheh this time I got to agree with Parn 100% :P
its not the money, its how whiny and stubborn you are. You come to advice column, some people spend good time to try give sensible advice, but for every piece of advice, you have a defensive excuse.
A sensible girl will always choose her partner based mostly on character and values. If you think simply $$$ will attract a sensible girl then you're barking up the wrong tree.
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Guys are attracted to girls by their appearance!
Girls are attracted to guys by their character!
You are right, you have discovered one of your problem having no money! Then, work for it!!! You know some of your other problems, then you need to change!
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Originally posted by Julian.khor:
Rubbish collector canot take loan. Anyway my family got a lot of debt. Long story. My parent money got cheated by a relative. Why you all always like to blame yourself? No wonder Sg suicide rate so high.
If i were you, i rather remain single.....so much debt to pay and no money to support your future generations......why bring misery dragging another person into this endless hole....Be financially stable and debt free before you mess up the life of another....be responsible to your next life partner......
It all depends if you are able to break free from this obstacle.....there are many superstars who are not well educated with a bunch of debts, they managed to break through....it all depends how much you wanted to achieve!
Are you sure you WANT a gf?
Put yourselves in her shoes, if your dream girl also have a bunch of family debts, would you settle it for her?
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Parn,
I never ask you to consider me. Judging from the way you write, you are too outspoken for me. I am never going to say I am defeated and even though I am a human who can make mistake and got weakness because all human got weakness, to use my weakness to blame myself is SELF DEFEATISM. I am not denying that I have weakness, I am just not blaming myself for it, never, period. Nevertheless I am improving myself and I have to be myself, I canot be somebody else, I will be faking myself.
Shrodinger Cat,
I have to be myself" true to myself - whether you say I stubborn or not. If I don't reveal who I am then next time in a relationship I show the girl all my true color. Important thing is to get to know more people and try dating, the relationship is the hard part.
Lanz Kruts Pao,
The crazy office girl only want to kacau me NOT like me. Some lady like that wan, very bitchy, excuse me, not all lady are bad. I am not generalising.
Badzmaro,
The problem is not to do with trying. I can try but no structure to try. Where is singles outing? Very hard to get social life here. Sometime I lucky, I get outing like once in 2 months. That is all. How to keep constant contact with people, make friend and get more opportunity to find gf? I must be like salesman, got to sell my product to 10 people a month, so that higher chance to hit a confirm sale. Then from confirm sale, see whether the sale can become loyal customer and build close relationship.
My taste is not like MTV, I am not those kind of people. I don't look for pretty girl. As long as she is nice, can talk to, can do things togher, disagreement not too significant, I like. And beauty is eye of beholder, doesn't mean that I see her as pretty, you think she is pretty too.
Rock Star,
You suggest i sit down, don't do anything then love come to me? Hmmm
Gigabyte,
Everybody is emotional fk. You not human?
Acekang,
I say my parent have debt canot afford me for education not me. I am debt free.
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1) Why the girl I like, always don't like me? But they girl I don't like always give me attention?
If a girl thats not like you, is better for you to be ignore by her, which is worst?
being told in the face that she does not like you, or she toys with your feelings for fun and after years of playing with you then dump you.
2) Why everbody have same taste as I?
A hot gal will be chase by many guys cos she got good chams. Imagine if you are a super hunk would you also chose a gal who is most aggressive, most rich and most charming too?
3) Why I never success after 2 dates?
Just curious what did you do in the 2 dates? I mean where did you go and what did you do? just trying to help and point out the problems so that you can improve your chances
4) I have 3 dates and all failure. That was 3 years ago. So hard to find girl friend.
So you just stop trying?
5) I always have to fight against 3 to 5 guys for one girl's hand. So unfair.
Humm so find a plain jane that no one wants and go after her,
Last question
Do you have any points which you want to highlight that will attract a gal to you?
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Originally posted by DRC:
1) Why the girl I like, always don't like me? But they girl I don't like always give me attention?
If a girl thats not like you, is better for you to be ignore by her, which is worst?
being told in the face that she does not like you, or she toys with your feelings for fun and after years of playing with you then dump you.
2) Why everbody have same taste as I?
A hot gal will be chase by many guys cos she got good chams. Imagine if you are a super hunk would you also chose a gal who is most aggressive, most rich and most charming too?
3) Why I never success after 2 dates?
Just curious what did you do in the 2 dates? I mean where did you go and what did you do? just trying to help and point out the problems so that you can improve your chances
4) I have 3 dates and all failure. That was 3 years ago. So hard to find girl friend.
So you just stop trying?
5) I always have to fight against 3 to 5 guys for one girl's hand. So unfair.
Humm so find a plain jane that no one wants and go after her,
Last question
Do you have any points which you want to highlight that will attract a gal to you?
1) You are so right. But it is hard to find a girl you like and she like you back. Actually got a lot of girl like to toy wif people feeling. There was one time, a girl who is married got drunk during a social party, she was like vomiting all over, then suddenly she saw me and held my hand and then she put her face on my shoulder. Although she was drunk but she knew what she was doing because she called out my name and said she like me. I was so shock, I kindly rested her on the chair, excuse myself, and walk away. It was a terrible experience. Next day at office, she acted like nothing happen, continue to talk to me and tease me. I quickly avoid her. I don';t like to get involve wif married woman.
Nowaday got woman who will toy wif your feelings. I also know one of my friend, he aggressively go after this marketing gal. After 3 week he success but she was two timing him, at the same time dated another guy. So when valentine day came, he bought flower and came to her office. The other guy also came. At the same time. They both ask for the same gal, it was then my fren realise she was two timing him. She came out in shock and in crocodile tears, telling my friend that she wants a break up and she chose the other guy.
2) Seriously, I never choose pretty gal. I just don't understand why the gal look a bit better suddenly everybody want.
No, if I am hot guy, I will never find most aggressive gal. I find them annoying.
3) Last one, I dated this gal, an interior designer. We went out to a nice restaurant, we talk and we ate. Then, I paid the bill. Next week, we went to watch movie, after that, I drove her back home. Next week, we went watch movie again, I made mistake, I bought wrong ticket, mistake on the day, so could not watch movie, we go out eat hawker food because after dinner already. Next week, she text me, tell me that I am sweet, nice guy but she is not interested. So what went wrong?
4) Yes I didn;t try very hard. I got two bad experiences. First, I attracted a married woman, I try to stay away, quit my former job. Second, I went after a gal who is about to get married, she didn't tell me, so I assume she single. She turn out to be marrying my cousin, so coincident.
5) Plain jane a bit hard. My close friend took pity on me. He decided to recommend me a gal. So we go out as a group of 4 for dinner. My fren, his wife, the gal and me. She seem nice and easy to talk to. But after talking, I realise she is much older than me, she is 34, I am 26. Not age gap problem, but I am looking to start family, I am not trying to be nasty, realistic. My friend who is 35 married late with his wife 38, struggle to have kids because of age. I don't want to end up this problem.
Sometime plain jane oso got problem.
Point to highlight what attract a gal to me? Good point.
1) I am funny
2) I am thoughtful and helpful
3) I take initiative
4) I like to listen to her problem
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What topics have you been talking about when you go out with girls?
Imaginary......if your gf asked you question....
What is your dreams, and what goals do you hope to achieve in 5 years time?
Every girls dream is to marry a good man, but how good are you? How can you let them know you can do it?
You may be poor now, but if u lofty ambitions and determined to succeed, some girls will entrust their life to you.
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Originally posted by Julian.khor:
Parn,
I never ask you to consider me. Judging from the way you write, you are too outspoken for me. I am never going to say I am defeated and even though I am a human who can make mistake and got weakness because all human got weakness, to use my weakness to blame myself is SELF DEFEATISM. I am not denying that I have weakness, I am just not blaming myself for it, never, period. Nevertheless I am improving myself and I have to be myself, I canot be somebody else, I will be faking myself.
Shrodinger Cat,
I have to be myself" true to myself - whether you say I stubborn or not. If I don't reveal who I am then next time in a relationship I show the girl all my true color. Important thing is to get to know more people and try dating, the relationship is the hard part.
Lanz Kruts Pao,
The crazy office girl only want to kacau me NOT like me. Some lady like that wan, very bitchy, excuse me, not all lady are bad. I am not generalising.
Badzmaro,
The problem is not to do with trying. I can try but no structure to try. Where is singles outing? Very hard to get social life here. Sometime I lucky, I get outing like once in 2 months. That is all. How to keep constant contact with people, make friend and get more opportunity to find gf? I must be like salesman, got to sell my product to 10 people a month, so that higher chance to hit a confirm sale. Then from confirm sale, see whether the sale can become loyal customer and build close relationship.
My taste is not like MTV, I am not those kind of people. I don't look for pretty girl. As long as she is nice, can talk to, can do things togher, disagreement not too significant, I like. And beauty is eye of beholder, doesn't mean that I see her as pretty, you think she is pretty too.
Rock Star,
You suggest i sit down, don't do anything then love come to me? Hmmm
Gigabyte,
Everybody is emotional fk. You not human?
Acekang,
I say my parent have debt canot afford me for education not me. I am debt free
Do you know why? You lack character. Let say you failed an exam.who would you blame?
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Originally posted by Julian.khor:
1) You are so right. But it is hard to find a girl you like and she like you back. Actually got a lot of girl like to toy wif people feeling. There was one time, a girl who is married got drunk during a social party, she was like vomiting all over, then suddenly she saw me and held my hand and then she put her face on my shoulder. Although she was drunk but she knew what she was doing because she called out my name and said she like me. I was so shock, I kindly rested her on the chair, excuse myself, and walk away. It was a terrible experience. Next day at office, she acted like nothing happen, continue to talk to me and tease me. I quickly avoid her. I don';t like to get involve wif married woman.
Nowaday got woman who will toy wif your feelings. I also know one of my friend, he aggressively go after this marketing gal. After 3 week he success but she was two timing him, at the same time dated another guy. So when valentine day came, he bought flower and came to her office. The other guy also came. At the same time. They both ask for the same gal, it was then my fren realise she was two timing him. She came out in shock and in crocodile tears, telling my friend that she wants a break up and she chose the other guy.
2) Seriously, I never choose pretty gal. I just don't understand why the gal look a bit better suddenly everybody want.
No, if I am hot guy, I will never find most aggressive gal. I find them annoying.
3) Last one, I dated this gal, an interior designer. We went out to a nice restaurant, we talk and we ate. Then, I paid the bill. Next week, we went to watch movie, after that, I drove her back home. Next week, we went watch movie again, I made mistake, I bought wrong ticket, mistake on the day, so could not watch movie, we go out eat hawker food because after dinner already. Next week, she text me, tell me that I am sweet, nice guy but she is not interested. So what went wrong?
4) Yes I didn;t try very hard. I got two bad experiences. First, I attracted a married woman, I try to stay away, quit my former job. Second, I went after a gal who is about to get married, she didn't tell me, so I assume she single. She turn out to be marrying my cousin, so coincident.
5) Plain jane a bit hard. My close friend took pity on me. He decided to recommend me a gal. So we go out as a group of 4 for dinner. My fren, his wife, the gal and me. She seem nice and easy to talk to. But after talking, I realise she is much older than me, she is 34, I am 26. Not age gap problem, but I am looking to start family, I am not trying to be nasty, realistic. My friend who is 35 married late with his wife 38, struggle to have kids because of age. I don't want to end up this problem.
Sometime plain jane oso got problem.
Point to highlight what attract a gal to me? Good point.
1) I am funny
2) I am thoughtful and helpful
3) I take initiative
4) I like to listen to her problem
you took her to the hawker centre, -
I reckon you are trying too hard. You are just 26 ma... why so gan cheong about meeting the right one? Just focus on leading a fulfilling life, and somewhere along the way you will meet someone who shares same interests and values as you - isn't that a lot more natural than trying so hard to find someone u like who likes you back?
Mutual attraction is a gift. It isn't something you study hard for and confirmed guarantee get results.