At crossroads: Thinking of moving to greenier pastures.
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I am a guy who is in his 30s. My life here has come to a grinding halt. I haven't felt that I am growing here and experience anything new. I only son and have my parents to be glad of.
Last time when I was 26, I was planning to go overseas to work and experience new things. But I miss my mom and dad, so being filial son I decided to stay and give myself another 4 more years here.
However, my life have not improve. Why?
1) No social life. My old friends and peers look down on me because I am not married and my salary is low, my position is low also. I ask a lot of old friend to come out but they all rudely tell me they not interested to come out. Very hard to make new friends and network. Office a lot fo politics. I go to church and help out in the ministry. I made few close friends but not enough. I even attended church camp but I find hard to mix with people there because they got their own cliques.
I try the church ministry but the church is very strict, they don't allow me to socialise and speak to other members during our church work. So when the church volunteer ministry finally over, everybody too tired and decided to go home. No social.
2) No life partner. I got dumped twice by ex gf who left me for richer guys. I haven't been able to even hit first base and find a date. So hard to find a girl to go out with.
3) Work sucks. I join the company 3 years ago. But my boss renege on his promise to pass me the job I was suppose to do. I felt shortchanged. And the company I work for is horrible, nobody want to cooperate, all play tai chi. Everybody engage in job protection, don't want to share knowledge, cause me to struggle to learn.
So I try to apply for PR. I try for fun. But I got shock half a year ago when Australia granted me the PR.
So I am tempted whether if I want to try the PR. I am not getting any younger, to stay in this comfort zone of dry desert of opportunities, means to rot here. My parents are my only friends, but I realise they are not going to be here for me foreover. So, I decided: Why not? I want to try a new life. If I fail, at least I say I tried and can come back. But if I stay on here and fail: Even worse, because it means i never try at all.
My parents are happy for me and have given me their approval for me to migrate. I will try to bring them over to Australia when I am there as dependents.
But I am worry. Because I heard a lot of story of racism there. Also, I cannot stand the cold weather. Working style maybe different. I am also afraid that I may have to take substandard jobs. My savings is not much, I am not sure if I can pay for the high rental there. And making new friends and networking will be a challenge too.
But I have to try because I already got green light. Not to try would be a travesty. I have lost almost all my friends here and my relatives look down on me because I have been let go in my job before and I am the only grandchild in his 30s not married. What have I got to lose? I will bring my parents there when I settle down and support them. I also hope to meet somebody special there. I long dream of finding a life partner, I hope I can meet a migrant community of open minded people where I can find my life partner. Over here so difficult. I always get rejected and laugh at when I ask some girl out for a date. I always fail to hit first base. Also my ex gf laugh at me, dump me and say I am a failure. I must find a new life in greenier pastures. I already mandated to stay here for another 4 years to try and it all failed. So, I have try already. Time to try something new before i become too old.
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actually being the only son makes it very tough for you to go abroad. I'm sure you being a fillial son will feel a sharp pang of guilt when you are at Oz. But then again, your parents may probably be gone 20-30 years later and they cant walk your path for you, can they?
And even if you settle well into Oz, ur parents? They grew up in sg and now they have to adapt to life over there. What do they really want?
At the end of the day, it's your life and I believe you shd really make a stand, this way or that way.
You said you have a low position with lousy salary. May I know what's your salary then? Everyone has a different definition of what's gd and what's not.
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Originally posted by Tcell:
I am a guy who is in his 30s. My life here has come to a grinding halt. I haven't felt that I am growing here and experience anything new. I only son and have my parents to be glad of.
Last time when I was 26, I was planning to go overseas to work and experience new things. But I miss my mom and dad, so being filial son I decided to stay and give myself another 4 more years here.
However, my life have not improve. Why?
1) No social life. My old friends and peers look down on me because I am not married and my salary is low, my position is low also. I ask a lot of old friend to come out but they all rudely tell me they not interested to come out. Very hard to make new friends and network. Office a lot fo politics. I go to church and help out in the ministry. I made few close friends but not enough. I even attended church camp but I find hard to mix with people there because they got their own cliques.
I try the church ministry but the church is very strict, they don't allow me to socialise and speak to other members during our church work. So when the church volunteer ministry finally over, everybody too tired and decided to go home. No social.
2) No life partner. I got dumped twice by ex gf who left me for richer guys. I haven't been able to even hit first base and find a date. So hard to find a girl to go out with.
3) Work sucks. I join the company 3 years ago. But my boss renege on his promise to pass me the job I was suppose to do. I felt shortchanged. And the company I work for is horrible, nobody want to cooperate, all play tai chi. Everybody engage in job protection, don't want to share knowledge, cause me to struggle to learn.
So I try to apply for PR. I try for fun. But I got shock half a year ago when Australia granted me the PR.
So I am tempted whether if I want to try the PR. I am not getting any younger, to stay in this comfort zone of dry desert of opportunities, means to rot here. My parents are my only friends, but I realise they are not going to be here for me foreover. So, I decided: Why not? I want to try a new life. If I fail, at least I say I tried and can come back. But if I stay on here and fail: Even worse, because it means i never try at all.
My parents are happy for me and have given me their approval for me to migrate. I will try to bring them over to Australia when I am there as dependents.
But I am worry. Because I heard a lot of story of racism there. Also, I cannot stand the cold weather. Working style maybe different. I am also afraid that I may have to take substandard jobs. My savings is not much, I am not sure if I can pay for the high rental there. And making new friends and networking will be a challenge too.
But I have to try because I already got green light. Not to try would be a travesty. I have lost almost all my friends here and my relatives look down on me because I have been let go in my job before and I am the only grandchild in his 30s not married. What have I got to lose? I will bring my parents there when I settle down and support them. I also hope to meet somebody special there. I long dream of finding a life partner, I hope I can meet a migrant community of open minded people where I can find my life partner. Over here so difficult. I always get rejected and laugh at when I ask some girl out for a date. I always fail to hit first base. Also my ex gf laugh at me, dump me and say I am a failure. I must find a new life in greenier pastures. I already mandated to stay here for another 4 years to try and it all failed. So, I have try already. Time to try something new before i become too old.
About the racism thing, it happens in certain areas.
Try to read up more and find the places to avoid, as well as the places which are safer and have more Chinese settling down.
The main issue is actually finding a job. You should try to see if you can get a job first before even moving over there. It is alright to go there on a working pass first before you become a PR. No point in heading over there only to find yourself penniless and jobless.
About your parents, since they have encouraged you to go ahead, then you should make the move. Try your best not to let them down though, and I must warn you, it may not be as easy for them as you to become PR. Nevertheless, just do what you can, and send them some $$ every month, till you have the capability to move them over to Australia.
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If one is not ok where one is now, one will never be ok in another place. Fulfilment can only arise when it emanates from within. What one is within oneself will surface and the wise person would reconcile and synthesize the ''conflicts'' within oneself.
Beware the stance of escaping from oneself!
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go for it!
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follow your heart and no regrets
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Originally posted by Fugazzi:
If one is not ok where one is now, one will never be ok in another place. Fulfilment can only arise when it emanates from within. What one is within oneself will surface and the wise person would reconcile and synthesize the ''conflicts'' within oneself.
Beware the stance of escaping from oneself!
"Fulfilment can only arise when it emanates from within."
Agreed.
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I support you. Go for it man! Update us when you are there on how is everything!
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u must try it since u obtained the PR...but life is not that easy as what others may have told u......
it is a typical story of Sg Man....now u know what it takes to be "accepted" in your own home ground....but do not let your parents down...that is most important...Son of Singapore...work hard/ smart and get recognized in new home...with that wealth of experience....u must come back to show your lousy frens and those $lut$ that u r so much better than them....
no matter what happens...dun give up and look high up....your parents want the best of u!
BON VOYAGE!
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Go for it. You can always try out one or two years and see if you like the place. Who knows life may be better? You have applied PR but you have not cancelled the Singapore citizenship. You can always come back.
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When you still young and the country give you the pr status, why not try it out?
Give yourself a few years to settle down, buy own house, car, and job.
Then bring your parents over.
Isnt that good?
Your path is being drawn by yourself.
Whether you take it or not, is your choice.
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Likeyou, Lokey, Ghost_18, Fcukpap, gLc, seykay,
Thanks guys. You are so right since I have this opportunity, I should go for it. I am not getting any younger, I should grab this chance. Besides, I am single and I want to be independent. As the only son, my parents spoil me. I care and love my parents a lot but I think I do more damage to myself if I continue to live with them. My parents cook for me, I do some house chores but my mother is very traditional, she think the kitchen should be a woman's job, so the kitchen is off limits to the men (no offence to women forumers here). If I fail, at least I have the chance to come back, I will never give up my citizenship (also Sg don't allow citizens to take up double citizenship).
Rock^Star,
My parents actually support my move. They actually dream some day of moving there with me and retire there. My mother likes to live in a cold weather country which is not as cold as UK.
About my salary, this is something I don't want to share, I hope you don't mind. But all my peers, my friends look down on me because they earn more than me - some 50% more than me. I have been working for 11 years so definitely my salary is not graduate pay but to be fair, my salary compare to others of my age is very low.
Fugazzi and 4sg,
I agree with you. Problems emanate from oneself. However, how long do I have to wait and feel that I solve my own issues before moving over? We only have one life and I am already 32 ! I have given ample opportunities to myself by staying back for anotehr 4-6 years here, thinking that things will change. I could have made my move when I was 26 but I backed off. I remember last time when my family had problems with the upstair neigbour (could not sleep) because they were doing some home business upstairs (until 3am), a lot of banging and noise. We decided to buy a condo and move out of the flat. Then things became more pleasant, quieter and better neighbours. So, when we move, who knows? Our luck may change.
Forbiddensinner,
While at teh same time, I feel free as a bird, I am also nervous because this is first time I am living on my own. No friends and no contact there. I don't know how to get around. Getting a job is tough because I hear that in Oz, they don't consider your Asian work experience at all, you start at the bottom. Still, they pay well, everybody earns roughly the same income bracket. Doctors, Architects, Engineers, Accountants, Teachers, Technicians, Lawyers and meat butchers all earn the same pay.
Also I have to consider living with strangers to cut down on the rental. Rent is very expensive there. I never rent a room and share house with strangers. I hear that the doors in their house and apartments have no locks, where to keep my $$$ and private documents? Not safe.
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One should be forward looking.
No matter what happened or what was done previously to bring you to your current state, don't look back. You have only one life. If you really want to try it, go for it.
Don't think of failing. You won't, because you have brought yourself to a state where you have to push ahead. There's nothing to lose, but plenty to gain, as long as you set your goals right and work hard for it.
Even if you decide Oz isn't for you eventually, you know you have tried it, you know you have gained new experience, you know you have widen your horizon. You will be a much better person in the end in terms of character, scope, and ideas.
Conclusion: Just Do It. (thanks Nike)
Good luck!
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Hey friend, u write very well leh. i am sure your future will be good. Still young just try anything ..no try u never know mah.
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I guess like previous posters say.... don't expect leaving Singapore will solve your problems.
So I guess its more on looking at this opportunity and thinking how making the best use of it can resolve things. What starting afresh provides us with is the opportunities to be the type of person who we want to try to be, instead of being stuck in the mould people have type casted us in.
Don't make the mistake that people 'over there' won't be as nasty as the people 'over here' but rather, hope that being 'over there' you can be a different person and therefore manage it differently and hopefully better.
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Ts,
It is ok to move or not move but what is never ok is to assume that for eg, work, money, house, wife, things will fulfil. It never does and it never will. The icing on the cake is not the real cake!
''Issues'' are within us and till that is acknowledged or reconciled the smallest hiccup, change, accident or mishap would have us wonder what is wrong or how come things are not working. This is being accidental and one is growing old. One is within split.
However, when one is cognizant of such ... within oneself - one can go or not go, one can do or not do - one may even make mistakes or ... but one is bound to handle living. This is being essential and one is growing up. One is within integrated.
''The fault, Dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves''
PS - Lest it is misconstrued I am not implying that one should not do or move or but rather I opine the lack of understanding of Oneself. When one is happy one is already successful. Sadly, today it seem so very neurotic and flawed that one assumes that one has to be successful first to be happy. Hence, the chase, the anxiety, the pain, the fears. That is the misery of today''s living or paradigm cos the tendency is to do ''first'' and ''fix, which is merely decorating the facade. However, one who is a synthesis of both the ''inside'' and ''outside'' is partaking of what is and yet not circumsribed to be or do ... in so many ways.
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U are better off migrating to new zealand dude......racism is definitely in abundant over at australia.....even during my 5 years stay at perth which happens to has a huge asian community, i have often encountered problem with racism....u go aussie also will become 2nd class citizen whether u like it or not....as for problem finding dates u just got to look at the right place...try going SDN to find ur life partner....god knows.....u might have a better chance over there...><"
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i wonder how the aussies grant you the PR?
but i think don;t bring your problem to sutrailia lah. face it here.
. really asking for advisce online only make you feel baetter a while. 2mr wake up still have to face a new day. you cannot survive here where sg totally no racisgm not as bad as other countries you think you will fare better elsewhere.
typical ostrich dig a hole and plant head in
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Eagle, Essential 2468
Thank you. Don't know about young. In Jan, I will turn 33.
Shrodinger Cat and Fugazzi,
Yes we have our own issues but we always have issues. Problem is our problems never get solve. It is the environment that we cannot change and it is we ourselves that we should change. Hwoever, sometimes we don't know ourselves well until the environment exposes us. I have never been tested to my limits at work so I don't knowhow well I can work under pressure.
The thing is, it is the situation that has prompted me to try. I am single and Iife is very routine here. I go to work, go home watch TV until next day then work again, until weekend, iron clothes, wash clothes, dry clothes then go to church. So routine. I got to go new places and experience new things even if it means risking everything. However, I have a saving grace, I can always come back. I want to try something new - get out of my comfort zone. I understand something new always have its own risk.
I have actually come across nasty Oz people. One time I got mugged there. I actually also met nasty Sg people. Nasty people everywhere.
I went there few months ago, I actually met a lot of migrants there. I went to a church in Oz, I saw a lot of young working adults - Koreans, Indon chinese, sg, malaysians, vietnamese, china PRC people, Oz, Japanese and Indians. A lot of pretty girls. I am attracted to the idea of working in a community of young hippy migrants, mostly still single and looking for life partner. Of course, I be on my best behaviour - I not go to church to go after girls but if fate has its course, who knows?Maxsee,
NZ too quiet for me. There is a large migrant population in Oz.
Troublemaker2005,
Racism is everywhere even in Sg. In Sg sometime I hear fellow chinese call the malay, brownies. Also, among chinese in office, they also fight each other over politics. The difference is that Oz people very muscular and use physical force, Sg people play play with position and $$$.
I only scared when I walk in Ozzy street alone. Sometime I see drunkerd Ozzy walking and calling me - I walk faster and away from him. Also in train station, dangerous to wait alone, a lot of Oz muggers try to mug you. They are teenagers but very violent and high on drugs.
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didn't read your post......
Just DO IT....!!!
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go for it ! although there are many bits and pieces to settle here and there. But i think that your mind is already made up. 30 years plus of life, and you already tried.
And now you're given a chance, they granted you pr.
The grass may not always be greener on the other side! But nothing ventured nothing gain!!!!!! HUAT AH!
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Originally posted by Tcell:
Shrodinger Cat and Fugazzi,
Yes we have our own issues but we always have issues. Problem is our problems never get solve. It is the environment that we cannot change and it is we ourselves that we should change. Hwoever, sometimes we don't know ourselves well until the environment exposes us. I have never been tested to my limits at work so I don't knowhow well I can work under pressure.
The thing is, it is the situation that has prompted me to try. I am single and Iife is very routine here. I go to work, go home watch TV until next day then work again, until weekend, iron clothes, wash clothes, dry clothes then go to church. So routine. I got to go new places and experience new things even if it means risking everything. However, I have a saving grace, I can always come back. I want to try something new - get out of my comfort zone. I understand something new always have its own risk.
I'm just wondering why is it you can't get out of your comfort zone here? Change a new church , find a few different hobbies, make new friends, meet hippy new people HERE?
I can't help but play devil's advocate cos life overseas CAN be pretty much routine too! I mean 3/4 of these 'hippy young adults' also spend a lot of time working, washing their clothes, doing housework, watch TV get tired and sleep! They spend their SPARE time meeting their friends, doing their fun thing - but I think that applies to most hippy young adults HERE in singapore too!
hahah I mean I love to live overseas, given the opportunity!! I just think that if you really want to get out of your comfort zone, it doesn't need to start only when you are in Australia. Do it now! Why wait?
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Go Aussie loh...since u have no GF, being single can do many things mah....you said your ex-GF dumped u for richer guys? That's a sad fact....Go Aussie and start everything afresh ! U still can come back SG visit your parents, right?
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Arapahoe, KendrickD,
Thank you, I especially liked that one "Nothing ventured, nothing gained".
Shrodingers Cat,
I tried. I went to many church ministries, even went for mission trip. Unfortunately, I made few friends there, we're just too busy doing god's work. I do not want to change church, people will start to ask me why I come from this church to another church. Some churches don't like this, they label us as church hoppers. Anyhow, I am close to my cell group leader, he is one of my close friends, I don't want to disappoint him by leaving to another church (he being a nice guy would most likely say its ok but for sure he will feel sad). However, leaving to another country, is entirely another matter: He will understand.
Demon Bane,
I have tried and exhausted everything I know in Sg. I attempted to organize class reunions but many didn't turn up. I took up diploma courses in an attempt to meet more people, but instead people were too busy making $$$. I even went for language classes.
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Originally posted by Tcell:
Demon Bane,
I have tried and exhausted everything I know in Sg. I attempted to organize class reunions but many didn't turn up. I took up diploma courses in an attempt to meet more people, but instead people were too busy making $$$. I even went for language classes.
Hey, frens come and go, its a reality, dun get too emotional on this....so u are saying that u need more frens (as a reason for staying in SG) ? People are busy with their daily lives....who will have time for u ? Its not like school days when u got to meet and chat with frens almost 5 hrs a day, no? Its a bit sad but its reality, mate! Learn to let go....