17th may 2004
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today, i went down to buona vista mrt station with a friend to settle some stuff. since last nov, i have been avoidin here. i was afraid to bump into dawn, even thou in mind, she's the one who i really want to see. today , a lot of memories came back to me. how i used to wait for her after work to go back together. how we would stand i na corner, smoke and decide what to do afterwards.....
i must admit i was overwhelmed by this feeling i had. i broke down while i was standing at the usual place. perhaps i was still harbourin the hope that she would come by and we would stillbe the same as before.
to the extend i tot she was atthe corner of my every glance. i really tot i saw her. i guess i must be dreaming. i dun think think she would still be there at this hour.
i tot i was on track to recoverin. until today , i realised i really couldn't. life is so short. how i wish i had more time.
dawn, i'll always love you. but i know u're doing well, and i'm realli happy for you. pls do take good care of urself and i'll like to thank u for makin me a better person durin the time we shared. but i know i jus wasn't good enough for you. not good enough for both of us.
deep down inside me, u're everything i would ever need. dawn, i love you.
love, always
hong -
there was a time, when i tot life was over and out.
when u went away from me, my dying heart makes it hard to breathe.
would sit in my room, because i didn't wan to have to go out
and see u walking by.
one look and i'll break rite down a cry.
dawn, i know u are getting along very well without me in ur life.
i still love you so much dear. pls do take good care of urself dear.
love, always
hong -
Somehow, after reading your words above...my heart goes out to you man....sorry to know that you're so heartbroken.
Take care and don't lose heart. You never know what's around the corner lor... -
thank you, on tenterhooks.
wat is around the corner, is really no longer important to me.
i'm a very good actor. people around me would hardly know anything was wrong with me. i tried to be the same as i was before. so at least if she happens to see me, or heard anythin from my friends, she would be glad that i'm carrying on well. i love her so deeply sometimes i dun even know if i would be able to love someone else as much. perhaps it's indeed a blessing that she had moved on without me. how do i ever say goodbye the wat we had.
dawn, thank you for being there for me during one of the darkest days of my life. u cared for me, show me what love is really all about. even thou there was little i could offer u then, u choose to be with me. i'm really glad i met you. now i can no longer be selfish. dun worry , i'll longer be an emotional baggage for you.
dawn, i'll always love you.
love, always
hongOriginally posted by on tenterhooks:Somehow, after reading your words above...my heart goes out to you man....sorry to know that you're so heartbroken.
Take care and don't lose heart. You never know what's around the corner lor... -
at least you know she is doing well...to love someone is to be happy for him or her even when you can't be the one to give him/her the happiness. Be thankful for the time you have spent together...don't cry because it is over, smile because it has happened....Originally posted by foga:there was a time, when i tot life was over and out.
when u went away from me, my dying heart makes it hard to breathe.
would sit in my room, because i didn't wan to have to go out
and see u walking by.
one look and i'll break rite down a cry.
dawn, i know u are getting along very well without me in ur life.
i still love you so much dear. pls do take good care of urself dear.
love, always
hong -
if only i could love her a little less.
i'm thankful for the time i've shared with dawn.
but as much as i wish for myself to be happy, deep down inside me, i know i've lost someone who i love some much.
i tot we'll get to see forever, but forever's gone away.
so far away.
i dun know where this road is gonna lead, all i know is where we've been and wat we've been thru.
it's so hard to let go. in fact i could never let go. but like i say, i'll still be the same person as known by my friends. what's dif is something i'll let no one i know, know.Originally posted by icyprincess:at least you know she is doing well...to love someone is to be happy for him or her even when you can't be the one to give him/her the happiness. Be thankful for the time you have spent together...don't cry because it is over, smile because it has happened.... -
How many of us believes in Fate? I used to think menÂ’s fate were held within the palm of our own hands. Til I met her, she made me believe that Fate is something so special that we could not run away from. Her birthday is coming soon. 25th may. I would never forget this date as the series numbers 2505 happens to be the digits of my NRIC too. It was Fate that I first met her 9 years ago. It was also Fate that brought us back together. And it was also Fate that we were apart today.
This year is an especially bad one for me. Nothing went smoothly for me. My health and career went straight down hill. Even as IÂ’m recovering, thereÂ’s still a chance whereby it could turn malicious against me. Taking things easy bah. I dun even know what down the road ahead for me.
As if it was yesterday, I could recall clearly the first time we celebrate her birthday as a couple. It was in sentosa. We were at the station 5- fort siloso. We had a cake and I put on the gift I got for her, a necklace.
I remember the time she was hospitalised for an operation. Even thou both her and myself were attached at that moment, I couldnÂ’t help it and fallen in love with her again. In fact I shouldnÂ’t have said I couldnÂ’t help it. In fact I never did stopped loving her. Even after so long of not keeping in contact, the moment I saw her in the ward, my heart broke.
During her days in the hospital, one of the day happens to be my birthday. And I hurt another galÂ’s heart when I decide to spend the day at the hospital instead of going out to celebrate which she has planned. And I didnÂ’t tell her I was at the hospital with dawn.
I was so happy when dawn gave me a birthday card.
“Thank you nanny hong” was written on it. Nanny was a term she coined because I was basically behaving like a nanny during her stay there.
‘walk-walk” was the term she first used when she need to smoke. We would say she needs to go ‘walk-walk’ for some fresh air downstairs even thou she was on wheelchair. I would bring her down from her ward to the little garden where I would sit beside her and smoke and chat.
After that time, whenever we need a smoke, we would use the term ‘walk-walk’ . how I miss those days with her by my side. -
i empathise with your heartache foga ..... took me a long time to heal when it happened to me .....
what can i say ..... time heals, cherish the wonderful moments, try to put the pain behind and look towards the new day. Nothing can change the past but you certainly can make the best use of the future and no better timeto start than right now!
Take care ya?
TX -
thanks TX. i'll be fine. i jus missed her so much. thanks for reading, TX.Originally posted by True_Xerion:i empathise with your heartache foga ..... took me a long time to heal when it happened to me .....
what can i say ..... time heals, cherish the wonderful moments, try to put the pain behind and look towards the new day. Nothing can change the past but you certainly can make the best use of the future and no better timeto start than right now!
Take care ya?
TX -
np dudeOriginally posted by foga:thanks TX. i'll be fine. i jus missed her so much. thanks for reading, TX. Miss her & put her in a special box in your heart .... in a place where u'll be able to cherish her & yet be able to move on in life! 
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May i ask smthin here? Abit out of topic...
E "Dawn" u referin 2 hor, how old is she huh? -
i can't tell u her actual age. but she's between 22 to 25.
why?
Originally posted by shan_cai:May i ask smthin here? Abit out of topic...
E "Dawn" u referin 2 hor, how old is she huh? -
I think, its you yourself who don't want to let go.
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donjng, sometimes i ask myself if this is the kind of life i want to have, living without her in my life. it's not i dun want to move on. i can't. i really can't. sometimes i wonder if anyone felt this way before; being unable to sleep, turning all over the bed. and when i finally doze off, i wake up in the middle of the night and cry like a baby.
i'm a really weak person.Originally posted by donjng:I think, its you yourself who don't want to let go. -
[quote]Originally posted by foga:
donjng, sometimes i ask myself if this is the kind of life i want to have, living without her in my life. it's not i dun want to move on. i can't. i really can't. sometimes i wonder if anyone felt this way before; being unable to sleep, turning all over the bed. and when i finally doze off, i wake up in the middle of the night and cry like a baby.
i'm a really weak person.
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It's not that you're weak, foga....
People's emotions can't be shut off like a tap. You need time to heal you. Even if you feel you still can't move on many years down the road....the "comfort" you'll get at least is that the pain won't feel as intense as you feel now.
[b]Press on! You'll survive this ordeal...but at the meantime, dun suppress your pain and tears....you need to let it out to feel better... -
the comfort is jus abt the onli ithing i could look forward to.
i've been pressing on with all i how.
i guess it jus breaks me down time after time.
thanks tenterhooks
[quote]Originally posted by on tenterhooks:
It's not that you're weak, foga....
People's emotions can't be shut off like a tap. You need time to heal you. Even if you feel you still can't move on many years down the road....the "comfort" you'll get at least is that the pain won't feel as intense as you feel now.
Press on! You'll survive this ordeal but at the meantime, dun suppress your pain and tears....you need to let it out to feel better...